A/n: Okay so I know that Shawn isn't on tour right now, but let's just pretend that he is. Also, explicit language and LOTS of drama in this one! Anyways, please enjoy this imagine! Okay, without further ado, let's begin!

My boyfriend is the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes and he's currently on tour. I miss him a lot. Like, more than words will ever be able to describe. Sometimes, the sadness of being without him and seeing pictures of him and all these other pretty girls, gets to be too much. When that happens, sometimes I call Shawn. This was not one of those times. I then began looking at the comments of a picture that Shawn had posted of him and I.

"Miss this girl, my sweet girl, SO MUCH! Xoxo babe." Shawn had captioned it. I sighed. I read the comments and not all of them were nice.

"Y/n is so fat."

"Y/n is so ugly."

"Shawn should just leave Y/n."

"Y/n should just leave Shawn so he can find someone better."

"I bet that she's dumb as fuck."

The hate went on and on. I didn't even realize that I had been crying. They were right. I'm not pretty enough for him. I'm not smart enough for him. I'm not skinny enough for him. I should just leave him. I'll leave a note behind, but I can't part with the promise ring that he gave me, not yet at least. I went upstairs and into Shawn's office. I looked at the pictures on his desk of him and I. Our first photo together. Him and I kissing. Him and I at the park. I got a piece of paper and wrote a letter to Shawn. I put it in an envelope, put his name on the envelope, and put it on our bed.

I then tried to figure out whose house I could go to as I packed up at least some of my stuff. There was absolutely no way that my mom could find out about this. She would get upset and tell me not to do this, but wouldn't it be best to let him find someone better than me? I couldn't go to my best friend's house. Yes, Grace is loyal to the bone, but she would probably tell Shawn. Avery? Maybe. Molly? No. Lexie? Maybe. I packed up some of my stuff and drove to Lexie's house and knocked on the door. She's the one that showed me Shawn's vines all those years ago. She answered the door.

"Hey Y/n." She said.

"Hey, um, I have a favor to ask, but could we sit down first please?" I asked. She nodded and let me into the house. We sat down.

"What's going on?" She asked. I told her as I cried.

"Could I stay here for a bit please? I don't know where else to go." I asked and said. She paused.

"I don't know. Don't you love Shawn?" She asked.

"Yes but I need to do what's in both of our best interests." I said. She sighed, thought for a moment, and then nodded.

"Okay. You can stay here for as long as you need." She said. I nodded.

"Thank you. Please promise me that you won't tell Shawn that I'm here because of this. If he calls you for some reason, just say that you and I are simply hanging out and reminiscing about high school." I said. Lexie and I graduated together. She nodded.

"Okay. I promise you that I won't tell Shawn about this. Do you need help with your stuff?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yes please. It's in my car." I said and then she helped me bring my three suitcases inside. We put them in the guest bedroom and then sat back down on the couch.

"So what do you want to do?" Lexie asked. Before I could answer, my phone rang. I hit the power button once so I wouldn't have to hear the phone ring.

"Do you want to go to the park or something?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yeah. Who just called you?" She asked.

"Shawn. There's no way that I can answer his phone calls right now." I said. She nodded and we got in the car and began to drive away.

"Did he leave a voicemail?" Lexie asked. I pulled over to the side of the road and checked.

"Yup. Should I listen to it?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yeah." She said. I did.

"Hi baby girl. I'm just calling to check on you and see how your day is going. I'll try the home phone. I love you so fucking much honey. All right, bye hun." Shawn said. I sighed.

"Well, he's probably either going to be calling me again or texting me since I'm not at home to answer the phone." I said. Sure enough, a little bit later, he tried calling again. Once again, I didn't answer. He knows me better than anyone, and he would be able to tell just by the sound of my voice. We soon got to the park and my phone rang again. I looked and muted it.

"Shawn?" Lexie asked. I shook my head.

"No. His manager, Andrew." I said. I was tempted to turn off my phone.

"We can stay here for as long as you want Y/n." Lexie said and I thanked her.

Shawn's point of view

"Did she answer?" I asked my manager, Andrew Gertler, as he walked back into the room. He shook his head.

"No. I tried calling her cell phone and the house phone and she didn't answer either one of them." Andrew said.

"Fuck. Cez, could you try calling Y/n please?" I asked. Why the hell wasn't my girlfriend answering her phone. Cez nodded and tried calling Y/n, both on the home phone and on her cell phone, but it was to no avail. I asked Mike, my drummer, to call her, and when he did, there was no answer.

"What do we do?" Andrew asked.

