˚♡ ⋆｡˚

CHAPTER NINE
enough is enough (no more tears).
season two, episode two.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Billie, Meredith and Cristina had spent the entire night getting wasted at Joe's bar, downing the entire peanut storage and complaining about their current love situations. Now, they found themselves back at Meredith's, in the bathroom; the blonde laid on the floor, Cristina sat inside the bathtub and Billie leant against the toilet in case she felt the need to puke.

"It's not us, it's them," Meredith stated openly. "Them and their stupid boy..."

As the blonde couldn't come up with anything, Billie filled her in: "Penises."

"Penises," Meredith repeated. "They didn't tell me they had a wife. They gave absolutely no warning that they were going to break up with you. They told you they liked you while they screwed another woman."

"Okay, I was overreacting when I told you about the Alex thing. Plus, if I told you guys, it's because you were drunk," Billie said.

"No, you told us because we're your persons," Meredith corrected proudly.

"Shut up."

"It's not that Burke broke up with me." Cristina interrupted angrily, opening the bathroom screen to butt into the conversation. "It's how he broke up with me, like it was business. Like it was a business transaction. Like he's the boss of me!"

"He is the boss of you," Billie pointed out.

"And what's worse is that I care," Cristina sounded disappointed on herself.

"I'm gonna throw up again," Meredith informed, and since Billie was sitting next to the toilet, she was quick to open up the lid as the blonde crawled her way towards her. "No, wait, false alarm."

Billie shut the lid closed, feeling the taste of alcohol still lingering on her tongue.

"The problem is estrogen," Cristina said.

"No, the problem is tequila," Meredith corrected.

"You know, I used to be all business, and then he goes and gets me pregnant" Cristina complained.

"With the stupid boy penis!" Meredith and Billie chorused.

"Now I'm having hormone surges." She faux-sobbed with her face buried in her palms. "He ruined me. I'm ruined. He turned me into this fat, stupid, pregnant girl... who cares."

The silence swarmed them for a second.

"Estrogen!" Cristina then yelled, closing the bathroom screen aggressively.

"Why do you say it like it's such a bad thing? I care that Alex slept with the syph nurse because I thought we had something spe-" Billie said, but then cut herself off once she realized how stupid she sounded. "Oh, crap, he ruined me too. Estrogen!"

Well, technically, she wasn't pregnant, but estrogen.

Soon, Izzie and George walked into the bathroom and gaped at the lame, post-drunkenness situation between the three girls. Meredith was quick to explain.

"Penises, Izzie," she chanted.

"Estrogen, George," Cristina added tiredly.

Izzie took out three glasses and filled them with mineral water from a bottle she carried on her hand. Once she was done, she handed them to each of the girls in order to sober them up. Billie took it and chugged it down gratefully.

The only man in the room looked around worriedly. "Okay, what did I miss?"

"I came home to full-on vomit drama. Apparently, she dumped Derek. And her? She's been sleeping with Burke," Izzie explained with an accusing grimace, then looked at Billie. "And I don't really know what's wrong with her."

"Like I'd tell you." The brunette scoffed back, though her words sounding like a slurred-up mess.

"So... you broke up with Shepherd?" George asked Meredith, who now sat next to Billie, staring into the absolute nothingness pensively.

"Oh, George, get over it. We all know you're in love with Meredith." Billie rolled her eyes.

"I'm not- What? Please, I'm not in love with- I don't like Meredith," the boy quickly tried to explain himself with a nervous smile, but when he realized what he said, he was swift to add. "I mean, I do like Meredith, I just, um, I'm not- I don't- I'm not in love with her."

"I feel empty," Meredith said to no one in particular, to hungover to listen to what was happening around her.

"Two hours of vomiting will do that to you," Izzie replied as she headed to the sink in order to brush her teeth.

"No. I feel empty."

"You're lucky. I feel pissed off," Cristina said, shutting the shower screen closed aggressively.

Billie pursed her lips into a line.

"I don't feel anything. I'm all dark inside."

