A/n: Explicit language and lots of drama in this one! Anyways, please enjoy this imagine. Okay, without further ado, let's begin!

I sat in the reading room of mine and my boyfriend's house. Shawn Mendes and I just moved in together a couple of weeks ago and we love living together. Shawn and I have been together for about seven months and he knows how much I love to read, so when we moved in together Shawn and my brother put shelves up in the family room, filled the shelves with books, put some comfortable chairs in the room, put a desk in there for when I'm doing homework, and it became my reading room and my office, Shawn's office is upstairs.

I sat in the comfortable chair, looking at Instagram. Shawn was in the living room, watching something on tv. He knows that my biggest fear is that he's going to stop loving me and leave me, that fear stemmed from my parent's divorce. I couldn't help but think of the fact that Shawn is still friendly with his ex girlfriends and the girl's that he used to be intimate with. Was he reminiscing with them about their pasts together? Was he telling them that even after seven months together, I wasn't ready to have sex with him and that I was waiting until we were engaged because I didn't want to regret it? Anxiety and fear crept inside of my body. I can't lose Shawn. He's the love of my life, he's the one that I want to have kids and grandkids with, he's the one that I want to grow old with.

I exited out of the Instagram app, got up and went into the living room. Anxiety filled my body. Shawn and I had experienced little disagreements before, but we had never had a full on argument and I was worried that we were going to have one now. Shawn gave me a smile as I walked in and he paused the tv.

"Hey bunny. Are you okay? You look anxious." He said. I sat down on the couch next to him as I played with one of the rings on my fingers, the same one that Shawn had gotten me as a promise ring when he told me that someday he would switch it out for an engagement ring and then switch that out for a wedding ring.

"Um, yeah, I'm anxious right now. Can we, um, can we talk about something?" I asked nervously. Shawn nodded as he reached over to rub my shoulder a little bit, attempting to soothe me.

"Yeah, of course, we can talk about anything you want baby. It's just me, you don't have to be anxious." He said. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Um, so, I know that you still talk to some of your exes and some of the girls in your past, and I just, um, it makes me feel... it makes me worried that you're reminiscing about your past with them and I get, I get scared. I get scared that you're going to stop loving me and you're going to go back to them and I can't, I can't lose you. You're my best friend, you're my everything. It's just... I'm scared that I'm going to lose you because you're still friends with a lot of the girls in your past." I said.

"You're not going to lose me Y/n." Shawn said. That's it? That's all he was going to say after I anxiously told him exactly how I was feeling? And why did he say my name when he typically says baby or some pet name or something like that?

"Okay, but, ugh." I said with a sigh as I hung my head and continued to nervously play with my fingers.

"Y/n I really don't see what the problem is. I'm just friends with them, it's not like we talk about our past together and what positions we did during sex." He said. I winced as I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them. That sentence felt like a slap in the face.

"Okay, you really didn't need to say that. Shawn, all I'm trying to say is that it makes me anxious and uncomfortable that you're still all buddy buddy with the girls that you used to date and be intimate with. I know that you're saying that I'm not going to lose you, but just because you say that, it doesn't take away that fear inside of me. You know that my biggest fear -" I started before he cut me off with a wave of his hand.

"Yeah, your biggest fear is that I'm going to stop loving you and leave you. Which isn't going to happen. You know, last time I was in Toronto, Lauren wanted to hook up and I said no because I'm loyal to you, but I think next time I won't say no." Shawn said. My eyes widened and so did his, the realization of what he just said hitting him as I stood up.

"Fuck you Shawn." I said.

"Wait, baby, no I didn't mean it." He said. I put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, my purse, and my phone and opened the door that led to our garage as Shawn stood up and came towards me. I put my hand on his chest, preventing him from coming any closer as tears formed in my eyes and fell onto my cheeks.

