I stare at Ethan as he twists and turns in his sleep. I've been in this bed since last night.

And it's now two in the afternoon. He looks so peaceful.

I can see a little bit of weight coming back. I'm glad. I dont know what I'd do if I lost him.

I also need to try and stay as healthy as possible, his mother already walked out on him I wouldnt want him to loose me as well.

I dont know if I'm ready for this father thing.  I really dont. I dont ever want to disappoint him. Never.

I want to make sure that he has the best life possible. From the best schools to the best colleges and a good life in the future.

And I wont stop until I achieve that.

But right now? Right now I have no idea how to achieve all of that.

Not when he's a fragile little boy, healing from almost dying with an overdose of drugs and loosing his mother. That, I dont know how to do.

Its times like these when I miss my dad.

He did this right? Things like this also went through his mind. But I bet he never thought of the drugs part because my mother was never  crazy enough to leave me for an abusive psychopath.

A knock interrupts my thoughts.

"Nathan sweetheart, someone is here to see you." Janice says.

I don't reply.

Shes trying to force a relationship with her down my throat. This us really not the best time.

The door is pushed open slowly. I dont look up to see by who though. 

It's when she speaks that I spring up.

"Nate." She says and I almost cry.

"Ari?" I ask and she walks up to me and embraces me.

Ari is the older sister that I never had. She has been the one I could talk to about everything.

"Oh Nate I'm so sorry." She says crying with me.

We sit quietly for some time before she speaks again.

"Somehow I knew." She begins wiping her tears away.

I observe closely.

"When my dad married her, it was a very secretive marriage. I wasnt even invited.

Richard never introduced us to her. We barely even saw her as kids. The only thing I knew about her was that my mom hated her and she was the mother of my sister Nat.

Natalie and I are close but even she couldnt introduce me to her mom. One of the days I heard her screaming and yelling.

I walked into my dad's bedroom and I found him beating her up. I didnt see her face properly. Just her side profile.

I never thought about it much. I was just trying to save the woman.

My dad sat me down. He told me that I should never talk about what I saw. I told him I wouldnt.

I ran up to my room and I dialed your number. As it was ringing I started crying. He walked up to see why but he saw that I was calling you.

He hit me Nate. He hit me and Natalia is the one that saved me. She hit him from the back.

The next day, that's when my dad announced that he was cutting me off. He gave me fifty thousand and threw me to the curb.

Mind you, I was nineteen. That's how I moved to Manhattan. That's how you stopped seeing me.

From time to time I'd speak to Nat, and she'd tell me all about the abuse that her mom was going through. Shed ask about you and I'd tell her stuff.

I'm so sorry that I never told you this, I thought you were going to accuse me of knowing all along of Richard's plans." She says weeping.

I stare at her.

"Its alright Ari. It's fine. You couldnt have known." I try to comfort her but my voice sounds absolutely robotic.

"Its Natalia and Jamie right?" I ask. She smiles.

"Yes, I could arrange a meeting for you." She says.

"Can you tell me about them?" She asks.

"Well I've never met Jamie. But Natalia is eighteen. She's really kind, shes smart like you. She's extremely observant and she is very calm. She loves the beach but Richard and Margo dont want to take the kids out.

She is a really good artist.

What she told me about Jamie is that he is fifteen, he is a really good poet, and writer. And when she saw your picture.  She realised that he looks just like you. Except he has my brothers green eyes." She says smiling.

I dont say anything. Although I know that I'd love to meet her.

"Gemma would love them. By the way, where is she? Are you making her work today while you take a day off?" She asks mischievously.

'Ari?" I call.

"Nate, you cant be making her work while you're here relaxing." She scolds.

"Ari." I continue to call.

"Nathan, call her and tell her to get off work. Because if you dont, so help me God..." she continues.

"Arraine Goddamn it , she left me!" I unintentionally yell.

"W-What?" She almost spits her eyeball.

"She walked out on me. She left me for her abusive ex boyfriend. " I tell her. Tears are threatening to fall.

"No. She couldnt . She didnt. Nathan I spoke to her. I know that she loves you, she wouldnt leave you just like that. Something is wrong, go and get her." She pushes.

"You're doing this wrong. Your dad told my father not to look." I chuckle dryly. I need some whiskey.

"Nathan fuck sakes! This is no time for jokes! I'm serious. Go and look for her. She could be in danger." She cries.

"Ari, I think it's time you leave." I tell her.

"Nathan, you are going to loose her. You're going to loose her while sitting on your ass here! Shes going to die and it's going to be your fault because you couldve saved her! Her life is in danger, the is absolutely no way that she could leave you for that bag of shit! Her blood is going to be in your hands!

That little boy is going to loose his mom because you're too full of pride to go and look! That boy is going to hate you because you had the fucking chance to look for her and save his mom!

And I know that your dad told you not to trust women! But fuck that Nathan! Fuck that!

Gemma walked into your life and gave you the best seven months of your life! You love her!

I will never forgive you if you dont look for her and she dies. If she dies, dont you dare come to my doorstep crying.

I was here to apologise and invite the both of you to my gender reveal but as long as Gemma is not there, then I don't want you there either." She says then she leaves.

I cant go look for someone who left me, knowing what she was doing.

I drift to sleep. I hear a familiar voice.

"Nathan." He says.

"Dad? Father is that you?" I ask.

"Nathan I was wrong." He speaks. I've missed his voice so much.

"No dad. No you were right. You were right about women. You were right about her!" I speak.

"No, I was wrong Nathan. People make mistakes son and they try to rectify them. It's you who has the power to see who messed up and whether you forgive them.

She might've walked out on you, but she will come back. And when she does, forgive her son.

You never know the real reason why they leave. If it makes sense, then you stay with her." He explains

"I cant do that dad. I'm sorry."

"The problem Nathan is that you dont understand love.

You go looking for love when you're supposed to sit and love will be the one that finds you .

You should know that not even the ocean sails smoothly, why would a relationship?

Love is not about the promises, the money and the kisses and sex. It's about going through problems and staying together through them.

The moment you understand that, then you wont always be so ready to run to a bottle of whiskey to mend your broken heart." He says.

"I love that girl. She is good for you. Now go get her!" He yells and I bold up off the bed.

I jump into joggers and a hoodie. This late October wind is s bit too aggressive this year.

I knock on her door. And she opens.

"I forgive you."

"You do? Thank you so much son. I love you." She says hugging me.

"I need you to take care of my son for me. I'm going to find his mom. I'm going to save her. If it's the last thing that I do."

I grab the Porsche key. I'm coming Gem.