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CHAPTER FOUR
shake your groove thing.
season one, episode five.

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That morning, Billie didn't notice she forgot to take her Xanax.

She woke up to a sore throat, which ultimately developed into a hoarse voice that even with all the rest and fluids she took, didn't go away. The pain caused her a bad mood that she knew would settle permanently for the rest of the day, so in the midst of taking an Ibuprofen to relieve the burning of her throat, she missed the routinely action of grabbing the prescription bottle to relieve her anxiety. So, she left her house, already in a terrible mood since she was missing rounds.

She arrived at the hospital at seven o'clock, just in time to catch Meredith at her first shot of open-heart surgery with Dr. Burke. They had talked about this new opportunity multiple times and, in the end, it had been Mer's to take, but Billie wasn't mad about it; if anything, she was proud of her friend, so she was extremely pissed that she was about to miss it due to a bad morning. She was quick to change into her scrubs and head to the gallery, where the interns watched the work amazed, hoping next time would be theirs.

"I wish I could hold a heart," George said pensively.

"A monkey could hold a heart," Cristina scoffed with her eyes fixed on the operating table beneath them, where Billie, as she frowned to herself due to her friend's weird comparison, noticed Meredith almost fell asleep.

"You're mad Burke didn't ask you," George said through a mouthful of yogurt, but then his eyes landed on Billie. "What's wrong with you? You haven't said a word all morning."

The brunette turned her head towards George, already annoyed at him due to having to look away from the surgery beneath them. She dedicated him a harsh glare and didn't answer, partially because she didn't feel like it, but mostly because she had no voice.

She had no idea what the cause of her bad mood was and she wasn't planning to find out. She just knew she could not be bothered today, or else she'd snap.

Lucky for her, Izzie strode into the gallery before George could complain. Her hair was a mess on the top of her head and she looked worried, sipping from her coffee frantically in a way that gave away the fact that she had spent the night in the hospital.

"George, I need more ice and chips," she sighed, as she was organizing what was supposed to be a small gathering at Meredith's house, yet kept growing into a huge party. The blonde sat by George.

"Who else did you invite?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Izzie, we said the list was jocks only: Surgery, Trauma, Plastics," Cristina leaned forward. "Who else?"

"Just some people from Peds."

Cristina huffed. "You invited the preschoolers to Meredith's house. Next thing, you'll say that you invited the shrinks."

The silence gave it all away.

"She invited Mental Defects! This party is DOA."

George was about to say something, but the sound of a silencing hush coming from Billie's direction made them all shut up and turn their heads. The girl, too busy looking down at the surgery happening beneath them with her hands between her thighs, didn't notice her friends' eyes on her.

All of them wondered the same thing, knowing it wasn't natural for Billie to be in such a bad mood.

"What's wrong with her?" Izzie frowned.

Another hush, and the interns didn't speak again.

☆

"Oh, hi there." Derek greeted Billie, catching up to her as she made her way down the hallway with a carton of apple juice on her hands.

The intern turned, dedicating him a tight-lipped smile through the plastic straw between her lips but not saying a word. The simple yet brimming action caused Derek's eyebrows to pinch together into a hard crease, since he knew, as the rest of Billie's friends, that she was definitely being weird.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, and Billie wanted to inform him that that was about the fifth time that question was asked to her that day, but she just shrugged her shoulders instead. "C'mon, tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell-"

"I-" Billie turned around abruptly just because she wanted to shut him up, causing Derek to stop on his tracks, but when her voice came out as a pathetic whisper, she stopped to clear her throat. "I've no voice."

As she said it, she used her finger to gesture towards her throat, since the words she was saying were barely intelligible. However, much to her surprise, Derek looked amused and let out a full-hearted chuckle. Billie slapped the back of his head.

"Ouch!" he complained, but laughed yet again. "I'm sorry, it's just... it's gonna be really fun seeing you trying to introduce patients today, you know?"

"Fuck you," Billie managed to whisper out half-heartedly, with the same enthusiasm she'd presented that morning to talking with her friends.

"You love me," Derek counter-argued, cupping the intern's cheeks and planting a kiss to her forehead. Billie pushed him away reluctantly and the attending soon walked away with a laugh. "Don't forget to page me when you're asked to introduce!"

As in a silent way to tell him to fuck off, Billie threw the carton of apple juice in his direction, only earning a laugh in response and multiple looks from the people around her.

☆

"You got called before the Chief?" George raised his voice a bit as he played with a balloon made out of a latex glove. Billie shushed him.

"Tomorrow morning. I could get kicked out of the program," Meredith sighed. "I could, right?"

During her open-heart surgery, Meredith had popped her glove with her fingernail, so she wasn't sure if she had also ruptured Mrs. Patterson's vascular wall. Amongst it, after deciding not to tell Dr. Burke, Meredith had gotten nervous and confessed her mistake in front of the patient's husband, and now she was being brought in in front Legal and the Chief.

