James

For some strange reason, every morning when I wake up, I always recite the same few words:

'It's only one day. Twenty four hours. You can make it'

I don't know when exactly I started to give myself this little pep talk, or why. It just happened out of the blue and ever since it has been a comforting mechanism.

I don't think anyone ever imagined their royal highness waking up each morning feeling the need to remind himself of the temporariness of the day, to simply reassure himself that just like any other day, he will get through this one.

An urge like bile slowly creeps up my throat, tingling my senses as I try to stay calm. My heart is racing.
No matter how hard I try, I can never stop the hammering sound of grave agony pulse throughout my entire body. The feeling of being a mistake, something incomplete.
No matter how hard I try to ignore it, it always stays with me.

I turn towards Odessa's bedroom door after just leaving.
I should go back. I should comfort her, but I am so angry and frustrated to see her act so selfish.

All she ever cares about is herself.
It's never about the rest of us or the kingdom.
It's always about her.

The right side of my cheek is still stinging from the impact of her hit.
I want to tap on the door but I can't.
Maybe I should leave her be.
Besides, I have other, more important things to worry about now.

I stand still, compressing all of my thoughts into one as I exhale slowly. This is my breathing mechanism whenever things got bad.
Gerard taught me how to control my anxiety, but Father believes it is only silliness and that I should 'toughen up'.

I look at my watch. 5:37 pm.
Shit. I am late for the meeting.

Briskly I rush down the long hallway and turn towards another flight of stairs up to the chamber room.

Already all the deputy leaders of each section of our government sit in their seats. They all turn towards me, all their sharp eyes aware of my mishap.

Father stares at me too, disapproving my tardiness.

"James! Where have you been? Have you forgotten your duties?!"
With this there are a few mumbles and I can only orate "Sorry. I couldn't find my tie.."

Instantly Father looks embarrassed by my remark but I'm glad.
If I did mention visiting Odessa, he would be ten times worse.

He coughs and says "Sorry gentlemen...we can proceed with our meeting."

Sheepishly I sit in the nearest free chair, besides the foreign affairs leader, who has a large stack of folders displayed in front of him, covering his large stomach.

"Now gentlemen, as you are all aware, we have important issues to discuss before the Report. It seems that our fair share of trouble has been thrown under water and now we face critical dilemmas"
They all nod with sincere vexation.

Usually I am one to doze off in these meetings. When I was younger I would have, and no one would mind as I had no worries compared to Gerard. But now I must keep my eyes peeled and be aware of every single detail, even if it includes listening in to the financial monthly account readings.

Father taps on the round table before us and a protector appears.
Images of masked men appear, throwing pipe bombs and burning our nearby towns. Villagers are in distraught as the rebels rampage through, stealing as much as they can.

The rebel attacks have always been going on but now they are constant. Before they occurred once in a blue moon but now the guards can't even predict when they will occur.

"These images are from the far east. It only happened last night. By our sources we expect they are creeping up from the east, and west towards the palace."
Immediately hearing this, I gulp.
More rebel attacks in the palace?

"Our men have placed tighter security around the castle and nearby areas, our main priority is portalling near the forest, we suspect they will place counter attacks through here."
Father points at the mass of forest behind the Palace. It is a prohibited area full of barren land and mushy bog land.

"Our troops are on stricter security but we still lack the protection we need throughout the kingdom. At our last meeting we consulted over what to do and it seems fair to only proceed with bringing conscription back.
I feel once we disarmed it, our numbers fell mercifully. I believe it is time to bring back this order as our men who are willing to help our country will benefit from this order.
It might spouse our defence system"

A voice perks up, "But what about the threats we have received? Our people are not stupid your highness, they know the risk it will be to be a guard, especially with all these threats..."

"As we proceed tonight, we will mention the death toll of the rebel attacks and suggest, with the mention of conscription that we will provide medical care...."

My father furrows his eyebrows.
"The past few weeks have been daunting enough as it is..."

Father has been putting up a straight face ever since the accident. I overheard him once saying to Mother how he wished it was him who died instead of Gerard.
Everyone, including myself, wish they died instead of Gerard.

Ever since Father has been trying to manage everything. The rumours of war, the infectious disease and the economy have shaken our Nation.
He is doing everything he can to fix it.

