I brought my knees to my chest and bawled my hands into fists. My boyfriend of about three months, Shawn Mendes, was going to be coming back from the gym soon, and for once I didn't want that. I usually wanted to spend time with him, but not right now. Right now I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't sleep very well the night before, and when I don't get a good night's rest, I get very irritable. Shawn doesn't know this though, he doesn't know that I just want to be left alone. I grabbed my phone and called my mom.

"Hi sweetie. How are you?" She asked. I didn't even want to talk to her, I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I didn't know what to do.

"I'm not good. I don't want to talk to anyone. I didn't sleep very well last night, so I'm really irritable right now, and Shawn is on the way back from the gym and I'm so irritable that I don't want to see him." I said.

"Okay, breathe. Do you want me to call him and explain it to him?" My mom asked. I thought for a moment.

"No. No, he's my boyfriend, I should be able to explain it to him. I'll figure it out. I hate that I get this way, I hate that I get so irritated." I said.

"I know. I'll be here if you need me." My mom said. I thanked her and we hung up. I still felt irritated, so I kept my knees to my chest, and rested my forehead on my knees. My hands were shaking and I felt like I wanted to scream. How was I going to explain this to Shawn without yelling at him? I'm not upset with him, he did nothing wrong, and he doesn't deserve this. I just feel very irritated sometimes.

"Babe! I'm home!" Shawn yelled. I didn't say anything back. Shawn soon came into the bedroom and I could tell by the sound of his footsteps that he was rushing over to me. "Baby? Are you okay?"

"Please leave me alone." I said. I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling.

"Why? What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Shawn asked. I took a deep breath, lifted my head up, and pushed my phone towards him. I told him my passcode.

"Can you call my mom please? She'll explain to you what's going on." I asked and said. I felt bad when I saw the worry on Shawn's face, but I was too upset and irritated to speak. Shawn nodded, put my passcode into my phone, and called my mom. I put my head back down onto my knees and began to rock back and forth. I felt so bad. He didn't deserve this. He put my mom on speaker as they spoke, and I heard her explain to him that I just needed to be left alone for about half an hour to an hour, that it's because I didn't sleep well last night, and that he did nothing wrong, I just feel like this sometimes.

"Okay, bye." Shawn said, and they hung up. I immediately started to cry as I picked my head up and looked at him.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Shawn. You don't deserve this and you didn't do anything wrong, I promise." I said. He rested his hand on my knee as he looked at me with a gentle and loving look.

"It's okay, it's okay baby, you don't have to apologize. I understand." He said. I kept crying and apologizing, it was like I couldn't stop. When I'm tired, not only do I get irritable, but I also get emotional.

"You, you don't deserve this. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I don't mean to take this out on you. I just feel really, really irritated and I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry." I said.

"It's okay. It's okay my love. What can I do to help you? Your mom said that you like to be alone when you get irritable. Do you want me to go in the other room? I promise you that I won't be offended if you say yes, sweetheart." Shawn said with a small smile. I thought about it for a couple of seconds before I leaned forward and hugged him, and of course he hugged back. I closed my eyes and held him tight as little whimpers escaped my lips and tears escaped my eyes.

"You're so good to me." I whispered in his ear as I tried to get the tears to slow down. He kissed the side of my head.

"You're so good to me too." He whispered back. I pulled away from the hug and patted his side of the bed. I usually want, and need, to be alone when I get irritable, but right now I just wanted to be with Shawn. He understood what I meant and crawled over to his side. He opened up his arms for me to come into and I instantly cuddled myself into his side.

"Shawn?" I asked.

"Yes my love?" He asked as he gently rubbed my back.

"I f-feel more emotional than irritable, and I don't know why, but I feel like I just c-can't stop crying." I said. Shawn held me closer to him.

"I've got you baby girl. Cry as much as you need to, don't hold any of it back, okay? I want you to let all of it out. If you need to cry for two minutes, cry for two minutes. If you need to cry for two hours, cry for two hours." Shawn said. I looked up at him.

"Will you stay with me while I cry?" I asked. Shawn smiled at me as he brushed some stray hair out of my face.

"Of course I will, sweetheart." He said. I smiled at him before thinking of something.

"Can we try something? I don't know if it will help, but there's something that I want to try." I said. Shawn nodded.

"Of course. What is it baby?" He asked.

"Will you, um, will you take your shirt off so I can put my head on your chest please? Maybe having my skin against yours will help me." I explained. Shawn nodded and I sat up so he could take his shirt off. He threw it to the side, moved himself so he was laying down, and then opened his arms up for me again. I was still crying as I laid down with him.

"Come here Y/n baby." He said. I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

"I'm so tired." I said as Shawn began to rub my back soothingly.

"I know, close your eyes and rest my love. I'll be right here when you wake up." Shawn said. I nodded and listened to his breathing and his heartbeat. There was something about having my head on his chest, having my skin on his, that helped me slow my thoughts down, that helped me to breathe. I slowly stopped crying once my head was on his chest.

"I love you." I whispered, already half asleep in his strong arms.

"I love you too. Rest my love." Shawn said back, and then I fell asleep. Shawn is the only one who is able to stay with me and get me to calm down when I'm so irritable, and I'm so grateful for that. I love him so much.