Odessa

I can only stare at what is presented before me in disgust. I've dreamt of this moment since I was young enough to know the meaning of love, but now as it is a forceful collision of an oblivious mess, I can't help but feel the urge to feel sick.

My hair, braided and soft against the sunlight shining through the panes of glass, is adorned with flowers that flow seamlessly into the lace patterns of my veil. It tapers off my waist, from which blooms puff after puff of pure white tulle. The whole dress is tightly fitting with white lace surfacing throughout the whole front. It clings showing off my best assets and my worst.

I can't help but hold in my stomach, even though it isn't technically my fault. I place my hands on my stomach now and again to feel something but I just can't. Maybe it's due to the fact I can't accept this harsh reality- that there really is something growing inside of me. I've been trying to erase the mere moment from my mind, but it won't go away. Instead it wraps around my head so tightly, it suffocates my mind to the point I wish I was dead.

"Ah miss you look absolutely marvelous" a maid with a strong gaelic accent says as she fixes the end of my extensive trail. Mother and Rosa, along with Queen Isabella are all standing beside me, watching contently with adoring eyes. Rosa, as requested is my bridesmaid. Not much to my liking, she wears a rather hideous shade of deep pink in velvet styled short dress. It looks too childish on her as a large bow hangs at the front, the ends trailing down to her knobbly knees.

Mother and Isabella both wear a soft grey, both wearing identical long sleeved dresses with rather large head piece. Once again mother's bump makes a special appearance (she only has a month until it arrives). Every time I glance at her direction, it is always a frightful constant reminder of what lies ahead of me.

They all sigh and say their witty remarks at me, but I simply brush them off.

Fabio, the wedding photograph, dressed rather sophisticated for a change takes a few quick snaps of us all talking and laughing before he sets off to see Nicolai and all the men. I wonder how James is feeling knowing he has to joke along with the man who did this to me.

We sip on complementary orange juice and sparkling wine (Queen Isabella is the only contender) before Rosa declares she must finish the final chapter in her book before the ceremony. I wish I could just rush away like that and just forget about life as it spirals around me.

Soon, it is just mother and I as Isabella left to see her son before the grand occasion. I stand, staring down at my attire before mother interrupts my deep train of thought "You know I loved you father very much, I knew from the first time I laid eyes on him that he was the one"

Immediately I spin around and catch her gaze. Her eyes light up with profound affection as she rubs her bump continuously. I am intrigued by her rather strange honesty. Usually she never opens up about these sort of things. Curious, I listen.

"We first met, would you believe, at a masquerade ball my cousin was hosting. It was by pure chance we meet, I bumped into him and I spilled his drink all over my great grandmother's dress, a family heirloom" she lets out a soft gentle laugh "but as soon as I meet eyes with him- those soft gentle eyes- I couldn't stay mad with him. Ever since that night, after hours of talking and a final parting kiss, we exchanged letters to each other in secret. I didn't know at the time how highly respected his family was. I had no idea he was the next heir to the throne for Erivale. I was a simple girl compared to his high class power."

A single tear unexpectedly falls from her cheek. "from that moment onwards we decided to visit each other, my parents were delighted, unlike his parents, they already had a marriage arranged for you father but he pleaded and begged with all his heart, he didn't care what happened as long as I was there by his side. She pauses and gestures me to sit beside her on the edge of the bed.

"Soon our romantic ways got us in trouble as I became pregnant with Gerard before we even arranged to marry" she stops to let the news settle.

So all this time, I always thought they married following a normal pattern of proceedings of family life, not this dysfunctional way.

I turn back to her as she continues "We were young and scared- we were even threatened to give up Gerard- so we panicked and your father arranged a wedding straight away. Both our families were furious, we were only both eighteen at the time. So we wedded in a small ceremony a week after in a beautiful spring chapel. Once Gerard was born, our families were outraged and so my mother and father stripped me from all my inheritance but I didn't care..." she drifts off into another world as she smiles care free. Then she snaps back and turns to my side. Grabbing my hands, her warmth awakens my nerves.

"Darling I know the past few months have been hard, even I'm not okay after the passing of dear Gerard....oh if only he was here to see you, he would be so proud of his beautiful sister" I smile wearily back at her, her red cheeks glowing from her tears. "I just want you to have the life I always wanted you to have, and I know now you are following my footsteps in all circles of life, you must know I'm always here for you and I love you so much"

I should be happy to hear the words I always wanted her lips to part but I instead I feel fury building in the pit of my stomach. Her loving words seem like a dream for me. Why is she only acting like this now? I needed her on the days after Gerard death and my recovery, the days after the incident with Nicolai. I don't need her now. I needed her in my time of need and I can never forgive her for not being there.

