James

A ghastly smell of strong bleach, antibacterial serum and nicotine lingers throughout the spacious room.

The hospital room is as devoid of beauty as I am of hope. Its walls are simply cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There is no decoration at all save the limp curtain that separate each bed from each other. The curtain is a pale green that reminds me of spring time- the times when I would be out in the gardens with the others sipping ice cold lemon tea and watching the youngster play. But now the hue is insipid, just like our happy memories together.

The room has its usual stands for intravenous drips and monitors. At the door are dispensers for rubber gloves, hand sanitizer and soap. The palace private hospital has often been used to treat guard's injuries or help with mother's delivery, but so far that's it. From time to time though, they have treated our needs, like the time Herald fell off his horse and broke his wrist, but that has been it.

At the far end the windows are brown with metal frames, which can only be opened at the top. As I step forward, I am surprised to see him sitting on the windowsill, smoking a cigarette while staring out at the gardens.

Edging closer, I can see grotesque bruising that are beginning to fade in various colours, along with deep cuts that seem to have started the process of adding away. With a couple of stitches here and there, he looks the image of someone broken.

He doesn't take heed of me as he concentrates on the cigarette in his hand. His parted lips inhale and exhale the thick smoke in an intriguing way I've ever seen before; but then again I haven't seen a lot of people smoke except for Father and the odd time my uncles did pay a visit. Nicolai's mundane cigarettes seem indulging. The thin roll lures me into a puff of strange satisfaction I yearn for.

I now stand a foot away from him at the curtain railing before I announce my presence.

With my cough he jerks and nearly falls off the windowsill. "Jesus" is all I hear him mutter. His chest rises and falls rapidly as he tries to adjust to the fact I am actually standing before him. He pushes back his shoulders and sigh, trying to act cool and defenceless.

"Oh, it's just you"

I can't help but snigger. "Who else did you expect?" and then I stop, noticing his large pupils staring back at me.

Awkwardly I ruffle my hair while conjuring something decent to say. "....so how have you've been?"

I know it's a foolish question, but it's a lot better than pounding his face in with the metal chair.

Thankfully he gets a kick out of my question and after a puff or two more of his alight cigarette, he replies "I would be alright if I wasn't here in the first place"

We both let out audible fake laughs before once again there is silence. Alarmingly, he gestures for me to pull out the metal chair that hides away in the corner.

Only now do I notice his left arm is in a sling as I position myself across from him. He now turns full frontal at me, blowing out his stale breaths.

Before I can swallow the excess saliva that has formed in my mouth he outputs solemnly. "I know why you're here James"

I can't even express an opinion as he adds, "I knew straight away you'd stride in after General Barnes to confront me, to make me out to be the big bad wolf as you both hunt for clues in the mysterious disappearance of my darling wife"

I shudder as his honeyed voice emphasis on the word 'wife'.

"-But sadly I must inform you, just like I told the nosey prick before you, I haven't the slightest knowledge of what happened that night."

I would spring up off my feet to attack him but I don't. Instead I simply stare at his face, nothing every detail, like his freshly shaven face and sharp jaw line that are accompanied with pale electric blue eyes, eyes that truly don't have any secrets to hide.

Maybe the guard Kyle was flustered and told me a lie, or maybe I was dreaming. But either way, now that I look at him, I can see truth.

But my point to this visit wasn't to interrogate him, but rather to just be there. Besides, he did say he would only speak to me.

I can't help but shake my head. "I'm not here to cause more hassle, instead I come with a peace offering," and on cue I pull out two flasks from my coat pocket. "I think it's time I finally get to know my brother-in-law."

As expected, he looks rather perplexed. With narrow eyebrows he stares but he still reaches over and takes the flask. He unscrews the top and takes a sip.

"Oh," he exclaims loudly. "How I missed you vodka!"

I simply nod, unscrewing my flask and taking a sip. The sharp liquid burns my throat but I pay no heed to the sensation. "I say the doctors wouldn't mind us having a little bonding session."

Nicolai puts the buds of his cigarette in the ashtray beside him and then reaches for another. He takes out a second one and motions it towards me. I can only decline by shaking my head.

"Suit yourself." He simply shrugs putting it back. He takes another gulp from the flask before I continue to make conversation.