"I'm going to call her mom." I said as I pulled my phone out again.

"Hello?" Y/m/n asked.

"Hey. So, I'm kind of freaking out right now." I said.

"Why?" Y/m/n asked.

"I tried calling Y/n on her cell phone and she didn't answer. I tried calling the home phone and she didn't answer. I've tried texting her but she won't answer. Andrew, Cez, and Mike have all tried calling both her cell phone and the home phone and she won't answer. Pardon my language but I'm fucking scared shitless right now." I said.

"Okay, we'll figure this out. I'm not even going to try calling her, I'm just going to head straight to your house. I have a key and I know the code to the security system to turn off the alarm. I'll call you back as soon as I get there." She said.

"Okay thank you." I said.

"You're welcome." She said and we hung up. I told the people that were in the room with me, which had now grown because Eddy, Dave, and Zubin had come in, what Y/m/n had said. After about ten minutes of me bouncing my leg, my phone rang again. It was Y/m/n.

"Hey." I said.

"You need to come home as soon as possible." She said.

"Why? What's wrong?" I asked.

"She left." She said. I stood up.

"What? What do you mean she left?" I asked, the panic in my chest rising.

"I mean that she left a note that's addressed to you on the bed, and I wanted to know what the hell was going on, so I read the letter. She said not to come looking for her and that you could easily find someone better than her and she writes about jealousy and things like that." She said. I looked at Andrew. Everyone was watching me.

"Andrew I need a private jet back to Boston as soon as possible and I need to cancel my shows for the rest of the week." I said. He nodded.

"Okay." Andrew said.

"I'll be home as soon as I can." I said to Y/m/n.

"Okay. I'm going to stay at the house so you're not alone when you read the letter." She said.

"Is it that bad?" I asked.

"Shawn... some of her stuff is gone." She said.

"No. No. I have to find her. I'll ask Thomas to pick me up from the airport." I said.

"Okay." She said. We soon hung up. I filled everyone in on what was going on as Andrew got me a private jet back to Boston.

"I can't lose her. I can't fucking lose her. I want to marry her someday. I need to find her." I said. Cez stood up, walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Breathe buddy. Deep breath in, and deep breath out." He said.

"I can't! Nobody knows where my girlfriend, the love of my life, is!" I said.

"Okay. Just sit down. You'll find her. In the meantime, why don't you make a post saying that your concerts for the rest of the week are canceled due to a personal emergency?" Cez asked. I nodded and made the post. The photo was a close up of my pants, so the screen was all black. I wrote the caption.

"Due to a personal emergency, I will be canceling my concerts for the rest of the week. For those of you who bought tickets, they will be refunded. I apologize. Xx - Shawn." I wrote. I then left to get on the private jet. My stuff was already packed since we were at the hotel, and I flew home. I walked in the front door, and Y/m/n was sitting on the couch. Thomas, Y/n's brother, and I, brought the luggage in. I walked over to Y/m/n.

"Hey. This is the letter. Why don't you sit down?" She asked. I nodded, sat down, and began to read the letter out loud.

"Dear Shawn,

Please know that I love you more than anything and that you did nothing wrong. You're my world, my everything, and you will forever have a special place in my heart. You'll notice that some of my things are not here anymore. That's because I left. I don't mean to hurt you Shawn, but I need to do what's best for the both of us.

I get so much hate. People tell me that I'm fat. They tell me that I'm ugly. That I'm dumb. The list of things that they say to me in unbelievable. They say that you should just leave me, or that I should just leave you. I realized that they were right. I'm not good enough for you Shawn. You always say that I'm more than enough for you, that I'm perfect for you, but I'm not. I'm nothing. I'm worthless.

Why are you with me? Why do you think that I'm beautiful, especially considering the fact that I'm not? Why do you say that you want to marry me? Why do you say that you want to have kids and grandkids with me? I just don't get it. Have you ever really looked at me Shawn? I'm nothing special, not in the slightest bit.

I have so many flaws. I have stretch marks on my boobs, my arms, my thighs, and my stomach. I know that the doctors say that I'm at a good weight, but I don't believe it. My flaws aren't just physical. I have anxiety and depression, and I burden you with those all of the time. I'm so fucking sorry for that. You don't need my burdens. I get jealous constantly and I can't stand it. I just can't take it anymore Shawn.

You can keep the house if you would like. I'll find somewhere else to live. Please understand that you did nothing wrong. This is all on me. I love you, and I wish that we could spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm not good enough for you. You'll find the right girl Shawn. She'll be smart and pretty and skinny and everything that I'm not. Please don't come looking for me. I would understand if you hated me for this. It's fine. I hate myself too. I love you Shawn. I always have and I always will.