☆

"Male, forty-six, unrestrained driver of the car that jumped the lanes. BP eighty over palp, tachycardic, last pulse 138. Got two litters LR running wide open. Significant abdominal tenderness," the paramedic introduced as he rolled the gurney out of the ambulance.

"Any history?"

"Wife says he's got a bad liver. He's on the transplant list."

"Abdomen's rigid," Bailey said as she palpated the man's abdomen. "We need to page Burke and Domner. Prep this guy for the OR, who wants it?"

The remaining interns, aside from Meredith and George, who had been assigned to another case (DOA, in Billie's opinion), all lifted their arms with a chorus of I do's. Bailey instructed Izzie to take him, then assigned Billie and Alex to the oncoming child and Cristina to the mother. Billie mentally cursed herself for having to spend the day next to Evil Spawn, and since her person knew it, she sent her an apologetic look as she headed towards the following gurney.

"I wanna be looking at their films in fifteen minutes!" Bailey instructed to their interns.

☆

"My mom's okay, right?" the little boy who'd come in the second ambulance asked Billie and Alex as they slid him into the MRI machine.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so," Alex replied carelessly. Billie clicked her tongue.

"We'll check on her as soon as we can, but right now, we need to take care of you, little man," she said, trying to sound comforting. The boy nodded with a harsh swallow.

Alex looked at Billie as she spoke, and then looked back down with something that kind of resembled shame. He wanted to talk to her, to apologize, but he feared doing so yet again wouldn't have an effect on her this time. He found himself wondering why the fuck he felt this way about her, why he felt the need to explain himself to her, even though they didn't really know each other.

Much to his dismay, the girl didn't spare him any mind.

"They'd been fighting at breakfast. Dad gets ugly when he gets like that," the boy explained with a humorless laugh, catching Billie's attention. "Ran three spotlights before we even got on the freeway."

She listened carefully with a hard-set frown.

"Some guy in a pick-up cuts us off, and my dad just lost it," the boy said. "Started chasing the guy... blasting through traffic... screaming at him. Next thing I know, we're upside down on the other side of the freeway."

"That's terrible, Scott." Billie frowned sincerely, acknowledging his story like it was her own.

"My dad, he-"

"He's in surgery. It's pretty serious," Alex cut him off distractedly.

"Yeah, well..." Scott said numbly. "I guess the son of a bitch got what he deserved."

Billie felt a swirl on her stomach.

☆

"Scott Seibert, eighteen, no fractures or internal bleeding. Got pretty lucky," Alex presented his and Billie's patient to Bailey, who examined his scans with concentration.

I wouldn't call it that, Billie thought absentmindedly.

"Recommendation?"

"Keep overnight for observation," Alex said, earning an approving hum from Bailey.

The resident's eyes then moved to the following scans, which belonged to Cristina's patient, aka, the mom. As soon as she noticed every malformation on the films, Bailey's eyes widened.

"Damn!"

"Lea Seibert, forty-three, multiple healed fractures on her clavicle and humerus, her third and fourth rib," Cristina presented.

"She's either a bull rider or she's abused," Bailey reasoned.

"Kid said the accident was road rage. His old man got cut off in traffic, went ballistic," Alex explained briefly.

"Oh, that's not the story I got." Cristina shook her head, hanging another radiography. "She has a large, yellowing bruise over her right kidney, tender to palpation. Said she got it from a fall last week. She's bleeding."

"Perinephric hematoma. What do you do?" the resident questioned.

"It should take care of itself, we'll keep an eye on it. She needs, uh, bed rest... and a shrink."

The room stayed quiet for a second, three interns staring at Bailey as she kept analyzing the scans. Billie noticed no one was acknowledging the situation and felt a pang to her chest.

"Stockholm syndrome."

The three remaining people in the room turned towards her with frowns upon their faces, but her position didn't falter.

"Excuse me?" Bailey scolded.

"It's Stockholm syndrome. Her husband is abusing her, and the child is caught in the middle. And she idolizes him, because that's what happens when you don't step back of an abusive relationship in time," the youngest intern explained, completely sure of her theory and also putting a piece of her own mindset into her words.

