Joshua O'Brien

August 23rd, 2018

I opened my eyes to find myself in the one spot I promised myself I wouldn't end back up at, Danielle's bedroom. I expected her nude body to be next to me considering we had sex but I was alone. I sat up and looked around the room for my clothes. In the middle of me looking around at the trail of discarded clothing, Danielle's bedroom door opened. I pulled the blanket on the bed to cover myself on the off chance that it wasn't her. I should've known better because Danielle herself walked in fully dressed with two cups in her hands.

"Hey you're awake." She said sitting down next to me with a huge smile.

I looked at the cups in her hands. "What's that?"

"Oh its coffee. I was at Austin's and I figured I'd get you one." She said handing my one of the cups.

"Thanks."

I took a sip of the hot coffee and stared at the hoodie she still had on. After all this time she still kept it. It was big on her, but that's what I liked about it.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Why'd you keep that?"

"Keep what?" She asked.

I sucked my teeth. "You know what."

"Oh this? I don't know, I guess I just liked the way it fit me." She said unzipping the hoodie.

"You sure it's got nothing to do with it being mine?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She said placing her cup on the nightstand next to the bed.

"You don't have to keep playing dumb Danny. You got what you wanted."

"And what was it you thought I wanted?" She asked pushing me on to my back.

I placed my arm around her as she cuddled up next to me. "This."

"This?" She asked.

"Me...here....in your room....with you."

"You know I half expected you not to be here when I got back." She said caressing my cheek.

"Why?"

"Because.....even though I had you....you still belonged to someone else." She said looking visibly upset.

"Hey! Don't think about her. I'm here aren't I?" I ran my hand up her back until it reached behind her head. "I'm with you....just like it used to be."

"Did you mean what you said last night? About how....you loved me." She asked laying her head on my chest.

"Of course." I sneered clearly lying to myself.

"Positive?" She asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Positive."

"I missed you." She said.

I placed a kiss on her forehead. "I missed you too."

"What happens now?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're still with Jessica right? Well....what happens with that?" She asked.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" She asked lifting her head up to look at me.

"I don't know Danny."

"You're breaking up with her right?" She asked with her smile quickly fading.

I threw my hands up. "I mean I guess I don't know."

"You guess?" She asked.

"Danny it's not that simple!"

"Of course it is! Just tell her you're not happy with your relationship and break up with her." She said moving both her hands to my cheeks.

I locked on to her eyes. "Danny....."

"I want you to be with you again Josh. I want to be yours again." She said.

"Ok....I'll tell her the next time I see her in person."

"Good....the sooner the better." She said before kissing me on the lips.

I pulled away from her. "Hey hey I'm kind of tired from last night."

"That's ok, let me do all the work." She said in a mere whisper.

I felt her hand creep under the sheets and towards my lower abdomen. "Danny I'm serious!"

"Shhhhh.....just kiss me." She said crashing her lips into mine while pulling her leggings down to her knees.

I pulled away again. "Hey why don't we continue this in the shower?"

"Why? You're already naked....and ready." She said referring to her hand now being wrapped around my cock.

"Because I want to clean you all up....so I can make you dirty again." I whispered just like she did.

"Well....when you put it like that." She said kissing me one more time before getting off of me.

I watched her strip naked in front of me and smirked. "Just gimme a second and I'll join you."

"You better." She said throwing her bra at me before walking into her bathroom.

I laid there waiting for the noise of her shower to hit my ears. The moment I heard the water running I quickly got off the bed and started putting my clothes back on. Once I got my pants on I made my way out of her bedroom and into her living room. I threw my shirt on and slipped my shoes back on before leaving her dorm room entirely. I paused just outside her door to think about what I was doing. The truth was I made a mistake last night by succumbing to temptation. I didn't really know if I loved Danielle the way she thought I did. I surely couldn't have told her the truth, that I didn't know how I felt.

But by leaving her alone in that shower I was just proving to her that I was no good for her. Maybe she'll see that...maybe she'll move on from me. I'm not the same guy she fell for back in Orlando. She deserved better than me...and I probably deserved to be alone. I mean I cheated on my girlfriend Jessica, and for what? For a one night stand with my ex girlfriend? I should've known better than to ever come here, that's why I had to leave. God what will Danielle think when she realizes what I've done? Fuck I shouldn't have slept with her. This will break her heart. It's not even like I won't see her again either. She's the sister of one of my best friends. I had to avoid her for a while, maybe she'll get over it and move on from me like she should.

"I'm sorry Danny." I whispered to myself outside her door.

"Josh?"

I turned to see the last person I needed to see. "Alice?"

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked.

I waved her off. "Oh I just had to get something from a friend."

"Really? Because your shirt's on backwards." Alice said pointing at my shirt.

"Fuck!" I pulled my arms through the sleeves to turn it around.

"Hey man it's your life." Alice said.

"Don't tell Jessica."

