SOTW
Rhythm Nation
Reunion

Janet

It's been nearly seventeen years since I watched her leave in that cab. It still replays in my mind just as fresh as it did that night. I've never stopped thinking about Shawn.

Months had passed and I figured time part apart would give a chance to get our thoughts together. When I got off the plane at LAX my first stop on the way home was to see her. I showed up at her door step and was greeted a by kid who had no clue who I was, luckily. Shawn had moved without saying a word to anyone.

It was like she just disappeared.

Months became years. I fought myself constantly over filing the paperwork with my lawyers for the advance she was given. If it had been anyone else... I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Then one day a letter with no return address showed up on my doorstep. Once inside I sat my things down and opened it. There was a check signed to me and a letter.

Janet,

You'll never understand just how hard it was to walk away from you. As much as I want to say, me leaving was about you, it wasn't J. It was about me. This should cover everything I owe. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it back to you. Thank you, for everything. I am forever grateful...  for you have changed my life in every way possible. l'll always love you.

Shawn

For weeks, I came home, are read that letter and cried alone in my room. I still have that letter to this day.

After sometime to myself I played with the idea of giving love a try again. Jermaine and I had become pretty serious. Although it was difficult to allow myself to let go, once I did fall for him, his insecurities got the best of him. I will never understand it. I wrote songs about him, wore his initials on my navel and proved my love and devotion time and time again. It was never enough. I got tired of trying to convince him that he was the only one I wanted and it eventually tore us apart.

A few mishaps in my career left me feeling exposed and targeted, and rightfully so. There was a lot to gain at my expense and it left me feeling wounded. No matter how much I tried to apologize and explain what happened, the damage was done.

The thing that worried me the most was that when I picked up my pen and paper to write, I just didn't have anything to say. Inspiration seemed so far in the distance but I couldn't lose my drive if I tried. It's in my blood.

Soon after that we lost my brother. I want to say that I was shocked and surprised but I'd worried for a long time that I may receive that call one day. It didn't hurt any less.

After I got the news, I walked into the restroom sat on the edge of the tub and rocked as I held myself. My phone rang in my hand, it was Tina. I wasn't going to answer, but I knew she'd just heard.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey." It was Shawn's voice on the other end of the phone. "J I know I'm probably the last person you wanted to hear from right now," She got quiet. I could hear her began to get choked up on her words. "I uh, I just had to... I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Michael."

I burst into tears. She sat with me on the Tina's cell phone for over an hour and just let me vent and cry. Then we said goodbye again.

The loss was great and the greed for my brothers money made being around anyone else almost unbearable. My family was at each other's throats. Michael's children were growing up without their father. They were just angry and frustrated as the adults as they began to lash out, leading the release of private moment between Paris and myself.

Families argue and none of us are perfect and knew how to deal with such a great loss not only to us but the world. There were some very dark times and although things got easier, losing Mike will forever break my heart.

But happiness found it's way to me again. When I began to fall for Wissam, for the first time I wasn't afraid to give my heart away. Wissam and I were happy but cultural and religious differences made it very difficult for us to agree on a lot of things. I was willing to change and make sacrifices. His beliefs however wouldn't allow him to do the same.

Because of these things I saw a side of him that I didn't know he had. In the beginning he was gentle and kind. The more comfortable he became around me, the more he showed me, the more I realized that he wasn't the man I'd fallen in love with. He wasn't the man I'd married.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. My confidence was at an all time low and now my body was starting to change. There had been a miracle growing inside of me and I had no idea, until a mild case of dehydration called for a trip to the hospital.

Baby Eissa was on his way.

I was forced to end my tour before it was even complete. It was devastating but being pregnant at that age came with risks. My fans were disappointed and some were very vocal about it made them feel. I didn't my best to explain in hopes that they would understand. As far as Wissam and I were concerned, were over before Eissa was born.

My baby arrived, strong and healthy and so was I. I've heard motherhood changes you. It give you strength you didn't even know you had. Well I knew that strength was in me, but my son, my Eissa, helped me find my way back to it.

Life since he came, has been nothing short of amazing. The world was calling and I was hearing it loud and clear. I was destined for greatness. It was time to help the rest of the world remember that.

A few changes to my show and a brand new tour name and I was ready to remind the world what my name is...