But instead of lashing out, I simply say words of gratitude and embrace a hug before she gets up She cups my chin once last time and kisses my forehead. "I'll see you later dear" are her final words before she leaves me be.

I can't help but feel the urge to cry but I can't for two reasons. One; it would show weakness and two; crying will ruin my makeup.

I can only let out harsh breaths as I try to catch my train of thought. This shouldn't be happening. This should be a normal average day, not my wedding day. The thought causes me to quiver; that is until there is a knock on the door.

I reply "Who is it?" hoping it isn't Fabio again. Then my heart leaps when the familiar voice of Alexander rings throughout the room. "Can I come in?"

"Of course you-....wait!" I panic, immediately remembering our pact since I was eight. I hobble to the bathroom and close the door, shouting as loud as I can. "Come in"

I hear the door creak open slowly and footsteps come closely until finally Alexander speaks. "Alright, I'll open the door on three" I can feel his pressure on the door handle, waiting for the moment we've both been dreaming about since my days of dress up.

"Alright" I reply, a tiny laugh parting my lips.

"Okay..." He draws in a deep breath before firing off in rapid succession "One....Two...Three"

Suddenly the door swings open and I can't even grasp Alexander's reaction. His mouth is agape, his eyebrows are wide but his eyes are already tearing up. His voice trails as he looks up and down at my attire. His eyes glisten with tears that fall rapidly down his reddened face. His hands are pressed together against his lips, which tremble gently. Words don't come out immediately until he whispers "Odessa.... you look so beautiful- I'm sorry I'm crying, I'm crying"

I puff as I try to hold back tears myself. Just watching him now makes me feel so emotional. Soon his pudgy fingers draw softly over my lace sleeves. "You look absolutely stunning my dear...I just can't believe it"

"Oh stop it" I reply with a smile. After taking another breath Alexander speaks again. "You look lovelier than I pictured"

"You pictured this moment?"

"Ever since you started to crawl" he laughs and another tear falls. Quietly I confine myself around his arms. This time a few tears fall and with a muffled breath I say "I wish you could walk me up the altar"

He wraps his arms around me tightly. "Oh Odessa you know the tradition, it's father and daughter.."

"- but you're the man I will always know as my father, not him" I gasp, not able to react to what I just said. It was always a thought in my mind, never something I would ever say. It was something I considered to be sacred in my fragile mind, something I considered a sacrament.

He stops and draws in a deep breath as he rubs a gentle hand down my back.

"And I always see you as the perfect daughter I always wanted"

With those words I am undone. I continue to cry, not giving a damn about my mascara at this stage. We begin to weep in each other's arm as we embrace what will be our final moment together. After today I will be swept off to the Southern Islands for good. No more morning porridge and freshly brewed coffee, no more showing off dresses or midnight snacking. Knowing this is the final moment I hug Alexander tightly, savouring every fragment of time as I absorb every scent of his usual smell of clean polish and fresh baking.

Finally, what seems like forever, Alexander pulls away and notices my face. "Oh dear, we better fix you up, we wouldn't want the world to see mascara stained eyes" he jokes but instantly my stomach tightens. I totally forgot that cameras will be at every corner, preying on me. I can't simply run away. I have to face the music and proceed with this death sentence.

Alexander wipes a cloth on my cheek and places a new coat of mascara of my lashes. As a butler of a growing girl, sometimes he was needed to provide for the demands, no matter what. He preps my cheeks again and slowly smiles at me. "There, that's better. Let's show everyone the perfect girl I know"

With his words, I can't help but reach for his hand. He catches my gaze as I stifle out breathless. "Alexander, I'm scared"

He stops and holds my other hand. He squeezes me tightly. "I know under these circumstances, this is not the way I would like to see you leave but I just want you to know, I will always be there for you, no matter what. I'm simply a phone call away my dear" Now he lifts up my chin so we have direct eye contact. "I know you are a brave fierce girl who can conquer everything and I know you can do this. I will by your side forever and always" Finally he embraces with a soft kiss on a forehead.

I squeeze his hand again, anticipating for the worst.

"Oh before I leave, I have a little token for you, I feel you may need it" He rushes to his pocket and produces a small scrap of paper. "It was quick thinking, just open it when you are asked, okay?" I want to ask what is it but he interrupts me again.

"I better head back down and make sure the venue is up to scratch" he lightly jokes, walking away hesitant, as if he never wants to leave. "I'll see you later on-" He opens the door but is rudely erupted by the sudden thud of bumping into James, who enters into the room.

All dressed in a dark tuxedo with a deep magenta tie, his ruffled hair and stubble add to the look. He refused to get it trimmed as he wanted to stay the same way, which I approve. It would be odd to see baby face James, especially on a day like this.

