Janet

Gil climbed in the bed next to me and shook his head in frustration. "What do you expect her to do Dunk? Sit around here and wait for you while you work on your marriage? That shit is just crazy." He scoffed, pursing his lips. "You celebrities I swear."

"Excuse you, you know that I am not like that at all." I was hurt by what he said. "Of course that's not what I want. You know me better than that."

He sat up and crossed his legs in the bed. "Do I? Because as I've said before, this sounds like a classic case of wanting your cake and eating it too. She is getting tired of this Janet."

I threw myself back against my bed and gazed at the ceiling. I shook my head, angry at the tears swelling in my eyes. "You guys just don't understand what it's like for me. You can go where you want, date who you want, divorce who you want. People are always watching me, waiting for one little slip up. My parents are just trying to protect me and my image."

He rested his head back on my stomach and glanced at me. "Are they protecting you or keeping you in a box? You have all this money and people are still telling your grown ass how to live your life?"

"Who do you think sent Rebbie and LaToya to me in the first place? Mother suggested that we go to marriage counseling, so we're seeing someone tomorrow."

Gil sat up and looked down at me. "Fuck all this shit girl. What is it that you want Dunk?"

"It doesn't matter what I want."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That's bullshit and you know it. We are human and humans make mistakes but staying with this man doesn't seem like the smartest choice to make. He could hurt you again... or worse Janet."

"You don't think people can change Gil?" I asked.

He hesitated before he spoke. "I'm sorry babe but his trigger finger says no."

His words took my breath away, and I glanced over to the very spot where it happened. I took Gil's hand and kissed it. I sat up next to him, pushed my hair behind my ears and looked at him. "He'll come for my money, you know that right?."

He laid his head against my shoulder. "Then that bitch will be in for the fight of his life."

My thoughts wandered to Shawn. "They're cute together huh, Shawnette and Amelia." I said resting my head against his.

"I was trying to look but your ass yanked me behind the damn curtain." He said, smacking his lips. "But from what I saw from before, yeah," Gil nodded. "They seem to be into each other." He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "Can I say something without you getting offended?"

"I'm a little scared but go on." I said.

"I think that you need to really sit back and think about how you feel about her."

I looked at him. I didn't know how to feel about what he'd said. "What are you trying to say?"

"Fuck it, I'm just gonna say it, I don't think you're in love with her." The words left his lips so fast, if I hadn't been paying attention, I could've  missed it.

I got out of the bed and started to walk away. "Whatever! I'm not gonna do this with you too Gil."  I headed for the bedroom door. He followed and stood in front of me.

"You need to be honest about this is all I'm saying."

"I love her. Okay? I do!" I was so angry with him.

"Well then what is stopping you?"

"It's a fantasy life Gil." I snapped. "That kind of love, it only lasts for a little while and then it fades." She covered her face as tears streamed down her cheeks. "He doesn't look at you the same and starts to compliment you less. You two could be sitting in a room together and he doesn't even notice you anymore. I rather not get my hopes up again."

"You're scared." He concluded. It seemed to finally all make sense to him. "She is not him Janet. You should be running towards her not away from this."

I put my hand up and shook my head, sniffling through my words. "It doesn't matter now." I reclaimed my seat on the bed. "Maybe you and Rebbie were right from the beginning." I shrugged and wiped my face. "I can't keep doing this to her. It's not fair." I nodded and looked at him. "I don't want to stand in her way anymore. This has been nothing but a distraction and our first show is near. I need to focus. She needs to focus."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

I never answered him. Of course it wasn't what I wanted. After everything I've been through, I don't know but maybe I have become damaged. What I do know, is that I can't get in the way of her happiness for my own selfish reasons."

Gil and I settled down for the night. He agreed to sleep on the couch in my room with me. It was still very uncomfortable sleeping there alone. While he sat up on his phone, I laid in the bed doing a very poor job of keeping Shawn off my mind.