Two days before "throwback kid" rehearsals
(Janet's Hotel Room)

I looked over at Gil as he played in the make up Preston had left on my dresser. "Will you stop touching that. Preston is gonna kill you if you keep touching his stuff." I said.

"Bitch I run him, he don't run me." He said looking over his shoulder at the door making sure Preston wasn't near.

"Uh huh... come look at this. It's the final list of all OG kids, plus the J-tribe that will be at rehearsals." I said handing him the piece of paper. He quietly looked over the list of names, held the paper at his side and looked at me.

He smacked his lips. "You can't have a reunion and not invite her Dunk." He said and threw the piece of paper on my bed.

"What do you expect me to say to her Gil? Hey I know that I completely shattered your heart 17 years ago but... wanna come dance with me?"

"Yes!" He said. "What's wrong with that?"

"I can't. It's been too long." I said and fell back against the bed. I looked towards the door. "I miss Eissa." I said. "The best part of my day is hearing his little foot steps all around the house. While he sings his RaRa song." I said.

Gil snatched the list up again. "I know damn well... How the hell Tish make the list but Shawn didn't?"

I smacked his arm. "Stop, that was along time ago and she was 18 Gil. Just a girl. Now she a mother and doing very well. We've talked about it and it was squashed a long time ago."

"I'm just saying." He pulled me up by my arms to meet his gaze. "You know you want to see her." He said and smiled, making me smile to.

I walked over to the mirror and looked back at myself. "It's been so long, we not the people we used to be." Gil hugged me from behind.

"You're beautiful so stop that." He said, as I cradled his arms around my waist. "Can I please invite her? I'll send it now. That's gives her a couple of days to decide what she wants to do."

"Why do you want her there so bad?"

"Because her place is on the stage with the rest of us Janet." He said.

I nodded. "Okay." I said finally giving in.

"Okay? Really? I'm so relieved you said that." He said letting me go and jumping onto my bed. "Because I sent her a text as soon as I saw she wasn't on the list." He said and smiled.

I just looked at him and shook my head as I jumped on the bed next to him. "You saw her a few years ago right? For the Mike Andrews tribute."

"Yeah, it was the first time we'd talked since she left." He said up in the bed and pulled his knees into his chest. "I was upset with her. She cut me off too when she left. When Mike Andrews passed away, Tyce had this great idea to all meet at the studio, just the kids and do a dance just for him. I didn't even know she was coming until she walked through the door." Tears swell in his eyes and he wiped it away with his sleeve. I touched his hand as he continued. "That bitch was just as chocolaty delicious as I remember, with her cute ass. They ain't bullshitting when they say black don't crack girl." He said and laughed. "She walked right up to me, passing everyone else in the room and picked me up into her arms." I smiled, wishing I could've been there. "Anyway, Mike's  favorite song was That's The Way Love Goes, and that was the song we chose."

It was my turn to blink away tears as I remember his face,smile and his sweet spirit.
"I wish I could've been there."

"Do you want to see it?" Gil asked. "I can

just pull it up on YouTube."

"Yes, please."

Gil pulled out his phone, went to his saved videos and pressed play.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

It was beautiful and most importantly, it was for Mike.

Seeing Shawn in the video was a bit bizarre. I did my best to look the other way when it came to her. I didn't follow her career but I knew that she was doing well. I didn't know much about her personal life and I stayed away from her on social media a much as I could. Not to be misunderstood with not caring, I just knew it would do more harm than good, because not a day went by that I didn't miss her.

Gil got ready to head to his room. Everyone was come in a day early to spend time together and catch up.

He glanced at me before leaving. "As soon as I get a response, you'll be the first to know."

I nodded. "Okay. Thank you and sleep good babe. Love you Gil."

"You too, and I love you more." He said and closed the door.

My mind of course went to Shawn. Curiously I searched her name to find anything I could but I got lost on a trail of old memories. There were so many pictures and videos. It was amazing to see us so young and having the time of our lives.

We looked amazing together. We were amazing together. I drew in a sharp breath as that familiar aching became hard to ignore between my legs.

"Okay," I said aloud to myself. "You're acting like a horny teenager. Calm yourself." I forced myself to put my phone away so that I could try to get some kind of sleep.

It buzzed just as I sat it down. It was a screen shot of texts between Gil and Shawnette.

Gil: So she won't be able to participate in the reunion. She is teaching classes during the rehearsals, I promised her I'd leave her a ticket in her name. I guess we'll just have to see if she shows up.