When I woke this time, there was no confusion about whether I was in heaven or hell. Not unless those places were mundane bedrooms with dusty ceiling fans and cheap bedspreads smelling faintly of mildew. A throbbing pain spread across the back of my skull, making my eyes water and the contents of my stomach threaten to rise when I sat up. The pain was the first clue Cian wasn't here. Even if he didn't care for me—and right now, I would admit he did—the man wasn't the kind to let someone hurt for long, though I doubted he would have any qualms about causing agony to whoever took me away from him.

"Bria, steady." Large, dark hands pushed against my shoulders, easing me back to the bed, and hazel eyes roamed over my face at a speed that made them appear as if they were vibrating.

"Jac."

My former partner grinned, his eyes going to thin slits that pushed out the tears that had slowly been forming as he stared at me. They rolled down his cheeks and splashed onto my hands. A few days ago, all I wanted was to see him again and to know he was okay, but all I wanted to know now was if they had harmed Cian.

"I thought you were dead," he said, pressing a hard kiss to my forehead while cradling the back of my head, careful to avoid the point of injury. Releasing me, he adjusted the pillow behind me and used his hip to nudge me over enough to allow him to sit comfortably on the bed beside me.

"You know it's harder than that to get rid of me." I tugged the covers up to my neck. He wasn't even touching me, but the intimacy in his gaze was unnerving and reminded me the Amouri connection between us was still strong. "What happened?"

"After the fire, Tiffany told me you were dead, but I noticed I was suddenly being left out of the conversations. Even Kay, who usually tries to play mediator, wouldn't tell me anything other than the Coalition was regrouping, now that the last Shard Keeper was dead."

A tremble went through his body, and the tendons in his jaw pulled so tight I feared it might snap. Giving him a moment to pull himself together, I took the opportunity to really look at him. He'd lost weight, and his hair, which he normally kept in tight curls close to his scalp, stuck up in disheveled ringlets. A few silver threads wove their way through the black and honey. Matching scruff grew on his chin and up the deep hollows of his cheeks, and shadows bruised the space beneath his eyes. But it was the mis-buttoned, wrinkled blue shirt that sent me into a panic mode. I'd worked with him on cases that drove us to the brink of exhaustion, but even when he could barely hold his eyes open his clothes were impeccable.

"Jac, are you okay?"

He sucked in a sharp breath. "Am I okay? Bria, I spent the last five days thinking you were dead. Do you know how hard it was for me to walk away from you when we broke up? I thought that was the worst pain I would ever experience, but living away from you was nothing compared to believing I was living in a world where you didn't exist anymore."

The declaration might have been romantic if it wasn't for the manic gleam in his eyes as he spoke, or the bit of spittle that sprayed from his mouth. The old me would have latched onto his admission that our break up caused him grief and reminded him it was his decision, but it barely registered.

"But I'm here. I'm fine." Bile shot up my throat as a slight movement intensified the ache in my head. "And I think we need to figure out how to break this Amouri connection, so you don't have to experience that ever again."

It wasn't what I wanted to say. I wanted to prod him for more information about how I ended up here, but more importantly, I wanted to find out if Cian was okay. Maybe I could relate a bit to what Jac described. Knowing Cian wasn't with me was an ache almost as terrible as the one in my head.

"Break our connection?" He recoiled. "Why would we do that? I strengthen you, and you... complete me. I love you, Bria."

"J-Jac..."

I needed to approach this with caution even though my brain snagged on his use of the word completion. There was something I'd forgotten... But solving the problem in front of me was more important. Tiffany and Kay might have been lying bitches, but I believed them when they told me the Amouri connection could be dangerous. Then, we'd been more concerned about Jac being harmed trying to protect me, but seeing him come undone before me made me wonder if he might fall in the camp of obsessive and stalker.

"I know you love me," I said, and I meant it. We had been friends before we became lovers. I loved him too, but not the way he wanted me to. He had lost that the moment he walked away from me, and it was only driven further away when I learned the truth. I could forgive him for lying and having secrets, but I could never forgive him for making me doubt myself.

