A/n: TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE! Also, explicit language in this one. Anyways, please enjoy this imagine. Okay, without further ado, let's begin.

Tears ran down my face as I sobbed my heart out. There was a lot going on in my head and I didn't know what the hell to do. My mind went to dark, bad places. Places that have scary thoughts. I picked up my phone and called my boyfriend, the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes. He's currently on the other side of the country. I haven't seen him since February and I have no clue when he's coming home. He answered after a few rings.

"Hey baby, I haven't heard from you all day." He said.

"Shawn." I whimpered.

"What's wrong darling?" He asked.

"When are you coming home?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet. What's wrong?" He asked again.

"I'm not okay. I'm not okay, my depression isn't okay. Please come home Shawn, I need you. My depression is worse than it's been in a while." I said.

"Try taking a few deep breaths honey." He said.

"I tried that earlier and it didn't do a fucking thing. Please come home Shawn. You're my rock, and I need you." I said as I sobbed.

"I don't know honey..." He said.

"What? You always say that I'm your number one priority and that my mental health is also your number one priority." I said in disbelief.

"I know that, but babe, I've just been having so much fun with everyone." He said.

"Are you fucking serious? I'm literally sobbing on the phone with you, telling you that my depression is worse than it's been in a long time, and that I need you, and you're telling me that you're having fun with everyone so you want to stay?" I asked. There was a pause.

"I guess so, yeah. I'll come home when I can." He said.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHAWN I'M SUICIDAL!" I yelled, sick of him being a dick. I'm always there for him when he needs me. Always. And when I need him this is what happens? Whatever.

"Fuck." He said.

"Yeah, exactly. You know what? Stay in Los Angeles and have fun with your friends if that's what you really want to do. I don't care anymore. I don't care at all. I'm done." I said.

"Wait, baby -" He said, but then I hung up on him. My mind was a mess and I wasn't thinking straight. I needed to go somewhere. I had been in the house that I share with Shawn, all alone, all day. My phone rang. It was Shawn, so I muted the ringer.

Where could I go? Now that Shawn knows that I'm having suicidal thoughts, he might fly home, but I don't want to see him anymore. I could go to my friend's grave. No, that's too close and he would know to go there. I finally realized where I wanted to go. I wasn't sure of how long I would be there for, so I packed a couple of suitcases and headed out to my car. I then drove to my mom's house.

"Hi sweetie." My mom said. I didn't even try to put on a fake smile.

"Hey, um, I just got into a fight with Shawn over the phone. I don't really want to talk about it, but I told him that I'm done. I honestly don't even know if I meant that as 'I'm done with this conversation.' or if I meant that as 'I'm done with you being my boyfriend.' or both. I'm going to drive up to Maine and see if I can find a hotel, but if Shawn shows up here or if he calls you, please don't tell him where I am." I said. My mom's eyes were wide but she nodded.

"Okay, I won't tell him. I love you." She said. I smiled a little bit as I stood up.

"I love you too." I said.

"Y/n, what if you can't find any hotels that have vacancy?" My mom asked. I thought for a moment.

"Then I'll go see Meimei and Grandpa." I said, and then I left. My phone kept ringing, it was Shawn, over and over again. I listened to one of his voicemails, his most recent one. He was crying.

"Baby please call me back. I'm begging you. I'm so sorry. What did you mean when you said that you were done? Please call me back honey, I can't live without you. Don't do anything to yourself please. I'll be on the next flight home." Shawn said. I sighed. He then called me again. I declined it and then blocked his number. I drove to Maine, and I went to a bunch of different hotels with no luck. I finally ended up, in tears, at my grandparent's door step. I knocked on the door and my grandmother answered. Her eyes were wide.

"Oh honey. Come here." She said as she opened the door more. I walked into her arms and sobbed. "Your mom called me and told me what happened. Stay here as long as you'd like, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you Meimei." I said.

"You're welcome. Come here, let's sit down and talk." She said. We sat down in the living room and I sobbed as I told her everything.

"I told him that I'm done but I don't even know how I meant it. I don't know what to do Meimei." I said.

"You're going to stay right here and relax." She said. I nodded.

"Oh, my suitcases are in my car." I said. I went and got them and then went back inside and sat down. Here's to hoping that Shawn doesn't find me.

Shawn's point of view

I knocked on the door. Y/n's mom answered. She didn't look to happy with me, so Y/n must have told her that we got into a fight.

"What's up Shawn?" She asked.

"Can I come in please?" I asked.

"Y/n isn't here." She said.

"Shit. Do you know where she is?" I asked.

"She told me not to tell you." Y/m/n said.

"Please, at least let me in. Maybe if I look around her old room or something it will give me a hint or something." I said. Y/m/n sighed and then opened the door more.

"Come on in." She said. I walked in the house, the same house that I had asked Y/n to be my girlfriend in. I looked at Y/m/n.

"Do you know if she meant it? When she said that she was done?" I asked. Y/m/n said.

"Shawn, she doesn't even know how she meant it. All I know is that you two got into a fight and that it wasn't pretty." She said. I nodded.

"You're right, it wasn't. I messed up majorly. I'm going to go look in her old bedroom." I said. Y/m/n nodded.

"Okay." She said. I walked into the room and turned on the light. Y/n's old bed was there. It only fit one person, but before her and I moved in together, when I would spend the night here, we would lay in the bed together, cuddle, nap, and maybe put on some Netflix.

Flashback

"I added this to my Netflix list. I figured that you would like it. Maybe we can watch it together?" Y/n asked as we stood in her bedroom. I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, let's do that. Should we climb into your bed?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said as she nodded and got into the bed first so she was closer to the window. The bed was so small that Y/n was laying half on me, half off of me.

