February 2023

I got home from what felt like a long day of work. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I go to class. On Tuesday and Thursday, I go to work. I got engaged to my best friend, the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes last May. I was then on tour with him for the summer, so we were always together. Then, that fall, he had to leave to go back on tour while I stayed home because of school and work. He came home towards the end of December and has been home ever since. In the middle of January, school and work started up again, meaning that for some of the day, I would have to be away from Shawn. I hate being away from him.

"Hey baby girl." Shawn said when I walked in the front door. I smiled at him as he sat on the couch. He paused whatever was on the television as he got up. I kicked my shoes off and put my purse on the stairs that lead up to mine and Shawn's bedroom, the guest bedrooms, a bathroom, and Shawn's office. I looked at Shawn.

"Hey baby boy. Can I have a hug?" I asked. Shawn nodded.

"Of course you can my love." Shawn said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I held him close to me and closed my eyes.

"Your arms are my home. They're my safe haven, and they're my favorite place to be." I said. Shawn kissed my cheek.

"You can always come home to my arms honey." Shawn said.

"Promise?" I asked. Shawn rubbed my back a little bit.

"Of course I promise. Are you okay baby?" Shawn asked as he pulled away from the hug a little. I sighed and placed my hands on his chest.

"I guess that I just feel... I don't know how to describe it." I said. Shawn rubbed my sides. I looked at my engagement ring.

"That's okay honey. Just put it into words as best as you can, and we'll go from there." Shawn said. I nodded.

"I guess that I feel a bit clingy. I just want to be with you right now." I said as I finally looked into Shawn's eyes. He gave me a soft smile, giving me butterflies in my tummy.

"You're with me right now babe." Shawn said.

"No, I mean like, ugh, I don't know." I said.

"Hey, baby, it's just me. It's okay. Just talk to me honey." Shawn said. I nodded.

"It's like, so we got engaged last May, and then I went on tour with you for the summer, so we were basically attached at the hip. But then, in the fall, you had to be on tour and I had to be here at home so I could go to school and work. And then you came home again in December, and we were able to spend a lot of time together because I was on a break from school and work, but now I'm back to school and work, so we're not spending as much time together as I would like to." I said.

"Oh honey, that's okay. Do you want to know why it's okay?" Shawn asked. I nodded my head.

"Yeah." I said. He pulled me closer to him. His arms wrapped around my waist and my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"It's okay, because we wake up in each other's arms, and we fall asleep in each other's arms. You come to me when you're stressed out about school or work or both, and I hope that you never stop coming to me when you're stressed, because, my sweet love, I'm always going to be here for you, and I'm always going to listen to whatever you have to say. I know that we're apart from each other at times, but we always come back to each other, and that's the most important thing." Shawn said. I pulled him in for another hug.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I asked. Shawn kissed my cheek.

"I ask myself what I did to deserve you constantly." Shawn said.

"I feel like I just want to stay in your arms forever." I said as I closed my eyes and Shawn rubbed my back.

"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Shawn asked. I nodded my head against his shoulder.

"Yeah. Wait, I haven't gotten a kiss from you yet." I said. Shawn pulled away from the hug and smiled at me.

"Well, should we fix that?" Shawn asked. I nodded. Shawn put his lips on mine. As our lips moved in perfect synchronization, I felt sparks shoot through my body like fireworks, I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my tummy, and I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon. I pulled away from the kiss.

"Shawn?" I asked.

"Yes Y/n?" He asked.

"Promise me something." I said. He smiled at me.

"Anything. I'll promise you anything, my love." Shawn said.

"Promise me that I'll get all of your kisses for the rest of our lives." I said. His smile widened before he gave me another kiss.

"I promise you that you'll get all of my kisses for the rest of our lives. But, of course, I'll give our kids kisses too." Shawn said. I smiled and nodded.

"That would be so cute. Baby, can we lay down on the couch and cuddle please?" I asked. Shawn nodded.

"Of course we can. We can do anything that you want." Shawn said. I smiled and we laid down on the couch together. I put my head on Shawn's chest and then looked at him. He stroked the back of my head as we smiled at each other.

"I could lay in your arms for the rest of my life and I would be the happiest woman alive." I said. Shawn's smile widened.

"I would love that. I love holding you." Shawn said. I moved myself up a bit and gave him a kiss. I then put my chin on his chest and looked at him.

"You know what I'm excited for?" I asked.

"Our wedding?" He asked.

"Well I'm excited for our wedding too, but I was just thinking about when we have kids. You're going to be such an amazing father Shawn. I can totally see you holding our baby girl or baby boy and singing to them and interacting with them." I said. Shawn smiled.

"Well I'm excited for when we have kids too. You're going to be an absolutely amazing mother Y/n. I can't wait to see your belly grow as your pregnancy progresses and I can't wait to be right next to you when you're giving birth to our little one. Do you know what I see when I look into your eyes?" Shawn asked.

"My eyes?" I teased. Shawn chuckled and shook his head at me.

"I see your eyes, and this is going to sound cheesy, but I also see our whole future together. I see you in a beautiful white wedding dress, looking gorgeous, just like always, and I see you with our kids, I see us growing old together. I see everything when I look into your eyes." Shawn said.

"I love you." I said with a smile.

"I love you too." Shawn said.

"So, when you say that you see me in a white wedding dress, what does the dress look like?" I asked. Shawn shook his head.

"Nope. I don't want to tell you because then, when you go to pick out your wedding dress, you're going to look for a dress like the kind I'm picturing." Shawn said.

"And what's so bad about that? I want you to love the dress." I asked and said.

"My love, I'm going to love whatever dress you choose, I promise. I want you to go wedding dress shopping with your own ideas, not mine." Shawn said. I pouted, causing Shawn to chuckle. I then rested my head on his chest.

"I'm tired." I said as I closed my eyes and Shawn rubbed my back.

"Rest darling. Do you mind if I unpause the tv?" Shawn asked.

"That's fine. I just want to cuddle with my cuddle bunny." I said. Shawn kissed the top of my head.

"Don't worry babe. Your cuddle bunny is right here." Shawn said. I smiled, held him tighter, and eventually drifted off into a slumber. I love Shawn so much, and I can't wait for our future together.