Shawn
(2 weeks into the tour)

I sobbed loudly into a towel in the dressing room alone as I listened to the roar of the crowd calling Janet's name. People were knocking at the door and rushing me but I couldn't pull myself together. The door flew open and Gil walked in.

"Shawn, look at you." He said dabbing my eyes trying to make the make up look somewhat decent. "We have to go."

"I just need a second." I said sniffling through my words.

"Babe we don't have a second, we need to go now." He said and grabbed me by the hand as we ran towards the stage.

Gil and I were noticeably late to our marks, late enough for even the crowd to see. I knew we were in trouble. Janet didn't make eye contact not once while we're on that stage, but she never seem to anymore anyway.

Our friendship was no longer existed. We didn't talk unless it was about business and even that was becoming difficult at times. She was the boss and I didn't argue.

I was surrounded by so many people every single day but felt more alone now than I had in a very long time. Anyone who has ever been in her circle knows that there is nothing more lonely than now being on the outside of that very circle.

I love the work I do but it was becoming a task. I found myself not wanting to get up and go do the one thing I loved more than... her. My love had become tainted and no matter how hard I tried to make myself not want her, not a day passed that I didn't wish she was still mine.

But that wasn't enough to change my stubborn mind. She hurt me. Toyed with my emotions and when she was done living her life, she just expected me to be there when she was ready. So my mind was made.

The show had come to an end and we all left the stage. It was the first time, I'd been surrounding by that much energy and felt absolutely nothing. My fellow dancers were laughing and singing all around me and I seemed to miss it all.

There dressing room door flew open and Janet walked in. The room fell silent.

"Everyone out." She said calmly. "Except you two." She said pointing  to Gil and myself.

Everyone wasted no time doing as told and as the last person crossed the threshold, she closed the three of us inside. I braced myself.

"Dunk let me explain." Gil began.

"Explain Gil?" She interrupted. "We have been busting our asses for months getting ready for this tour. There is no excuse why you weren't on your mark when that music began!" She said raising her voice just a little. "Stay ready..."

"So you don't have to get ready." He finished. Tears were filling his eyes quickly.

"I expect better from you. You are to never let anything," she said as she glanced at me, "Or anyone distract you ever again." She said, Gil nodded. She touched his face and kissed his cheek as tears fell. She walked him to the door. "I need to speak with Shawn alone." She said and he joined the others outside of the room.

Janet and I were alone for the first time in months. I could barely look at her. She was clearly mad and she should be.

"What happened out there tonight Shawnette?" She asked.

"I'm just having a rough night and if Gil wouldn't have come to check on me he wouldn't have been late to the stagehands ." I said with tears filling my eyes all over again. "I promise that it won't happen again." I assured her. Janet just looked at her. Her had become softer than they were before.

"Shawn maybe I put too much on your plate with this tour." She said. "I have to ask you to take a step back and were going to let Gil, run things until you can get your focus back where it needs to be."

I raised my eyes to meet hers finally. That is when I realized there was no fight left in me. Not for her, not even for this. So I nodded my head and said okay.

She seemed surprised by my
reaction and rightfully so, I was definitely in a bad place and I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold on.

"I won't mess up again." I finally responded, turned my back to her and began gathering my things.

Janet left the room without saying another word to me. Gil was the last to return to the room, where I sat and waited for him.

He quietly entered and began packing up his bag.

"Congratulations kid." I said. "I knew one day you'd be stealing my job." I said, jokingly, but it was the wrong joke at the wrong time. He turned to face me, his cheeks red with tears streaming down his face. "Gil, come here." I said pulling him into my arms.

"I'm so sorry." He said over and over.

"Hey stop that. There is nothing to be sorry for. I messed up and I'm sorry for getting us in trouble." I hugged him tighter.

"What if I can't handle it?" He said. It blew my mind, he was always so confident. I met his gaze and took his face into my hands.

"Are you kidding me. You are one of the most gifted dancers I've ever seen. And this is your time. Im gonna step back and let you shine. Fucking run with it and don't you look back." I meet his gaze. "You were made for this. You understand me?" He smiled and nodded. "I'm tired as hell, let's go toast to your promotion and take our ass to bed." We grabbed our bags, I threw my arm over his shoulder and just gazed at him.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm just so damn proud of you baby brother." I said and kissed him.

As we walked through the halls, heading for the bus, we passed the open door to Janet's dressing room. A quick glance inside stopped me in my tracks. They didn't even noticed us standing there.

Janet and Jermaine both stood in front of her chair, where his daughter was sitting.

"It so nice to meet you. I love your hair." She said and smiled.

