Shawn

The car ride with Gil was quiet for the first time ever. I glanced at him occasionally but he just kept his eyes forward and focused on the road.

"I feel like this is my fault Gil." I said breaking the silence finally.

"What happened last night?" He said, glancing at me briefly.

"I saw him, in the crowd. He was wasted Gil." I said. "We exchanged some words back and forth and I lost my temper." I let my head fall into my hands.

"Don't be to hard on yourself. You can't take all the blame for this, but you know that everything we do reflects her. Now she has to figure out how to explain this." He said as we pulled into Janet's driveway.

We knocked and rang the door bell many times with no answer. Gil walked around back and to the front again. He threw his hands up.

"I'm getting really worried Shawn?" He said beginning to get himself worked up.

"Babe, please be calm." I said. "Think harder, where else could she go?" I watched as he paced back and forth for a second.

"Oh!" He said snapping his fingers. "The beach house! It's the only other place I can think of. "Tish is staying there. Janet could be there with her."

"It's worth a try." I said.

Another hour and a half in traffic and making a detour off-road, I could see the beach house in the distance.

It had been along time since I had been there. We had a lot of crazy memories in that house. Right after the Janet Tour came to an end, Janet decided that she and Rene needed a new start. She originally planned to sell the home, but when Tish decided to quit dancing and finish school, Janet kept it and let her stay. She also paid for her college education, in full.

"That's Tish's Jeep right there." Gil said and parked beside it. We got out and walked around to the front of the house. The quiet was eerie. The only sounds that could be heard was from the ocean.

"I'd forgotten how big this is." I said as we walked up the steps. Gil knocked on the door. Still nothing.

"Tish you here girl?" He said, knocking louder. I looked through the windows and pointed.

"I think I just saw somebody." I said.

"Fuck this." Gil said and went in to his bag. He held up a set of keys and shook them. "Dunk gave me keys too." He opened the door.

The house was completely trashed. We stepped on broken glass as we walked inside. Tish was crying and packing her bags. Gil and I looked at each other.

"What happened?" I asked. She didn't say anything . She just kept walking past us. "Tish, stop." I said and grabbed her shoulders. "What happened here?"

She threw the clothes in her hands onto the floor and sat down against the bed. She was quiet for a moment as she calmed herself. Tish looked at me. Her eyes were blood shot and swollen.

"I fucked up Shawn." She said in a  raspy low tone. Gil looked at me, I could see his mind wandering. He looked angry before she could even speak.

"Fucked up how?" I asked.

"Janet caught me with Rene this morning." She said.

Gil was definitely pissed. "You trifling bitch. I hope Damita decked your mother fucking ass." Gil said standing over her, pointing his finger. I held my hand up at him and he folded his arms. "Fuck this bitch!" He said and rolled his eyes.

"Tish why would you do this?" I asked. "After everything she's done for you?" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know. With all of you guys working all the time and school. I guess I got lonely. He came over late last night. We'd both been drinking and it just kind of happened."

I shook my head and stood up. "Do you know where Janet might have gone?" I asked.

"I don't know. We were asleep in bed when she came into the room and then it was chaos from there. It all happened so fast and then she was gone. I tried to say I was sorry. I never wanted to hurt her." She said as she began to sob.

"Cry me a river bitch." Gil scoffed. "Let's get the fuck outta here, there ain't shit here but trash." He said as we turned and walked away.

I could hear her cries outside as we headed for the car. I didn't feel sorry for her at all. She had brought this on herself. Janet had taken that girl out of a bad situation and gave her something to live for. She'd literally changed Tish's life.

I looked over at Gil. He was crying. I hooked my arm in to his as we walked and opened the passenger door for him. "Why don't you let me drive for a while." I said and he nodded and we got in to the car. He looked at me.

"I knew Shawn." He said.

"About them?" I asked. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't have any proof. It was just a feeling but I didn't want to be the one to bring any drama to Janet's life. She has enough to worry about and you know how she feels about Tish. She was like a little sister for her. She loves her." He said. "She must be devastated."

"We'll find her." I said.

