Once Jax leaves the room, I do one more finally look around the room before heading to my fathers's room.

I quickly arrive outside his door and twist the door knob to open the door to see my father sitting down on a wooden chair near the side of his bed, reading a golf magazine. Just seeing that upsets me, he used to hate reading magazines and golf even more. He really is gone, isn't he?

"Hello fath-" I will cut myself off before I say something that will make him angry and confused again. "I mean, hello Liam." I say faking a smile to mask my sadness.

"Oh!" My father bellows startled. He looked up looking for the source of the greeting only to come upon me waiting at the door holding the handle ready to take flight at any time. "Come in and hello..." he trailed off.

He couldn't remember my name.

That hurts like a bullet to the head.

"Crystal. My name is Crystal." I mutter pretending to smile softly when all I actually felt like doing was breaking down.

"Ah, yes." he said chuckling slightly. "The drunk girl who thought that I was her dead father."

"Oh yes, sorry abut that." I say faking a laugh.

"It is fine really. You were just drunk and confused." he said waving his hand dismissively, as if he was trying to wave the conversation away.

When he was brought back to therapy, he was still frantic and angry about the fact that I told him that I was his daughter, so to help him calm down, I came up with a lie. I told him that I was drunk and that it was the day of my dad's funeral and since he looked like my father, I thought that he was my dead dad.

Aunt Tina wasn't so sure about the lie until I told her that it was the truth. My dad did die. He is gone, and I will never get him back. Even though he is still alive, he might as well be dead because he, the things that made my dad my dad, are now gone, and always will be.

And I was drunk. Drunk of all the emotions firing up inside of me. Drunk and tired of life. Drunk of all the overbearing hate I had accustomed for the world, for the people in it, for life itself. So technically, I never did lie.

When I told Aunt Tina this, she shut right up.

I looked at my father across the room. His blue eyes that used to be cold and filled with torment and despair is now filled with confusion. It is almost as if he has a veil over his eyes concealing his true emotions from sight. He is now detached from himself. He is detached from who he really is. And most importantly he is detached wholly from me.

"So how has your day been?" I question interested on how he has been coping since the last time I saw him which was a week ago. I had to wait at least a week for him to calm down and to deal with the situation first before going to see him, just so I wouldn't make things worse for him.

"Good. You?" He asked.

"Good." I say lying straight through my teeth.

"Well, isn't that just dandy." He says laughing.

I look at my fath-, I mean Liam, and wonder what went wrong. How has this once amazing man come to this. Someone who could not even remember that they had a daughter. I know that it was my fault, but even I know that I wasn't the trigger.

I didn't make him fall. Yes I pushed him closer to the edge and made him tip, but what actually made him fall headfirst into the depths of utter despair?