Love,

Y/n Y/l/n." I read. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at Y/m/n.

"What do we do next?" She asked.

"I love her, and I want to respect her wishes. I know that she said not to come looking for her, but she's crazy if she thinks that I'm going to just sit back and let this happen. Where could she be? Grace's house?" I asked.

"Maybe." Y/m/n said. I texted Grace, Y/n's best friend.

Me: Grace, this is about Y/n and it's an emergency. I NEED you to call me as soon as you can.

My phone rang within a few minutes.

"Hi." I said.

"Hey, what's going on?" Grace asked. I filled her in on everything.

"I know that you're loyal to the bone, but be honest, is she with you?" I asked.

"No, and I swear that that's the truth." Grace said.

"Fuck! Where could she be?" I asked.

"I don't know. Check with Avery and Molly and Lexie. They might know." She said.

"Okay, thanks." I said.

"You're welcome." She said, and we hung up. I looked at Y/n's mom.

"I'm going to go to some of her friend's houses and see if she's with them. Actually, I want to see how much she packed with her." I said as I stood up.

"She took a good amount. Three suitcases are gone." She said. I sighed and went upstairs to our room. I checked the closet, and Y/m/n was right. Three of her suitcases were gone. My heart broke even more. I went back downstairs.

"I don't know whose house to go to first. Avery, Molly, or Lexie." I said as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Maybe try Molly. Do you want me to go with you?" She asked. I shook my head.

"No. I need to do this on my own. Thank you for all of your help by the way. I'll let you know when I find her. I promise you that I won't stop until I find her." I said. She nodded and gave me a hug.

"Okay. I'll see you later." She said. We both headed out to our cars and I went straight to Molly's house and knocked on the door. She answered.

"Hey Shawn! I thought that you were on tour, what are you doing here?" Molly asked. The letter that Y/n wrote was in my car.

"Do you know where Y/n is?" I asked. She frowned and shook her head.

"No. Why? Is everything okay?" She asked. I filled her in a bit on what was going on and her eyes widened.

"Please, if she comes here, tell me." I said.

"I will." She said. I waved goodbye and then sprinted to my car. I drove to Avery's house. I would drive all the way around the world a million times if I needed to. I knocked on the door and Avery soon answered.

"Hey Shawn. Everything okay? I saw your post on Instagram." She said.

"Do you know where Y/n is?" I asked. She shook her head.

"No. Why?" Avery asked. I filled her in a bit.

"If you hear from her or she shows up here please tell me." I said. Avery nodded.

"Okay, and please keep me updated." Avery said. I nodded.

"I will." I said and then ran to my car so I could drive to Lexie's. If she wasn't at Lexie's, then I wouldn't be too sure of where else to look. I finally got to Lexie's house and felt a bit relieved when I saw Y/n's car in the driveway. I knocked on the door and Lexie answered.

"Hey -" She started.

"Where's Y/n?" I asked. She looked down.

"I don't know." She said.

"Yes you do. Her car is in your driveway." I said. Lexie looked up at me and sighed. She opened the door a little.

"She made me promise not to tell you that she was here." Lexie said. I felt furious.

"And you promised that? Lexie, I get that you're a loyal friend, I get that and I know that, but do you know what it's like when no one is able to reach your significant other and then I came home to a fucking note that broke my heart?" I asked.

"Shawn? What are you doing here?" Y/n asked. I looked at her and tears formed in my eyes. Her hair was up in a messy bun, she was in sweats, and she looked like she had been crying.

"Y/n." I said as I went over to her and hugged her. I didn't even care about the fact that she wasn't hugging back, I was just so damn glad that I had found her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked again. I pulled away and held her face in my hands as tears fell onto my cheeks.

"Never do this ever again. Never. You think all of these terrible things about yourself and you tear yourself down, but none of the things that you wrote about yourself are true. You're the most beautiful girl in the world, and you're not at all fat, and you're the smartest person I know. Your anxiety and your depression, they're not flaws and they're not burdens. On our second date you said that you had a lot of baggage, and what did I promise you?" I asked. Tears were now falling onto her cheeks too.

"You promised that you would help carry the bags." She said. I wiped some of her tears away with the pad of my thumb.

"Exactly. So let me do that baby. Please. I can't lose you. Can we go home and talk about this please?" I asked. She sighed and nodded.

"Okay. Um, would you mind helping me carry my suitcases to the car?" She asked.

