A/n: TRIGGER WARNING!!! MENTIONS OF THOUGHTS OF SELF-HARM SO PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU THINK THAT YOU WILL STRUGGLE WITH IT. Okay, let's begin.

I laid in bed listening to a song on repeat. For some reason it was making me depressed. I was diagnosed with depression many years ago, so this isn't good. I stopped listening to the song and texted my boyfriend of three years, the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes. He's currently on tour. Due to the time difference, it's about ten at night where I am, and about three in the morning where he is.

Me: Please call or Facetime me when you see this. I'm struggling right now and I need to hear your voice and talk to you.

Within minutes my phone rang. I turned on the light next to my bed, answered the call, and then Shawn's face came up on my screen.

"Hey there darling. What's wrong?" He asked.

"Wait, did I wake you up?" I asked.

"It's okay. You're worth losing sleep for and I have the day off." Shawn said. I shook my head.

"No, go back to sleep my love. I'll just talk to you later." I said. He shook his head.

"No. You said that you're struggling right now, and I want to know why my girl is struggling." Shawn said. I sighed.

"Um, I was listening to a song on repeat and now I just feel really sad and depressed." I said.

"What song?" He asked.

"Bury A Friend by Billie Eilish." I said. He nodded.

"Just from the title I'm surprised that you listened to it." He said.

"I mainly just like the rhythm and the beat of it." I said. I then looked over to his side of the bed.

"What are you thinking about darling?" Shawn asked. I looked at him and shook my head.

"It's fine." I said.

"No. You were looking at my side of the bed. What's going through your mind?" Shawn asked. I sighed and looked back over at the empty spot.

"The bed gets so cold and lonely without you. I wish you were here to hold me and kiss me and tell me that everything's going to be okay." I said. Shawn sighed and I looked over at his concerned face.

"Baby, say the word and I'll fly home." Shawn said. I wanted to say the word, but I couldn't. I shook my head and began to cry.

"I can't. I can't do that." I said.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I can't do that to you or your fans or anyone. I'll be okay, baby, I promise." I said.

"Y/n, do you realize what you just said? You said that you will be okay. Not that you are okay, but that you will be. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst it's ever been, how bad is your depression?" Shawn asked. I thought for a moment as I continued to cry.

"I don't know." I said.

"Can you come up with a number for me please?" Shawn asked. I thought for a moment.

"Um, maybe seven or eight." I said. His eyes widened.

"Oh baby. That's a high number." Shawn said.

"Please don't cancel your concerts and fly home. I'm okay. I think that I just need some sleep." I said. Shawn looked at me and sighed before nodding.

"Okay. Sleep well my love. I'll talk to you later." He said.

"I love you." I said and he smiled a little.

"I love you too Y/n. More than anything in this world." Shawn said. We then hung up and I turned off the light and laid back down. I closed my eyes but I couldn't fall asleep.

Shawn's point of view

I hung up with Y/n and got out of bed. I got on some slippers and went down the hall and to my manager Andrew Gertler's room. I knocked on the door and he answered.

"Shawn? It's a little past three in the morning, what are you doing up?" He asked.

"Can I come in?" I asked. He nodded and let me in. I sat down and told him everything that was going on with Y/n and how concerned I was about her mental health.

"So what do you want to do?" He asked.

"I want to cancel the nine concerts that I have left for this month and fly home." I said. Andrew's eyes widened.

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes. I'm very concerned about her right now and there are times when talking over the phone and Facetiming just doesn't cut it. Her depression is bad right now and I need to be with her." I said. Andrew nodded.

"Okay. I'll buy you the next plane ticket back." Andrew said. I thanked him, nodded, and soon went back to my hotel room to get ready for my flight.

Your point of view

I wasn't able to sleep at all when my phone dinged. Shawn had made a post on Instagram. It was a picture of words, and I read them.

"Due to a personal family problem, I will be flying home and cancelling the rest of my concerts for the month. For those of you who bought tickets, they will be refunded, and I apologize. Xx - Shawn." Shawn had written. I began to cry. This was my fault. I felt sad and angry. I had told him specifically not to do this. (A/N: TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NEXT PART.)