"I hope you like this token, I mean we are both under a lot of stress lately."

"Oh yes, being pampered by a socially awkward butler is so stressful" he roll his eyes. "As if concealing your emotions for him is so aggravating."

I can only quirk my head to the side. Nicolai grins mercifully. "I know you like him, it's sort of obvious."

I only stare out noticing the large patches of greenery. "I don't actually...I just see him as a distraction..."

"An strange one I must say" Nicolai sneers before taking another sip."But I must say, I don't actually blame you for hopping into bed with him, he does look quite handsome."

I clench my jaw before replying, "I mean we didn't do much but he is someone I can trust."

Now he stares at me looking disgusted. "By god, I didn't think you had it in you to actually do it with him..."

"Look I never came here looking for relationship advice, it seems you already have that under top shape."

He suddenly chokes while taking another sip. At this stage he already seems to have emptied the flask.

Out of nowhere he starts to laugh. Not just any laugh, but a deep snigger that comes up from his diaphragm, imploding from his vocal chords like a sharp knife.

"I must say, your sister is quite a charmer. From the first moment I meet her to the last, there was always something about her that made me want to just.." he lets out a deep affectionate sigh before finishing, "...strangle her..."

I turn, allowing a gush of chills take over my body as I try to stay calm in front of him.
Egging him on, I dare to ask the unthinkable. "Why didn't you then? If you had such a fixation, shouldn't you have just fulfilled your deepest desires?"

He stops and glares as he finishes the last drop from the flask. "Oh I did James, and it was wonderful"

My heart pounds inside my chest with every moment he moves his lips.

"The only problem was I had to stop straight away. Once my slender fingers were wrapped around her delicate neck, I couldn't help myself, but I had to stop..."

"Why did you stop?" I ask coolly, taking a sip from my own.

"After everything, I ruined her dignity and her free will, so I couldn't crush the only glimpse she had left. Besides, I told too many lies. It seems those lies did all the work as they strangled what was left of her..."

I lean forward, my heart inside my mouth. I dare to continue on, even if it means crushing what hopes I had left. "What sort of lies, tell me one"

"Oh just one? Well I did tell many."

"Oh one will do." I pause, forming the words. "Tell me your most deep, darkest secret"

He grins and leans over the glass table towards me. Whispering into my ear, he says "Odessa was a good girl, a little girl I played with like putty in my hands. No matter what, she believed everything I said and did everything I wanted her to do. But that wouldn't save her for what we had planned..."

He proceeds to let out a childish giggle. "You see, in order for me to get my fortune, I must have an heir to the throne, an heir of royal blood. So father made me settle for your sister, even though I have someone waiting back home for me, but she wouldn't do, she is just a filthy plebeian. And here's the fun part, in order to succeed my fortune, I must have an heir, dead or alive, it just has to be notified to the public of the Southern Islands....and your sister fell into my trap before I could even say 'pregnant'....she played a true lead as she fell right into my trap.." And that's when Nicolai falls back to his seat in a fit of laughter.

"Isn't it hilarious?!" He cracks up, placing his head on the table.

He continues on to laugh as I manage to get up from my sitting position. He doesn't even notice my departure. He just keeps on laughing.

Once I am out of the room and walking down the long narrow hallway, my hands can't stop shaking. I take a staggered breath to control my emotions. It isn't long though before I see General Barnes walking towards me.

"Well James, how did it go?"

I can only swallow a rather large lump in my throat before coolly replying, "He didn't give me anything in particular about the case, but he did mention one thing" my voice jams before I can finally spit it out, "The pregnancy test was fake."

Barnes can only stare at me. "Do you have proof?"

I reach into my pocket and pull out the small black mechanism in my hand. Barnes eyes go wide as his mouth is open, completely speechless. "I decided to plant a recorder just in case he did mention anything."

A strong solid slap on the solid from Barnes suddenly disturbs my clouded mind. "You James, are an absolute genius!" he gloats before taking the recorder from my hands.

"That settles it! You are coming out for drinks with us this Friday!" And before I can even protest he says, "There's no backing out! You need it more than anyone Mr. Sleuth!" and there is a spring in his step as he starts to walk away.

