- Kady -

"That's impossible," Sam says with a chuckle.

"I know that's impossible Sam."

"You've been too stressed today. Are you okay?" he asks with a concerned look.

And this is the reason why I didn't want to tell him.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He sounds skeptical.

"Yes, Sam. I'm sure. Can we please go now?"

"Are you having the nightmares again?"

I hesitate. I had told Sam and everyone else that I have stopped having nightmares completely. That was the only way they wouldn't treat me like a psychopath on the verge of breaking down.

"No, I'm not," I say after a moment, though I knew that Sam will catch my lie.

"Kady..."

I sigh in defeat, "Yes?"

"Do you need to-"

"No, I don't need to talk. I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you?" He eyes me, dubious.

"Yes. Can we go now?" I don't wait for his reply and start walking in a random direction. Sam starts walking behind me. Thankfully, he stays quiet.

I stop in my tracks. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"It was as if..." Someone was laughing.

"What is it, Kady?"

"Nothing." I shake my head. This is turning out to be hella spooky.

Just when I was about to start walking again, I hear it. Distant talking.

I look at Sam. "There are people here. Listen."

I am sure it isn't my imagination now. Among all the birdsong coming in lulls and bursts and the occasional rustling of the leaves, we could clearly hear the distant chatter.

After listening for a while, Sam looks at me and says, "Let's go."

We trot for a while, trying our best to follow the sounds, and finally, we come to a stop.

I freeze.

There, in front of us, was a large clearing. It was as if the clearing wasn't natural, as if someone cleared off the trees on purpose. Intervened. And right in the center of the clearing was a car.

With peeling paint, red-brown rust and the layer of dust covering it, the car looks like it has been stuck here for years, witnessing the harsh seasons pass; long forgotten. A large dent on one side and the door half off its hinges as if something big had slammed into it from the side. Right in the center of the windshield is a large gaping hole, and the glass is grey-brown with dust. The side windows are completely smashed in and shattered, with sharp glass shards still jutting from the doorframe edges.

"Shit..." Sam murmured, "Kady-"

"I'm okay," I say, but my voice betrays my fear.

I turn around to leave but my limbs move as if some inexperienced person is controlling them.

No. I can't lose control here. It's been six months. Not now.

I continue scurrying out of the clearing with my iPod still clutched tightly in my hand when Sam calls out, "Kady, wait up!"

I turn to look at Sam, but then my eyes travel to the car again, and I make the mistake of closing my eyes.

One moment the road is there, wide open and safe, the next there are banging noises, acrid smells of metal and then there is pain. Intense pain.

I could feel the discomfort in my chest, growing, expanding, taking control over my body. I feel the urge to run, escape, hide. But I couldn't move.

I feel like all those years back again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feeling grows, as if I'm strangled solely by the air around me.

I could hear distant noises as if someone was calling my name, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything at the moment.

Suddenly, I feel warm, as if someone has engulfed me in a hug. My eyes finally open and I realise that Sam has picked me up and is carrying me in his arms now. I instantly grab a hold of his shirt with one hand to keep myself from falling, resting my head on his shoulder as I indistinctly hear him murmuring soothing words to me.

Only a few people can calm me down this way. Sam is one of them. He reminds me of when I was a little girl, how dad used to hide me, protect me into his warm embrace and similarly mumble soothing words whenever I used to be frightened or upset.

I don't know what happens after that. I don't know how long Sam carries me or where he carries me. I don't even know how he finds the way back. All I know is by the time I start regaining my senses, I am sitting back in the car, heading towards home.

By the time I reach home, my senses return. No one uttered a single word about what happened back there throughout the ride, though Skylar looked genuinely confused and curious. I couldn't really blame her since she doesn't know about anything. Sam and Liv are the only ones who know about what happened two years ago.

After a few hours, I am perched on the window sill of my bedroom, looking out with my knees pulled up to my chest and touching the ring Alex had given me again.

I watch the last of the sun's rays become shrouded behind the soft grey clouds, making the street below resemble an old photograph, painting everything a shade of orange.

"Are you okay?" Liv asks.

I look over at her. I don't even know when she came into the bedroom. Everyone else is at Skylar's, probably celebrating her birthday. I didn't want to go and obviously Liv also decided to stay with me.

"I'm fine," I say and turn back to look out the window.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks.

"No."

"You're doing it again."

"What am I doing?" I frown and look at Liv.

"Locking it up inside you." She said this slowly. "Not talking to anyone. Letting it gnaw at you slowly."

