Odessa

I wake up, startled and panting with strands of my hair sticking to my forehead. I thought I heard someone screaming.
I did  hear someone screaming. I'm certain of it.
The scream chimes all through me until I realise it is only just a dream.

The same nightmare I always have, playing over and over again in my head every night.

I just don't know why I get so afraid.
I should be use to it by now, but the sheer horror is I don't think I will ever adjust to the blood curdling scream.
It always makes me quivers.

I always find it hard to sleep at night I always had nightmares.

How can I call it a nightmare, if it doesn't leave my presence when I awake?

Before going to bed, I would make sure the door and the windows in my room are securely and tightly shut, then I would go back to bed and close my eyes, but it never works...

But now, being held captive to my bed, I have no one to check so I am left unarmed and frightened for my dear safety.

I rub my eyes to adjust to the shaft of light that always manages to get in through the curtains.

Ever since the accident I have placed thick woven curtains around my bed. It confines me to my own thoughts. No one could disturb me, it is perfect.

Without the light I am confined in complete darkness and for some strange reason, the dark never scared me. It used to scare me to the core, but Gerard always told me that there was nothing to be afraid of. And now that he's gone, I like the dark.

I always think he's here beside me, watching me.

It's been two months since we've buried Gerard. It feels weird saying it. We buried my own brother.
I still think he'll come in to my room, smirking and wanting to tell a joke, like he would always do...

I do not notice my rapidly breathing until I sneeze.
I notice my body is hot and sticky as I feel my nightgown cling in certain areas. The discomfort makes me toss and turn constantly.
I move my pillows the opposite way. No luck. I try changing position in bed. Nothing.

I don't want to close my eyes.
I shouldn't. I don't need to go back to that scene. I already know what happens.
The car swerves into the lake. There is no way out for us. The seatbelts get caught. We are trapped, until Gerard saves me.

No, no no no. I'm not going back there, not tonight, I'm not ready.

I am lost in a train of thought when suddenly the sound of a creaking echoes throughout the room.
I instantly prop myself up with my shoulders as I teeter uncontrollably.
I thought my door was locked. I always made sure of it.

With trembling hands, I pull aside the curtains and instantly I sigh with relief. It is only Alexander, my dear butler.

He holds a tray and smiles down at me.
"I'm sorry miss, but I knew you would be awake. So I decided to bring in some dessert from dinner, strawberry cheese cake, your favourite."

I can't help myself but grin up at him.
I honestly don't know where I'd be without this man.

Once Mother and Father, along with the public, lost interest with the new arrivals, we were taken care by maids hired from nearby towns.

But for me, I couldn't stop wailing, I just wanted mother's warmth and soothing voice. But of course, she didn't take any heed so she instructed new maids to come into the castle every day to see who would suit me.
None of them worked. It was useless.

Nothing worked until the chimney sweeper saw me, and ever since I couldn't stop smiling.

Ever since that chimney sweeper has been my personal butler since I was five months old.

I slowly breathe out as I smooth down my quilt.
He sits down and reveals two large slices of pink creamed cakes, topped with cream and strawberries.
My mouth quivers just looking at it. My stomach grumbles and I have to hold myself steady.

Alexander knows me too well.

"I knew you would be starving. You haven't eaten anything in weeks. You look miserable Odessa! You've lost so much weight!"

He's right. I haven't eaten anything. The thought of putting food into my mouth and producing salvia makes me weak at the knees.
Eating reminds me of living and living reminds of how I should be dead.

He passes me a plate and using my fingers, I devour it all in one piece.

My tongue doesn't even have time to register the different textures of biscuit and moose as I absorb the cheesecake.

Crumbs are scattered everywhere but I don't care. I feel satisfied knowing I have eaten such glorious food.

"I must thank Glenda for being an amazing chef!" I joke to Alexander as I take his piece too.

He props himself up sturdily and prepares himself for what he is about to say, "You do know Odessa, you should leave your bedroom and go outside"

I stare hard at his agitated expression. "Alexander, out of all people you must know how hard this is for me.."

"I know dear but please, the people are starting to worry..."

"As If they care..." I mutter.

He replies by tossing me The Erivale Times and multiple copies of Erivale Now!

On the cover of the broadsheet newspaper it reads in bold letters:
'The Princess no longer lives'

It takes me a moment to grasp what I am reading.

