A/n: Explicit language in this one. Also, the picture above doesn't really have much to do with the imagine except for the fact that the hoodie that he's wearing in the picture is mentioned, but Shawn just looks so damn CUTE and oh my gosh I love his hair so damn much. Anyways, please enjoy this imagine. Okay, without further ado, let's begin!

I've been dating the singer and songwriter, Shawn Mendes, for a little over six months. He's my whole world, my everything. We went public last month, and whenever I get hate from fans, he comforts me. I've been staying with him at his place in Toronto for the summer. Shawn knows that I'm waiting for marriage before I have sex, so we haven't done it yet. I was laying on top of him as we laid on his couch. He was rubbing my back soothingly.

"I know that you're waiting for marriage, but I still want to be your first." Shawn said. I opened my eyes, and saw that his eyes were closed. Anxiety started to set in as I sat up. What he just said, it didn't make me feel pressured or anything, that's not why I became anxious. I became anxious because he had said the same exact words in the same exact tone that my ex boyfriend had said them in.

"No. No, don't say that. Don't say that." I said. Shawn opened his eyes and looked concerned and confused as I stood up.

"Why? What just happened baby?" He asked as he stood up too. I wasn't sure of what to say, so I just looked at him. He's not Mike. He's the opposite of Mike. Why is my anxiety setting in and becoming so high?

"No. No." I said. Shawn took a step towards me but I backed up. He frowned and slowly held his hand out for me to take.

"It's just me honey, it's okay." He said. I looked at his hand and then at him.

"I need a water." I said before heading into the kitchen. When I got the water and went back into the living room, Shawn was running his fingers through his hair. He looked at me, concerned, worried, and confused.

"Baby can you tell me what just happened so I can fix it please? I didn't mean to make you feel pressured or anything, I promise, and if I did, I'm so beyond sorry." He said. I looked at the balcony.

"I just, um, I need a minute. I'll tell you, I promise, I just need some fresh air." I said before stepping out onto the balcony. I leaned against the railing. I suddenly became stuck in my own head. Bad memories with my ex boyfriend flooded my brain as tears fell onto my cheeks. But wasn't that all I had with Mike? I couldn't think of any good memories with him. Maybe one or two, but all the other memories were bad. I sat down on the lounge chair and brought my knees to my chest as I cried a little. Shawn didn't mean to make me remember these things, I know that, but that doesn't prevent the memories from popping into my head.

Shawn's point of view

"Hey Shawn, what's up?" Justin Timberlake asked when he answered my call.

"I don't know what the fuck just happened." I said as I watched my girlfriend, Y/n, sit on my balcony and it looked like she was crying.

"What do you mean?" Justin asked.

"I said something to Y/n and she freaked out." I said.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"Well, she's waiting for marriage before she has sex, so we were cuddling on the couch and I said 'I know that you're waiting for marriage but I still want to be your first.' and she stood up and said 'No. No, don't say that. Don't say that.' and when I tried to take a step towards her, she backed up. I don't know what just happened." I said.

"Where is she now?" He asked.

"She's sitting on my balcony and it looks like she's crying. I want to go out there and comfort her, but at the same time, I don't know what the hell is going on so I don't want to step out there. I don't want to upset her even more." I said.

"Well, I have her phone number. Do you want me to give her a call?" He asked. I thought for a moment.

"Would you mind?" I asked.

"Nope, not at all. I'll give her a call right now." He said.

"Okay, thank you so much man." I said.

"Of course, no problem." He said, and we hung up.

Your point of view

I wiped some tears away. I jumped when my phone rang. I looked and saw that it was Justin Timberlake. Should I answer it? I probably should, even though I'm crying. I answered.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Y/n. Shawn just called me and he's worried about you and he doesn't know what's going on. Is everything okay?" Justin asked.

"What did he tell you?" I asked as I stood up and leaned against the railing of the balcony so Shawn couldn't hear me. Justin told me what Shawn said.

"I can tell that you're crying. What's going on?" Justin asked. I sighed.