"How could you? How could you say that to me Shawn? I need to go for a drive, please don't follow me, please just stay the fuck away from me." I said before turning, stepping into the garage, and slamming the door behind me. I pressed the button to open the garage door and got in my car. My phone began to ring but I ignored it as I began to drive into the city. My phone kept ringing and when I got a chance I put it on silent but I could still hear it vibrating in the cup holder.

I drove to the President John F. Kennedy Library and Museum but I didn't go inside right away. On the side of the museum is President Kennedy's old boat, and some benches, out of view. I sat on the bench where no one could see me and let the tears fall. I pulled my phone out and saw that Shawn had texted me and left a voicemail. I checked the texts first. He had sent two screenshots, both of his Instagram page. The number of people that he followed had gone down. I read the texts that he had sent.

My Love: I unfollowed all of the girls I dated or slept with baby, and I told Lauren we can't talk anymore and I'm not going to be friends with those girls if it means I'm going to lose you. I'm so fucking sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it at all. I totally mishandled the situation completely and I'm so sorry baby girl.

My Love: I'm loyal to you, I've been loyal to you since we met, you're the only one I want, you're the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I swear baby. I can't lose you. Please call me. Come home please.

My Love: Can you please at least tell me if you're safe or not? You're not answering my phone calls or anything and I don't know where you are or if you're safe.

Me: I'm safe. I'll come home when I'm ready. Thank you for unfollowing those girls. I need space right now because what you said was fucked up and it really hurt me.

I listened to the voicemail from him. I felt bad, I could tell he was panicking, but I needed space right now. What he said to me really hurt.

"Y/n, baby, please call me or text me and just tell me that you're safe. You don't have to tell me where you are if you don't want to, just please tell me if you're safe. I love you so fucking much, I want to marry you someday and I totally didn't mean what I said. I don't know why I said it, I don't know why I said any of it. I'm sorry. I unfollowed them and I won't be friends with them anymore because I can't lose you. I can't lose you baby, please. I love you. Come home when you're ready, and please let me know if you're safe because you're not answering any of my calls. Please." Shawn said. I went back to the texts where I had already told him that I was safe.

My Love: I'm so sorry that I hurt you, that's not at all what I meant to do. I promise that I'll make it up to you. Anything you want me to do, I'll do it.

Me: Please don't text or call me for a bit. I just need space to think right now. I'll come home later today, I promise, I just need time. You're always so nice and kind and loving and today I saw a side of you that I wasn't expecting and I didn't like it. I'm going to have my phone on silent, I just need space please.

I put my phone back in my purse and then went into the museum to distract myself. I would go home when I was ready, I just needed some time.

Shawn's point of view

I got in my car and went to a local florist. I had fucked up big time. I know Y/n's biggest fear, and when she came to me and told me how she was feeling, I only made things worse. I can't believe I said that to her. I could never and would never cheat on her. She's the only one that I want. I parked my car and walked into the flower shop.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The person behind the counter asked.

"Um, do you have pink tulips? Those are my girlfriend's favorite flower." I said. She nodded.

"Yup, how many would you like?" She asked. I thought for a moment.

"Uh, can I get like, two dozen please?" I asked. The lady's eyes widened but she nodded and got it for me.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Do you have any peonies?" I asked, knowing that Y/n liked those too. The lady nodded her head.

"Yup. What color do you want? We have pink peonies, blue peonies, and red peonies." She said.

"Um, pink peonies please. Can I get two dozen of those too please?" I asked.

"Sure." She said. After paying for all of the flowers, I put them in my car, and pulled out my phone to text my manager, Andrew.

Me: Y/n and I got into a fight, she went for a drive. If you see on Twitter or Instagram or anywhere, anything about where she is, please let me know. She told me she's safe but I just want to know where she is.

Gerty: Got it.

I drove to the local mall and went to Nordstrom. I went up to the counter where they had the jewelry and immediately saw a necklace that Y/n had shown me just a couple of days ago. Someone that worked at Nordstrom came over.