I got up and went in the bathroom and sat on the floor. I opened up the cupboards underneath the sink. Shawn's razors were there. I slowly reached for them and held them. I looked at them. Shawn wouldn't want me to do this. He wouldn't want me to cut myself. So I put the razors back and shut the cupboard door. I leaned against the wall and brought my knees to my chest as I sobbed. I don't know how long I stayed like that for, but all of the sudden Shawn was walking into the bathroom. I could tell that he knew my thought process as he sat down.

"Baby, please tell me that you didn't cut yourself." He said. I shook my head.

"I promise, I didn't." I said. He then gently grabbed my arms and rolled up my sleeves. No cuts.

"Can you stand up for me please?" He asked and I nodded as he helped me up. He lifted up my shirt a bit and saw no cuts. "I'm going to pull down your pants a bit so I can check your thighs, okay?" He asked and I nodded as I cried. He checked my thighs and saw that there were no cuts.

"See, I told you that I didn't cut." I said. He held my face in his hands and I could see tears in his eyes.

"How close did you come to cutting babe?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I'm okay." I said.

"No you're not. Please baby, how close did you come to cutting?" He asked, and he cried when I told him that I had even taken the razors out.

"I'm sorry." I said. He shook his head.

"Don't apologize. Can you go sit on the bed and close your eyes please?" He asked. I nodded and did as told. I heard him open the cupboard and then do something. Soon he told me that I could open my eyes again.

"Why did you have me close my eyes?" I asked as he sat on the bed with me.

"Because I don't you to know where I hid the razors." He said. I nodded. Suddenly I felt angry.

"You weren't supposed to come home Shawn! I told you not to do this! Why did you cancel your concerts? Now your fans won't be able to see their idol." I asked and said as I sobbed. Shawn sat next to me and held me.

"Y/n, I don't give a damn about that. Right now the only thing that I give a damn about is you. Baby, when I got home, you sobbing on the floor and you had come extremely close to self-harming. You need me right now." Shawn said. I nodded.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a burden." I said. I couldn't look at Shawn when I said it. I knew that he would look heartbroken and I couldn't bear to see him like that right now.

"Darling, you are in now way, shape, or form, a burden. I love you more than anything in this whole world and I would do anything for you." Shawn said. I nodded. I tried to fall asleep again, but I couldn't, even though Shawn was holding me.

"I love you Shawn." I said. He kissed my forehead.

"I love you too babe. I'm always going to be here for you." Shawn said.

"Thank you." I said, and he kissed my forehead again. Later on, I put my head in his lap as he did a livestream on Instagram. He played with my hair and rubbed my back since my back was to his phone. He told his fans about what had happened, but he didn't tell them about me almost cutting, which I was grateful for.

"Y/n is honestly blaming herself right now, but it's not her fault. She has a chemical imbalance in her brain, that's what depression is. So please guys, I'm begging you, don't send her any hate. With the emotional and mental state that she's in, that would be very bad for her to see. Right now she needs a lot of love." Shawn said. I looked up at him.

"But I didn't do it." I said, referring to almost self-harming. Shawn continued to play with my hair.

"I know that you didn't do it baby, and I'm grateful for that, but you came extremely close to doing that, and that scares the living daylights out of me." Shawn said as he looked at me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." I said.

"I know you didn't honey. It's okay." He said. I nodded and he soon ended the livestream so he could make me lunch. I went up and sat in bed as I waited for my sandwich. I looked at my messages on Instagram, and some of them weren't nice.

Random User: I hate the fact that I won't be able to see Shawn because of you. I hate you so much. I hope that you die.

I screenshot the message so I could send it to Shawn and I looked at some of the others. They all seemed so similar. A lot of people hoped that I would die or something like that. I sent the screenshots to Shawn and he immediately came upstairs and sat on the bed with me. I didn't even look at him. I just stared at the blanket on my lap, but I could feel Shawn's eyes on me. He reached over and interlaced our fingers. His touch sent electricity through me, yet I felt safe and warm at the same time.

"What's going through your mind right now?" Shawn asked. I didn't want to tell him that my depression was making me hate life, so I just shrugged instead.

"I don't know." I said.