In order to offer support, Billie shook her head with a hum, at the same time as George assured her she wouldn't get kicked out.

"Patterson's just gonna sue," Cristina shrugged her shoulders, talking about the patient's husband.

"Patterson is not going to sue and you're not getting kicked out!" George stood up with the glove balloon on his hand.

Billie grimaced and shrugged her shoulders. God, she hated being mute.

"The hell were you thinking? Telling Burke?" Cristina frowned.

"I told her not to," George said.

Just as he was about to speak up again, Meredith's phone went off, and once she checked the Caller ID, she muttered: "I gotta take this."

Meredith stood up, then talked directly to Cristina.

"Thanks, thank you, very comforting," she said sarcastically, earning an innocent smile from Billie and a thumbs-up from Cristina.

"I'll watch your books!" George said before Izzie arrived with snacks and coffee.

"Okay, so the beer is coming at seven and some of the floor nurses are bringing wine," she said, handing the coffee to Cristina, a banana to George and a carton of apple juice to Billie, who smiled childishly as she received her treat.

For some reason, ever since she was a child, Billie had grown overly-attached to a drink as simple as apple juice, especially the one that came in cartons. Ever since then, she had made it a regular to drink the sugary beverage at least once a day.

"You invited nurses?" Cristina huffed frustratedly.

"Did you clear this with Meredith?" George asked, knowing very well Izzie hadn't.

"A few more people isn't gonna make a difference, okay?" the blonde sighed. "A party is a party."

☆

"So... any chance you'll be at that party tonight?" Alex came up behind Billie.

She was signing charts, drinking apple juice and making sure she didn't bump into anyone, and although she could've sat and relaxed, she preferred to stroll around to feel like she had something to do. She was good at multitasking, anyway.

Alex stood really close behind Billie, where his shoulder brushed against her back. Yet again, she could smell the minty scent of toothpaste and cologne, and when she turned around, she found Alex to be way closer than what she had originally thought. But, instead of answering, she simply dedicated him a harsh glare and kept scribbling down on the chart.

Billie really did not like Alex. Her body drove her towards him, yes; her mind did as well, as it was not very helpful that they both got changed in the same place, at the same time, leaving little to the imagination. But aside from the physical attraction, Billie felt repulsion towards him and she didn't think she was exaggerating. Alex was a man-whore, a womanizer. He fucked every living thing, objectified woman, and was an overall jerk. And she didn't know him, but that she knew.

So, Billie chose to ignore him, not wanting to make any sort of small talk with a person such. She knew Alex had been trying to get into her pants since day one, but as sex-starved as she was, she knew it was better to stay away from him.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" he joked once he got no answer. "You've been doing charts all day, not scrubbed in on any surgeries or talked to any patients at all. Also happens... you haven't talked to anyone, haven't said a word," Alex listed off, puzzled. "There must be a reason why you're not talking."

For a second, Billie felt her cheeks growing warm once she found out Alex had been watching her all day, and if she'd had a voice, she would've turned around and asked him if he had been stalking her just as a way to tease him. However, her first reaction was to smile. She didn't know why, but she did, and when she realized, she shook the grin off, stopped in her tracks and turned around. Then, she proceeded to do with Alex the same thing she'd done with Derek.

"No voice," she muttered, gesturing towards her throat.

Her voice was a bit better than it had been as soon as she woke up, but it was still really hoarse, making it impossible for her to talk properly. She was unsure why she felt a little embarrassed about it, but in order to hide the blush on her cheeks, Billie immediately stuck the straw back into her mouth and kept walking down the hallway. Alex followed.

"Why? The only reason I can think of why you'd lose your voice is... really dirty," he cleared his throat awkwardly, making Billie turn around to swat his shoulder. "Hey! Sorry, it's just... well', you don't strike me as the type."

Billie frowned. She would've taken the time to explain, in the most detailed way possible, every way in which she could make someone come, but she decided she would not explain herself to a man like Alex.

After that, they kept walking. Or, well, Billie kept walking and Alex simply dedicated himself to follow her, analyzing her face as if a sore throat meant she was dying. The girl tried to pay no mind to him, but it reached a point where it was hard to concentrate with Alex following her around like a shadow, plus, breathing down her neck like expecting her to drop dead any minute. So, Billie turned and asked him however she could why he was still following her.

"I asked you a question and you didn't answer," he shrugged his shoulders in response. "Will you? Be at the party tonight?"

Billie cleared her throat, knowing very well that a night party, despite how much she loved alcohol, was really not her territory, especially feeling the way she currently did. "Don't think so."

"And what if I ask you to?"

"Then no."

