Janet

About an hour after arriving at the hotel, I'd showered, gotten dressed and double checked my bags for tomorrow's flight. It was always exciting getting to return home and see my Eissa. I couldn't get to him fast enough. Nothing was better than hearing his little foot steps heading in my direction. His little hands, reaching out for me, smiling at his mama. I missed him so much.

I glanced at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

Shawn suddenly invaded my brain. My thoughts turned to the day she left. Even though the relationship we had seemed so far in the distance, I've carried her with me. Always. My heart was racing, I hadn't been this anxious in a very long time. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself.

"Okay here we go." I said.

The Bar

Shawn must have felt me walking up on her right because before I was even within arm's reach, she turned and looked in my direction.

Her smile was still so contagious. We stood there in front of each other for a moment.
She reached out, took my hand and pulled me into a lingering embrace. I didn't want to let go but I pulled away and just gazed at her.

"I'm so happy you came tonight." I said. Shawn pulled out a chair for me. She avoided my eyes. "I've been worried about you. How are you holding up?" I asked. She shrugged.

"I'm good. Life happens right?" She said finally making eye contact. She knew I understood how she was feeling but I couldn't find the right words. Nothing I could say would change anything.

Shawn just gazed at me with a slight smile lining her lips. I did my best not to shy away from her eyes this time.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" I finally asked. She slowly shook her head.

"I'm just so fucking proud of you." She said and reached out to touch my hand. She hesitated, but before she could pull away, I took it and rested it on my lap.

"Thank you. It means to hear you say that." I grazed her soft hand with my thumbs. She smirked and did that sexy thing she does when she licks her lips. I forgot how much it drove me crazy. For a moment the low murmur of the semi busy lobby had faded and it felt like we were the only two people in the room. It was Shawn's turn to be nervous. She laughed nervously and grabbed a menu.

"Should we order something?" She asked breaking the silence. "You must be starving." Just the mention of hunger and my stomach made a low growl that sent us both into laughter. "Never fails." She joked. "Lets get some food." Shawn waved her hand to summon the bar tender.

"Actually, I thought maybe we could go upstairs to my room and have drinks and dinner there. If that's okay with you?"

It didn't sound as forward in my head. After all, I didnt even know what happened with Amelia but Shawn seemed to be enjoying herself either way. I didn't want to over think this. "I just want to be somewhere we can talk. It's a bit noisy down here." I explained.

Shawn nodded. "Okay, I'm cool with that."

After looking over the menu we'd finally decide on French fries, strawberries, mango slices and a couple of bottles of Shawn's favorite red wine.

"I bet that's the most random order she's ever gotten." Shawn joked.

As we headed through the busy lobby a familiar face caught my attention. I pointed. "Isn't that T? Tina!" I called out and waved. I turned to look back at Shawn. She was glaring in Tina's direction.

"Is something wrong?" I asked but she didn't answer me and Tina was now standing right in front of us.

"Hey, I uh, I'm so sorry to pop up like this." Tina said nervously. "I was actually just looking for you guys. Jan I really need to talk to Shawn for just a second." She said. I glanced back and forth between them. Tina reached out to grab Shawn's hand only to have it snatched away from her. Shawn shook her head.

"We're all friends right? Say what you need to say right here." Her entire mood had changed. She was clearly angry. I touched her shoulder.

"Let's all go upstairs please?" I whispered. The last thing we needed was to cause a scene in the middle of the hotel lobby. Shawn glanced at me finally, nodded with clenched jaws as I led the way to my suite.

The elevator couldn't reach the top floor fast enough. Ridiculous music played lightly in the background as I stood between them. Their eyes were focused straight ahead. I could see their reflections in the silver doors in front of us. My stomach ached a little with worry.

We headed for the common area where they both stood silently in the middle of the living room.

"You guys can sit." I said.

"I'm good." Shawn responded. Tina shook her head and I took it as she'd rather stand as well.

"Ooookaay, I'm going to open the wine. Want any?" I asked.

"Yes please." They said in unison and glanced at each other. I grabbed a bottle and walked into the kitchen. Shawn and Tina followed.

The silence was becoming to much for me and I couldn't get the damn bottle open to save my life.

"Let me help you." Shawn offered but one more tug and the cork popped.

I smiled feeling proud of myself, although no one else seemed as impressed. I filled three glasses with a very generous amount, then leaned against the counter and took a sip. Tina looked over at Shawn.

"Why are you looking at me? Amelia must have told you that I know?" She said right before she gulped her entire drink and sat the empty glass back down on the counter. "Are you gonna tell her T or should I?" She asked. My eyes quickly went to Tina.

"Shawn don't do this." Tina pleaded. "We can handle this, this is between us."

"Between us? Are you fucking delirious?" Shawn snapped. I put my hands up for a moment.

"Wait, tell me what?" I asked, feeling uneasy.

Tina looked at me for a moment. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." She said and tried to make her escape. Shawn cut her off before she could get to the door. I stood just a few feet away from them.

"Only cowards run T, she deserves to know the truth." Shawn said pointing back at me. Tina shook her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. Shawn put her hand to her ear and leaned in close to Tina. "Nothing to say? Fine, we'll do it my way then." She said and turned her focus to me. "They played us J."

"Who is they?" I asked.

