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CHAPTER FIFTEEN
begin the begin.
season two, episode thirteen.

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So... Billie was just now realizing that her birthday had passed and she hadn't even noticed.

Such date used to be one of great importance in her life, since it involved presents, cakes, and most likely, a party, all of them harbored by her mother... until she turned ten. Well, you could say it ended even before, because the sicker Ivory got, the weaker she was, therefore, she lacked the necessary energy to organize big parties for her daughter. But her mom, even as sick as she was, would always be there for her birthday, so even lacking the presents, cakes, and parties... it would forever remain Billie's favorite date.

So, after Billie's mother died, the girl stopped celebrating her birthday. During the first three years, she'd usually place a tea-light candle over a cookie and celebrate by herself at midnight, all in a way to honor her mom rather than the passing of age. She was fourteen the first time she forgot, and as time went by, she realized she was better off without a birthday.

Sometimes, Billie would hardly remember when her birthday was, since it was now ten years since the last time she'd celebrated it, but she hadn't realized how much time had passed. Now, it was New Year's, which had brought the girl back to reality and had made her notice her birthday had been over two months ago.

She was twenty-four-years old and she didn't even know it.

Billie didn't bother to mention this small detail to her friends as they approached her, ready to start rounds.

"Hey, Bil," Izzie greeted perkily, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. "I didn't see you today, did you leave earlier?"

"I- Yeah, I- I slept over at, uhm-" Billie stuttered out tiredly, knowing whose apartment she had slept over at. Or, well, actually, not slept at. "I... stayed here. Yep."

Meredith and Cristina shared weird looks and Izzie squinted her eyes, the three of them noticing something was off about her but not daring to mention it.

"You guys, uh, had a good sleep?" Billie asked awkwardly, sighting George behind the three girls.

"I've been up all night waiting for Burke's surgery-" Cristina yawned, taking a look at her watch and stopping abruptly. "-and now I'm late. Bye."

They all watched her go just as Bailey joined them followed by Alex himself. Billie couldn't help but smile, even before they locked eyes.

However, the second thing she noticed was the size of the resident's belly, which held her child and seemed to be growing unceasingly.

"Okay, people, I need you all on the game today because a patient that's very dear to me has just been admitted for a heart transplant. But first," Bailey paused, looking at all of her interns. "The Chief's orders were clear, so, is anyone here close to their eighty-hour limit?"

Everybody stayed quiet.

"Grey, I know you were here until two a.m. last night. Go home." The resident demanded, lodging her eyes on the blonde.

"Really?" Meredith's eyebrows shot up.

"Really. Leave. And whoever finds Cristina, tell her she's exceeded her eighty-hour work limit." Bailey demanded. "Now, move."

☆

The interns followed their resident in line towards a specific room, all of them murmuring to each other, curious about what today's patient would imply. It sure was a surprise for Billie when they all walked in.

"Denny Duquette." Bailey smiled confidently.

Denny Duquette.

Billie froze in her tracks as she stood by her resident, jaw dropping open and eyes widening tenfold at the so familiar name that she hadn't heard much times, but she treasured close to her heart.

The man, once very attractive, was consumed by the veil of the onset of eld as well as the trail of sickness, which washed over him in the form of overly-pale skin, eyes semi-closed and a few days' worth of stubble. Still, hooked up to the nasal cannula as well as multiple other machines and wearing a patient gown, his dimples remained the same as Billie remembered.

"Denny?" Billie frowned, unsure whether this was all just a dream. "Y- You're- You're Denny? Denny Duquette-LeBlanc Jr.?"

His face was vaguely one that Billie remembered belonging to her past; the face she'd sought help from when her father overstepped with the alcohol; the face she'd seen on every family dinner; the face who she had been taken an ephemeral amount of pictures next to. Denny Duquette's face.

"Lizzie?" he asked weakly, yet his voice showed that of eager vehemency.

"Uh, Black?" Bailey called out, glancing between both parties like who watches a ping-pong match, and confused all-together.

"Oh, my God, Denny!" Billie let out an excited squeal, launching herself onto the bed where Denny awaited with open arms.

He let out a chuckle that definitely did not fit that of a patient with a weak heart, and the embrace was so eternally warm that Billie felt like she was eighteen all over again and Denny hugged her goodbye before walking out the door. Except this wasn't a goodbye hug and it lacked the endless, sour bittersweetness of it.

Billie pulled away, looking into his eyes, "It's been so long, where the hell have you been?"

"House-bound, bed-ridden." He shook his head in downplay. "Where have you been?"

