Odessa

Ever since my agreement with Alexander, I've been on anti-depressants and a constructed meal plan.

It's hard to even come to terms with it all. I'm slowly rebuilding myself after being knocked down vigorously by several bulldozers.

They all think I'm the mess up one in this family. Gerard is dead. Now that's what I consider messed up.

Alexander must have planned this all beforehand as the next morning I was given a constructed planner.
I have a daily medication plan of anti-depressants, food supplements and an array of different types of medication to restore my body back to its good health.
Two sets of pills in the morning, three at noon and four at night.

Along with these I must take sleeping pills before I go to bed as they help me go to sleep and forget the horrid nightmares.

There's something sinister about taking a pill to go unconscious for a few hours. I'm afraid once I start taking them, I'll never wake up.

I still haven't received my wager of the deal. Mother and Father are both happy to see me alive and moving but they don't trust me enough to even leave my bed unaccompanied.
Now, even though I can walk fine by myself, whenever I wish I go somewhere, even the bathroom, I must have someone holding my hand to assistant me. It is such utter bullshit.

Tonight is the first night I will have dinner with the family. It's very important as afterwards we have the weekly Report issued live to the nation.

Mother says everyone can't wait to see me again. I'm sure a nation of suffering people can't wait to see my pretty face, as If I will be a cure to their misery.

The maids have been so excited.
They have assembled tonight a whole month's worth of new dresses.
It turns out that after the incident, many seamstresses have made finery for me, as if a frilly dress will bring back Gerard.

It's great to see them all enthusiastic about my new lease of life but I don't know yet if I can handle it all.

With a wide variety of different styled dresses, I decided to go with a strapless tiffany blue gown.
I admire the detail of the tip, covered in petite flowers while the end flows gracefully to a big puffy array.
My maids think it's a wonderful choice as it makes my red hair stand out.

Before dinner even begins, my maids spend the time making me look prim and proper.
They want the nation to know that I am graceful, no matter what.
They paint my nails cerulean blue and stylize my hair into a fish tail plait before applying a sheer coat of makeup to hinder my dark eyes and blotchy face.

With big lashes and poppy cheeks, I look impeccable to say the least.

The flimsy dress is so long I can wear whatever shoes I may wish but no matter what, the maids insist I wear the matching heels. I have no choice but to obey.
As they finalise my looks, I hear a knock on the door.

"Your majesty" my maids curtsied.

I'm glad to see James waltz in rather than Mother or Father. Wearing a grey suit with a black tie, he looks marvellous, like he always does.

"Wow" he is stunned by my transformation.
"You have turned into the elegant swan you truly are" he jokes. I joke back by punching his arm hard.

"Who's to say I'm still the ugly duckling?"

I don't get a smart reply back as we hear a bell ring, to indicate the maid's presence is needed for dinner.

James holds a hand out. "Come on, I'll help you"

I sit in protest. "I don't need your help James, I'm fine" I elevate myself and stand up triumphal. It's until I make my first step in these heels that I almost collapse to the floor.

"See you're not okay. You need to take it slow and steady, okay?"
I grunt. Of course James is always right.
"Now come on, tonight we're having all of your favourites!"

After what seemed liked forever, we finally make it down the flight of stairs and into the massive dining room.

The room is lavishly prepared with teal drapes and glistening silverware. The family is all patiently waiting for us.

I notice with sheer shock Father gleaming as I enter the room. James helps me settle down to the nearest chair as Father speaks, "At last, we finally have Odessa joining us for dinner. It's great to know you're still alive"

I just nod at Father's remarks.
Mother doesn't even notice me as she is too occupied with Ethan.

They are both looking dashing in grey and teal clothing. I'm glad I went with the tiffany blue dress. I fit in with the secret dress code.

Across from me sits Rosa and Herald. They both look calm and collective as they watch me eagerly.
Rosa is the image of me with her long tasselled red hair and gleaming chocolate eyes. They suit her lightly salou skin, a far cry from pale complexion.
Herald with his jet black hair and pale skin has Father's look. The only thing that sets them apart is his thick sturdy pair of glasses. It feels like forever since I've seen them.

"So how are you Odessa?" Rosa asks, dying to hear my voice again.
What can I say to my fifteen year old sister?

Oh I'm fine, besides from the fact I wish I was dead...

But I can only manage "I'm good" as maids come around serving us chicken and mushroom soup.

"At least I can now say I can still handle the soup" I chuckle to myself.
With this, James eyes me cautiously. Was it something I said? I get weary eyes from everyone, including Father.