He apologies to Alexander, commentating on how jittery he is as the moment approaches us, but I really know how he is feeling. He would rather do anything else than see this procedure commence, but what can he do, he can only stand at watch at the sideline.

Once we are alone, he lets out a deep breath in awe and admiration. "Wow" is all he can say, looking at me as I stand. "You look absolutely stunning"

"And so do you" I reply, smiling. We both stand still for a few moments, breathing in the fresh air to clear our foggy minds.

"How is everyone?" I ask. James has his hands in his pockets as he struts around in a circle to keep his mind occupied. "Oh yes they're fine I guess" he sheepishly replies. "Honestly I can't stand posing for picture with him"

"Well try marrying him then" I answer back, a little bit too sharply than I expected. He pauses and looks directly at me. "Look I never wanted this to happen, you know that Odessa, god by all means I would take your place if I could-"

"James stop-"

"- and I mean I never expected this, I thought after that night it would be over and we would never see him again and none of this would be happening, I mean how could he do this to you? He has destroyed your life and- "

"James..." I grumble but my voice clouds his perspective.

" -you don't deserve this life, you should be happy, I never got to teach you how to play the piano for crying out loud, the only time I'll get to see you is for holidays and that's it.."

"JAMES!" I erupt and he jumps. "For crying out loud would you stop whining and accept the consequences"

He recoils back and takes a few steps away. He rubs the back of his neck and mutters to the ground. "Oh I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"I know, I think everyone is uptight, especially with today"

He now looks up and for a second fumbles his hand in his left pocket. I stare curiously until finally he manages to stop shuffling and retrieve a small token from his pocket. I only gasp as he unveils it before me.

"Is that?"

"Yes it is" He grins. "I never thought you'd be the one to receive it"

When James and I were younger, we made a wager with Gerard and since we were competitive, we were deadly serious. 

The aim was; whoever married first was the proud owner of the tree house. We made this pact as the tradition of climbing up at night to stargaze would be passed on for our future generations. 

The tree house is located out the far end of the garden, perched on a large oak tree that has been around for hundreds of years. It is not too spacious but when we were younger it was the perfect place to just simply be ourselves.

He hands me the rusty key attached to one of Gerard's old key rings. I allow the rough metal texture to absorb my sweaty palms as I laugh back "I never thought it would be mine either"

James shrugs as he replies the harsh truth "As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you in unexpected ways" as for a second he steps back as if Gerard's shadow hangs in the balance of our surroundings.

There is a moment of silence between us between James rushes forward and wraps his arms tightly around me. "I can't believe my twin is getting married" he breaths out.
We both embrace each other as I whisper back, "I can't believe it either".

* * * * *

The sudden death march starts to drone out as I enter with Father. Beforehand, in front of all the cameras he pulled me from Alexander and hugged me tightly, expressing how delighted he is to see me, his beautiful daughter all grown up. I don't know if he truly meant his words, but for now I will accept them.

His tight hold on me causes my entire body to feel paralysed but I continue to walk forward, looking down at the ground as I focus on not tripping. With every step, the drawn out aisle feels elongate and I prepare myself for the worst. Rosa walks up first as my single bridesmaid along with Herald and Ethan following behind as groomsmen and Charlie as the ring bearer.

Nicolai and James stand above, waiting patiently for us. A gleeful smirk is plastered on Nicolai's smug face while James looks terrified by the thought of this commencing. I can only look directly at him. He notices my panic as I try to block out the mass crowd and cameras that watch my every corner. After our tight embrace we just sat together holding each other until it was time to leave. I can still smell his aftershave on my skin.

When I came out, reporters bombarded James and I with flashing cameras and their small notepads, asking questions such as 'What designer are you wearing?' 'Are you excited for the big moment?' 'Is it true that you are with child or is it a scheme?'

I wish none of this was true. I wish it was just an awful nightmare and I would wake up and see Gerard by my side, laughing and taunting me in his usual playful way. Expect sadly, this is my harsh reality.

On the right side all the family sit, all gleaming and watching, awaiting the big moment. I catch Herald attention who stares in awe at my attire. I can't help but smile playfully at him. Mother sits nearby with Isabella, they both carry tissues and wipe their eyes at time to time. For them to think their precious children are growing up is breaking their little hearts.

Suddenly we step up to the altar and shakily I let go of Father's hand to hold Nicolai's. Unlike mine, his hand is just warm, not clammy and sweaty like mine. He gives a gentle squeeze before I look up.