"I'm, uh, very sorry to interrupt... whatever is going on, but this is very unprofessional, Dr. Black." Bailey's voice made them both turn, to which they found all eyes on them.

"I'm- I'm sorry, Doctor Bailey, I just... I haven't seen him in so long." Billie laughed breathlessly, feeling her heart beating a thousand miles per hour due to the unforeseen reencounter.

"Well, whatever you two have to talk about, you'll discuss after rounds unless it concerns Mr. Duquette's health. Otherwise, Black, behave." The resident was stern, adding emphasis on the last word to make her point. Billie nodded, dedicating one last smile to Denny before she stood behind Bailey. "Okay, then. Stevens, present."

"Denny Duquette, thirty-six, admitted today for a heart transplant necessitated by a viral cardiomyopathy."

"And what does that mean?"

"That his heart is unable to fill and pump blood normally."

"Good. Denny, this is Dr. Stevens. She'll be tending to you prior to surgery." Bailey smiled.

"So I guess I'll be seeing you around, Dr. Stevens," Denny said. "And you, Liz, you better come by later."

Billie smiled without an ounce of acknowledgement to the name he used to refer to her, "Of course."

☆

Later that day, right after she finished rounds, Billie arrived at Denny's room only to see Izzie walking out with a smile. She examined the blonde slyly with her eyes squinted, then walked into the room and glared at Denny.

"Don't you even think about it," Billie warned.

"Think about what?" He raised his eyebrows innocently.

"Izzie. She's off limits. You're my uncle, it's gross."

Denny looked at her fondly, then patted the bed for her to sit, to which she complied, "It's been a long time."

Billie blew out some air through her mouth, looking up at the ceiling to signal she was thinking. The last time she had seen Denny, she was eighteen. Now, she was twenty-four. Those had been a few long years.

"Six years, if my math doesn't fail me. And eight if you count the two before you left, since you weren't really there anymore," Billie shrugged her shoulders, knowing she'd always feel a little resentful towards Denny for having left her alone.

"I'm sorry I left, Liz," he said as if he had somehow managed to read her thoughts.

"Oh, it's- it's Billie now," she was quick to correct.

There was no confusion on Denny's face, because he had been the main witness of the abuse Billie had suffered at the hands of her own father. She knew that, if she had fled New York on her own and had changed her name, that was because she didn't want him to find her, and Denny had to understand. How could he not?

"And it's okay, I think. I only stayed there for a few more years." Billie shrugged her shoulders, pressing her lips together at the same time that she shook her head, all in an attempt to sugarcoat the situation.

"I shouldn't have left you," Denny said, sounding bitter at the betrayal. "But tell me about you now. You're a doctor?"

"Indeed, I am." She smiled proudly. "I'm gonna be a neurosurgeon, just like my mom."

"You'll be excellent," he said. "You remind me so much of her."

Oh, God.

Billie paused for a second, stopping herself before she started shedding tears. Denny had been one of the best and only good parts of her life growing up, since he was the one person she could go to whenever she needed it. More than once she'd spent countless nights in his house, letting him take care of her when it was the most necessitated.

It was no news to her that her uncle had spent his entire life in love with her mother. So how could he not take Ivory LeBlanc's daughter in, protect her, when she reminded her so much of the woman he was blindly in love with?

"So... you're getting a new heart," Billie said excitedly, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand once she noticed a single tear had managed to slip its way down her face.

"I'm getting a new heart!" Denny replied, voice hoarse in sign of physical weakness, but the glint in his eyes ceased almost immediately. He paused. "Liz- Billie... what if something goes wrong?"

The woman in question smiled once more, "You'll be out of here in no time, Denny. I'm sure of it."

☆

Once Billie informed Bailey about her kin to Denny, the resident had her removed from the case, since the hospital policy didn't allow for surgeons to operate on family members. At first, the girl was a little annoyed, but it quickly occurred to her that Denny was in good hands, although it wasn't much to her like that Izzie was the intern on his case.

Since Billie still had a few more hours before her eighty-hour limit was exceeded, Bailey assigned her to Addison Shepherd's pediatrics case.

"Dr. Black," she greeted politely once the intern walked into the room, where the patient laid on bed next to her parents. Billie nodded with a smile.

"You don't think it's cancer, do you? Bex is too young for cancer, right?" the mother was quick to ask.

"Mrs. Singleton, I'm just getting up to speed, I'm sorry," Addison apologized, then turned towards the intern. "Dr. Black?"

"Rebecca's been admitted for-"

"Could you stop calling me that?" The girl lifted her gaze from the sketchbook on her lap, touchy.

"She prefers Bex, not Rebecca," Mr. Singleton explained.

