Charlotte stepped into Louis's apartment suddenly feeling apprehensive. She should have insisted he drive her home but where had her good intentions got her in life so far? She watched as he switched a lamp on by the bedside, and a glance upwards showed her there was no bulb in the main light. The room was sparse, with the bare minimum of furniture and no sign of any personal touches.

"I'm sure I've got something we can drink," Louis said heading into what passed for the kitchen. "Make yourself at home."

She looked around, sitting down awkwardly on the edge of the bed. The place was tiny, with only a kitchen, bathroom and living area. She chastised herself for being critical, she was making do with a bedroom for her and Jamie at her brother Sam's house, and half of her belongings were still in suitcases under the bed.

"How come you've not moved back in with your mom?" she asked wanting to take her mind off her own living situation.

"I could ask you the same," Louis said handing her a drink. "Your mom's got a big house, your brother's place is kinda..."

"It's a shit hole, there's no need to try and sugar coat it," she said with a laugh. "The issue is my mom doesn't agree with me getting divorced, she thinks it's immoral."

"Seriously?" He shook his head. "My mom's just a pain in the ass, that's why I'm here. I can't stand listening to her yakking all the time."

She smiled taking a sip of god knows what from her glass. "I remember your mother was rather opinionated, much like mine is. To be fair, I didn't confide in her so she doesn't know how bad things were." Inwardly she groaned, thinking her misplaced sense of pride had made her life more difficult than it needed to be. "She thinks I'm having little more than tantrum and I should give Nick a second chance...I've given him loads of chances though. He'll always blame me for ruining his career and there's no getting around that."

"How so?"

"Marrying a student, it's frowned upon. It's one of the reasons we came back here. His promotion prospects were dead with that on his record or so he said" She sighed wondering if that was even true. "Anyway, eventually he agreed to transfer to somewhere where he'd have a clean slate but he still blamed me for his career stalling."

Amongst other things.

Louis sat down next to her. "That sounds like an excuse to me. Maybe he should have thought about that before he got involved with you in the first place."

She didn't miss the bitterness in his voice. "He should have but I suppose he wasn't that old himself." Louis looked at her incredulously and she fell back on the bed laughing. "Okay, I'm being stupid, he was older than I am now."

"Well, there you go," he said leaning over her. "It was his mistake, I'm surprised you'd put up with that bullshit for so long."

She bit her lip frowning. "Sometimes things happen and they wear you down until you're not the same person anymore." She sat up to take a sip of her drink, carefully putting some space between them.

"That sounds much like the army," Louis said with a small frown. "They break you down and then they mould you into the person they want you to be."

"So you do understand then." He'd understand more if she told him the whole story but she wasn't sure she wanted to. For now, she didn't want him to see her as a victim. "Why'd you even sign up anyhow?" she asked closing the space between them again.

"Honestly, I heard you got married." He shrugged taking a large swig of his drink. "I know that sounds absurd but I was just waiting around for you to come back, and once I knew that wasn't gonna happen..."

She grabbed his arm. "But you were never that serious about me!" Surely he wouldn't have let her end their relationship so easily if he had been?

Louis turned to her, a sad smile on his face. "Yeah I was, I was just too dumb to tell you. I was acting all laid back about you going to college, pretending it was no big deal. I guess deep down I always knew you'd meet someone else."

"But I didn't, not till we'd split up, and that only happened cos I saw you with-"

"Saw me with who?" he asked his brows furrowing.

"I saw you with another girl." She sighed, feeling embarrassed and she was grateful for the dim light. "When I came home at Christmas? I arrived a day early and your mom said you were at Macey's so I went to meet you but you were sat with some girl. You looked pretty cosy." She shrugged as if she didn't much care, while recollection dawned on Louis's face.

"Charlotte, I couldn't even tell you what that girl was called. I'm sorry she meant nothing to me." His eyes met hers. "Why didn't you tell me at the time?"

"It doesn't matter now," she said wanting to move onto a safer subject. "Seriously though, that's why you signed up? Cos of me?"

"Yeah," Louis said looking into his glass. "I went off the rails when I knew I'd lost you. Drinking too much, skipping work, I needed something to give me a kick up the ass."

"No wonder your mom doesn't like me." On the few occasions, she'd run into his mom when she'd been collecting Lucy she'd been distinctly off-hand with her.

"I told her I was drafted."

"Oh," she said stung. "So she just doesn't like me period then?"

"Only cos you dumped me."

She took a long sip of her drink. "It doesn't matter, I'm sure a lot of people dislike me" She tried to laugh. "I have been known to shoot my mouth off on a couple of occasions."

"I think you're wrong, you've got a lot of friends."

She shook her head. "I have very few real friends. I lost a lot of so-called friends when I left Nick." Her mouth turned down and she struggled to keep the bitterness from her voice. "To be honest, there's only really my brother I can rely on, and John and Darlene. Maybe Rosalind cos she has no one else." She'd drank too much and rather than feeling happy she was giving in to self-pity.

Louis looked at her in disbelief. "Oh come on Lottie, I know you're not in a great place right now but one day you'll meet someone else, get married and have a great life."

She laughed without humour. "Do you believe that? Do you think that'll happen to you?"

"Nah, I'm a train wreck," he admitted with a lopsided smile. "But you've got loads of things going for you."

She took another sip of her drink, welcoming the numbing effect. "No, I haven't, I've made a total mess of my life. Sometimes I think I might have made a big mistake."

"A mistake?"

She took a deep breath before admitting the thoughts that kept her awake at night. "Leaving Nick. Maybe my mom's right and I should try again."

"No, she isn't. You wouldn't have walked out otherwise." He placed his hand over hers. "I know you Charlotte, you wouldn't walk away cos life wasn't all moonlight and roses."

"It's not easy though," she said with a weary sigh. She leaned back on the bed, snuggling into him when he put his arm around her. "I thought leaving Nick would be as bad as it got but it isn't. The divorce, living out of a suitcase, looking after Jamie by myself. I'm out of my depth and god only knows how I'll cope with what comes next. I feel so helpless, so lonely..."

"You're not alone though," he said looking at her intently. His face was just inches from hers as he closed the space between them. Her heart began to race, her breath quickening.

"Louis?" He paused and she held her breath before his lips met hers. She briefly froze and then instinctively she kissed him back, welcoming the comfort of being in someone's arms.

"Stay tonight," he said when they broke apart. She looked into his eyes; memories she had long ago suppressed came flooding back.

"What are you asking me?"

He met her eyes, holding her gaze. "It's been a difficult day."

"I'm used to difficult days."

"Like this?"

"Not entirely dissimilar."

He momentarily closed his eyes before seeking hers out again. "I'm sorry, that was tactless of me."

She shook her head slightly. "I know what you meant, I was just making you feel bad."

"Right." His face twisted into a half-smile "Does it make you feel good making me feel bad? Cos if it does, I'm kinda okay with that."

She laughed and put her fingers to his lips. "I should go, but I'm not going to." She leaned forward, her lips slightly parted. "So shut up and kiss me again before I come to my senses."

                                                                              ~~~

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