A sad smile appears on my lips as I can only reply, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * * *

Ever since I've came back to my room, I haven't stirred since. I've been staring up at the ceiling with a numb feeling controlling my emotions. I want to cry. God did I want to cry but I just can't. My breathing comes out in short dry breaths and heavy sobs wrack through my body but no tears fall.

I hate this more than anything, this sudden realisation that she's gone. It makes me feel inhumane for not crying. What type of human doesn't cry when something tragic like this happens?

A tall bottle of brandy sits on my bedside dresser but I can only stare at it bleakly. Today doesn't feel like a day for drinking my sorrows away when I am feeling this guilt. This sudden emotion churns my stomach acid and makes me like I am somebody completely different.

I wish I could calm down and tell myself I could be overreacting but I can't. I can feel it inside of me. My chest aches in a way that I never felt before. I know she's gone. She's my other half, the part of me that makes me feel like I'm alive.

I have probably been in here for what seems like hours. And there is a indication to the timeframe of day where I can hear a gentle knock on the door. I don't move until the door swings open to reveal small fingers holding up to the handle.

A soft voice whispers, "James? Are you awake?" I turn to see Herald at the door, wearing his dark striped pyjamas, staring into my room eerily.

I get up from my lying position and quickly get rid of the bottle of brandy. "It's fine Herald. I'm awake, I couldn't really sleep" I lie, not daring to mention how I never even thought about going to bed yet.

The door swings open to reveal not only Herald, but Rosa, Ethan and Charlie. Rosa carries Charlie in her arms as he gently sucks his thumb. I can see by his red puffy face he has been crying. Even just looking at them all, it seems they have all be crying.

"We're sorry to barge in like this but we needed to see you." Rosa's voice trembles as they gather around me. I take Charlie and place him on my lap, and immediately he rests his head against my chest. His short quick intakes of breath indicate his weary state, so I try to soothe him gently by rubbing my hand up and down his back. It isn't long before he has his thumb in his mouth as he lulls off to sleep again soothingly.

There is a calm silence until Ethan is the first to speak up. "Do you think Odessa will come back anytime soon?"

I jerk my head up at the sudden question. They all staring up at me waiting for an answer that I just don't know myself. Being the eldest now means a great deal of responsibility; even if that means telling lies. But I can't tell my own siblings a lie to something like this, so I can only put on a brave face and say, "I don't know."

"I miss her." Rosa dryly whispers before the words die down as a tear falls down her cheek. We can only stare at each other wide eyed, not sure of what to say.

"When she comes back can we have another wedding, like a happier one because I'd like to wear the suit again" Ethan tries to smile up at me as he edges in closer beside Charlie and I. "Of course we can" I smile back. "Now come here all of you" I gesture and Herald and Rosa step up from the ground and now sit on the bed.

"You all need to promise me that no matter what happens, that we will all stick together, okay? I can't lose you all." and although I should be the one putting on the strong face, I can't any more as I allow tears to fall. "I don't think I've said it too often but I promise, no matter what, I will be with you all. I will never ever let you down. I love you all so much"

Herald edges in closer and places a hand on my shoulder. "We promise James" is all he says as he rests his head on my shoulder.

Charlie can only look up at me with a smile, "We love you James," and in that moment I am undone.

Before I can face any more tears I lift myself off the bed, still carrying Charlie. The bedside clock flashes '11:23'. "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

They can only nod, as I can see they are all drained from energy; both physically and emotionally. As soon as I change into an old t-shirt and ends, one by one, from eldest to youngest, we someone all manage to squeeze inside the one bed.

Charlie wraps his arms around me and it isn't long before the toddler is fast asleep, his small head of soft brown curls leaning against my chest.

"Goodnight James" they chorus once the light is turned off. There is a tug at my sleeve from Rosa as she whispers softly, "Thank you James."

I can only reply with full honestly, "No, thank you. Without you all, I wouldn't know where I'd be," and kiss her forehead.

And for the first time in a long time, I finally drift off to sleep.

So this is chapter five of Shattered Redemption! I want to thank you all so so much for every single vote and comment, you honestly don't know how much they mean to me. As I've said before the past while hasn't been too easy, even getting some mornings can be a struggle. But knowing I have dedicated followers to something I am truly passionate about makes me smile and give me the courage to keep on writing and never stop believing in myself. I love you all so much <3