Alex chuckled to himself softly, earning a smile from part of Billie as well even if she tried her best to hide it. It was irresistible, as if Alex was spreading all over her like a virus she couldn't cure. And the worst part, Billie thought, was the fact that she wasn't sure she wanted to, so she was limiting herself to pretend he wasn't there, even if that was just a lie that worked as comfort to nobody but her.

"Why do you play hard to get, you little..." Alex bit his lip and looked down at her mouth. "I could get you in seconds."

Billie cleared her throat and checked the date on her pager. "Huh. It's been a few weeks. I don't see it happening big guy."

"Give me a chance."

"Keep dreaming."

She winked and turned around. Alex scoffed and then, of course, followed. Billie tried her best to ignore his hot breath close to her neck due to how much it was distracting her, but at some point, Alex was paged and reluctantly forced to go, since if it was up to him, he would've stayed behind Billie the rest of his day. He left the intern behind, and Billie noticed that the thought bothered her.

But only a little.

☆

Not much longer went by until Billie was the one paged. She was in Discharge today, which meant she was probably being called in to sign out another patient, but she was surprised to find out that the intern in charge of said patient was none other than Alex himself. Billie wasn't sure whether she was pleased or annoyed at him at this point, since she felt like he was stalking her.

On the other hand, Alex seemed to have problems of his own, including getting his patient out of bed.

"You can't discharge a man in pain!" the man whined as the nurse rolled him out of his room in a wheeling chair. He tried to stand up, but Alex pushed him back onto the chair softly. "You're hurting me!"

"You're the one who's making it more difficult, stop resisting!" Billie said quietly, ignoring the patient's weird glance once her voice trailed off into a whisper near the end of her speech.

"Give me Demerol, just give me the Demerol!" he begged at Alex, and his simple words were enough for Billie to notice this man wasn't here due to pain, he was here for drugs.

During her childhood, she had had to check her father out of many hospitals, since he kept insisting that he was in pain in order to be given morphine. Coincidentally, morphine happened to be his main choice whenever he wanted to get a little stoned, which was why Billie had learnt to tell the difference between real pain and staged one. She scoffed sorely.

"The Dilaudid hasn't worn off yet," Alex raised his voice a little over the man's pleads, giving the girl a tired look.

"Look, I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving!" the man yelled, muffling Alex's voice, to which Billie rolled her eyes.

"I'm calling Psych," she said with a reminiscent sigh, starting to walk away, but when the patient's pleads turned directions, she looked back over her shoulders.

"No, no! Don't call Psych!"

And before she knew it, in front of her, there was a tangle of limbs. Alex trying to get the man back onto the chair and him refusing to do so. He had attempted at following Billie tp stop her from calling Psych, but amidst the struggle between the two men, the patient fell to the floor and hit his head against a printer machine, losing consciousness in the process.

The hallway went quiet, disrupted only by the soft gasp leaving Billie's lips once she saw the display of violence in front of her.

Alex immediately took the flashlight out of his pocket and crouched down to examine his eyes, since it was very possible he had a concussion and, by extension, potential internal injuries. He was still breathing, but he was immobile and definitely out.

"Jerry... Jerry!" Alex tried to shake him awake as he flashed the light on his pupils.

Billie guessed a third-degree concussion, but chances were it was much worse.

"He's blown his left pupil," Alex announced out loud, much to her dislike yet proving her theory. "Page Shepherd. We gotta get him down to CT."

☆

Nightfall was starting to seep into every crevice in Seattle, coming along with hour thirty-eight on the interns' shift. The tiredness of their many sleep-deprived work hours had Alex leaving to the cafeteria to get some coffee in order to ginger up. He and Billie had been sent to get the CT and show it to Derek, so now her and the attending sat in front of the multiple radiographies, analyzing them.

"That was one hard fall," Derek stated once he examined the scans. "What do you see?"

Billie took a step forward in order to get a better look at the scans, then muttered tiredly: "Subdural bleed."

"With midline shift," Alex added as he entered the room, and the girl turned around, having been unaware of his presence until he spoke. "Here."

Billie watched confused as he handed her a carton cup of what she guessed was coffee. There were no other cups on his hands, which meant he had gone to the cafeteria to get coffee for her and not for himself, and the thought confused her. She frowned, eyeing the beverage then looking back up at Alex, who urged her to take the cup.

"It's warm milk with honey," he explained, earning a scoff from both Billie and Derek.

The girl glanced at her elder friend over Alex's shoulder, who looked back at her with his lips formed into a line and a slight shrug. Billie was utterly confused.

"I'm not a baby. And I hate milk."

"It's for your throat. Besides, you're twenty-three, you'll always be a baby to me," Alex smiled teasingly, causing Billie to roll her eyes yet finally take the cup begrudgingly.

She noticed the warmth trespassing the carton and heating her fingers, causing her a sensation of coziness that she couldn't help but sigh at. Alex noticed the reaction and smiled to himself.

