Odessa

The next time I regain consciousness I can't help but feel the sudden urge to scream. The imploding pain alerts my rigid body that everything is not okay. Dying would be easier than handling any of this.

I lie on the cold hard floor of the familiar prison cell with no IV drip or monitors. It is just me in the enclosed space with the creeping sunlight that enters through the prison cell door and the small barred window up at the top right corner

It is rather comforting to be left alone for a change, rather than feel guarded every waking hour. Being alone keeps me grounded; it's just me and my thoughts. In my head I am still Odessa Blackthorn, but out here in the wilderness, I am nothing, and I won't let them take that away from me.

A cold breeze makes its way through the small open space and unexpectedly, I start shivering. Pressing my hands together for some kind of heat, my right thumb rubs across my left palm in a calming sensation. My left hand is incapable of the slightest motion without the sudden surge of pain.

I move my legs up close to my chest and start shuffling towards the door as it's sturdy wooden structure doesn't hurt my back as much as the stone walls.

Once I manage to press my back up against the wall, I let out a gust of air from my nostrils. I don't know how long I've been in here or what time of day it is. Usually back home, I would always know the time. I felt it was a blanket of security. But now, the infinite suffocates me as every second could be a minute or every minute could just be a second.

Once again, I confine myself in a cocoon to ward off the coldness. My teeth chatter as the hospital gown they have left me in does nothing for warmth. I can't feel my toes anymore. Whenever I try to twitch, nothing but numbness overpowers my nerves. I blow countless deep puffs of air into my shaking hands before I start to feel warmth in my hands.

To my alarm, I hear a loud thud against the door which causes me to jump.

"Keep it down in there!" a dry rough voice shouts. "We all don't want to hear your breathing." He gives one last thud to indicate his presence, which causes the room to shake and something else to feel the force of his pounding.

A cracking side of a mirror echoes throughout the space. Dazed and unsure if my infected wounds are acting up on me, I scrounge around the floor, hoping for a glimpse of something to insure that I am not going crazy. In the top right corner, a small mirror broken in half sits up staring back at me.

Gingerly I put the two pieces together and place it in front of me.

I am startled to see a face glaring back at me that is purpler than any other colour. My nose is a new shape entirely; my eye is swollen black while my head is misshaped with all the inflicted bumps. Between the wallops given by their commander my entire skin is grey tinged with red bloody blotches. On each arm there are great purple welts that will only deepen over the coming weeks- If I manage to stay alive for that long. Still to this day I try to recall what has lead to this, how was it I ended up here in this state.

My last memory before I ended up here was Nicolai on top of me with his hands wrapped around my neck, his expression so disturbing I don't think it will ever leave my mind.

On impulse I reach to touch the bandage that is wrapped around the right side of my face with padding placed over my covered eye. I trail my bruised fingers over the warm and bloody bandage again and again until I feel the need to finally remove it.

Placing a hand gingerly behind my hair, I find a small safety pin, which I eventually unclip with struggle. Once the pin is removed the bandaging is let loose and falls down at the back. I fight against my nerves to slowly let my fingers clasp around the thick bandage to gently let it down. So many images conjure up in my mind of alternate appearances or even nothing left damaged underneath; just a cruel joke they played to wrack my troubled mine.

Once I am left with a single piece covering my face, I take in a deep breath before I prepare myself for what is about to face me. But as I let go of the bandage I instantly regret my decision.

Standing before me is a girl with fiery red hair and a disfigured face; but not just any mark- a rather surgically and radically inflicted scare ran from the top of my forehead to the end of my jaw

The scar lay fresh and new against my grotesque skin. The jagged line runs down from my forehead across my eye and down to my cheek. I can tell it is new because the skin on its edges has not started to curl up, with some pink flesh still showing through, and some fresh blood still running down the corner of my mouth, which I clean with the quick flick of my tongue. Its broad size and many cross ridges betrays the truth that what a deep and ghastly wound it is, and the lack of care it was given in the first place.

But the worst part is when I look to search for something that will indicate that my face that use to be on the cover of glossy magazines will remain intact and beautiful, a stark large indicator of my worst fears comes to life. They have removed my eye.

My noble beautiful face has been reduced to something out of a horror story.

I did not expect the noise when it comes out of my mouth, but I manage to compose myself immediately. I cannot let them hear me.

My worst fears come to life when the door is swung open and two men rush into the room carrying weapons.

"We told you to stay quiet!" Is all I can hear as I try to control my wails.

I can't process anything else as I can't undo the images that are now embedded thickly in my troubled mind. The ghastly image of the monster I have become. As the image is played over and played again, that's when a forceful loud thump hits the back of my head and I instantly black out.

I hear voices and sounds tumble together around my head as I look up to see where I am currently located. My vision blurs to see arrays of dark and white dots as I hear a man and a woman argue.

" I can't go through with this. You know this is not safe," the woman's sharp voice rails against the orders she is given. Judging by my stay, it could be Icarus.

"Isolde, we need to do this" As I guessed, Icarus has formability in his voice. "It's either this or we all face the consequences for our actions"

The woman speaks more sternly this time as she says, "This girl has already suffered enough. I can't let you do this. As the second in command I object to your ruling."