"It's none of my business Josh." Alice said.

I shook my head. "I fucked up Alice."

"What else is new?" Alice asked putting her arm around me.

"I betrayed Jessica's trust and for what? For some old flame that went out months ago?"

"Come on let's get you back to your dorm." Alice said as we walked down the hallway towards the stairs.

"I don't deserve Jessica."

"Hey! You're only human Josh. You made a mistake and now you're gonna have to live with it." Alice said.

"I can't tell Jessica, it'll break her heart."

"How long have you two been together?" Alice asked walking down the stairs with me.

"A month."

"Josh you have to tell her." Alice said.

"I can't."

"Josh if you don't tell her, then it'll only hurt worse the longer you stay with her." Alice said.

"Fuck! I hate when you're right."

"Look you don't have to tell her today, but you have to tell her soon." Alice said as we got to the first floor.

"I just wanna forget about it for now." I pushed the doors open to outside. "But I'll tell her....I promise."

"Get back to your dorm safe. I gotta go meet up with Isiah." Alice said.

"We still on for this weekend?"

"Are you sure you wanna go?" Alice asked.

"I could use it Alice."

"Alright well we're going this Friday so be ready to come meet us by the parking lot around noon then." Alice said giving me a hug.

"Will do."

"Be careful Josh, women can be....unpredictable." Alice said pulling away.

"Yeah tell me about it."

I watched as she turned and walked away from me in the direction of the boy's dormitories. I looked around and ran my palm across my face in frustration. For the time being I was gonna have to just ignore Danielle until I figured everything out. But until then I was just going to try and forget about what I did. I was gonna go to Lake Jackson with Jessica and try and make things right. I took one last look at building B, I thought about what Danielle would think of me. How I had basically just had sex with her and ditched her just as she feared. I felt horrible about it but at the same time I should've felt worse about cheating on Jessica. I cared about both of them if the truth be told. I turned and started walking towards the campus library. I needed time to think before I went back to my dorm room.

August 25th, 2018

I was never a believer in global warming until I saw what happened to Lake Jackson. I remember coming here a few times as a kid. I had family in Tallahassee and we'd come here when we got tired of the beach. Now Lake Jackson was mostly dried up, nothing but dirt and pockets of water remained. I stood there by Isiah's car watching Isiah and Alice debating over where we should all go now. Isiah wanted to go to the beach but Alice just wanted to go back to our dorms. Honestly it was nice to worry about something else other than the elephant in the room.

Danielle had been blowing up my phone to the point where I had to block her number. Some of the things she said made me feel horrible about what I did. As if that wasn't enough, I had to pretend like I didn't just cheat on Jessica everytime I talked to her. I wanted to tell her today but the way she smiled when she saw me forget about it all. Also she's been dealing with some shit too, like how she finally reconnected with her sister Adrian. If I just dropped this bombshell on her, it would make her a nervous wreck. I just kept thinking about what Alice told me about women. How they can be unpredictable.

I figured if I could just find the right time to tell her that maybe she could forgive me. Hell some part of me wondered if we could still be friends after. I think that's what frightened me the most. Truth was I didn't want to lose Jessica and honestly I didn't want to lose Danielle either. But I'm pretty sure I already lost Danielle so if anything maybe I could keep Jessica as a friend. I noticed something when I saw Alice and Isiah bickering back and forth. I was reminded of how Danielle and I used to always go back and forth at each other towards the end of our relationship.

But when I was with her that night in her room, it was like I had completely forgotten about all that. I was reminded of why I fell for her in the first place. I mean she was an amazing person, I was just the piece of shit she fell in love with. I remember the first time I ever laid my eyes on her. It was back when I was only a senior in high school. I went over to Quinn's house to hangout and that's when I saw her.

January 13th, 2014

Quinn had somehow talked me into going with him to the movies with his girlfriend and her friends. He said something about not wanting to be the only guy there, as if that was a bad thing. I was in Quinn's living room waiting for him to get back from bathroom when I got a glimpse of someone else in the house. Usually it was just Quinn and I here considering his mom worked during this time of day. Then again there was his sister but last I heard she lived with her dad. I've actually never met her in person but I've always been meaning to. She was a decent looking girl but that wasn't why. It was just that I already met Quinn's brother Isiah, so might as well meet his sister.

I left my spot in the living room to head upstairs where I saw the person. I looked down the empty hallway and saw the door at the end of it was opened slightly. I walked over to it and knocked on it which caused it to open more. I peeked in the room and that's when I saw her laying down in her bed. Danielle Peterson wasn't what I would call a decent looking girl anymore, she was drop dead gorgeous.

My memory of her was a lot different from what I was looking at. Even with her glasses on her face she almost looked completely different. Maybe it was the fact that her teeth didn't have braces on them? Or maybe it was the fact that her body seemed to finally develop? From what I remember, she was supposed to be older than me. I couldn't remember her age exactly but it had to he atleast three years apart from mine. I think she finally noticed me because she looked up from the book she was reading and smiled.