"Do you remember when you and I first met, and we were out on Shawn's balcony and you asked me how I feel about Shawn?" I asked.

"Yeah." Justin said.

"Do you remember me saying that Shawn's the complete opposite of my ex who treated me like crap?" I asked.

"Yeah." Justin said.

"Um, so, what Shawn said to me when we were laying on the couch... my ex said those same exact words in the same exact way to me when him and I were dating. Just hearing those words brought everything back. I know that Shawn is in no way Mike, I know that, but just hearing those words again... it just brought everything back." I said as I cried.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to call Shawn and tell him?" Justin asked. I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.

"No. This is something that I need to do myself. I don't mind if you let him know that I'll tell him when I calm down, I just need a few moments. Justin, I hate remembering things with my ex. He treated me like absolute shit and so to remember the things that he would say to me isn't a good feeling. I know that Shawn didn't mean to make me remember these things, and I feel bad that he's worried about me, I just need to be alone for right now." I said.

"Okay, I'll tell him that you'll tell him when you're ready and that you need to be alone for right now." Justin said.

"Okay. Thank you." I said.

"No problem." Justin said and we hung up. I sat out there for a little bit longer before heading back inside. Shawn stood up when he saw me walk in.

"I'm just grabbing my journal." I said.

"Oh. Okay." Shawn said. I went to my suitcase and grabbed my journal. I then looked around for a pencil. I couldn't find one, so I walked over to Shawn, but I looked down as I spoke.

"Um, do you have a pen or a pencil that I could borrow please?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll go grab one." He said. He got me one and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I said before I began to walk back to the balcony.

"Y/n?" Shawn asked. I looked at the couch behind him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I'll be right here whenever you're ready to talk. I don't know what's going on, but I'll stay up all night if I have to, I promise." Shawn said. I nodded. He's nothing like Mike.

"Thank you." I said, and then headed back out to the balcony before Shawn could see my tears. I wasn't sure if these were happy tears, sad tears, or both. Probably both. Sad tears because of the memories with my ex that were flooding my brain, and happy tears because of what Shawn had just said. I know that Shawn loves me, really loves me, and that he didn't mean any harm by what he said, so why did I react like that? I journaled for quite some time, to the point where, even though it was June, the breeze was chilly, and it was getting dark out.

"Babe?" Shawn asked soon after I had finished journaling. I jumped, startled. I looked at him.

"Hi. I didn't hear you come out." I said.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just, um, I saw that you were shivering a little bit and that you were rubbing your arm, so I just wanted to bring you one of my hoodies. I can't let my baby girl get a cold or anything." He said as he handed me his Toronto Raptors hoodie. He's so sweet. I smiled a little as I took it from him.

"I would love to wear this but you know that since I'm from Boston, I'm a Celtics fan." I said. Shawn smiled at me.

"That's true. What about my pink hoodie?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes please." I said. He nodded, took the hoodie back, and then came back out with his pink hoodie - my favorite hoodie of his.

"Here you go babe." He said.

"Thank you. Um, do you want to sit with me?" I asked as I put on the hoodie.

"Yeah." He said and he sat down in the chair next to me. I was silent for a moment or so as I stared straight ahead. I could feel Shawn's eyes on me, waiting for me to speak. I suddenly began to cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you so worried. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what was going on. I'm sorry that I was too lost in my own fucking head." I said as I sobbed.

"Hey, stop apologizing honey, it's okay. I'm right here, okay? I'm ready to talk whenever you're ready to talk, or if you need me to just listen, I can do that too." Shawn said. I nodded and reached my hand out for his. He interlaced our fingers, and his touch electrified me, yet I felt safe and warm at the same time. His thumb immediately began to rub my hand.

"I'm being stupid, aren't I? You're not him, I know that, so why the hell did I react like that? Gosh I'm so damn stupid." I said as I continued to cry.

"Stop, you're not stupid at all. What happened baby?" He asked.

