Shawn

Walking away from Janet was hard but it was what I felt needed to be done. There was never a day that passed that I didn't regret my choice to leave.

I saw her once a few years after I had moved. It was an industry party that I was sure she'd never go to but I had forgotten all about JD. They walked in hand and hand. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

I finally talked myself into approaching her to say hi, but as soon as I was within reach Jermaine grabbed her up, bringing a flock of people with him making it hard to even get within feet of her. So I stayed in my corner and tried to remain hidden. It was hard seeing her with him, but she looked happy. She was glowing. It was all I needed to see.

My love for her never stopped and neither did my support for her art. It somehow made me feel like I was still close to her. Anyone who knows Janet knows that all her emotions and feelings are in the words she sings. So I kept listening. Her music is how I felt her and I hoped deep down inside, she could feel me too.

As more time past, things got easier. I continued my work as a choreographer and opened my dance studio and finally I was able to allow myself to fall in love again. So imagine how it felt after 17 years to receive a text from Gil, in the middle of the night while laying in bed with my wife.

She was not excited about the idea of my working so closely with Janet again, considering our long history, but after a very long talk, we came to an agreement. I would attend the concert, so I could see all of my old friends but I wasn't going to stay for any later festivities. I gave it a lot of thought and I was good with it.

The Concert

The arena was packed. A third row seat had my adrenaline pumping and the energy in the room was nothing short of amazing. I gazed around at the many different faces, some that I'd probably seen before. As the show began the crowd erupted.

So many memories began flood trough me as I looked on in awe. It was becoming a bit overwhelming and I felt tears swell in my eyes. I'd missed out on a lot when I left. But I quickly put those thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoyed the show.

Gil had been taking pictures and videos from the base of the stage near the front row. I hadn't noticed until I heard my name being yelled. I turned to see him reaching for me, waving me in his direction. I laughed and shook my head.

"So much for being discrete." I said as all the other dancers began to surround me, showering me with hugs and kisses. They all took up most of the section of seats just feet away from me.

Gil had me join him on the other side of the barrier away from everyone else during intermission.

"You came!" He yelled, kissing my cheek.

"You know I wouldn't miss a chance to see you beautiful." I said, gazed at him and smiled. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

"You told me to take it and run. This is all thanks to you."

"Nah babe, this is you!" I said hugging him tight.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Joey standing behind me with his arms folded.

"You can't be on this side if you don't have a pass." He said.

"Awe Joey come on, its Shawn." Gil said.

I put my hands up. "Gil it's okay, he's right. I'll see you after the show." I said and turned to walk away. Joey grabbed my arm, I stopped and faced him. He took the pass from around his neck and put it around mine.

"I feel like I owe you one." He said and waved Gil and myself up the stairs on the side of the stage. I stood on the tips of my toes and hugged him.

"Thanks Joey." I said and took Gil's hand as he lead me backstage.

"We gotta hurry, everyone is about to go on. Remember what happened the last time you made me late." He joked. I cut my eyes at him and laughed.

We met up with everyone just in time to join the huddle. I stood back away from them. I could hear Janet's voice but I could not see her. As everyone walked on to the stage, the crowd went crazy.

There she was.

She was talking to Gil and stopped mid sentence and just gazed at me. She began to walk in my direction almost taking the guy adjusting her mic with her. Gil grabbed her arm.

"Not now Dunk, we have to go." Janet glanced at him with sad eyes and then at me. Without saying a word she ran back on to the stage, Gil right behind her.

I stayed at stage-side for the song but returned to my seat shortly after.

There were a few times Janet's eyes seemed to almost search the crowd for me but deep down I knew I just wanted to stand out in the crowd. As people began leaving their seats, I could hear Joey yelling my name and I meet him just at the front row.

"Gil wanted me to give you this." He handed me a room key. "He says its important and that he needs to talk to you before you leave."

"Do you what about?" I asked curiously.

"Something about helping him with a dance to a new song."

"Oh yeah? I'm there then. Tell him I'll head there now." I turned to walk away, only for him to grab my arm. I turned and looked at him. He smiled, pulled me into a bear hug and then stepped back and cleared his throat.

"It was good to see you." He said. I smiled,

"You too Joey." I said.

The Hotel

The key was in a tiny envelope with the room info on it.