"You're making serious accusations with no proof, Black. And you're not a Psych doctor, you're a surgeon."

"No proof? Doctor Bailey, we're swarmed with proofs." Billie frowned. "The mother has a bruise that was acquired priorly, before this accident even happened. Her and the child are giving two completely different versions of the story, which makes it obvious that the mother is trying to protect her husband."

"Because that's what any sane wife would do!"

"No, because she has Stockholm syndrome. It's really common for victims to develop affection towards their abusers," the intern snapped. "I need you to trust my words, Dr. Bailey, I know about this. We need to call the police."

"No one is calling the police. Black, go take a walk and don't come back until you're feeling fit for this case," Bailey finally put her foot down and didn't allow her to further explain herself.

The intern glared at her resident, licking her lips resentfully before she stormed out of the room like a raging bolt.

☆

Billie and Alex now both stood in the elevator. Scott laid in the gurney that separated them, tapping his knuckles frantically against the railing of the bed. She had been observing his behavior for a few seconds now and had realized maybe it was a coping mechanism.

Apparently, Alex had noticed too, because he soon decided to distract him.

"This guy came in this morning with ten Judy dolls in his abdomen. Is that some kind of sick or what?" He chuckled, sounding disgusted. "I mean, when you think about it, those things can't be that easy to swallow. If they still got their hair on them, that's some bad spaghetti. That dude's crapping toys."

Billie, standing at the back of the elevator, leant against the wall with her arms over her chest, saw Scott laugh a little, but the tapping didn't stop. Alex sighed.

"You know, when you're little, you can hide," he then said, catching Billie's attention. "Ignore the shouting, the screaming, pretend like you're someplace else. Then when you get older, bigger, you feel like you should be doing something. Something to stop it. You know, to protect her. And when you can't, you don't know who to be angrier at: your old man or yourself. Usually, it's yourself."

The tapping finally ceased. Alex had caught Scott's attention, too. Billie was looking at Alex with a deep frown set hard between her brows.

"Did she tell you?" Scott asked.

"She didn't have to. It's all over her films," Alex replied. "He's not beating you, is he?"

"No. Just her."

The silence made itself present in the elevator. Scott spoke again, but this time, tenderly, as if the atmosphere might break if he spoke too loud.

"So what do you do? About the anger."

"You transform it into something else," Billie was the one to respond this time, causing Alex's eyes to shift towards her even though she didn't look back. "Even if you want to beat the crap out of your father every single day, you try your best to turn that anger, that rage, into something helpful."

Billie took a step forward and placed her hand over Scott's.

"It's really brave of you to say it out loud. I could never do that," she said thickly, feeling her dry throat caused by the realization that she had gotten it right. "You turned your anger into passivity and told us about it. And we believe you, Scott."

Before the conversation could keep going, the elevator reached its destination and they were forced to stay silent yet again. Billie and Alex pushed the gurney out of the space and into the hallway, where Izzie caught up to them.

"Hey, I've been looking for you guys."

She seemed concerned, something quite indiscernible behind his eyes, yet an emotion that gave so much away. Apparently, Scott understood before they did.

"It's my father."

☆

It was raining now. Hard. Billie and Alex stood in Scott's patient room, listening to Izzie, who informed the young man about his father's state. Billie liked the sound of the rain.

She stood by the window on a corner of the room, leant against the wall with her hands behind her back, her head tossed back and her eyes feathered close. The cold caused by the rain irradiated from the glass and made her shiver, but she didn't mind. In front of her, Alex stood behind Izzie, who tried to convince Scott to give his father the liver he so desperately needed in order to survive.

"It has to be today?" the boy asked.

"He won't make it off the table with his own liver, he's bleeding a lot." Izzie sighed.

"When you get counseling, they tell you not to force it. The decision, you know? One day, one moment, you'll just know the right thing to do." Scott swallowed harshly. "It should be easy, right? He's my father."

Billie and Alex glanced at each other, sharing similar childhoods, therefore, seeking the comfort in each other's eyes. None of them knew about the other, but yet, they felt like they knew each other far too well.