"Fine" His reply is so quick and straightforward. "But just think about what we're risking if we don't go ahead with the plan"

There is moment to and fro their positions as the woman edges closer to me, this time her voice much more gentle than previous. "Hello Odessa, we haven't met before but I'm Isolde, head Doctor of the Infirmary."

As I regain my sight, I stare back at a tall woman and what stands out immediately is her skin. Symmetrical patches of white parts cover her deep dark skin all over her body while her coffee brown eyes shine through, showing sincere gentleness I've only ever seen from Alexander.

"Before you ask, it's Vitiligo. Basically my body doesn't produce melanin properly," she stares down at my wide eyed expression. I never questioned her condition; in fact, it didn't take me by surprise. Instead I am surprised to see her act so kind and gentle in a place like this, a place full of violence and fear. She is the sudden ray of sunshine in a thunder storm.

I can't help but let the words slip out of my quivering lips. "Will I have this forever?"

Immediately she knows what I am talking about. "Yes, I'm afraid so. We tried our best but the cut was so deep we had no choice."

Surprisingly, I am calm and collective. "It's alright. I know you were trying to help."

She turns towards a bucket and water tap at the corner of the spacious tent and fills the bucket with water. She grabs a small bottle and lifts me up to a sitting position.

"I must warn you, this will hurt" she says as lifts up my leg and unwraps my bandages. She then opens the bottle cap and white salt grains are sprinkled over my wound. Seconds later she places a wet cloth from the bucket onto my wound.

The water envelops me as closely as my own skin. Every new sore sting with the salt being washed in, but it is the only way to avoid infection. I wince as it swirls without mercy, penetrating to the cells that should be protected by smooth skin by lie open and raw. After the initial surge of pain it ebbs and I can't help but wince.

"You must be missing your family." She says so quietly at first I thought I misheard her. I can only nod as my throat is closed in. "Yes, I am." I finally let out. "I'd love to be home"

"But what Nicolai did to you, are you still technically married?" She speaks so lightly, trying to step over the cautious subject. I look down at my bare finger and say, "Yes I still am, and besides I have his child..." It only dawns on me now that this has been the first time I ever mentioned it. I've been so caught up with my own thoughts, I never took heed of the what the consequences have on the child I bare.

Isolde stops patting the cloth of my wounds and stares up at me. Her eyes indicate sombre, perhaps even fear.

"What is it?" I ask, straightening my back and even placing a hand on my stomach. "Is something wrong?"

She places the damp cloth back in the bucket and places it back beside the tap. Gathering her own thoughts, she scans over a large medical table laid with various sized scalpels and medicine. She reaches for a clipboard and then walks back to me.

"Odessa," she starts, not daring to look directly at me. "There is something you should know."

My stomach twists in knots as I dare to think of the possibilities of what exactly she will say to me, right now in this tent.

"When you were unconscious, I ran some routine checkups to check if everything was in order with your baby and," she gazes back at me, facing her fear of telling me, "it seems Odessa you were never pregnant."

As I gather my thoughts, I am not upset. Instead I feel relief.

"So, the pregnancy test was false?"

"I'm afraid so, you did not have any signs, I checked over and over again but I'm afraid the records show that you were never pregnant in the first place."

But as she says her condolences, I can recall Nicolai and the Report, of what he said and how he reacted, and the reality hits hard like a slap across the slap. Nicolai had this planned all along.

I cannot say anything to Isolde before someone else walks in through the open flap. Alder stares at me with hesitation before looking at Isolde.

"Isolde, Icarus needs a word with you," is all he says before leaving. My heart pangs just knowing that even though he tried to help me stay alive, he cannot look at me like he use to in those nights long ago. If only things were like back then.

"Excuse me." Isolde gets up and walks out of the tent with stride and I am left alone to contemplate my thoughts. A shiver runs down as I remove my hand from my stomach. There is nothing there to feel fear over and nothing there to love. Instead of just the two of us to feud ourselves out here I am left alone.

Shortly after her departure, Isolde returns carrying two small bottles in her hands.

"Icarus came back from the market with new medicine for your recovery." She weakly smiles while her eyes show exhaustion. From what I previously overheard it seems their little argument has already died down.

"It's not like he cares anyways" I can't help but bitterly remark. "He wants me dead, they all do."

"Now that's not true." Her voice is more firm as she unscrews the capsule. "I don't want you dead, I would like you very much alive Odessa Blackthorn."

She grabs a flask and comes back to the bed, handing me two large red capsules. She doesn't say anything as she hands over the flask. I take it and place the two pills on the tip of my tongue while my cracked lips absorb the cool liquid.

Isolde doesn't say anything furthermore as she takes the flask from my hand and walks away to the table.

The pain that once burned like fire has faded away to an icy numbness. Black fills the edges of my vision and the only thing I can hear is my own heartbeat. My breath comes in ragged, shallow gasps. Seconds pass as I lay there and then that's when I hear voices. People swarm all over me, pulling at my limbs like animals. I feel the sudden urge to scream but my entire body is plunged in weight that suffocates me as I can't control of what is happening.

I close my eyes as my fragile human heart beatsone last time before darkness swallows me up. 

Whoop, I am on a roll tonight! I love these days off and I can focus on my writing! I can't wait to write the next few chapters!!! I'm so excited! The next chapter will feature a drunk James and Barnes! Be prepared for unexpected twist and turns! :D