"Comfortable?" I asked with a chuckled. She giggled, causing my heart to flutter, and nodded.

"Yeah." She said. We then fell asleep as we watched the movie.

Present day

I looked around her room. I looked at the blue walls, I even looked at the hardwood flooring. I looked at the three different maps of Maine that she had on her walls, each one different from the next. I then took a closer look at one of the maps and saw something that I had never noticed before. Y/n had used two markers to highlight a certain road. I looked at the name of the road, it was where her grandparents lived. My eyes widened as it hit me. She went to Maine. I ran out of her old bedroom.

"Bye Y/m/n! Thanks for letting me come in!" I yelled as I ran out the front door. I remembered the address of her grandparents house, she knew it by heart and would often say it when she desperately wanted to go there. I plugged the address into my gps on my phone. It would take less than two hours to get there. I immediately began driving.

My thoughts consumed me as I drove. Why didn't I just tell her that I was buying her something and needed it to be perfect? Why did I do nothing when she was sobbing on the phone with me. It had broken my heart to hear her sob, so why didn't I do anything? What did she mean when she said that she was done? According to her mom, Y/n herself didn't even know what she meant. I thought about Y/n and our memories together the whole way up to Maine. I finally found her grandparents house and breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw Y/n's car. She was here.

Your point of view

I sat with Meimei and Grandpa Albert in the living room. We were discussing what I should do.

"I suggest you break up with him. If he's going to stay on the other side of the country when his girlfriend is having trouble, then I don't like him anymore." Grandpa said. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

"But I love him." I said. There was a knock at the door.

"I got it." Meimei said.

"Okay." Grandpa and I said as we nodded as she stepped out of the room. About a minute later, Meimei walked back into the room.

"Y/n? There's someone waiting outside for you." She said.

"Oh God. Please tell me that he didn't find me." I said.

"Go see for yourself dear." She said. I let out a shaky breath and stood up. I went to the front door, and there was Shawn's back. He was looking out at the land. He had never been here before. I put my shoes on, and stepped outside. Shawn turned around when he heard the door.

"Y/n." He said. He then tried to hug me but I put my hands on his chest to stop him.

"No. What are you doing here? How did you find me?" I asked as I began to walk to the picnic table. I sat down and Shawn sat across from me.

"Your mom wouldn't tell me where you were but I went into your old bedroom. You had your grandparents road highlighted in two different markers, so I figured that you would be here. I've been trying to call you but it keeps going to voicemail." He said.

"You would think that after the fifth or sixth time that I didn't answer your call, you would give up, but you didn't, so I blocked you." I said. His eyes went wide.

"Number one: I will never give up on you, and number two: you blocked me?" He asked. I looked down at the table.

"Well you wouldn't stop calling." I said. There was a pause.

"What did you mean when you said that you were done?" He asked. I sighed.

"I don't know. I don't know. I'm not even sure if I meant with our relationship or just with everything." I said as I still looked at the table.

"Y/n Y/l/n, don't you fucking dare give up. Not on us, and not on your life. I can't live without you, your parents can't live without you, your brother, your grandparents, all of your family and all of your friends, none of us can live without you. God forbid you did something to yourself... I would give up on myself too." Shawn said. I looked at him and we both had tears in our eyes.

"No. No, you can't do that." I said.

"Well if I can't, then neither can you." Shawn said. I looked at him.

"Why wouldn't you come home? I was sobbing, telling you about my depression and you wanted to stay so you could have fun with your friends. I just don't get it. I'm always there for you when you need me, so why weren't you there for me when I needed you?" I asked. Shawn sighed.

"I wasn't staying in Los Angeles because of my friends." He said.

"What? What do you mean?" I asked.

"I got you something and I needed it to be absolutely perfect. I'm sorry. Just please honey, don't give up on us. Give me a kiss and tell me that you don't get crazy feelings. Just try it. Hold my hand and tell me that you don't feel the electricity, warmth, and safety that I do. Just try it. Try telling me that you don't love me, because I can tell when you lie, and I'll know if you're lying or not." Shawn said. I got up and sat next to him.

"I love you Shawn. Just be honest with me next time. Tell me that you're getting something for me and that you want it to be perfect. I just... I was so hurt. I needed you more than ever and you weren't doing anything." I said.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me baby. Please." He pleaded. I didn't respond with words. Instead, I put my lips on his, and got those same insane feelings. I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon, I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my tummy, and I felt sparks shoot through my body. We soon pulled away.

"You've always helped me to calm my demons. Please help me again." I said. He nodded.

"I will." He said in a whisper. He kissed me again. We went inside and told my grandparents what happened. Shawn and I then drove home in our seperate cars. When we got home, Shawn pulled me close to him.

"I love you." I said. Just his presence alone had seemed to calm my thoughts.

"I love you too. Come here honey." Shawn said. He took me by the hand and we went onto our back deck.

"What are we doing out here?" I asked as I looked up at the stars. Shawn cleared his throat and I looked at him. He was down on one knee. "Oh my gosh."

"Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, I've loved you from the moment that I laid eyes on you and that's never going to change. You're my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. Every single morning, even the mornings that I'm away, I wake up, and I choose you. I want to continue to choose you if you'll let me. I love you with every fiber in me, every single cell in my body. I want you to be the mother to my children, and grandmother to my grandchildren. I love you so much Y/n. Will you do me the biggest honor and marry me?" Shawn asked as he opened the box that he was holding to reveal a beautiful ring. I nodded as I cried happy tears.

"Yes! A million times yes Shawn! Of course I'll marry you!" I said. Shawn smiled and put the ring on me. He then stood up and kissed me.

"I love you." Shawn said when we pulled away.

"I love you too." I said. I can't wait to marry Shawn, and I'm so glad that I didn't end things with him.