"Well, it's a tough operation. I mean, it would be a big change in your life," he said.

"The upside is that the liver's the only organ that regenerates itself. I mean, they're gonna only take half of yours and it'll be back to normal size in two months." Izzie smiled kindly. "You probably won't be running any marathons anytime soon-"

The blonde's words were cut off when Alex gripped her arm harshly. "Dr. Stevens, can I see you outside for a moment?"

Billie looked at the two confused, smiling at Scott, excusing herself and following them outside.

"What is your problem?" Izzie asked Alex quietly.

"You're doing a sales pitch. The recipient is your patient, you shouldn't even be talking to the donor," Alex said angrily with his hands on his hips.

"The recipient is his father, who he's gonna lose if he doesn't make a decision-"

"And he understands that, alright? Believe me, he understands that." He smiled humorlessly. "You have no idea what's going on in that kid's head. None."

Alex glared at Izzie one last time before walking past her. Behind the blonde, was Billie, who he locked gazes with. Immediately, she placed her hand on the center of his chest, blocking him from moving any further.

"Alex, we both know you're right, but do not speak to her like that," Billie said quietly, calmly, then adding in a whisper: "She doesn't know."

The man stayed still for a second. He faltered.

"I know, okay?" she then said. "But gather yourself together. Don't take it out on Izzie. She's just trying to help."

☆

It was lunchtime. The interns, each of which had been working on their own individual cases, were walking together towards one of the tables - minus Alex, who sat alone someplace else. This time, Billie decided to stick with the group.

"The father's an alcoholic wife beater. I mean, it shouldn't even be a question," Cristina said to Izzie and Billie.

"Yeah, but if you could save somebody and didn't, wouldn't you feel like you were committing murder?" Izzie laughed slightly.

"Yeah, like the guy did when he crashed on George's DOA?" Cristina said. "He's the killer, not the son."

They finally arrived at their usual table, but there, they saw ten headless and naked Judy dolls arranged on a circle at the cent of the table, resembling a centerpiece. Billie immediately remembered what Alex had said about the guy who'd come into the ER with ten Judy Dolls in his stomach. A small smile formed on her face as George cackled out loud.

"That is sick!"

"Who would do that?" Izzie asked, creeped out, but when they all turned and saw Alex's cheeky smirk on the continuous table, they understood.

Cristina rolled her eyes, approached the table and grabbed one of the dolls.

"Look, see Judy fly," she said, throwing the doll at Alex. They all laughed, including Billie this time.

It was nice to have a little distraction for a while. The abuse case was really getting under her skin.

The five interns sat on the table. Soon enough, all four girls saw Olivia, who approached George and attempted to talk with him. Ever since the whole syphilis matter and the fact that she had slept with Alex, George had been blatantly avoiding her. Even Billie had her own fair share of anger towards her, because, well, she had slept with Alex, but she didn't publicly display it like George did, and in fact, she felt like her and George were actually quite a good match. However, the man simply ignored her, so she gave up and simply walked away.

"Ouch," Billie pointed out.

"What?"

"George... she was trying to make up with you. You should go eat with her," Meredith tried to talk some sense into him.

"No. No, I shouldn't," he replied.

"She's cute and she likes you. You shouldn't let a little fight get on the way," Izzie butted in.

"Or a little syph," Billie interjected, earning wholehearted chuckles from everyone except for George, who simply glared at her.

"It's not the syph."

"Oh, it's so the syph." Cristina scoffed.

"It is not the syph." George fiddled with one of the Judys, opening her legs to its maximum, to which Billie retained a laugh, so much as her dirty mind allowed her to.

"You opening up the girl's legs, George?" She gestured with her head towards the naked lady on his hands.

He seemed confused for a second, but then his eyes lowered towards the doll and for a brief moment, he looked like he was about to cry.

"I hate you." He glared at her.

"Wait, so if it isn't the syph, then what is it?" Izzie asked, and when her friend stayed quiet, her face fell in unbeknownst realization to the rest. "Oh."