"You must know babe. It's your mind. What's going on honey?" Shawn asked. I was silent for a moment as Shawn started at me.

"You're the only good thing in my life." I blurted out. Shawn moved my body so I was facing him, but I refused to look him in the eyes.

"Look at me babe." Shawn said, and I did. My heart broke when I saw his concern for me. "What are you talking about? You have so many good friends and family members that love and care about you." Shawn said. He held my hands in his. I thought for a moment before nodding.

"I do. But you're the most important person in my life. You're the only one that can truly make me the happiest. You're... Shawn, as of right now, you're the only thing that's keeping me going." I said. Shawn began to cry and he held my face in his hands.

"Y/n Y/l/n, don't you dare give up on me. Not now, not ever. I need you just as much as you need me. There are so many reasons why you should live, not just for me, but for yourself too. I love you honey. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Shawn said. I cried as I nodded.

"Okay. I love you too. I won't give up Shawn, I promise. You mean too damn much to me and I could never leave you." I said. Shawn put his lips on mine and we kissed. I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my tummy, I felt sparks shoot through me like fireworks on the Fourth of July, and I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon. Shawn pulled away and peppered my face all over with kisses, causing me to squeal and laugh like crazy.

"There's that gorgeous laugh and gorgeous smile that I love so much. Are you hungry babe?" Shawn asked. I nodded.

"Yeah." I said.

"Okay. Actually, could you hand me your phone please?" He asked. I nodded and gave it to him. He did something and then handed it back.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I deleted those screenshots from your camera roll and then went into your recently deleted and deleted them again. I don't want you looking at any more messages, okay?" He asked and I nodded. Later that day I posted a picture of Shawn with my feet on his lap and he was rubbing them. He was looking at the television and didn't know that I had taken it. His phone soon dinged and he smiled when he read the caption.

"I can't thank this amazing man enough. It's been a hard twenty-four hours, but this hunk of a man came home and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. For those of you who have depression, reach out to the ones you love and talk to them. It helps. I'm so glad that I talked to Shawn about how I was feeling and I love him more than words will ever be able to describe." I wrote. Shawn smiled at me.

"Come here. Come sit on my lap." Shawn said, so I did.

"Shawn baby?" I asked. He kissed my cheek and then rested his head against the side of my face.

"Yes my love?" He asked.

"I know that I was upset with you for coming home at first, but I realize now that it was a good thing that you did. So, thank you for coming home." I said. Shawn kissed my cheek and pulled away a little.

"You're welcome. Anything for you babe. I'm going to marry the crap out of you someday." Shawn said and I giggled.

"So what does that mean? You say 'I do' very aggressively?" I asked teasingly and Shawn threw his head back with laughter. He then shook his head.

"No, it just means that when we get married, it's going to be the best day of our lives." He said. I nodded.

"Well I can't wait for it honey. I want to be married to you so badly. You're my best friend." I said, and Shawn's smile widened.

"You're my best friend too babe. No one knows me better than you do, and no one knows you better than I do." Shawn said.

"That's right. You know everything about me. Even my deepest, darkest secrets." I said. Shawn nodded.

"And you know the same about me. I love you." Shawn said. I smiled at him.

"I love you too." I said. Later on I posted a picture of Shawn and I cuddling. I didn't care about double posting in one day, I just wanted to mention this quote. Shawn read the quote/poem that I had used as a caption.

"There he laid looking at me in a way no one had ever looked at me. My hands were shaking as I explained my knotted past. I will not always be easy to hold onto, for my heart is scattered with thorns. Some nights I will be quiet and he won't know how to pull me from my weeded mine. Some nights I'll forget what he sees in me and lose my balance. Some nights I'll trip over my own feet and apologize for the mess I made. On those nights the one thing that will drag me out of my own labyrinth is that look. No one has ever looked at me quite like that." I wrote. I hadn't originally written the poem, but I couldn't find the original author. Shawn smiled at me.

"That's beautiful babe, and it's very fitting and perfect." Shawn said. I smiled at him. He spent the rest of the month at home with me, and by the time that he had to leave again, my emotional state was better. Shawn called and texted me constantly to check in on me, and I loved him for it. I'm so grateful for him.