"Um, so I know that you're not my ex, trust me, I know that. But when you said 'I know that you're waiting for marriage, but I still want to be your first.' it brought everything with Mike back into my head. Shawn, he said those same exact words to me in the same exact tone that you said it in. Just hearing those words in that tone... I know that you didn't mean any harm, but it brought everything with Mike back into my head, and I don't want to remember that stuff. I don't want to remember him." I said. Shawn gently squeezed my hand and I looked at him.

"I'm so sorry that what I said made you think of that dick wad. I didn't mean for that to happen." He said.

"Oh Shawn, I know that you didn't. I know that you didn't mean any harm, and I'm sorry that I reacted that way and that I worried you and stepped away from you when you started to walk towards me." I said.

"It's okay honey, it's okay. I was just worried and confused because I didn't know what was going on. But do you want to know something?" He asked. I nodded as I wiped some tears away.

"Yeah." I said.

"I would've stayed up all night, sitting right on the couch or wherever, waiting for you to tell me what was going on. I know that your ex would pressure you for things, and I don't want to be like that." He said.

"And you're not. You're not like him at all. You're the opposite of him and I'm so fucking grateful for that. Um, can I sit on your lap please?" I asked. Shawn smiled and nodded.

"Of course you can baby. Come here." He said. I moved so I was sitting on his lap.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

"Why would I be mad at you darling?" Shawn asked.

"Because I reacted like that and then I didn't tell you what was going on for a while." I said. Shawn shook his head.

"No, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm proud of you for telling me what was going on." Shawn said. I smiled.

"Really?" I asked. He smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. Want to lay on my chest again and we can cuddle?" Shawn asked. I nodded but moved so my back was against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too darling. Mind if I post a picture of us on my Instagram story? It would just be our feet." He asked and said. I shook my head.

"That's fine baby." I said. Shawn took a picture of just our feet tangled together. He showed me what he had written on the picture of us for the Instagram story and I couldn't help but laugh and smile when I read it.

"I'm in Toronto and I got this view (with my girl)." He wrote.

"Oh my gosh I love that so much." I said and Shawn laughed and then posted it. He kissed the side of my head and I smiled.

"Did journaling help you baby?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah. Thank you for giving me time to process everything." I said.

"Of course honey. I wanted to come out here and wipe your tears away and comfort you, but I knew that you needed space, so I just stayed inside." He said. I nodded and played with his fingers which were resting on my stomach.

"I appreciate it. Thank you for being... well, you." I said.

"What do you mean?" Shawn asked. I turned around so I was laying on my stomach. He smiled at me and rubbed my back a little.

"Well, you're always there for me, and you're the sweetest person ever, and you're so nice and kind to me. The list goes on and on. You're my best friend and you're amazing. I love you so much." I said. Shawn's smile widened.

"I love you so much too honey. You're my best friend and you're so amazing." Shawn said.

"Thank you for um, for being patient with me when it comes to sexual things, and thank you for being loyal to me." I said.

"Of course honey. I would wait a lifetime for you, and you're the only girl for me babe. You're the only one that I have eyes for." He said. I smiled.

"Do you realize how special you make me feel?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Well you make me feel pretty special too." He said.

"I do?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yup. I love it when I post something on Instagram and even though I showed you the picture before I posted it, when you see the post, you comment on it saying how good I look or things like that. And I love how, every morning when we wake up together, you say 'Good morning handsome.' and you're always telling me how much you love me and things like that." He said. I smiled.

"Well you always hype me up, I have to hype my man up too." I said. He smiled.

"Well you do a very good job of it babe. Should we go inside where it's warmer?" He asked.

"I like it out here. Should we get a blanket and cuddle out here?" I asked. Shawn nodded.

"Yeah. I'll be right back babe. Which blanket should I grab?" He asked.

"Um, I have one that I actually brought with me and it's in one of my suitcases. Can I grab it?" I asked. He nodded.

"Of course darling." Shawn said. I got up and grabbed the blanket. It was a blanket that had my town's colors on it. I brought it out to Shawn.

"It has my town's colors on it." I said. Shawn smiled and nodded.

"Come here baby and we'll cuddle with it." He said. I nodded and that's exactly what we did. I love Shawn, my favorite cuddle buddy, so much.