"What? What is it? Out with it," Meredith demanded.

"There's this other girl," the blonde couldn't hold her tongue, so George yelled her name.

"Other girl? You have another girl?" Cristina stuttered out disbelievingly.

"He hasn't told her yet that he likes her," Izzie continued.

"Izzie, we are not in high school!" he scolded again.

"George has a little crush," she kept teasing.

"I do not have a crush. It is a thing. A thing that is very personal. One day, I'd like to build on this thing with this other girl," he said, still fiddling with the Judy doll, and Billie smiled at him knowing this other girl was, in fact, Meredith. "Woman. She's all woman."

Angrily, the blonde snatched the doll from his hand. "What are you doing with Olivia?"

"Nothing!"

"You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance, and there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't," she scolded, tossing the doll on the table and sounding more personal than she intended to.

"Wow..." Billie pointed at her and looked at her two persons. "Estrogen."

"Meredith is right," Cristina interrupted with a loud voice. "Tell her there's someone else. Tell her why, George. I mean, at least give her a chance to have some feelings about it, for God's sake!"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because of the estrogen, George. Because of all the estrogen."

Cristina aggressively stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork and tossed it into her mouth, munching on it angrily. Izzie arched her eyebrows.

"So... new subject?"

☆

Billie had some free time, so she had picked up the opportunity and the fact that the on-call rooms were finally empty to have a little nap. However, as she tried to close her eyes, she realize they would simply snap back open over and over again, as if refusing to let her sleep. At first, she blamed it on her insomnia, but quickly realized that something else had been occupying her mind.

Alex.

Speaking of which.

"Hey."

Billie turned her head and found that, during her daydream, Alex had entered the dark on-call room and was now looking at her, talking to her.

"Did you need something?" she asked with an arched eyebrow. "Something happen with Scott?"

"No," he replied.

"Then?"

Alex winced at her hostility. The room then remained silent for a second, filled only by the soft hum of the ceiling fan. After a few more seconds, Alex scoffed.

"C'mon, Bil, you can't stay mad at me forever," he said, and Billie didn't have to look at him to know for a fact he was placing his hands on his hips like he did whenever he was trying to talk sense into someone.

"I'm not mad, Alex." She sighed.

As tired as she was, Billie didn't feel the need nor the want to have a fight right now.

She heard him as he sighed and she knew there was a spoonful of guilt and regret to his actions, but Billie had spent her whole life basing her reconciliations on guilt and regret and she was done. She had come to Seattle to start a new life, not to fall back into old habits.

Sorry was not that powerful of a word for her anymore.

Your mother says she's sorry for getting sick, it doesn't mean anything Your father says he's sorry for punching you, it doesn't mean anything. Your boyfriend says he's sorry for touching you when you told him not to, it doesn't mean anything. Apologies are shown through actions, not words. Billie didn't want to hear sorry anymore.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Alex said, since obviously, he couldn't read her mind. "I'm sorry for sleeping with Olivia."

Billie sat upright on the bed and looked at him.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Alex. You did nothing wrong. You owe me nothing," she explained.

"Then what are you pissed for?"

"I'm not pissed."

Alex stared at her. "I'm confused."

"It did bother me, but it's not like I didn't know you slept around a lot." She shrugged her shoulders with little care. "I mean, it was pretty dumb of me to think I was anywhere remotely close to being special to you. Like, you really liked me. I knew you just wanted to fuck, it just didn't occur to me at the moment."

Alex stared at her, as usual, keeping up his tough facade.

"You're not dumb," he said simply.

Billie laughed. "I know I'm not."

"Billie, I'm not looking for anything right now-"

"Me, neither," she cut him off before he could say anything else. "Not with someone like you, at least. Sorry."

"No, that's... I get it."

"We can just pretend we never kissed. We can be friends." She smiled a little.

Alex kinda liked the idea. But he also hated it.

"Okay," he said still. "I would like that."

"Okay." Billie grinned. "Friends it is."

