I jump off the chair when the door gets thrown closed with such force that the glass of the door to the balcony shakes dangerously. The small hairs on my neck raise, and I feel uneasy when a wave of pure hatred and fury rolls through his chambers. I hear something smash, then a roar. It's silent for a short moment before something else shatters.

Panic settles into my mind. Something is very wrong. I flinch when I hear glass shatter, contemplating what I should do. Then I recognize his voice. He sounds very upset. Again, I hear something break. He's angry. Very angry. I gulp and tug the blanket tighter around me before gathering enough courage to step inside and face whatever has upset him to this extent. I trust he won't hurt me. He promised.

I quickly place my almost empty glass of wine on the small table and get inside, carefully closing the balcony door. I shiver when I put the blanket down on the bed. It's colder than outside! And it's... silent. Very silent. I turn around to look for Loki to calm him down or to just simply be there for him. But when I turn around, I freeze. 

Crimson eyes are trained at me, blown wide in shock, surrounded by patterned, blue skin. Time seems to freeze as the shock registers in my brain. A frightened cry leaves my throat before I can stop myself and I stagger back in surprise and panic before I recognize the face.

He looks desperate. Shock and regret are radiating off him. I just stare at him pupils blown wide as I feel my heart racing and can hear the blood rushing in my ears. "Loki-" I whisper and take a step towards him but stop when he takes a step back at my attempt to approach him. I'm cold. 

Trying to wrap my head around his appearance, my brain is racing to make sense of this. "Don't." He pleads when I take another step towards him. "Please." I've never heard him whimper, and it shocks me to my very core. It's even more unsettling than the image of his foreign appearance.

"Don't look at me." He begs.  I feel helpless. He's looking so vulnerable, and I don't know what to do. It's heartbreaking to watch him, and I feel myself tearing up when he sinks to his knees. It feels horrible t -see him like this, and something in my head snaps into place. Ignoring his pleading to leave him alone, I crouch down in front of him, but he flinches back from my touch. He's shaking, and I realize that he is crying. "I will hurt you." He whispers, but I shake my head. "You won't."

"Please -" I cut him off by wrapping him in my arms. He's cold, but it's bearable. After long seconds, he gives in, slumping in my arms and burying his face in the crook of my neck. I feel his tears on my skin as he shakes with every sob that rips from his throat. My hand tangles in his hair as my other hand rubs his back reassuringly. "See?" I whisper. He's openly sobbing by now and the sound is squeezing the life out of my heart. "You're not hurting me." I feel him nod against my neck before he wraps his arms around me as well and pulls me against him tightly.

His sobbing intensifies, and I resume stroking his back and holding him close, clinging to his body in a desperate attempt to calm him down and hold it together myself. He still smells like he used to. He feels like he always feels, ignoring the cold that is radiating off his body. He sounds the same. This is him. I realize. This is who he really is, and I suddenly know that this doesn't change anything for me. "I love you." I whisper. "All of you." 

He doesn't respond. The only indicator that he's heard me is his grip on me that tightens before a flash of his green magic teleports us to his bed, where he pulls me into his lap and cradles me to his chest. His touch is gentle as if he is scared he could break me or hurt me with the coldness of his skin.

I feel the wetness of his salty tears soaking the fabric of my shirt on my shoulders before his cool hands cup my face to gaze into my eyes. "How?" He chokes out. "How can you love something like this?" Desperation lies within the crimson of his eyes. "I'm... I'm Jotun, Y/n. Jotun." More tears start pooling from his eyes, and I faintly remember Thor mentioning the race that is Asgard's worst enemy. "I'm a monster." He presses out in between sobs.

"No." As I gaze into his eyes, I see no evil. No monster. Only Loki. My Loki. "It doesn't matter where you are from, Loki." I urge him to look into my eyes when his gaze drops. "I don't care if you're blue or not, even though it's been quite the surprise." A faint smile tugs at the corner of his lips as I brush my thumb over his cheek. "I love you for you."

He has stopped shaking, but his tears are still flowing. His eyes are closed as he tries to calm down, and I use my thumbs to stroke the wet traces from his blue cheeks. I trace a finger over the patterns on his neck and feel him shiver under my touch. "If this is what you are, then this is what I will love." I whisper. "Every part of it." A last, soft sob sounds before he opens his eyes, the expression in his crimson irises unreadable.

He slowly leans forward, hesitating, giving me time to pull away before he gently locks our lips together. The kiss is tender and slow, and when I move my lips against his, he pulls me against him. He kisses along my jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck before reaching my collarbone where he stops, his cool breath tickling my skin. "Be mine." He whispers against the soft skin. "Please."

A cool hand slips under the silk of my top, resting on the small of my back as his lips rest against the delicate skin of my neck, waiting for me to say something, to do something - anything. I can feel his anxiety. He's completely bared his soul in front of me, I've seen the part of him he hates the most. But as his blue hand gently caresses my back, his cool breath tickling my skin, I feel peace. This feels so right. He feels like home. He is home. So I nod against his chest.

He stills. A shiver shakes his body, and when I look up into those beautiful eyes, I see a range of emotions that take my breath away. There's love, relief, adoration, hope, happiness, and so much more. I don't dare reach out for his mind because I know that as soon as his emotions flood my mind, I'd shatter to pieces. Instead, I reach out with my hand, tracing the patterns on his face until his cheek settles into my hand. "Yes?" He asks though it sounds more as if he's trying to believe that I nodded. "Yes." I reply.