Once Billie took a sip of the beverage, her mouth welcomed the delightful sweetness of honey, the warm milk heating up her throat and softening her pain in a matter of seconds. She could smell the milk vapor that exuded from the cap and her cheeks blushed slightly at the feeling. Billie didn't thank Alex out of pride, but the intern seemed satisfied.

"We have to evacuate this now," Derek interrupted. "Anywhere else you have to be, Dr. Black, or are you in?"

"You know I'm in," Billie responded, holding the cup with both hands.

Derek snorted. "I know you're in."

☆

Alex was already inside the OR prepping the patient for the surgery. Billie and Derek scrubbed in in the scrub room, watching through the screen as the remaining intern draped Jerry with the sterilized blankets. Billie's eyes settled on him, knowing he wasn't looking back to notice, but the one that did notice was Derek.

"Seriously? He's your pick? You could've chosen O'Malley and it would've been better," he laughed, using the sponge to brush his hands and arms.

"What's wrong with O'Malley?" Billie frowned.

Her throat felt much less sore and she could now speak way clearer. She hated to admit it, but Alex's magical drink had actually worked.

"Nothing's wrong with O'Malley, he's just an example," the attending rolled his eyes at Billie's obvious attempt to try and change the subject, then gestured with his head towards Alex in the OR. "But seriously, him?"

"He's not my pick, we're not together. I don't even like him," she replied matter-of-factly, although so quick that her statement lacked any credibility.

Derek dedicated her a disbelieving look, calling her out on her crap even though he knew she would fight this matter to death. Billie was stubborn, she'd never on admit having a crush on someone like Alex Karev, but Derek didn't need to explore any further to know.

"He brought you milk. With honey. I don't like him, he treats you like a baby," he shrugged his shoulders, grimacing at the intern behind the glass. "He's only, what? Three years older than you?"

"You treat me like a baby too," Billie scoffed, although she wasn't quite sure why she was defending Alex.

"That's because you are a baby to me, I'm sixteen years older than you."

"Well, if you put it like that..."

"Don't change the subject," Derek argued, looking at her through the mask. "Do you or do you not have a thing for Karev?"

"I absolutely do not have a thing for Karev," Billie denied immediately.

However, once the attending entered to the OR and left her alone in the scrub room, Billie thought about her own words, and then realized how much of it was true... and how much wasn't.

☆

After the (luckily, successful) surgery, Alex offered to stay with the patient through recovery, which Billie thanked to God and went home. She noticed how the milk Alex had brought her had actually done wonders on her throat and she could barely feel any pain now, plus her voice was about ninety percent recovered. Once she arrived at Meredith's place, she was greeted by a hundred-person party, so she simply snatched the bottle of tequila out of someone's hands, went up to her room, kicked out a sleeping guy and laid on her bed, drinking down the alcohol quickly.

She was thinking about Alex, strangely. Her interiors felt all fuzzy when she thought about him, and she hated that she caved so easily. She hated her taste in men, because she knew how this would end, she'd already lived it: maybe she'd fall for Alex, maybe Alex would fall for her too; maybe they'd date and then, undoubtedly, he'd play her. As per usual.

Billie worked and reworked the situation in her head, but no matter what she did, what she tried to change, the ending was always the same. She didn't want to end up hurt. Nothing good would come from liking Alex Karev.

As she thought, someone Izzie broke into her room. She looked angry as she ridded her coat, shoes and backpack and laid down next to Billie on the queen-sized bed.

"My boyfriend is an ass," the blonde huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "He blew me off because I actually have a job."

Billie snorted.

"Well, that's the thing about boyfriends," she offered the bottle to Izzie, who drank angrily. "They're fucking useless."

The blonde hummed in approval, giving the bottle back to Billie. They stayed in silence for a few seconds where the brunette debated whether or not to speak, until she gave up, even if she wasn't sure Izzie was the right person to talk to about this.

"Alex is an ass too," she bit her lip anxiously, scared of the blonde's reaction. Scared she might figure something out.

"Ugh, tell me about it," Izzie breathed out.

"Yeah..." Billie agreed with a sigh of relief, finally giving up and saying what she had been dreading to admit. "The problem is I think I like him despite it."

The silence took over the room, and when she turned over to see if Izzie had heard her, she met with the fact that the blonde was fast asleep. Billie sighed.

Maybe it was for the best if she didn't talk about it yet. Not yet, and maybe not ever. Telling someone would only make it more real, something material and true. Admitting to having a crush on Alex was the same as signing off her death certificate, not to mention the fact that she knew her friends would judge her over it.

And, seriously, what good could it make? She had already gone through this once and she knew the drill, she knew how it started, how it followed and how it ended and she wasn't looking to relive it.

So, she though, I'll keep my mouth shut.

After that, she took a deep breath and fell asleep.