"Can I help you?" She asked. I pointed at the necklace.

"The Kendra Scott birthstone necklace, can I get that please?" I asked, remembering the name of it. The lady nodded.

"Of course. Anything else?" She asked as she got the necklace out for me.

"Um, where are your bracelets?" I asked. The lady brought me over to where the bracelets were and I looked at them.

"What's the price limit?" The lady asked. I shook my head.

"There isn't one." I said. Her eyes went wide for a moment before she nodded.

"Okay. Well, this is a Riviera Diamond bracelet, fifty five brilliant cut diamonds set in eighteen karat white gold. It's twelve thousand dollars." She said. I nodded.

"I'll take it. What about that bracelet? Can I see that one as well?" I asked as I pointed at a bracelet with hearts on it.

"This is the Ryanne Heart bracelet, it's one hundred sixty dollars." She said.

"I'll take that too. Do you guys have earrings?" I asked. The lady looked a little surprised, but nodded as she collected the two bracelets I had just asked for and then brought me over to the earrings.

"Do you see any that interest you?" She asked. I pointed at a pair.

"Those pearl stud earrings. My girlfriend would love them." I said. The lady got them, told me the price - two thousand dollars - and then I pointed at another pair of earrings that I liked for Y/n.

"These are eighteen karat, white gold drop earrings." She said. They were almost ten thousand dollars but I just nodded, knowing that when it comes to Y/n and the fact that I was scared shitless that I might lose her, money was no problem right now. I paid with my credit card, the lady put everything in a bag, and then I went to Tiffany's and Co which was right across from Nordstrom. I got Y/n a ring that said "LOVE" and a matching necklace.

I then went to a store called Lulu's, which Y/n loves. She loves their dresses and she always looks so beautiful in them, although she looks beautiful no matter what. I've noticed that even though Y/n rocks everything she wears, red seems to be her best color. I got her a red body-con dress, I know her size, and some red strappy heels to go along with the dress. I paid for the dress and heels and went home. It was getting later in the day and Y/n still wasn't home, causing me to get even more anxious. What if she comes home and breaks up with me?

I put the flowers on the coffee table in the living room and put the gifts on our bed upstairs. I went back downstairs and started to make dinner. Y/n loves ramen noodles so I made that for her. They didn't take long to make, so after that I went in her reading room and tidied up a bit. She had bookmarks on the little table next to her comfy chair, bookmarks on her desk, bookmarks in other rooms. I got them all together and put them on the little table next to her chair. My phone dinged, it was a text from Andrew.

Gerty: Fans saw Y/n at the Harvard Book store. According to one of the tweets, she looks sad, and she got a bunch of books and she's just sitting there reading. A fan asked for a picture, take a look. Sorry dude, but her smile looks fake.

I looked at the picture of Y/n and the fan. I know when her smile is real and when it's fake. This was the most fake smile she had ever given. Whenever she gives a real smile, her mouth will be open a bit, showing her teeth, but not this one. Her lips were shut, and her eyes were sad and drained. Andrew sent another photo that a fan took of Y/n just sitting in a chair, her legs crossed as she read a book, with a stack of books next to her. She had made herself comfortable, like she was going to be there for a bit. Crap.

Me: Fuck. I messed up and said something I really shouldn't have said. She doesn't want me to text her or call her because she wants space. She told me she'll come home when she's ready.

Gerty: Give her time man. You guys are perfect for each other, you guys will work everything out.

I put my phone back in my pocket, and cleaned the house a bit more. I swept the floors in the kitchen and dining room, and vacuumed the rug in the living room. I went upstairs, brought her gifts down and put it all on the couch next to me. I sat on the couch and stared at the four vases of flowers that I had gotten her, waiting for my girl to come home.

Your point of view

I pulled into the driveway and parked the car. I had cried all the tears and cooled off as much as I needed to. I walked up our walkway, a bag of books in my hand and went in the front door. I carefully shut it behind me.