"Then there isn't anything to end." Jac jumped to his feet and ripped his shirt open, revealing the broad expanse of his chest and the tapering trail of coarse hair that ended just above his pants. "I've been researching the Amouri bond, and I've learned we can speed up the healing process through the bond."

"Nope. I don't think that's necessary."

The top button of his pants came undone as he worked at it, and he shook his head. "I killed the bastard who hit you. The order was to bring you in unharmed."

The bed creaked as I pushed backward, scooting until my back was against the headboard. Jac murdered someone. "Who was it that attacked the hotel? The Coalition?"

"No," he admitted. "It was me and some other officers who I've discovered had supernatural connections. We weren't going to leave an officer behind."

"Jac, this isn't you," I insisted.

"It is me. It's the me who will do anything to make sure you're okay." His pants went flying across the room, landing on a floral armchair. He dragged the covers down, exposing my legs and making me very aware I wore only a flimsy nightgown and no underwear. The sheets must have been new because I had experienced no echoes. If the situation wasn't so dire, I might appreciate the thoughtfulness. "I want you to use me to make yourself feel better. Just like you used to."

"I didn't know what I was doing. It was wrong."

Jac's hands settled between my legs and wedged them open, his fingers sinking into soft flesh like hot brands. "This thing between us is never wrong."

"No," I gasped and snapped my legs shut before shoving him off me. "I don't want to have sex with you."

The man at the end of the bed gaped at me, and I was certain it wasn't just the Amouri bond that made this confusing. When had I ever turned him down, and recently, I was always the instigator. A fact I thoroughly blamed on the Amouri bond. It made a lot more sense than me going years with only one other partner and then turning into a horny monster whenever Jac was around.

Did it explain my behavior with Cian? No. But I could deal with that later once I was sure he was okay. All I knew was that now that I'd been with the Andarien, not a single atom of my being was interested in being touched by Jac—or anyone else.

In the time it took to blink, Jac was up and on top of me. Stars burst across my vision when my head banged against the headboard before he dragged me down and pinned me against the much softer mattress. He didn't move to tear away my clothes or force himself on me. There was no desire in his expression as he grabbed my face and forced me to look at him. No, there was only fierce rage.

"You let that monster fuck you, didn't you?"

"Jac, stop." It was hard to speak through pursed lips, and his grip tightened as his thumb shifted over my mouth to silence me.

"Such pretty lies out of this pretty mouth. Did you put it on his cock? I know how much you like sucking cock, Bria," Jac growled.

Hot tears spilled out of my eyes, but they weren't for what he was doing to me. I wouldn't lie and say I wasn't terrified, but my heart broke seeing Jac like this. Proud to the point of arrogant, Jac Grisham wasn't perfect, but in almost all things, he was kind. This bond was a toxic thing, poisoning him.

Acting on instinct, I closed my eyes and sought the energy in the room the way Amaya taught me. Hints of echoes clung to the space. One was strong around the armchair, but there was nothing that would have overwhelmed me if I'd accidentally touched it. I reached beyond the echoes, searching for the pure energy. It was strong in the heat from the sunlight streaming through the window. But even stronger was Jac's life-force—swelling around in a twisted and gray cloud.

Latching onto all of it, I drew it inside me and willed it through my limbs, strengthening them. This time when I shoved against Jac, he cleared the bed and slammed into the wall. Drywall dented around him, and he slid to the ground in a dazed heap and didn't move.

With a smothered sob, I scrambled out of the bed and promptly spewed everything I'd been fighting to hold down since waking up all over the beige carpet. Later, I would figure out why I puked—if it was the head injury or the use of my power, since vomiting was a side effect of going into the worst echoes.

The room spun as I walked toward the door. "Get it together, Bria."

Cold metal filled my hand, and I drew in a shuddering breath as I worked up the courage to twist the knob. Surely, if anyone was outside, they would have come in when Jac was yelling at me or when he hit the wall. It hadn't been quiet. But on the off chance someone was out there, I was screwed. The residual power in my body wouldn't be enough for over one or two hits. Most of it seemed to work toward healing me—my head already felt better. I wouldn't complain about that.

"Come on. Grow a pair," I muttered, yanking open the door. Shock spiraled through me, and with an excited yelp, I threw myself into the arms waiting on the other side.