Shawn

How did I get here? I thought to myself as I sat just inches away from Amelia and her mother. The chatter in the room was just as loud and distracting as the thoughts running through my mind. I thought about my conversation with Janet from the night before.

Earlier

"J I'm not doing this okay, I just don't feel right about it." I said, pacing back and forth, frustrated at the fact that she would even suggest such a thing.

"Do you really want to break up with her like this? While we're touring? You said it yourself, that it needed to be done when we return home. Face to face."

"I know what I said, but going out with her and her mother? I'm leading her on. You know where my heart is but I care about her feelings too." I shook my head. "I don't think that I can do this." I flopped down hard on the couch and rested my head in my hands. "I don't want to hurt her J. She's a good person."

Janet took a seat next to me. "Baby this is already done. It was done before it even started. I do feel bad for the role that I've played in this and I know that eventually I will need to have my own conversation with her and apologize." Guilt lined her eyes and she turned to look at me again. "Do you have a better solution?"

Janet slept over in my room that night. The next day was our last full day in Chicago and although everyone wanted to paint the town, staying inside and out of the snowy weather seemed like a better idea.

My mind wouldn't allow me to sleep that night. I laid awake for hours and still had no clue what I was going to do. I got out of bed, careful not to wake Janet.

I paced for a moment, talking to myself quietly, looking through pictures in my phone and rereading text messages that Amelia and I had shared. I was looking through memories, searching for an answer until I realized none of it mattered. I was looking for something that wasn't there.

Going out with Amelia and her mother was definitely not the right thing to do but Janet had a point and if I didn't go, she would definitely know that something was wrong.

So I sent a text to Amelia.

Me: I would love to have dinner with you and your mom, just tell me when and where.

The waiter brought our drinks out and sat them down in front of us. The clinking glasses pulled me out of my head. Twenty minutes into dinner and I hadn't said much. Amelia took a sip from her glass and touched my hand. Her mother smiled.

"Is this your first time in Chicago Shawnette?" Olivia asked. "You should let Amelia show you around someday. This place holds a lot of hidden gems underneath all the grime." She said and smiled.

My stomach was in knots and I felt as if I was more awkward than normal. "I uh, I have actually, on the last tour. We didn't get to sight see then either because of bad weather." I said.

"Awe well thats unfortunate. Well you'll have to make a plan for another visit. You two can stay at our house and sleep in Amelia's old bedroom. Its still exactly how she left it."

"Mom?" Amelia said as her face turned a light shade of pink.

"I've embarrassed her." She said and stood up. "Will you excuse me, I need to use the restroom. Amelia if the waiter comes, will you order for me dear?"

"Gotcha mom!" She said as we watched Olivia walk away.

I'm sure how I was feeling was all over my face. I was horrible at hiding it. She could tell something was wrong. "Baby are you okay?"

That was it. I couldn't do it. "Amelia there is something that I need to tell." I said. She just looked at me.

"I'm starving. Are you ready order?" She asked and then waved for the waiter's attention. I just gazed at her in confusion. She had completely ignored me. The waiter took her order and looked at me. My appetite was nonexistent at this point and I politely declined. "Are you really not going to eat anything babe?" She said looking through the menu again. "I'm sure they have something that you might like."

"I'm not hungry." I said as she continued thumbing through the pages, suggesting things from the menu. "Will you stop for just a second." I said and took the menu from her hands.

She threw her hands up in frustration. "Shawnette please." She said raising her voice as she gazed at me with tears swelling in her eyes. "Can we just have a good night? I haven't been able to see or talk to you and I just really want to enjoy this night before you have to leave again." She said as a tears escaped her eyes.

Olivia was walking back towards the table. Amelia wiped her eyes and smiled. Olivia looked at her. "You okay baby?"

"Yeah, just something in my eyes. I'm going to rinse some cool water into it. Be back in a sec." Amelia said as she stood up and quickly headed for restroom, leaving me and her mother alone. Again my poker face failed as her mother gave me a strange look.

"I'm going to go check on her. Excuse me." I said and left the table.

The woman's restroom was intimate, having only about fours stalls. I walked in to see Amelia standing at the sink, eyes focused on the running water in front of her. She glazed up, seeing my reflection in the mirror.

My phone chimed in my pocket. I took it out and glanced at it.

Janet: Where are you?

I quickly stuffed it back into my pocket. I glanced at Amelia to see her staring back at me.

