A/n: Explicit language in this one! Anyways, please enjoy this imagine. Okay, let's begin!

Shawn's point of view

I sat in my dressing room backstage. Tonight I was going to do my first interview since Y/n ended things with me. I fucked up and cheated on her. After Y/n moved out, I stayed in the house that we had bought together, even though it was originally her aunt and uncle's house. She moved back in with her mom. Very soon after Y/n left, and I was done crying - well for the time I was - I called the girl that I had been sleeping with and ended things with her. Ever since then, I hadn't been intimate with anyone. I loved, and still do love, Y/n more than anything. I don't know why I did what I did.

"Shawn, you ready?" Andrew Gertler, my manager asked me. I nodded.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I said, and soon I was introduced onto the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

"Hey man, how are you?" Jimmy asked as I faked a smile.

"Good, how are you?" I asked.

"Good. So before we get into anything, I just, I remember you being on the show one time and you said to me, on camera, 'I love Y/n, I'm going to marry her someday.' and then you guys got engaged and I was really happy, but then you made an announcement saying that you guys were going your separate ways. I don't mean to pry, but what happened?" Jimmy asked. I sighed.

"Um, yeah there's no in this world like Y/n, and I really do love her more than anything. She's the love of my life and I really don't think that that's ever going to change, but last I heard, which was when things ended, she hated me. And she had, and still does have, every right to. I don't want to go into detail about what happened but I messed up, and I messed up big time. She found out, not even from me, she found out from my best friend, and when I got home she ended things with me. I'm always going to love her, and I think about her all of the time honestly. If I could go back and change what I did, I would in a heartbeat. I don't know if she's going to be watching this or not, but if she does watch this, I'm not asking for her forgiveness, I just want her to know that I'm always going to love her and that I'm always going to hope good things for her." I said, tears coming to my eyes as I said the last sentence.

"Wow, I've never seen you like this. You're pretty broken up." Jimmy said. I nodded as I wiped some tears away and when I spoke, my voice was shaky.

"Well of course I am. Her and I always talked about spending the rest of our lives together and I ruined it. She put her trust into me and I destroyed it. I don't think that we'll ever get back together, but if we did, I don't think that things would ever be the same." I said.

"Well let's go to commercial break and we'll be back in a moment." Jimmy said. I didn't even wait until the guy yelled cut, I just put my head in my hands and sobbed. I heard the guy yell cut and I looked at Jimmy and leaned in so only he could hear me.

"I fucked up so bad. I got drunk and cheated, and then even when I was sober I continued it." I said. His eyes went wide. Soon the interview was over, and I flew back to Massachusetts.

I walked in the door and remembered all of the times that Y/n would come running over to me when I walked in. I stepped into the family room, and remembered her sitting next to me as she watched me play the piano. I stepped into the dining room and remembered us celebrating my Grammy nominations in there. I walked into the kitchen and just through every room in the house, remembering things that had happened with her in each room.

I then went downstairs and grabbed a beer. I sat at the kitchen table - the same one that we had once sat at while excitedly talking about our wedding - and quickly downed the beer. I grabbed another one, and then another one, and then another one, and then I don't even know how many more. I wanted to be numb. I didn't want to remember what I had done. I stumbled across the room and looked at a picture of her and I that I hadn't taken down. I just couldn't bring myself to take them down. I held the photo in my hands and began to sob as I sat down on the couch.

"I want you back." I said to the photo, and then I passed out.

Your point of view

I was barely living anymore, especially after watching Shawn on the Tonight Show. Jimmy could tell that Shawn was upset so he cut to commercial break, but before they could cut away, I watched as Shawn put his head in his hands and begin to sob. It had been three months to the day since I had ended things with him when I got a phone call from a local number.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hi, is this Miss Y/l/n?" Someone asked.

"Yes, may I ask who's calling?" I asked.

"This is Dr. Collins with (local hospital name). I'm sorry to tell you this but your fiancé, Shawn Mendes, is here and you're in his paperwork as an emergency contact." Dr. Collins said.

"What happened?" I asked as I got up and got my shoes on. The hate that I had once had for Shawn was gone. I had been working with my therapist on forgiving him, and somehow I finally did.

"He got extremely drunk and passed out. Someone tried calling him but he didn't answer, so they called 911. We had to pump his stomach." The doctor said.

"Oh my gosh. What room is he in?" I asked as I headed out and got in my car.

"Room 221." He said.

"Okay, I'll be right there." I said and soon hung up. I called my mom while I was on the way there to tell her what's going on.