"Alright, then." Billie smiled in understanding. "Bex has been admitted for an ultrasound guided biopsy on an enlargement of a pelvic lymph node."

"Okay, Bex? You mind if I check it out?" Addison asked, earning the needed consent before she rolled the girl's gown upwards to reveal her stomach. "It's a minor procedure, but we'll give you a local anesthetic to manage the pain."

As the attending palpated Bex's abdomen, Billie leant in to peek at her sketchbook, where a lot of squared drawings she had been doodling with a pencil were at full display.

"What are you drawing?" she asked nicely.

"Just a dumb comic," Bex said, a shy to her voice.

"No, not dumb. Pretty cool, actually." Billie quirked the corners of her lips downwards. "I've always find people who can draw really interesting."

The room was quiet for a second before Addison gave Mrs. Singleton a worried look, hands still on Bex's stomach.

"It's big, I know. It just appeared one day," the mother said in regards to the mass growing under her daughter's skin.

"I'll perform a biopsy this morning and Dr. Black will have to take some blood so we can run some tests, and then we can start to get you some answers, okay?" Addison explained. "Mrs. Singleton, there's no need to panic, I'll keep you posted every step of the way."

"Thank you."

Billie smiled politely at both the mother and Addison, who walked out of the room while the intern gloved on. She dedicated Bex a smile.

"Sorry about this, but I'm gonna need that arm to get some blood," Billie said in regards to the girl's writing hand, which she needed to get the sample from. "I'll be quick, I promise."

Bex hesitated, but finally reached out her hand for the intern to grab. Billie began rolling up her sleeve until she sighted thin, sketchy white scars marring her skin, most likely self-inflicted. She frowned inwardly, clearing her throat awkwardly and ignoring the painful swirling of her stomach.

☆

A blood test was all it took to reveal Bex had elevated hormone levels that could be risky. Billie talked to the girl and found out she had been taking birth control pills in order to feel normal, as she said, and that she had taken over five in one day, which was a very important piece of information that made her doctors worry for far more other than just the mass on her lymph nodes.

"You see that, Dr. Black?" Addison said, eyes fixed on the monitor of the ultrasound as she shuffled the transducer over Bex's stomach.

"It looks like the tumor's compressing an ovary." The intern squinted her eyes in order to get a better look.

"Yeah, that's why I biopsied both ovaries."

Bex paused for a second, chest tight, "Is that bad?"

"It's really just a precaution, Bex. Apply pressure here, Dr. Black." Addison smiled, holding the sample of the mass on Bex's body. "I'm gonna get this up to Pathology, mind doing the dressings?"

"Of course," Billie replied.

"Alright, Bex, then we'll get you the results just as soon as possible." The attending smiled one last time before gloving off and leaving the room.

Billie, on the other hand, sat down on the chair in order to begin, but found it extremely hard not to shed a glance in the direction of Bex's wrists, which displayed the ripply scars. Not because she found it weird, but because she found it so familiar that it scared her.

"You're a doctor, haven't you seen scars before?"

Billie lifted her gaze, "I have, in fact. I've seen far more scars than any other doctor you'll ever meet. I'm just tryna figure out why someone like yu, a person who holds so much talent, would do that to themselves."

"It's just a comic book," Bex said, an edge to her voice, but when she saw the look on Billie's face, she added. "It's about me and my best friend Jenn, when we were kids. Satisfied?"

"Oh, nice. Did she write it with you?"

"Jenn has a boyfriend, like everyone else. I get to be a freak all by myself," she said with self-disdain.

"Oh, a freak? Yeah, those have it the hardest in high school." Billie shrugged her shoulders sympathetically.

"You sound like my shrink," Bex grumbled.

The intern stayed quiet for a second as she delved her teeth on the inside of her mouth, looking at the patient up and down briefly before she spoke.

"I wasn't always a doctor, you know?" she started. "Do you wanna know why I've seen far more scars than anybody else?"

Bex paused, "Why?"

"Because yes, as a doctor, I've seen so many scars before, but I also have some myself," Billie explained with a small smile, pulling the collar of her scrub top down in order to reveal a small healed slit in a diagonal stance right on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. "I got this one the first time my dad hit me. Tripped over with a chair, cut myself with the edge of the glass coffee table. My brother had to rush me up to the ER."

The girl's eyes examined the fading line on her skin for a second before Billie pulled her top back on place, rolling up the sleeves of her lab coat in order for a set of barely visible scars on each of her wrists to come at full display. They were the type of scars that one would only sight if they paid really close attention to, but Billie didn't need to pay attention to know they were there; not only did she know them by heart, but she also felt them on her all the time.