"She just had to come back here and meet the pretty singing lady on the stage. Thank you for letting me bring her back here." He said.

Janet gazed at him and smiled. "Of course. I love kids." She said.

Joey was standing in the room and noticed us first. He quickly walked towards the door. Gil stepped inside.

"Hey Janet, sorry for barging in on you like this, we just wanted to come by again and tell you how sorry we were for what happened tonight."

"Gil you guys have to go." Joey said.

"No, Joey, it's fine." Janet said and glanced at me.

"Yeah, it was weighing heavy on me. I didn't represent you very well tonight and with that being said, I think that Gil should take over from here on out."

She stepped towards me. "Shawn, this was suppose to just be temporary. You work so hard for this."

"I know and he was right there with me, every step of the way. From here on, I'm just one of the kids." I said and glanced at Jermaine. "How rude of us. I'm Shawn by the way. This is Gil, Janet's best friend." We both shook his hand and greeted his beautiful, well behaved baby girl. "We'll leave you guys to it." I said and took Gil by the hand.

"Shawn, I'll see you back at the hotel?" Janet called out to me.

"I'll have crashed before you get there. I'll see you in the morning." I assured her and closed the door behind us.

Janet

Saying that I had been worried about Shawn, would be an understatement. My thoughts were consumed by her and everything we'd gone through in the years we'd known each other. I let my head fall into my hands. I needed to see her.

There was just something about the way she was tonight... something just didn't seem right. I know that it's all because of me. I find myself wishing that we could go back and try again, but I knew it's not what she wanted. She no longer trusted me.

Most of the time I was so worried about her feelings that I didn't deal with my own, I just filled my time with other things and conversations with other people.

Jermaine had become that other person. No, we weren't together but he was nice to talk to and we were beginning to speak more often.

I had no clue he would even be at my show tonight and when my staff told me his daughter wanted to meet me, I just couldn't say no. It was a nice surprise and his daughter bright and very sweet. It reminded me of how I use to say that I wanted a family of my own.

To rest of the night seemed to be a blur, except seeing Shawn standing in the door way. Seeing her face when she walked away was hard to get out of my brain.

The car stopped and I realized we'd pulled up to the hotel. My bags were taken up for me and I decided to head straight for Shawn's room. I know she said she'd be sleeping but I wanted to talk to her.

As I stood in front of her door, I raised a hesitant hand and took a deep breath. My heart started to beat fast as nerves struck me hard.

I knocked. No answer. I knocked again, harder this time. Still nothing.

Gil was just a floor down and I tried his room next. The door opened and a sleepily Gil peeked his head out.

"Dunk? Everything okay?" He asked.

"Is Shawn here with you? Tonight was weird and I just really want to talk to her."

"No, we came back, got a drink at the bar then went to our rooms to sleep." He said, as he the open the and ran to grab his shoes and a shirt.
"Come on with them lil dainty hands, she probably didn't hear you knocking. Bitch sleep like she dead sometimes." He said as we headed towards the elevator.

We banged at her door but there was still no answer.

"Maybe she went back to the bar for another drink." I suggested.

"She had a rough night, that makes sense." Gil agreed.

We headed down stairs and checked the bar but there was still no sign of her. I was starting to get worried.

"I'm going to call her." I said and pulled out my phone.

"Is that her?" Gil said, pointing toward the hotel doors. I looked up and there she was waking to the doors with her bags. "The fuck is she going?" Gil said.

"Stay here." I said as I quickly made my way towards her. I caught up to her once we were outside. Her back was to me as I approached her.

"Now who's running?" I heard myself say. She glanced at me over her shoulder.

"I learned from the best." She said, just as a cab pulled up. The driver took her bag and put them in the trunk. I walked around and stood in front of her.

"You're under contract. You know you can't just walk out on this tour like this." I said.

She finally met my gaze. "So sue me." She said and opened the cab door.

"I chose you! I was willing to risk everything for you!" I screamed, not caring who heard me. Gil grabbed me from behind.

"Babe you're drawing a crowd." He said.

"Yeah it only took you half my life to realize that I was standing right in front of you. I'm tired of sending you fucking smoke signals that you see when you want to!" She said as she got into the car. I grabbed the door before she could close it.

"I'm asking you again. Please. Gil said to ask you again." I said as she gazed at me. We're both crying. "Shawn," I said, taking her hand. "Baby please, don't leave. We can work this out, please just stay and fight with me."

She pulled her hand away from me, gazed at me and shook her head. "I gotta go." She said and as I took a few steps back, she closed the door and the cab pulled away.

Shawn was gone.