But when I look at him, all dressed up in a luxury black suit, my heart stops. He looks perfect in his tux and when he smiles at me I can't help but smile back and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

The ceremony is a blur as I try not to let my pounding heart or sharp breathing be heard by Nicolai or the Reverend. We simply hold each other's hand for the entire ceremony. From time to time, Nicolai whispers comments like "You look stunning" or "I can't believe this is happening". I know this only a mere trick for the cameras so I simply nod and smile back, not daring to be caught off guard.

Suddenly my heart stops when the dear Reverend Peters announces, "And now for the vows" He smiles down at us both and immediately I start to panic. Vows? I never thought of vows? Oh dear I have nothing, what will I do, what will I do?

The screaming inside my head is cut off when Nicolai lets go of my hand and unfolds a piece of paper tuck in his sleeve. He clears his throat before he commences.

"Odessa..In you, I've found the love of my life and my closest truest friend..." (at this there are a few breathless awes from the crowd)

"You are absolutely beautiful, inside and out and I feel honoured to become your husband. I, Nicolai Clarkson, love you Odessa Blackthorn with all my heart. I promise to always be there for you as you are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved that I ever thought possible. I vow to always take care of you, protect you and to provide for you and our family. I am truly blessed to be part of your life, which as of today, becomes our life together"

There are a few claps from the large crowd and I try not to eject vomit from my mouth at his sick lies. 'I vow t to always take care of you and protect you?!' So far he's done a great job....

Now everyone stops and stares at me. At first it doesn't hit until the shaking moment of realisation punches me in the stomach. Now it's my turn.

I fumble as I try to manage my churning stomach and my clammy hands. I panic so and so until I remember the piece of paper Alexander gave me earlier on. Yes. My vows. Of course the poetic Alexander would say me the hassle of writing such idiotic nonsense. Quickly I manage to unfold the piece of paper in my bouquet as I present myself with shaking hands. Even the first sentence sends me into a spiral.

"Today I take you to be my husband. This will be the day that we will remember for the rest of our lives. I vow to cherish every moment we share together for the rest of our lives. I vow to never let anything come between us and put you before anything else. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and I vow to appreciate how lucky I am to have someone who makes me feel the way you do. From this point on, you are my life. I give you all my love, now and forever"

Immediately once I stop I can hear loud sniffles from the crowd. I turn to see Mother sobbing into a handkerchief as Queen Isabella soothes her. The Reverend now stops and says "Now as you are about to exchange vows, I wish to be assured that you appreciate the meaning of what you do and so I ask: Have you come here of you own free will and choice without compulsion to marry each other?

Nicolai answers immediately "We have"

"Will you love and honour each other in marriage all the days of your life?"

Nicolai replies "We will"

Now the priest nods and turns to Nicolai before he takes my hand.

"Do you Nicolai Clarkson take Odessa Blackthorn as your wife for better, for worse, for richer, for richer, in sickness and in health till death do you part?"

"I do" Nicolai smiles and tightly squeezes my hand.

Now he turns to me for the moment I have been dreading...

Do you Odessa Blackthorn take Nicolai Clarkson as your husband for better, for worse, for richer, for richer, in sickness and in health till death do you part?"

I am hesitant at first as my tongue is dry of any moisture. Nicolai waits impatiently and he squeezes my hand hard for me to answer. "I do"

Everyone smiles and Nicolai lets out a deep breath before turning to the side. He bends down and retrieves two rings.
Oh no. This can't be happening. This is not real, this is not real.

"Odessa, wear this ring as a sign of our faithful love"

He now lifts my left hand and places a gold band on my fourth finger. I can only shake as it glistens under the church light.

Now a ring is placed to me and with a trembling voice I say, "Nicolai, wear this ring as a sign of our faithful love" my voice so low I don't think anyone can hear. There are so many other alternate ideal ways where to put this ring but right now, in front of everyone, I can only tremble with shaking hands as I place the large band on Nicolai's fourth finger.

Now we both look up at each other as Nicolai gently rubs his hands up and down my forearms. I can only return a weak smile as we look at each other for a moment.
"By the power invested in my, I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now kiss the bride"

Before I can say anything or even respond to the harsh reality, he presses his lips to mine, earning cheers from the entire crowd.

It seems my happily ever after is becoming a harsh nightmare.

As we both stand together embracing the cheering crowd, the only sentence that comes into my hallow mind 'The greater the love, the greater the fear'

It feels this love will be the biggest fear of them all.

Okay so this is the last chapter (I still can't believe it myself!!) but I have to split into two as I only have time to write each bit and it adds to the anticipation!

So I hope you enjoy it and please tell me what you think :D
I hope you enjoy the collage, gah tumblr weddings are perfect! *_*
Speaking of tumblr, I am currently obsessed with COLIVER gifsets, gah they are just so perfect! <3