"And these?" She smiled grievingly. "I cut these myself."

Bex looked up at her, voiced edged, "Why?"

Billie bit the corner of her lip harshly with a pucker to her lips, feeling the contents of her stomach swirl deep inside her. The girl awaited the answer expectantly, but Billie couldn't bring herself to speak.

"You just have to get through high school. It sucks for anyone who's just the least bit different. It sucks for people like us." She sighed, comforting smile on her face. "But we're not freaks. We're just different, and that's something we should be proud of."

"You think so?" Bex paused with a small grin.

The intern smiled too, "I know so."

☆

Billie was shocked when Addison told her the news. Bex's biopsied ovaries had shown her body to hold not only female genitalia, but also male, which meant the patient was a hermaphrodite. It partially explained why Bex had felt so different her entire life, but the problem was that there was a decision to make now.

"She can't handle something like this." Mr. and Mrs. Singleton intercepted Billie and Addison as they made a feint to enter Bex's room. "You saw the scars."

"Wait, you're not gonna tell her?" Billie frowned skeptically. The two parents shook their head, causing the intern to scoff. "What? You can't not tell her who she is."

"Dr. Black," Addison warned, turning to the man and woman in front of them. "Uh, we'll go ahead and proceed with the scheduled surgery to remove the tumor, and then... you can talk to your daughter in your own time."

"Actually, we thought, since you're already gonna be in there, uh... we know 'fixed' isn't the right word, but-" the father stuttered out, letting his voice trail off into a nervous laugh near the end.

"We were thinking that with the hormonal confusion, it might be easier on her to remove whatever boy parts she has. Keep her more of a girl."

Billie stared at them in horror.

"Just to be clear, you're asking me to perform sexual reassignment surgery on your daughter?" Addison frowned.

"Yes."

"Without her knowing." The intern scoffed as a statement rather than a question.

"All she's said all her life is that she wants to be normal. She doesn't feel normal," Mr. Singleton argued. "Why can't we just put an end to her agony?"

"Well, first of all, removing her male sexual organs may not do that. In fact, it could do just the opposite." The attending looked at them both condescendingly as Billie stood by her side, arms crossed over her chest and a clench to her jaw that could've snapped her teeth broken.

"But her hormones-"

"Can be controlled with an oral medication." Billie cut her off.

"Look, we just want the best for Bex."

"To do surgery and alter her body permanently is- well, I just would never do that on someone who's unaware of the procedure, and you're gonna be hard pressed to find a surgeon who will," Addison said with her lips pressed together before she walked away.

Billie didn't remove her eyes from the two parents, digging her nails into her arm to try and somehow keep herself on her toes, "Bex will learn the truth someday, you know that, right?"

☆

As Billie examined Bex's heartbeat with her stethoscope, the girl's eyes were fixed on her face. She could notice the hard frown and the lack of words coming from the intern, so she had immediately noticed something was not right.

"Did you tell my parents about the pill?" Bex asked, consternated.

Billie laughed kindly, "No, of course not."

"Am I gonna die? Is that what no one wants to tell me?"

"If you were to die, you would know already," the intern said, completing Bex's chart.

"Then why are my parents acting so..." The girl's voice trailed off into nothing, to which her eyes lifted from her lap in order to lock with Billie's. "Would you just tell me what's going on?"

"What's going on is we're prepping you for surgery to remove the lymph node tumor that's compressing your-" Billie paused, swallowing harshly and stopping her scribbling for a second.

Bex frowned, "Ovary."

The intern looked up at her patient, deadpan expression on her face which Bex couldn't seem to decipher. Just as the air grew thicker, Addison and the girl's parents walked into the room.

"Hey, Bex," the surgeon greeted.

"Mom, dad, this is really freaking me out."

"Oh, no, everything's gonna be fine, Bex." Mrs. Singleton caressed her daughter's knee comfortingly, unaware of Billie's glare burning right through the side of her skull.

"I'm having surgery to remove a tumor that's compressing my ovary," Bex paused, looking up at the inter, "right, Billie?"

The woman in question remained silent, given the fact that she was unable to bring herself to lie to her patient. All eyes fell on her and she swallowed harshly, mouth dry due to the inevitable tension pestering her from all over.

"Dr. Black," Addison warned.

"Billie?" Bex insisted with such softness to her words that the intern was scared to look up.

She paused, eyes then on Addison's, "So I'm just supposed to lie to her?"

"Okay, that's enough. Dr. Black, please leave the room." The attending slammed shut the clipboard on her hands, glaring at Billie.