'After the accident which caused the fatal death of Prince Gerard Blackthorn, it seems that the princess Odessa Blackthorn, who was also in the car at the time of the accident, has become fixated by the events and will not leave her room.
Her no show on the Report each night shows the dismay that Odessa is struggling with alarming circumstances.
An inside source states that
'Odessa is having difficulties coming to terms with the events.
It may take awhile for her to recover..'
Does this tell the nation that Erivale is crumbling right in front of our own eyes?

With rebel attacks occurring more and more frequently and with a torn-apart family thrown in for good measures, it seems that the Blackthorn Royal family may no longer exist if it continues to proceed in such drastic manners...'

Erivale Now! displays our stunning family portrait on the cover.
My face is highlighted with an airbrushed red marker. The caption underneath reads;

'Odessa has had enough!' Future queen wishes to leave monarchy'

No. They can't do this... How dare they?!

"I didn't want to be the one to tell you all this but Odessa you need to pull yourself together, for us and the nation.."

I'm sick and tired of hearing 'Think of your family', 'Think of Erivale'.
What has Erivale done for me?! Erivale has made me become this horrid monster.

"Alexander, I don't think I can do this..."

He doesn't say anything, only sighs. His usual response to when I don't cooperate.

"Fine Odessa, as you wish..."
He picks up the tray and is about to leave.

I don't know how I get the courage but I whimper "Wait....what if I make a deal?"

He engages and turns back intrigued. "Now what sort of deal?"

I steady myself before I unleash my wrath.

"It's quite simple. I just want to recover in my own time, no one can push me. I want to have my own personal time..."
I wince as I continue "in the garden..no guards around patrolling me.."

I know this is a big ask as I'm never allowed out in the gardens on my own.

I often need James to tag along.
Most of the time it was Gerard and James who both occupied me, but in my spare time with Gerard, he got me into something rather peculiar; hunting.

It all started after a trip from the boreal lands. Father came home with a bow and arrow for Gerard and James and I got a china doll.

Father brought them both outside to practise. He wanted something to occupy himself from the looming fears of war.

I wasn't allowed outside as it was considered 'un lady like' for a princess. I watched them attentively from my bedroom balcony, focussing on how they gripped the bow and shoot down apples.

James was mediocre at it but Gerard was a born natural. He could shoot pigeons with his eyes close.

Father was so impressed he allowed Gerard out to the forest to practise shooting. He would often come back with young bucks or turkeys, triumphal of his catch.
It often annoyed me when Gerard would come back loaded with goods while I could never even touch his bow and arrow.

James got so upset that he threw his bow and arrow in his wardrobe; it gathered dust as I yearned to try archery.

Gerard noticed my enthusiasm and snuck me out the palace to join him in the forest as he hunted.
At first I just watched him contently until soon the day finally came, Gerard allowed me to try his bow and arrow.

At first, as I predicted, I was useless.
I couldn't even grasp the arrow and pull it back. It was too heavy.
I was too afraid to tell Gerard though, ashamed he would laugh.
But being the older brother he was, he managed to mangle a bow from a set of branches. We couldn't dare ask Father for one.

Once I got use to the size, I started to become good at it.
I was never as good as Gerard but I tried. We hid my own bow in the log of a tree so no one would know.
No one questioned how close Gerard and I become, not even James.

So from then onwards, I went to the forest with Gerard to hunt.
As well as being a master with a bow and arrow, Gerard was skilled with throwing knives and making traps for the animals.

He considered these pretty handy skills to have, besides from knowing how to rule a kingdom.

But soon our bounding sessions ended as Gerard was needed more and more with Father, going over tactical skills for the rebel attacks and financial issues.

The real world took over from our play time...

Alexander doesn't know how to respond to my request. He just stands there, weighing the outcome in his head.

I'm surprised with what he says next. "If you are allowed to proceed with these conditions, I have my own requirements. If you are allowed outside the grounds, I want you back here at 9 o'clock sharp each and every night. You must be prim and proper and obey your Mother's teaching and always attend your classes.
No snarling, no back talk and especially no sly remarks to your teachers. Do you understand?"

Even though I hate his rules, I solemnly nod.

Alexander, content with his establishments heads towards the door.

I lie back to bed when he adds, "And also, you must stand by a strict dietary and medication plan, no princess of mine can get away with not treating themselves properly. And no matter what, you must always be a lady'

The emphasise of the word 'lady' stands out like a swollen lump.

"Okay then. It's a deal"

Guys I hope you like the brand new cover designed by the amazing @elxiri- (I think that's it!)
It's so amazing, I love it!
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter :) xxx