"Amelia, my loving wife." She said sarcastically. "And former employee of T here. Get this, T paid Amelia to seduce me, she also paid a lot of money for all those pictures and even took some herself." Shawn glared back at Tina. "Wanna guess which ones belong to our friend here?"

I'd heard enough. "No, this can't be true. Amelia must be lying... Tina?" I said, looking at her with tears filling my eyes. "Tell me this is not true."

She hesitantly raised her eyes to meet mine.

"Janet, I'm so sorry." She said. I looked at her with narrowed eyes, slowly backed away from her and took a seat on the couch. My eyes focused on my fidgeting fingers in my lap. I looked at her. "Why would you ever want to hurt me like that T, you're like my family."

She shrugged. "Isn't it obvious? All the built up shit that I carried around with me for so long started from the very beginning Jan."

I closed my eyes for a moment and searched my memories hard for what she could be referring to... I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"Is this about Rene?" I said. "You were upset that he chose me?"

She laughed obnoxiously. "You are Janet fucking Jackson for Christ sake! Of course he chose you, but we were best friends Janet." She glanced at Shawn, who pacing a few feet away from us. "You know that she told me she didn't know what I saw in him. Said he wasn't even that attractive, but I walked in the next day and there she was giggling and all smiles in his face." She said looking at me again.

"Don't talk about me as if I'm not sitting right here." I said defensively. "Tina I was young and I liked the attention. I can admit that." I said standing up to face her. "But I thought we'd moved past that." I asked. Shawn stopped and looked at Tina.

"Wait wait wait..." Shawn said. "Help me understand this. You did all of this over Rene? Having us followed, invading our lives. You tried to ruin her and for fucking WHAT!?" Shawn yelled scaring us both.

Tina drew in a sharp breath. Her face was red as her tears flowing nonstop as she gazed hurtfully at Shawn.

I began to look at Tina more closely this time. The many encounters the three of us began playback my memory bank. It was starting to make sense to me. I shook my head.

"This wasn't about him Shawn. I think it was about you." I said stared curiously at Tina. Her eyes never left Shawn and she began to explain.

"Shawn we met that first day at auditions, I was completely moved by you. You were charming, funny and so fucking gifted. I was instantly drawn to you and if you think back real hard, we really hit it off." Shawn didn't even look like she was breathing. Tina continued. "We'd hung out a few times before rehearsals started." She looked at me. "I met her at a class I was teaching. I really thought it was going somewhere." She said meeting Shawn's gaze again. "Until one day were all sitting around waiting for Jan to arrive. She was coming to meet you guys for the first time. I remember how excited you were. It was all you talked about for days. I was gonna make my move that day. I'd finally talk myself into asking you out a real date." Tina looked at me again. I think I had the part of her story figured out. "Everything changed the second you walked through those doors. I literally saw it happen in her eyes." Tina looked away embarrassed.

"T I didn't know that you were interested in Shawnette." I said defensively. "How could I have known that?"

Tina threw her hands up. "It wouldn't have mattered Janet. It didn't with Rene. The fact that you were already married didn't even stop you from playing with her heart all those years. Even if I would've fought for her attention... look at her." She said pointing at Shawn. Look at the way she looks at you?" My heart was racing as I glanced in Shawn's direction to see that she was already staring back at me. Tina continued. "Even after all this time." Tina shook her head. "It wouldn't have mattered. Her heart belongs to you."

Shawn took a seat on the couch. Her hands covered her face. She shook her head as if she was trying to take it all in. I tried to gain control of the conversation.

"You couldn't told me how you felt. I've always listened to you. I always hear you out." I said starting to cry.

"Thats bullshit Jan and you know that. How many times did my words go through one ear and out the other? Besides, you were an adult. It was time you learned from your mistakes." She said. I glared at her.

"And I suppose you thought you'd be the person to teach me that lesson? So quick to judge me. What about you T? You had a husband too but you still did all this over someone else." I said walking around the coffee table that separated us. She shook her head.

"I love my husband and I loved him then. I've never stepped outside of my marriage and wouldn't for anyone. I only wanted to protect Shawn." She said. "Who do you think she cried to all of those years?" I glanced at Shawn. She couldn't look at me. Tina continued. "I didn't care that we didn't end up together. I'd gained an amazing friendship and it was excruciating watching you hurt her. You don't know just how bad it got for her at times. I held her when she cried while you remained unbothered."

"Look I get it, I was kind of an asshole in the past and that you were trying to "protect" her but to go as far as you did?" I said standing closer to her. I wanted to see her eyes. "T you hurt me. You embarrassed and exposed me. And what about Shawn? Did you think about how much this all might affect her? You can even begin to understand what this feels like." I said as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Why didn't you just talk to me, call me out on my shit?"

"Because I was far beyond talking about it Jan." She said. "That girl I was before dwelled on the jealousy and it fueled the anger inside me creating this monster." She lost her breath for a moment. "I wish that I could take it all back. You both are very important to me. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday." She said and looked at Shawn. She still hadn't said a word. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

After not getting a response from Shawn or myself, Tina threw in the towel and hung her head in defeat. "I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused. Please believe me when I say that I love you both so much." She said. "I'm sorry if I ruined your night. I'll let myself out." Tina turned and headed for the door.