"Y/n he cheated on you." She said.

"Yes, I know that, I saw the texts, but mom, there's no one that knows me like he does and there's no one that loves me like he does. I've been working with my therapist on forgiving him, and I finally have. I still love him mom. I don't know if him and I will get back together but I at least need to check on him and make sure that he's okay." I explained.

"Okay. I'll see you later." She said, and we soon hung up. I got to the hospital and went straight to his room. It would be my first time seeing him since I had screamed at him and told him that I hated him and left. He was asleep when I walked in, so I just sat down next to his bed and looked at him. He was still the most handsome man that I had ever laid eyes on.

Had he started drinking after I broke up with him? Was he still seeing the girl? What had caused him to drink that much? A whole bunch of thoughts popped into my head as I sat then. Soon his eyes fluttered open and he rubbed his face with his hands. I watched.

"Hey stranger." I said. He looked over at me with wide eyes.

"Y/n? Wait, is this a dream or are you really here?" He asked.

"I'm really here. What happened? Why did I get a phone call saying that you had to come here and get your stomach pumped?" I asked. He sighed.

"After I got back home from Los Angeles, I basically just walked through the house remembering things that you and I had done in every room. I wanted to be numb. I didn't want to remember what I had done to you. So I got a beer, and then another, and then another, and I honestly don't remember how many I had. The last thing I remember..." He said and then sighed and shook his head.

"What? What's the last thing that you remember?" I asked. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at me, and my heart broke again.

"I can't bring myself to take down the pictures of us, so I had looked at one of the photos and said to your picture that I want you back and the next thing that I remember, I woke up here." Shawn said. I nodded.

"Um, are you still seeing the girl?" I asked nervously. He shook his head almost violently.

"No. I ended things with her the day that you left." He said.

"I've um, I've been working with my therapist on forgiving you." I said. His eyes went wide.

"Why? After what I did to you, why would you want to forgive me?" He asked.

"Because if I don't, I'll be living in the past. And it's been hard, but I've finally forgiven you." I admitted. He nodded.

"I'm sorry Y/n. I'm so fucking sorry. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I hate myself for it." He said as he began to cry again.

"Don't hate yourself Shawn." I said.

"But I do hate myself. I ruined your trust in me and I fucked up." Shawn said. I nodded.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Of course. You can ask me anything." He said.

"Was there ever a moment when you stopped loving me?" I asked. His eyes widened.

"No, oh my gosh, no. I've always loved you." He said. I nodded.

"So you looked at the picture and said that you want me back?" I asked. He nodded, not quite meeting my gaze.

"Yeah." He said. I slowly reached my hand out and interlaced our fingers. I felt electricity spark through me yet I felt safe and warm at the same time. Tears formed in my eyes as I began to talk.

"Shawn, I don't hate you anymore. I did. At first I did. But not anymore. I still love you Shawn, I always have. For the longest time I've loved you. And it's you Shawn, it's been you, and it's always going to be you." I said as I took a deep breath.

"What do you mean it's me?" He asked and I suddenly noticed that he was rubbing my hand with his thumb just like he always did when we were together. I kept crying.

"When I see myself having a baby, I picture you as the father, and when I picture myself getting married, it's to you. I can't guarantee you that everything will go back to normal, but if you're up to it, I'd like to go to couples counseling and see if we can work things out." I said. Shawn began to cry again as he nodded.

"Yes. I'll do anything for you. I'll do anything to have you back." He said.

"The trust isn't going to come back right away, and I'm going to be suspicious and cautious at times, but I want us to be together again too and I want to work things out." I said. He nodded.

"I want those things too, and I understand the trust and suspicion thing. I'm just scared that I'm going to lose you again. I don't think that I'd be able to keep going if I lost you again." Shawn said. I held our intertwined hands up.

"I'm right here. I'm right here and we're going to work this out, okay?" I asked. He nodded.

"I've missed you." He said. I kissed his hand.

"I've missed you too." I said.

"Um, does your family hate me?" He asked. I sighed.

"Do you want the truth?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah." He said.

"They hate your guts. So does Grace." I said. Shawn looked sad and he nodded. I stood up and got on the bed with him. I didn't lay down, but I sat on the bed.

"Do you want to lay down? You don't have to if you don't want to." He asked and said.

"I think that I'll just sit here. No more drinking like that." I said. He shook his head.

"No more." He said. Shawn was soon released from the hospital and we went to couples counseling and got back together. No, things were never the same, but we were happy again, and after a little bit, he proposed again, and we got married. I love Shawn, and that will never change.