"Decisions make us after we make them!"

~ Unknown

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Ali came back home all worn out. It was late night and yet Ayesha was awake worriedly for her son.

"Ali. Where have you been?"

"I didn't find her, mom."

"She must be gone by her will." Ayesha did not underestimate the seriousness of the situation but she was worried for her son. She only intended to make him calm.

"Till I don't hear it from her, I can't remain calm!" Ali retorts sternly and yet calmly.

"I will make food ready. Come fast," Ayesha was about to go to the kitchen.

"I am not hungry, mom," Saying this he left for his room.

As Ali stood in the stillness of his room, the dim light casting shadows on the walls, he couldn't escape the haunting thoughts that danced in his mind remembering the memories where she cried or their interaction. The rejection of food from his concerned mother echoed the void within him, matching the emptiness he felt.

He sighed and went to take out a night dress. While searching for his shirt, his eyes involuntarily fell on the red saree, a vivid reminder of a night that seemed both distant and painfully recent. He remembered how he saw her in it the first time. He was stunned to see her and then the way her cheeks matched up the red saree. That one saree carried the essence of her laughter, the sweet talks, and the fleeting moments of connection. The vibrant fabric stood as a strong contrast to the looming darkness that surrounded his present. He took his dress out and got changed. He sat on the bed.

Turning his gaze to the desk, the divorce papers lay there which had been lying there since last night. Each sheet held the weight of their shared history, and Ali found himself torn between his family's expectations and his own wish.

"Regret is taking over at the edges of my consciousness in the form of an ache that intensifies with every passing moment. I questioned the choices that led to this stage. The promises made during the wedding, the time on that stupid date, now reduced to ink on cold paper. Guilt  now feels  like a shadow to me. I questioned if this was the right path, if severing ties with her was the solution. Yet, the answer is enforced to be yes. The walls seem to close in, echoing the unspoken grief that filled the space. Every time I close my eyes, I see her teary eyes coming up to my memories. She was my dad's daughter-in-law, and with that title came my responsibility. I wish that fight wouldn't have evolved. At least she would have been here, safely."

As he lay on the bed in the quiet room, Ali got surrounded with a sea of emotions – regret, guilt, responsibility, and an inexplicable longing. The room became a silent witness to his internal struggle, the impending divorce papers being another burden. Sleep eventually took over him, but the memories and thoughts that danced on the edge of his consciousness were restless, haunted by the specter of what was lost and the uncertainty of what lay ahead.

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Diary Entry - [08.09.23]

Dear Diary,

Things haven't changed much. Considering merely a few days passed by. I was going through you to see I slept halfway through telling what happened on the date night. The night was long. The memories and talks of it still echo in my mind like ghostly whispers. That red saree feels like a reminder of it.

Wearing that saree felt something new. Something different. It symbolized both joy and heartache. His eyes met mine for the first time that night, and for a moment, I believed in a connection beyond the boundaries of duty and responsibility amid us. His eyes were cold and yet held a warmth. The warmth faded and only coldness remained after that night.

As we all sat and talked, a waitress interrupted us. The table was reversed and we came for 2 people. So we were shifted. Raiyyan bhai and Haya bhabhi sat together, so did Ali and I. We didn't even have an option at this point. Our table held silence. We were served the food. The restaurant was bathed in soft candlelight. The golden interior showed the worth of the restaurant. I was amazed by it. The food was amazing. And even if I wanted to maintain my diet, the smell was inviting. Both of us ate in utter silence. It was awkward, yet nothing I haven't faced before. Sudden claps took my attention. Someone was probably celebrating their wedding anniversary. A beautiful cake was cut and the people around wished them on the occasion.

Before we knew it, the atmosphere changed with a slow romantic song. Raiyyan bhai and Haya bhabhi had already joined. Ali was drinking alcohol. He seemed already drunk. I sat there, looking at the few couples on the floor. I didn't realize when a man approached me, asking me for a dance. I looked towards Ali to see him already observing me. Before I could reject the proposal, Raiyyan bhai was beside me and pushed me to the dance floor. I was getting uncomfortable. I don't remember dancing in front of these many people. That too with a stranger. I was searching for an opportunity. He twirled me and I was about to leave, when I dashed against someone. Ali held me before I knew and pulled me closer to himself. I could inhale his cologne which smelled so wonderful. I didn't know how to dance but our steps matched miraculously. The silence stood unbroken. Only after the music stopped, we left. He was slightly drunk. Nothing he couldn't handle.

As we left the restaurant that night, the atmosphere was charged with unspoken tension. The rain was pouring heavily, and Ali drove us home in it. The rhythmic sound of raindrops on the car roof became the backdrop to our silent journey. He was intoxicated by alcohol and I was being intoxicated by the sight of this rain. The car suddenly came to a halt, breaking my trance. Ali's anger was becoming visible as he repeatedly attempted to restart the car, but it refused to comply. While he was trying, my desires to enjoy the rain intensified. Throwing a glance at him, I stepped out of the car. The sensation of rain on my skin was liberating, and for a moment, I forgot the pain that surrounded me. I went a bit away from the car. It was cold but the rain felt too good. I stretched my hand out to enjoy the rain on my palms. I felt as if a deep gaze was on me, ywt I chose to sideline that thought. The road was dimly lit by the streetlights. There were a few more souls along with some distant chatter, but the rain overrode everyone's voices. As I relished the rain, I felt someone beside me. I turned around to dash into Ali behind me. The droplets clung to his hair and clothes, creating a mesmerizing sight. I could feel his eyes on me. My breath hitched. I couldn't figure out what his eyes said but they held some sort of anger. I wonder how he got named Ali and not Angry Bird.

Before I could move away from him, he pulled me closer to himself, his hand resting on my waist. The closeness sent a shiver down my spine, a blend of fear and anticipation. I could sense the magnetic pull between us, an unspoken desire that lingered in the changed air. I froze completely with his hands pressing on my bare waist. His fragrance filled me up. I felt different with his touch on my skin. Standing so close to him for the first time, I realized how small I look in front of him.

"Sit in the car," was his only instruction with his voice carrying a hint of authority. I didn't feel like pouring up on his anger. I was about to move when I felt him turning. His hand was still on my waist. He walked that way towards his car and made me sit in the passenger seat. I still can't understand what made him do this. He sat on the driving seat. There was silence again. Out of nowhere the sight of his blazer came in front of me. He was not looking at me and just ordered me to take it. No front, I was completely wet in a saree. I didn't take a second to take it. I wore it over my shoulders. I could still smell his fragrance. It had a strong, refreshing and fresh scent. Somehow it felt tangy too. As if many scents were put together to this one fragrance. As I was trying to figure out what the smell was, another car halted beside us. Ali got out and so did I. The car ride was a subdued affair, the weight of unspoken words lingering in the air. Upon reaching home, we exchanged our soaked clothes for dry ones.

Ali, drowsy from the events of the night, succumbed to sleep. As he lay beside me, I found solace in the pages of you. I wonder what made him change his behavior the next day drastically. His words, like sharp knives, severed the ties that bound us together. Now maybe last things will be stabbed by the divorce papers which Ali may get me. The red saree now probably sits in his closet. Maybe he already got rid of it, like he wishes for me. Samad bhai keeps assuring me that everything is fine, that this separation is the key to our freedom. But I can't help but wonder if this freedom is worth the price of a shattered heart. Did destiny truly plan for our paths to diverge so painfully? I lost all hopes that Ali and I are gonna be together for this life. 

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