"It's great to see you again" Mother chimes in.

I only notice her furrow crease and heavy eyes as I look at her. Even the makeup can't hide her drastic features. With hunched over shoulders she sips her soup while Ethan slurps contently, his hair ruffled out of place as usual.

To settle the mood I reply back, "I'm glad to be here too. It felt like forever since we all had dinner together"

They all nod in agreement as a large dish of seafood is placed before me.
I take a weft of the smell and my mouth is left quivering. It's been awhile since I've had such good food.

Immediately I feast on my dinner.
It shows me how famished I was up in my room.
Across from me Ethan can't stop messing as he tries to pick up his food only with his knives.
It's such a nice sound to hear the children giggle as Charlie watches Ethan, the three and a half year olds laugh chiming throughout. It makes me want to join in too.

To interact with Ethan and Charlie, as it has been so long, I take a long piece of prawns dripped in a rich creamy sauce and try to place it into my mouth. Of course I miss, which leaves the prawn splattering my dress.

"Odessa I don't think that is appropriate table manners. And for god sake's you're nineteen! Have some dignity! Your dress is ruined!" Mother immediately snaps.
I rub furiously at my dress. I even dab a napkin at it. No luck.

When I look up I see James eyeing me.
Stop that he insists. I stare back with raised eyebrows.
Father looks furious. His dark beard even looks raged.

"Odessa Blackthorn! Did you suddenly forget your dinner manners while recuperating in your bedroom?! How can I present something like this to the public? You're a disaster!"

"Now what's that suppose to mean?!"
I can't believe I reply to him in the first place.

"I'm only telling you the truth! You are a disgrace! How dare you proceed to think you carry on like this?"

"Father I'm just after recovering...If I knew you would interrogate me like this I would have stayed in my room, alone by myself. It's much better up there" I wince at the words.

"Oh really?! You think you can be perfectly fine up in your room?
Such nonsense! I swear you changed after the accident.."

Mother doesn't know how to handle this. She rubs her bump, indicating that even the argument is upsetting the fetus inside of her. She wants to say something but she remains silent.

"Father if you were stuck in a car in the freezing cold of a January night, I say you too would feel different afterwards...."

The next part comes trembling out of my mouth I cannot stop it.
"I could have saved him...Do you know how that makes me feel?!"

With animosity I slam my fists on the table. "I'm a monster!"

Silence creeps into the room, even the maids stop assembling themselves.
Everyone just stares until James speaks up, "Odessa, stop this right now".

But Father isn't taking any of this. "Yes Odessa. Snap out of this, it's unlady like"

I sniffle. "Unlady like? Is that all you care about?!"

Mother steps in."Well yes... It is quite important, especially for now..."

We can only stare and ponder on her remark.

She looks like she has been longing to tell me important news.

"Odessa, Prince Nicolai of the Southern Islands is coming next month to the palace"

I can only gulp at the news. Oh dear. This wasn't the news I was expecting.
"He is coming along with his parents; they wish to discuss issues, especially with Father and James"

I look at James. He doesn't look too pleased either.

"But It's only been three months..,why are we inviting guests to the palace...should we be focusing on my recovering...even my education?" I stammer, unable to grasp the news.
That should be the trick. Mother will surely not allow this to happen.

"But Darling that won't matter soon"

"And why is that?" I retort.

"Because you'll soon be married"

I shallow hard. Suddenly bile rises up my stomach and I feel out of breath.

"Marriage? Mother I am only nineteen..."
"You won't be nineteen forever darling, besides your Father and I were engaged at eighteen..."

"But why me?! James will be king soon..."

I can only look at James who is lost for words.

"Marriage is a huge responsibility... how you can allow this to happen when I can't even go outside on my own?!"

"Odessa, this is different. This is your future." Father snaps. "Let us finish our meal in peace. We will discuss this after the Report..."

My heart starts pounding as it rattles inside my rib cage.
Everyone stays quiet as they eat. The bile stimulates my throat as I try to grasp what just happened.
My hand that still grasps the fork starts shaking furiously.
I cannot contain myself.

"I'm sorry but I feel rather poorly...it seems the seafood has upset my stomach"

Before I can hear a reply, I get up and storm up to my bedroom, locking the door to cry in silence.

Hey Everyone!
I hope you like Chapter 5!
Thank you all for the amazing comments, votes and reads, they mean so much to me!! :D
I hope you like the image I've used for the dress, I found it on tumblr and I think it's beautiful! *_*