But um. In retrospect I think that there is this beautiful and wonderful story that we all get to be a part of. Alot of times we find ourselves cast in roles we know so little about or were not ready for and some of us don't even know we are on the big screen. Our knowledge of the script and our knowledge of our roles in the story is what makes us different from others. Our perspectives are different because we know. And when we are on the cusp of discovering what it is we have to do or who it is we have to play, it may not necessarily seem readily apparent or clear. It may come to us slowly, in bits and fragments we may not quite understand yet but it's all just leading to the climax of that realisation. To live outside the script paints you a bit different because when others look at you they assume you are standing on a page without words. A black hole that you'll just fall through. But you can't read the script from within the page. It's frustrating and it just can't work. There's alot more going on than I can explain right now not because I can't but because sometimes unless you're taken behind the scenes yourself, you won't believe that it was actually CGI. It's easy to let these things pass and one day recall that there was a time you were invited beyond the curtain but the glamour of the drama constrained you from pulling away. It's easy to let them slip because they throw you off what you know to be true. But as long us you are in the page you don't know what kind of story it is. You don't know how beautiful it could be. You don't know which characters are for you or against you. You don't know the plot. You don't know the setting. You don't know the conclusion but being in the page has a way it can make you think you know. Reality is you are moving around a room blindfolded. And so you cannot see the things that you must see. And thus at times you blame the unpredictability of the story. But stories are not unpredictable when you are the writer. Even though you're reading.. those parts only grip you with surprise. But you know where the writer is headed. The story is beautiful. The story really is beautiful and I guess the saddest thing for me is that many reach the end of their roles and realise they had been acting for so long and it wasn't even the role they were invited to play. They cannot be forced to act something they don't want but neither can they escape the story. It's beautiful and many choose to see it as it unfolds and the dangerous thing there is anytime they can walk off a cliff of words. Forgotten characters. The tree in the play. It may seem like it's okay because the majority of those they know live in the story that way. It may seem right by popular opinion. But I guess that's where we are all given the choice. Either to distinguish ourselves or to fade into obscurity. There are many things characters in the story may forget but it's only outside the book you realise there was a point for this. Everything had a point. Whether your role was relevant to the development of that point or not would only be the role you chose to play. I feel I have spoken too much there.