I did an entire 360, looking around this room in amazement. It was nothing like the rooms we used to have back in the day. "Damn, kid's come is crazy." I said to myself and took a seat.

After checking my phone three times I was starting to think he'd been held up at the venue. I waited another five minute and decided to just shoot him a text until I heard the door open.

"It's about time Kid, I've only been waiting for ever." I said and glanced up to see Janet staring back at me. She looked just as surprised as I was. Our phones vibrated simultaneously.

Gil: Please don't be mad 💚 I did it because I love you, both of you.

That was all the he'd said. We glanced at each other and like magnets we ran meeting in the middle for a long over due hug.

"God I forgot how good your hugs feel. You always hug like you never want to let go." I said.

"Because I don't." She said and laid her head against my shoulder.

Janet

It wasn't a lie, I didn't want her to let go but she did slowly and took a few steps back. We gazed at each other, smiled and looked away.

I cleared my throat. "Can I get you something to drink? I only have water."

"Sure, thank you." She said and smiled.

I grabbed waters and sat down next to her. I took a sip from mine and glanced at her. She was already staring back.

"What?" I asked.

"How is it possible that you look the same age as when I left."

"Oh stop." I said and laughed.

"I'm serious and you're a mom now. How is that?"

"Amazing, he's absolutely perfect." I said. "I'm eager to know what you thought of the show."

"Oh my gosh, it made me wish I was up there. The dancers were amazing and Gil is doing such a great job." She said.

"Isn't he? I'm so lucky to have him."

"But you J," She said. "I'm still your number one fan."

"Then why haven't you come to see me?" I asked, regretting my question. To me the answer had been obvious. She didn't want to see me. Shawn got up and pulled her wallet out of her pocket.

She began sitting what looked like ticket stubs on the table. They we're a bit worn but still could be read.

"Shawn are these..."

"I didn't miss a single concert." She said and sat back down. "They are all there. I've always believed in you and that something that will never change."

I handed her to stubs and return them back for safe keep. "I wish you would have at least said hi."

"And distract you and screw with your focus.
I couldn't do that to you." She said. "Beside you were with someone and I wasn't for a long time. There no telling what I would have done back then if I'd had a chance to be alone with you." She said.

"You're not afraid to be alone with me now?" I asked.

She looked into my eyes. "I'm terrified." She said, I knew she was being serious and there was an obvious shift in the rooms energy.

Change the subject Janet. I said to myself.

"So tell me how are things for you? Not steal dealing with that one girl are you?" I snapped my fingers a few times jokingly as I pretended to forget her name. Shawn cut her eyes at and smiled.

"Amelia, her name is Amelia." She said.

"Oh right yes, what ever happened to Ms. Amelia?" I asked.

"I married her." She said and looked down at her hand. I can't believe I hadn't noticed the ring on her finger. My face felt hot with embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry Shawn," I said. I'd totally put my foot in my mouth.

"No, J it's fine. You had no way of knowing." She said. "Speaking of which, I really should get going. It's late and I promised I wouldn't be out all night."

"Oh, yeah Of course," I nodded. "I'll uh, walk you out." I said and walked her to the door were we stood in silence for just a moment. She brushed a strand of hair from my face and smiled.

"You have no idea, how wonderful it is to see you." She said. I blinked a few times feeling myself becoming emotional. "Come here." She said and hugged one more time before leaving.

I sudden didn't feel in the mood to go out any more but I couldn't let everyone down. There was a knock on the door and I ran to answer it.

"Shawn?" I said.

"Nope, just your friendly neighbor queer boy." Gil said and smiled as he walked in. "You're not ready yet? Everyone is waiting downstairs and starving."

"Give me a sec to throw something on." I said. He followed me into the room. I could see him staring at me from the mirror. "What?"

"Bitch don't make me gag it out of you, what did you guys talk about?" He said.

"Nothing, we just caught up. It was nice." I said brushing my hair into a messy bun.

"Nice? Bitch you two could've burned that stadium down the way you looked at each other tonight. What happened." He said.

I turned to face him.

"She's married." I said. "To Amelia."

"Oh, damn."

"Yeah." I said and was quiet for a moment. "I guess, I just. I don't know what I thought was going to happen." I glanced at myself again in the mirror. "I don't know what I was thinking." I said and I turned to face him. "Alright, now lets go eat our feelings." I said and smiled.

"I thought you'd never ask."