"That's fine. I want you to drive in front of me, that way if you take a turn that you shouldn't, I can follow you so I know where you're going. I can't lose you." I said as we grabbed her suitcases. She nodded.

"Okay." She said. We said goodbye to Lexie and then put Y/n's suitcases in her car. I touched my hand to her arm so she would look at me.

"I'm not letting you go." I said. She nodded.

"Okay." She said. We drove home. On the way home, I called everyone to tell them that I had found her. We soon arrived at our home together and I brought in the letter. I brought her suitcases up to our room and she came upstairs with me. We sat on our bed. I looked at her.

"Honey, I've never been so fucking scared in my life. I can't live without you. I can't and I won't. Never do this ever again, understand?" I asked. She finally looked at me and nodded.

"Okay. I didn't mean to scare you and I didn't mean to hurt you Shawn, I promise. I just thought that I was doing what was best for the both of us." She said as she began to cry. I pulled her onto my lap and shook my head.

"No. You don't get to decide that, not on your own at least. What can I do? What can I do to make things better? Should I do a live stream and tell the fans that the hate needs to stop?" I asked. She thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Yeah. How long are you home for?" She asked.

"The rest of the week. All I want to do is cuddle with you and hold you and never let you go. Come to me next time, okay?" I asked. She nodded.

"Okay. Um, I know that you're probably mad at me -" She started before I cut her off.

"I'm not mad, I was just scared. I've never been so scared in my life." I said.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's okay. What were you about to say baby girl?" I asked.

"Can I have a kiss please?" She asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Of course you can. Come here baby. I love you." I said.

"I love you too." She said and then put her lips on mine. I held her as close to me as I possibly could. As our lips moved in sync, I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon, I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my stomach, and I felt sparks shoot through my body. We eventually pulled away.

"Do you mind if I talk about what happened in the live stream?" I asked.

"That's fine." She said. I nodded and we went downstairs. I started a live stream and Y/n sat so she was out of view.

"Hi guys. So, I know that I canceled my concerts for the rest of the week. Let me explain why." I said. I then explained what happened. "Y/n was not trying to be malicious. She was not at all trying to hurt me or anything. She thought that she was doing what was best, but luckily I found her and things are all good again. I need the hate to stop. I literally almost lost the love of my life because of the hate. Stop saying that she's not good enough for me. Y/n is more than enough for me, she's perfect for me. Stop saying that she's fat. She's not. Stop saying that she's ugly. She's the most beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking girl that I've ever seen. Stop saying all of this stuff to her please. She's a human being and she has feelings." I said.

"Shawn?" Y/n whispered. I looked at her.

"What's up baby?" I asked.

"Can I lean on you please?" She asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Of course you can baby. Come here." I said as I opened my arms up. She moved over so she was sitting next to me and wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her too. I kissed the top of her head. I then turned back to my live stream. "Please guys, just stop with the hate. Enough. I almost lost the love of my life because of it, and I can't live without this girl. I refuse to live without her."

"I'm right here baby." Y/n said as she looked up at me. I rested my forehead against hers and stroked her cheek with my thumb..

"I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever. You mean too damn much to me Y/n Y/l/n. I want to marry you someday and have kids with you someday." I said.

"I know that we want two girls and a boy, and I hope that if we do have a boy, he looks just like you." Y/n said. I smiled, kissed her forehead, and then rested my forehead against hers again.

"Well I hope that if we do have girls, they look just like their beautiful Momma. I love you honey. I love you so damn much." I said.

"I love you so damn much too. What do you want to do while you're home?" She asked. I pulled my head away from her's and thought for a moment.

"Well, we could go to some of the parks nearby, and we could cuddle and watch Netflix together and do stuff like that. How does that sound baby?" I asked. She nodded.

"That sounds perfect." She said. I placed a sweet, gentle, and loving kiss on her lips. It wasn't a short kiss but it wasn't a long kiss either. When we pulled away I kissed her forehead again.

"I'm so in love with you." I said. She smiled at me.

"I'm so in love with you too." She said. I smiled and then turned towards my phone.

"Okay guys, I'm going to go spend some time with my girl. I'm practically begging you guys, please stop sending Y/n hate. I love you guys. Bye!" I said, and then ended the live stream. I turned to Y/n.

"Hi baby." She said.

"Hi. Never do this ever again, understand?" I asked. She nodded.

"I understand and I'm sorry. I love you." She said.

"It's okay baby. We're all better now. I love you too." I said. I spent the rest of the week doing stuff with her, barely ever letting her leave my sight for too long. I love Y/n so much, and I'll never let her go.