We stopped at a few places, trying restaurants and clothing stores. Anywhere we thought she could be, we looked but there was still no luck.

After a couple of hours, I felt like we didn't have any other choice but to turn back. Gil looked at me as we pulled up to my place.

"Where the fuck is she?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know babe, but we have been driving around for a long time and we have a flight to catch in a few hours." I touched his hand. "She will not miss this flight. You know how important this tour is to her. She's not letting anything get in the way of that. Not even Rene and Tish."

"You're right." He said and nodded. "She has a key to my place. She might be there."

I kissed his cheek and he climbed into the drivers seat. "Thanks for the lift. You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah after I kick Dunk's ass for making me worry." He smiled slightly.

"Let me know if you hear anything. Be safe, see you at the airport."

As I approached my door, I tried Janet on my cell phone again. It rang for a while and just as I was about to give up and disconnect...

"Hello?" She answered.

"J?" I said completely caught off guard. "Where are you? We have been worried sick about you?" I said, sticking my key in the door. I turned the key and the door opened. Janet was standing on the other side.

Our eyes met and she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. My heart was breaking for her as she cried uncontrollably while I held her. "It's okay, I got you. I'm here J." I said, trying to be reassuring as she held onto me tightly. "Let's get you inside."

I quickly got my bags together and sat them by the door as Janet watched me in silence. After being able to settle down, I finally got the chance to really look at her.

"You look like you haven't slept."

"I've been having trouble sleeping lately." She said.

"While we were looking for you, Gil and I saw Tish. She told us that you caught them together."

Janet glanced at me. "Stupid bitch... in my beach house." She said. "Can you believe them? Can you believe her? That's why I don't extend myself. That's why I don't trust people." She said." I don't even know how long it was going on." Janet covered her face with her hands. I kneeled in front of her and embraced her. She looked at me. "What did he say to you?" She asked.

"Who?"

"Rene, what did he say to you, to make you so angry at him last night?"

I gazed at her for a moment but my attention was pulled away by a knock at the door. I glanced back at her and decided to answered her.

"He called me pathetic and said that even if I have your heart, I will always be just a another one of your secrets."

"Is that what you believe Shawn?"

"It doesn't matter anymore J." I said and walked over to answer the door.

Amelia was smiling back at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me.

"I'm so glad I didn't miss you. I would've been devastated baby." She said as we walked inside.

Janet waved with a slight smile, trying to save face but Amelia could tell she'd been crying. She looked at me and pulled me off to the side.. "I'm sorry if I came at a bad time, I could step out and let you guys finish talking." She whispered.

"No, I'm glad you came. I would've been sad if I didn't see you before I left." I smiled. "I missed your face." I said and stroked her cheek.

Janet stood up and cleared her throat. "I uh, I'm gonna just leave you girls to it. Shawn, I'll see you at the airport." She said and walked towards the door.

"Janet wait, I assumed we would ride together." I said walking over to her.

"I already have a cab waiting downstairs. We can meet at the gates." She said, looked at Amelia and smiled. "It was nice to see you again Amelia. Have a great night." She said and quickly walked out of the door.

Amelia touched my face and brought my attention back to her. "Is she doing okay?" She asked. I just shook my head.

"I don't know. I can't even began to explain to you everything that she had gone through. Even if I wanted to tell you..."

"I know baby, I know her life is off limits. I understand the power that kind of information can hold." She said and touched my face. "Are you doing okay?"

"I will be. We all will be, once we hit that stage." I said.

She smiled. "You guys are going to be amazing. I will definitely be home to watch the HBO special. I can't wait to see you on that stage." She said and pulled me close.

I'm not sure why, but the thought her watching made me nervous. I looked over at the clock. "Shit babe, I need to call a cab. Traffic to LAX is going to be a bitch." I walked over to the counter to grab my phone.

"Let me take you." She said.

"Are you sure, you're literally going to be driving though hell and back." I joked.

"I'd do anything for you." She said. I walked right up to her and kissed her, passionately. She looked at me. "I know this is so stupid to say, and I might regret it as soon as it come out of my mouth but -"

"I love you Amelia." I said.