Her smile flashed before my eyes. I smiled realizing that it was contagious through a memory. I wanted so badly to see her. To smell her. I closed my eyes remembering what it felt like to be close to her. All of these thoughts of her and I couldn't help but wonder was she thinking of me too?

Shawn

Amelia watched me quietly as I stared at the plate of food in front of me, swirling around a piece of noodle on my fork.

"If you don't like the food, we can go out for dinner." She said.

I glanced away from my plate. "I'm sorry, I just don't have much of an appetite right now."

"Okay well, if you'd like I could clean this up. Then I can go set up our movie and we can have some wine, chocolate and strawberries." She smiled. "How does that sound?"

She was absolutely adorable. I smiled and nodded. "Yeah that sounds good actually. I'll be quick." I said and walked into my room.

As I turned to walk out the closet, I turned to see Amelia sitting on the bed. She just gazed at me, worry in her eyes. The look on her face made me sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Is this about Janet?" She asked. Her question was so blunt and direct that I didn't speak right away. "Look, I'm not a fool Shawn. I know that you still have feelings for her. You and I have been spending a lot time together and it has been amazing. But today something is different and I feel like it's because you saw her." She stood up and walked over to me. "Shawnette whem we first met, I just wanted to have fun and even though it was disappointing it was easy to let go. But that day in the coffee shop was no coincidence and I'm no longer here because I want to have fun. I like you and I feel a connection with you. I need to know that you are here for this, because if you're not. I need to know sooner rather than get my heart broken later." She paused for a moment. "You don't have to answer right now, I just needed to tell you how I was fee-"

I kissed her softly and she melted in to my arms. "This is where I want to be." I said and looked at her. "I'm sorry about tonight. The truth is, it was hard to see her today and I'm sorry for bringing that energy home with me. I'm moving from all of those things and so is she. It was just a weird first day."

She smiled and everything seemed okay again. "Can we start over?" She said sweetly. "You go shower and wash away this stressful day and I will get us all set up for the movie okay?"

I nodded and kissed her.

The shower was heaven and my aching muscles were more than thankful. The water poured over my head and I finally allowed myself to relax. My mind was clear just for a moment.

I walked back into the kitchen where she stood at the sink, drying dishes. I smiled watching her for a moment. She must have felt my gaze because she looked back and smiled at me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked.

"I just think you're super dope that's all."

"Dope huh?" She giggled, dried her hands and lead to me to the living room.

She smiled. "I know that you said you didn't have much of an appetite but I figured, maybe I can tempt  you."

"Definitely. This is very sweet. Thank you."

We laid back in the couch, just the two of and started our romcom marathon. It was nice just being with her. We laughed, sharing sweet kisses and feeding each other strawberries.

Just as we started the second movie, my phone began to vibrate. "Can you pass me that sweetie?"

Amelia reached for the phone and handed it to me. There was a text from Gil.

Gil: You and Janet need to talk. I know she decided to work things out with Rene but I gotta tell you, I don't think it's what she really wants.

Me: I'm done talking about this.

Gil: I'm serious Shawn, there are some things I think you need to hear.

Me: I'm serious too. I appreciate you trying to help but I'm done.

Gil: Okay just know that unfinished business like this is a recipe for disaster.

Me: I'm sure... night Gil💚

Looking away from my phone. I glanced down at Amelia. She laid stretched out with her head rested in my lap. Her eyes were closed as she breathed lightly. I brushed the hair from her face and smiled.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Like clock work thoughts of Janet came to my mind. I looked back at Gil's messages. Biting my lip, I started a curious message.

Me: Do you think that she ever loved me? Don't lie.

Gil: I know she does. She's just scared Shawn.

Me: Scared... that's funny. You know I was scared too Gil. I was afraid of losing her. I'm still afraid of losing her.

Me: And I just feel so fucking stupid because she has never been afraid of losing me.

Me: I don't want to be scared anymore. So for once, please spare me.