With a short sigh, the girl stood up and headed towards the door, but it was her patient's distressed voice that which stopped her.

"No, wait, tell me what's wrong with me!" Bex looked around at her parents, tears welling in her eyes. "What is wrong with me?"

To her own dismay, Billie could not answer.

☆

"Oh, hi." Billie let out breathlessly as she walked into an empty on-call room, where Alex laid peacefully on one of the beds while he scribbled down frantically on a notebook. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

The man looked up briefly, smiling without even thinking about it before he looked back down at his writing, "Hey, Bil."

The girl stumbled towards him and fell down on the bed-or, well, actually, she fell on top of him, laying on his chest with her arms wrapped around him. As soon as their bodies molded into a half-hug, Billie closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

"What are you up to?" she mumbled into his chest, delighted by the sound of his beating heart.

"My patient's got mercury poisoning."

Billie frowned, "Shouldn't you be doing something?"

"Eh, I already gave him the drugs, there's nothing else left to do other than wait," Alex shrugged. "What about you?"

"I got kicked off a case." The girl shrugged, eyes still closed in an attempt to soothe the growing tire that she'd acquire throughout the day.

Alex chuckled, "You, Billie Black, got kicked off a case? Dude."

"Shut up." Billie opened her eyes with a hidden smile, flicking his forehead softly and eyes landing on his notebook. "What are you writing?"

"Uh, it's nothing." He quirked the corners of his lips downwards, closing the notebook and then tossing it on the desk next to them along with the pen. Once his hands were free, he used them to hug Billie the tightest he'd ever had. "You smell good."

"I smell like crap." She snorted.

"You smell like cherries." He breathed in the scent from her hair, an aroma which had become symbolic for Alex; whenever he smelled cherries, he'd think of her. "I like cherries. I like the person who smells like cherries."

Billie lifted her head in order to look into his eyes, "You in a good mood?"

"I was told I did a good job today. Haven't heard that in ages," Alex explained after a brief pause, trying not to sound as happy as he was, but his smile was something he couldn't control when he heard Billie's following words.

"Told you you'd do it." She smiled. "I'm proud of you."

☆

That afternoon, changed into her street clothes and ready to go, Billie knocked on Denny's door three times before walking into the room. There, the man sat on his bed with a soft smile on his lips, which grew at the sight of his niece.

"Hey, Den," the younger greeted, grin on her face when she sat on his bed by his side. Billie didn't notice the trace of sadness on his face.

"Hi, Liz," he said back, but quickly shook his head. "Sorry, Billie."

The woman in question laughed, ghosting her hand over his knee.

"I'm sorry I won't be in your surgery today, you know, hospital policies. God, I really hate being related to you right now." Billie laughed at her own playful comment, but a conspicuous line of sadness struck over Denny's face.

"Billie," he called out sadly, paleness of his features giving away the dark rings under his eyes. "Billie, I didn't get the heart."

Any trace of whatever happiness she previously felt was quickly slapped away from her body, leaving her with a cold, empty sensation on the inside of her chest. As if she was the one missing a heart. The smile left her lips as fast as her soul left her body.

"What?"

Denny shook his head, "I didn't get it."

Billie breathed out softly yet shakily, and the man felt worse for her than he did for his own self. He hadn't planned on telling her about it because he knew everything she'd went through, he knew how much it would hurt her to hear something of the sort... but he couldn't lie to her. He couldn't look in her eye and tell her something that was not true.

"Den, I'm so sorry." Her eyebrows perked together as if trying to hold back unshed tears. "I- I'm really sorry."

"I know." He smiled painfully, placing a hand over hers.

Billie pressed her lips together and stood up, placing herself next to Denny's bed and leaning down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. They both smiled at each other weakly before she left the room, suppressing a flood of tears that threatened to overcome her.

☆

"Hey, Bex." The intern jumped onto her now ex-patient's bed rather weakly, since Denny's bad news were still fresh in her chest. "Just wanted to check in on you before I left."

"I heard my parents weren't too happy with you," Bex said apologetically.

"Oh, yeah, no, definitely." Billie shook her head playfully.

Bex paused, laughing, "Thanks for telling me. For making them tell me."

"I wouldn't have done anything else," Billie placed a reassuring hand on the girl's shoulder. "You know, there are... there's people that you can talk to about this."

"I know," Bex said, but the smile on her face slowly faltered as her speech came to a halt. "Billie, do I have to be a boy now?"

"Of course not."

"But I can if I want to."

Billie smiled yet again, making sure the girl could read the expression on her face before she nodded kindly. Bex's following words came back with a shy.

"I... could you... would you bring me some scissors?"