A smile - the most beautiful one I've ever seen - appears on his lips, and his hand gently cups my smaller one, the one that is holding Loki's cheek. He gently takes it in both hands before raising it to his lips to place a soft, lingering kiss on my knuckles. His lips are cool, but it's no longer cold. It's a comforting coolness that brings a smile to my lips as well. His lips detach from my knuckles, only to meet my lips, for a short, tender kiss that almost seems innocent.

A flash of green catches my attention, and I watch with eyes wide in wonder, as something gains shape in the swirling magic. Loki's blue hand closes around the object before it fully materializes and holds it to his heart for a moment as if to find the courage to show me what it is. My eyes widen when he finally opens his hand, holding it out to me. It's a ring. A delicate, golden band that threads around a smooth emerald that catches the light beautifully.

I stare at it in awe, my gaze only snapping to Loki's when he gently takes my hand in his. I see the silent question for consent in his eyes, and when I give him a small nod, he slips the ring on my finger. "Thank you." I whisper as I inspect it further, running my fingers over the smooth metal where I detect very delicately engraved letters that look similar to the ones in the Asgardian books I've seen. They're barely noticeable, and if I wouldn't have felt them under my fingertips, I don't think I'd ever noticed them.

Loki notices that I've found the letters and smiles. "It's a promise." He tells me. "It's a promise that I will love you for all eternity." "I love it." I smile at him. The ring is simple, but that doesn't mean it lacks beauty. Quite the opposite. It's probably the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. I like that the emerald is not too big so that the golden band won't get lost under the size of the gem. "I had it made for you." He whispers. "Months ago. Thor brought it from Asgard for me. But I never thought I would ever have the chance to give it to you."

My eyes widen at his words. Months??  "When?" I curiously ask. "The day after you told me about your sister." He admits. "When you forgave me for hurting you." He swallows heavily. "When you forgave me just like that. No... no favors, no ulterior motives - And then, you even asked me to stay the night. I felt welcome. It was... nice." I hum in response, remembering the peaceful night with his warm body wrapped around mine. I didn't have nightmares that night.

"I liked you before, you know?" He smiles at me. "The very first time you stepped into that room to interrogate me, I knew you were different." He laughs at how stupid that sounds in his ears. As if the line was out of one of those bad Midgardian romance books. "You were so desperately trying to fit in and seem confident. I think I saw a piece of myself in you." I smile, attentively listening. "I don't know when it happened, but I knew I was in love after that night with you in my arms." A fond smile dances across his face, and I nuzzle my nose into his chest.

"I think I was obsessed with you before you even knew I existed." I admit, laughing and feeling his chest vibrate against me as he chuckles. "Do you remember the sleepwalking incident?" I giggle at the memory. "I do." He answers. "How could I forget? Surprise is an understatement for what I felt when I woke up with you under me. Not that I minded the company." He shifts and adjusts me in his lap so that the hand on my back can move better over my soft skin.

Humming in satisfaction at his soft touch, I gaze up at him. "That incident was the point where I realized that this obsession was serious." He nods. "I would have been concerned as well if I had been you." He admits before a new wave of laughter bubbles from his chest. "I think I knew I was in love after you looked after me when Bruce removed my tracker." I admit. "And I knew that something was going on with you as well when you were so angry about me being so close with Bucky."

He pulls me closer as I mention the Bucky incident. "I'm still sorry." He whispers. "We can't change the past. Don't be sorry. What matters is the presence. Let's focus on that." He nods, and I bite my lip as the question that has been in the back of my mind for weeks now lays heavy on my tongue. "I always wondered... Why were you like this? You said you were possessed. By what?" 

"Thanos." The answer is simple. "I fell off the Bifrost. Some years ago. Or months. I don't remember but it's not important. In the void, he picked me up and used an infinity stone to control my mind. Sometimes, there are ghosts of his presence still in my mind. Like a scar that aches despite having healed years ago."

I hum, not wanting to make him relive those obviously painful memories, so I snuggle up to him and steal a kiss before just placing my head back on his chest and listening to his heart, which beats as steady as ever, with the same rhythm as always. Despite the two forms, Loki still has the same heart.

It's silent for a few minutes before Loki carefully detangles us. "I should change back." "No." I plead. "Please, I want the real you tonight." He scoffs, but I can see the playful smirk on his lips. "My Asgardian form feels more like the real me than my Jotun form." He informs me. "Because that is who I've been my entire life." I nod, understanding what he is trying to say. "I still want you to keep this form. Only tonight. Please? Let me show you how much I adore you, even in this form." He chuckles and raises his hands in defeat. "Alright."

When he notices me shivering again, he gets up to close the door to the balcony. I can't help myself but marvel at his strong back. His Jotun form looks rougher than his Asgardian form, and I notice that he's at least one foot taller than normal. I squint my eyes at him, blushing heavily when my thoughts wander. "What is it, my love?" Loki asks when he turns back and notices my reddened cheeks. He follows my gaze lingering on his body and a devilish smirk appears on his face. "Is... Is every part of your Jotun form bigger?" His eyes darken. "Why don't you find out?"