☆

Now, all of the surgeons and Scott stood in his mother's patient room. He had, yet again, started the frantic tapping of his knuckles against the armrest of the wheeling chair, knowing an answer was expected from him in the next ten minutes.

"When would it happen?" the mother asked Dr. Burke from her spot on the bed.

"We would take Scott to pre-op immediately. The transplant surgeon is on call and waiting. There isn't much time."

The mother sobbed quietly. "Scotty?"

The boy kept tapping his fist against the armrest, looking down at his lap like in a trance. He only looked up once to glance at Alex and after fixed his eyes back on his knees. Then, the tapping stopped.

Billie's breath hitched in her throat in the hold for an answer, or maybe because she knew Alex was behind her.

"Yeah. Okay. I wanna do it," he finally said, and the mother sighed in relief.

Billie's whole body tensed, even if she wasn't exactly sure why. A slight ringing made itself present on her ears and she held her breath subconsciously, hoping someone, something, was going to make that kid change his mind.

As Burke gave out instructions, Scott interrupted.

"I have a couple of conditions."

All of the surgeons in the room stayed quiet. As an instinct, a hand came in contact with Billie's shoulders as some sort of reassurance, and the intern didn't need to turn in order to know it was Alex. This time, she didn't pull away.

In fact, something inside her pulled her in.

Scott rolled his wheelchair closer to his mother on the bed. "You're gonna tell the cops the truth about what happened in this accident, mom. And... as soon as we get back home, you and I are moving out. Enough is enough."

Somehow, as the kid spoke and the mother sobbed, Billie understood. She was able to see past her rage, past her own mind, and realize the bravery in his words. Enough is enough.

She thought about it over and over again, so much that eventually, in a matter of seconds, it became a mantra. That enough was enough, and no was no, and that she should've been as brave as that kid in order to stand up for herself when she was younger. The many times that her own rights had been violated by different people just because of the fact that she hadn't had the strength to say no.

With the slight gloss of tears in her eyes, arms crossed over her chest, Billie reached out her hand and placed it over Alex's, also seeing past their differences and managing to find comfort in his touch.

Both of them felt the electricity that surged from the bare contact of their fingers, and both of them felt better in a matter of seconds. Without looking into each other's eyes, without sparing so much as a glance, they both understood.

Enough is enough.

☆

Even though the surgery was successful and Billie was glad about it, she couldn't help but feel exhausted, so she headed home as soon as her shift was over.

"I feel like... like I could inhale an entire bottle of tequila right now," Billie slurred out as she laid upside down on the couch with her legs over the backrest. She wasn't even drunk, but she still felt dizzy.

"I feel like I might die today. After all, the estrogen just might kill me," Cristina said from her spot on the floor. Billie and Meredith laughed slightly.

"Alex tried to apologize today," the former said after a few seconds of mental debate.

As a relatively closed-off person, Billie had never learnt to share her feelings. However, here in Seattle, as someone new, she had gotten two best friends, her persons, and she was slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that they were the people she trusted the most and that telling them things wouldn't do her any damage like it had before in her past. She was slowly starting to allow others to read her again.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked sympathetically.

"I... don't know," Billie shrugged her shoulders. "I feel like I'm overreacting, and that freaks me out. I mean, it's not like I own Alex, he's not my boyfriend or anything. He can sleep with whoever he wants."

"If you think like that, then why are you so upset?" Cristina grimaced.

"Because I don't think like that," she concluded, feeling a little ashamed.

Her two friends nodded their heads in understanding and then stayed quiet for a few seconds, each of them in their own heads. The day had been long and utterly exhausting. Meredith talked again.

"Well, I mean, I would be mad too." She shrugged her shoulders. "There's a reason why you feel like this, it's not like you're angry just because you feel like it."

"Right, like, if he slept with Olivia, that's because he wasn't interested in you romantically, only physically," Cristina reasoned with a gesture of her hand, Billie laughing a little. "So then, that means you would be right. You're Billie freaking Black, you're always right."

The brunette laughed at her friend's comment, turning to her and then to Meredith. All of them seemed tired.

She sighed. "Maybe I am."