"I said I'm fine."

"Talk to me, Kady. Please"

I don't reply. Instead, I turn to look out the window again. We sit there in silence as the city comes alive with music and light and the orange-gold sky, stretching far and wide, slowly fades to the blackness of the night. Any other day, I would've found this sight beautiful and relaxing, but not today. Nothing could make me relax today.

After a few moments of silence, Live speaks: "You've been like this since you met Logan. Don't do this to yourself. Let me help-"

"Stop. Just ... stop." I don't want to listen to this anymore and neither do I want to talk about this with anyone. I just want to be left alone. If only Liv would understand that.

I get up from the window sill and go to my bed to lie down, hoping that Liv would get the signal, but instead, she follows me and sits on the bed beside me with her legs crossed.

"You know, you're hurting yourself like this, trying to drown in your thoughts alone. Why aren't you talking to me?"

This is enough for me. Why can't she get it that I want to be left alone? I sit up and look at Liv before starting, "What do you want me to say? That I'm scared? That I feel I'm pathetic? That I feel as if I'm seriously going insane? That I feel helpless? That I feel as if I'm a burden to everyone around me? What do you want me to say?!" I realise that I am almost shouting by the time I finish speaking.

Liv looks genuinely frightened at the way I snapped.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you."

"I just want you to feel better," she says after a moment, her voice barely above a whisper, but she still doesn't make any move to leave.

"I'm sorry," I whisper back, "but I don't think that can ever happen."

After Alex was gone, I was absolutely broken, shattered. I knew that the shards of my old self were never really going to be fixed again. They would always be buried deep inside me, the constant reminder of my past, slashing those wounds open again and again. I know I'll never be able to run away from my past. So, I learned how to hide the pain, how to look normal. I swallow down the pain, eat it up and wear a flaccid mask with a timid smile and try my best to act normal. When I actually know that I'm far, far away from normal.

I understand why some people just go cold inside. I understand why they let their empathy die, why they want that numb their emotions, why they just want to stop feeling. It is to escape that pain. It is a precaution to keep those wounds closed.

Liv says that talking helps. They think talking made me feel better. Talking. The truth is that I haven't started feeling better. I know I never could. It's just that I've mastered the art of hiding the real feelings, putting up a mask to show what I want them to see. Talking never really did help me before nor was it going to help me now.

We stayed that way, sitting beside each other in silence, me lost in my thoughts and Liv staring at the duvet.

Just when I think Liv is going to finally leave me alone, she asks: "Sam said that you...you saw him?"

"Can we just stop talking about this?" I was beyond exhausted at this point and wanted to just sleep. But that can't happen until Liv leaves me alone.

"Just answer my question. Please." I thought it best to just answer her question as soon as I can so that she will finally leave.

"Yeah, I saw...I think I saw him."

"Did Logan Barnes tell you how long he's staying here?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask, confused.

"Just answer."

"He said a week. Why are you asking this?"

"Just curious." She shrugs and looks away from me.

I narrow my eyes at her. "What is it Liv?"

"Nothing." But she avoids my eyes.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"It's nothing. You've already been through too much today," she murmurs.

"Tell me, Liv."

She sighs, knowing very well that I won't leave the topic until I knew what she was hiding.

Without saying anything, she picks up her phone which she had kept on the bedside table. After playing with it for a while she hands it over without saying anything. I take it from her, apprehensive and partly afraid as to what it was that certainly got Liv so jittery.

I look at the screen which read, 'Logan Barnes in Denver with his Manager Jace Martin.'

I do a double-take when I see the picture below the headline.

It was a picture of Logan in the same clearing where Sam and I had found the car in the ghost town. But he wasn't alone. Beside him, standing with his arm around Logan's shoulders and a small smile on his face, was Alex.

No, it couldn't be Alex.

I read the headline again.

Jace Martin.

And suddenly, it all clicked. I wasn't hallucinating in the ghost town. I hadn't seen Alex. I had seen Jace Martin. The voices we heard? It must've been them.

I raise my eyes to look at Liv and finally understand what she is trying to say.

Logan's manager is Alex's doppelganger.

***

A/N:

I know it's been a long time! But what can I say? School and exams. Ugh. And to make it up to you all, this chapter was longer!

But I have a bad news. My finals are starting so I don't think I'll be able to update any time soon. You'll just have to be patient. Sorry, guys. :(

Anyways, thank you so much for all the support guys! You all are the best! Love y'all!!

Don't forget to click that star! :)