"Y/n?" Shawn asked. I looked in the living room and there he was. I set the bag down on the staircase that leads up to our bedroom and kicked off my shoes before turning to my boyfriend.

"Hi." I said as he stood up. I began to walk towards him slowly. There were some beautiful flowers on the coffee table in front of him.

"Hi. Can I, um, can I hug you?" He asked. He had never asked that before, and my heart broke at his question. I nodded.

"Yeah, of course." I said. He immediately came towards me and enveloped me in a big bear hug. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, tangling my fingers in his hair as he held my body as close to his as he possibly could without crushing my bones and he buried his face in my neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Y/n." He said and I could feel his tears on my neck.

"Shhh, I forgive you. I forgive you." I said. I squeezed him tighter as I began to cry too.

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said, I promise." He said as he picked his head up and looked at me. I began to wipe his tears away with the back of my fingers. My heart broke again at the sight of his tears, and I could tell that he had been tugging at his curls.

"I know, I know. It's okay my love." I said.

"No it's not. I fucked up and I'm so sorry." He said. I cupped his face in my hands and we kissed as the tears fell onto our cheeks. We pulled away and rested our foreheads together.

"I'm here. I forgive you. We're okay. I just needed some space, I can promise you that if I ever go for a drive like that again, I will always come back, I promise. You're not going to lose me, ever." I said. He nodded after he had pulled his forehead away from mine.

"Okay. I, um, I cleaned up a bit and I got you some presents to say I'm sorry." Shawn said as he pulled away from the hug.

"You didn't have to do that." I said.

"Yes I did." He said. He held my hand, our fingers interlaced as he told me that he had cleaned some of the house, he made dinner, got me flowers, and then pointed at the bags that had the gifts in them. He started with the Nordstrom bag and I sat down as he took everything out and showed me everything that was in it, and then showed me what he got me from Tiffany's.

"It's all so beautiful. Thank you for this baby." I said.

"You're welcome. I got you this dress and these heels from Lulu's. I um, I was going to make a reservation at a place for dinner, somewhere to take you but um, I, I didn't." He said. I frowned.

"Why not baby?" I asked.

"I, I didn't know if you were going to come back and break up with me or not." He said, sadness evident in his voice and on his face. My heart broke as he held the dress and heels in his hands. I stood up and hugged him as tight as I could as he hugged me back.

"I will never break up with you. It's you and I until the end of time, never forget that my love." I said. He kissed my neck before picking his head up and kissing my lips.

"I love you Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n." Shawn said. I smiled at him and held his handsome face in my hands.

"I love you too Shawn Peter Raul Mendes." I said. He gave me another kiss.

"Do you like the dress?" He asked.

"I love it. How about we go out soon and I'll wear the dress and the jewelry you got me? Does that sound good?" I asked. Shawn nodded.

"That sounds perfect darling. I made ramen noodles for dinner tonight." He said. I smiled at him as my eyes widened.

"I love ramen noodles!" I said. I wriggled myself out of his strong grip and ran into the kitchen. I heard him laughing as he followed me into the kitchen. I smiled and watched as he put the ramen noodles on two plates, one for him and one for me. He put the plates on the kitchen table and I sat across from him. He chuckled as I took the first bite of ramen noodles and then did a little dance in my seat.

"You're so cute baby girl." He said. I smiled at him.

"You're cuter." I said. He shook his head.

"So, where did you go today? Andrew saw online you went to the bookstore." He said. I nodded.

"Yeah, I went to the Kennedy Library and Museum and then I went to the Harvard bookstore. After dinner, do you want to see the books I got?" I asked with a smile. Shawn smiled at me and nodded.

"Of course sweetheart. I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about books." Shawn said. I smiled. After dinner I showed him the books I had gotten, and then we cuddled for the rest of the night. I love Shawn so much and I'm so glad that we made up.