Finally a plump man with a snow coloured beard speaks.
"Moving on to our next issue, tax payments. It seems our figures from last month are staggeringly low, a frightening situation it seems. We should proceed with the trials to convict those who haven't paid their tax in the past six months. Every income is modified to allow each citizen to receive their daily allowance of food and to pay their rent...so they should be leftover with enough to pay for their taxes..."

Suddenly I lose my mind as I listen to all of this uncanny madness.

"You cannot be serious?!"

Everyone, including Father, stares back at me.

"We just witnessed rebel attacks and the threat of a plague, I think taxes are the last thing on these people's minds! We can't treat our citizen like slaves! We should be thanking them and even offering our citizens support systems like soup kitchens, or even a better income...."

The men burst into a frenzy of outrage.

I try to stand my ground.
"I mean, if we show support, then things will get better.."

"Has he gone mad?! Does he pay attention at all!"

The plump man barks back,
"If you had any sense, you would know our economic situation is at its lowest in centuries! We can only provide what we have, everyone is lucky enough to even have the privilege of this scheme!"

More and more comments are thrown about.
"Has he gone mad?!"
"I can't believe he is our future king!"
"He will corrupt us all!"

I hear every snarling comment until Father's voice booms "ENOUGH!"

Silence beckons the room and I jump back to my seat by his rough voice.

"We will continue our meeting tomorrow. You are all dismissed."

They grumble and start leaving, all looking at me with disgust.
As soon as they all leave, Father puts his head in his hand and groans.

Before I can even gather my thoughts, I feel a hard thump against the back of my head.

"Next time, do as I say. Understood?!"

Immediately I know what he means so I keep quiet.
As he leaves, he slams the door.

I am left alone in complete silence.

* * * * *

It takes me awhile to regain my strength to leave the room.
Without hesitation, I rush to my bedroom and lock the door.
I don't want anyone to see me in this state, especially Father.

I couldn't get over how stupid I was to express my opinions in front of everyone like that. I should have obeyed Father and kept my bloody mouth shut.

I slide against the door and try to keep my composure.
Just breath in, breath out.

Whenever I get too stressed or I over think too much, I always go for a shower.

With jittering hands and a shaky breath, I fumble to unbutton my suit.
Once I open the bathroom door, I let out a little yelp.

I am greeted to Xavier, my personal butler. He's a tall, awkward 20 something year old who only moved to Erivale a few months ago. He practically came to my parents begging off the streets looking for work, so my parents handed him over to me, as my previous butler was accused of stealing silverware from the dining hall.

Fumbling for a towel, I curse at him.
"Jesus Xavier, maybe knocking would be nice?!"

He glances and briskly turns away once he sees me in the bare flesh.
Blushing scarlet red, he mumbles "Oh sorry master" I sigh. I hate it when he calls me that.

"Look Xavier, just maybe tell me next time you're here...okay?"
He scans across the room not wanting to look to me.

"Oh sorry..." he stares hard at my face, looking alarmed.
"Master, were you crying?"
I brush away at my eyes quickly.

"No, of course not! Why would I?!
And please, for the love of god, stop calling me your master, it sounds weird...Could you just leave me alone?!"

I don't mean to sound so harsh, and before I can even project a sound, he rushes out the door.

Huffing I focus back on the shower. Screw him for being too emotional.

I step inside to embrace an aura of luxurious pleasure. I am filled with warmth and awe as I let my train of thoughts run wild.

Having a shower always seems relaxing to me. I can finally think to myself with nothing else to worry about. It is just me and my shower.

I let all my thoughts brush past me but in the back of my head, I can't get over Father's harsh words. Why does he have to treat me so differently in the first place?!

I know I am not as perfect as Gerard, but I'm trying my best. No matter what, he always finds a flaw.
He never sees me as a full human being, always a piece of waste.

I mean, screw him for being such a vicious asshole. I am his eldest son now.

I am becoming closer to becoming the next King of Erivale.

My stomach is in knots just thinking about it. Imagine it though.
Me? The future king of Erivale? It sounds so daunting.

No. I will not let Father's words ruin me.

I will become King.
I will be...

So as you can see I'm back writing and I couldn't be more happier! :)
I just left because I had a lot of things going on and I honestly had no motivation!
But I'm back now writing and I hope you enjoy it!
It would mean the world to me If ye could give a vote or a simple comment.
I also hope you like Jack Falahee as James Blackthorn, I love him to bits!!