An overwhelming sense of guilt came over me. I felt sick. She slowly approached me and embraced me. My eyes were filling with tears as she caressed the back of my head. I lifted my head and looked at her as tears started to fall.

"Baby, don't cry." She said touching my face and leaned in to kiss me. I took a few steps back putting some space between us. "Shawn please don't be this way with me." She said.

"I'm still love her." I said finally. She took a few steps back from me and was silent for a moment.

"You know," She finally said. "I didn't know how I would react once I heard you say it out loud." She said as she got closer to me and leaned her head against my chest. "Gendarme." She said taking a few steps back. "Expensive.
It's hard to miss and it lingers, I can still smell her on you." She said and turned away from me.

"Amelia I'm sorry."

"Did you ever love me?" She asked as tears began to fall.

I nodded. "Of course I love you."

"Just not like you love her?" She said, sounding completely defeated. "Shawn, she doesn't love you the way I do. You're chasing a fucking wet dream, when the love you have been searching for in her, is staring you right in the face." She said with tears streaming down her face. She headed for the bathroom door.

"Amelia wait." I said following her. She stopped and quickly turned to face me.

"Wait? I'm not like you Shawn. I'm not going to keep sitting around waiting for something that will never happen. Besides you're doing enough waiting for the both of us." She opened the door.

My phone chimed again but this time Amelia reaches and took from my pocket.

"Amelia please give me my phone." I asked she read the text out loud.

"Where are you Shawn, I'm getting worried baby, please call me." She said.

Amelia raised her hand and threw the phone across the restroom. I flinched as it hit the wall, broke and fell to the floor in pieces. She opened the door and slammed it shut, leaving me standing alone.

After retrieving all the scattered pieces of what was left of my phone, I returned to an empty table full of untouched food. I paid the bill, tipped the waiter and headed back to the hotel on foot.

Janet

My mind was racing as I reached for my phone again. Still no response from Shawn. I was becoming extremely worried. I glanced away from my phone and at Gil.

He had moved all the furniture out of the way and was practicing on a dance step that he swears he missed on stage the night before.

"Gil, you're hitting it right on time, every single time."

"I need to make sure because I was so embarrassed Dunk. I'm sure people noticed." He stopped for a second, long enough to notice the stress on my face. "Still nothing from Shawn?"

"Nothing, and she has been gone for hours." I said pulling my knees close to my chest.

"Well let's go find her." He said. "Let's get bundled up look around a bit."

"And when we find them, then what?"

"Then we declare Shawn as ours and leave those bitches in the dust."

I laughed as he started counting himself down again to dance. "As much as I love your enthusiasm, let's check her room again first." I said.

I opened the door and Shawn standing on the other side. She didn't say a word she just walked in and kissed me. 

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Because I love you." She said.

"Are you okay?" I asked, touching her cold cheek.

"I am now." She said and pulled me into an embrace. "I am exactly where I want to be."

I smiled and laid my head against her shoulder. "Me too."

Shawn looked over at Gil and pointed.  "See now that's dedication. I see you're practicing on that step you missed last night."

"See! Ugh!" He said and threw himself in the couch. "Just fire me now!" He yelled.

"Chill lady, I heard your loud mouth ass talking about it in the hall abefore I knocked on the door." Shawn said and started laughing.

Gil sat up and smacked his lips. "I still missed it though."

"No you didn't. I came in too early. I got to you a few beats too fast and thats what confused you. You were flawless last night."

He put his hands to his chest. "Oh thank god, you need to be practicing then bitch." He said and screamed as I performed an impressive trust fall in his direction.

He and I put all the furniture back where it belonged and Janet and I walked him to the door. He hugged us disappeared down the hallway. Shawn closed the door and then joined me on the couch. We looked at each other and smiled.

"Where'd you go?" I asked curiously.

"I followed your horrible advice and had dinner with Amelia and her mother." She said.

"Shit, how did it go?"

"I told her, that I was in love with you." Shawn said. I looked at her for a moment.

"How did she take it?"

She stood up and began pulling broken pieces of plastic from her pockets and sat them all the table. I realized it was her phone.

"That well huh?" She said and smiled slightly.

"You text with perfect timing." She joked.

We stayed awake and talked until the sun began to rise. Shawn fell asleep in my arms right before it peeked over the horizon. The rays of light kissed her face perfectly as I lay holding her in my arms. Life was good again.