"Hi." She said closing her book.

"Hey.....you're Quinn's sister right?"

"Yeah unfortunately." She said laughing a bit.

I approached her and hesitated a bit. "I'm sorry I thought.....didn't you used to like live with your dad or something?"

"Yeah but I decided to move back in here." She said sitting up.

"I'm so sorry! I should've introduced myself first." I held out my hand. "I'm Josh."

"Danielle." She said shaking my hand.

I pointed at her book. "What are you reading there?"

"Oh nothing!" She said covering the book's cover.

I sat beside her and smiled. "Hey come on let me see."

"No no it's....it's dumb anyway." She said holding the book close to her chest.

"Danielle the first thing you gotta know about me, is that I don't judge. Especially when you're my best friend's sister."

"Ok.......but don't make fun of me." She said handing me the book.

"Fifty Shades Of Grey?" I flipped through some of the pages. "Isn't this the book about sex slaves and shit?"

"It's not about sex slaves!" She said trying to snatch the book back.

"Hold up!" I leaned away trying to read more. "I wanna see what all the fuss is about. Hmm......this is some....very interesting stuff."

"Can I have it back now?" She asked.

"So is this the shit you're into?" I handed her the book and winked. "Ball gags and chains?"

"No! It's just a good book." She said.

"Really? What's it about then?"

"Some journalist who falls for this playboy millionaire named Christian Grey." She said.

"Falls for his what? His money? His looks? Or something else?"

"His.....dominance." She said.

I cringed. "Huh?"

"Can we just....can we not talk about the book anymore?" She asked hiding her face with the book.

"So let me get this straight." I pulled the book down to look into her eyes. "This girl falls for a millionaire, not because of his money, nor his good looks, but for his alpha male presence?"

"Yeah see you get it." She said smiling.

"And these two have alot.... of like mind blowing sex and shit?"

"Lots." She said giggling.

I looked at the cover again. "Hmm....I might read this one day."

"I'm reading it for the second time. You could....borrow it if you want?" She asked.

"I mean....I'm good, I think I could always check the library at school."

"You genuinely think they're going to have a book with lots of sex in it?" She asked.

I snapped my fingers and chuckled. "Fair point."

"Here. Take it. Honestly it'd be nice to have someone to talk about it with." She said handing me the book.

"What about your friends?"

"Oh....I uh....I don't have many friends." She said cracking an awkward smile.

"Well Danny." I reached out and held her hand. "You got one now."

"Danny? No one really calls me that other than my brothers." She said with her cheeks turning red.

"Oh is it weird? I'm sorry I shouldn't have said-"

"It's ok." She said pressing her finger to my lips. "I like it when you say it."

"I find it hard to believe you don't have many friends."

"What can I say? Most people are embarrassed by me." She said.

"I'm not."

"You just met me." She said giggling.

"So? If the whole world was watching...I'd still be your friend."

"Are you sure? What if I turn out to be insane? Looks can be deceiving you know." She said.

"Ok are you insane?"

"Well no." She said.

I winked at her. "There you go then."

"But would an insane person actually think of themselves as insane?" She asked.

"Interesting."

"Josh! Where you at?" Quinn shouted from downstairs.

I hopped off her bed and backed up towards the door. "I should uh.....I should get going."

"Till next time Joshy." She said.

"Joshy?"

"You're not the only who gets to use a nickname." She said with a smirk.

"Yo! Josh!" Quinn shouted again.

"I'm up here Quinn!" I shouted walking out of Danielle's room and towards the stairs.

"The hell you doing upstairs?" Quinn asked.

I walked down to the bottom of the steps. "Just uh...I had use the bathroom up here."

"Alright. What's that?" He asked looking at the book in my hand.

I held the book close to my chest to hide the cover. "Oh just uh....just some book I got from the library."

"I didn't know you liked reading?" He asked.

"I don't usually."

"Alright well come on let's head out before we're late." Quinn said walking out the front door.

I looked back at the staircase. "Yeah I'm right behind you."

I saw Danielle just sitting on the top step staring at me. Something about her green eyes was hypnotizing. It was like time itself just froze, like we were the only people in the world. I smirked at her and was met with a smirk in return. She waved me goodbye and I winked at her before following Quinn outside.

August 25th, 2018

Even though that was three years before I even had the courage to ask her out, I knew she would be mine one day. Fuck what have I done? I shattered her heart because I was afraid of breaking Jessica's heart. I've known Danielle for years and I've only known Jessica for over a month. Fuck I've made a horrible mistake.

"Babe I'm telling you we should just go back home and plan this out a different day." Alice said.

"But come on Alice! This was supposed to be our date." Isiah said.

"Hey its ok, we'll find another day." Alice said.

I walked over to them and sighed. "Alice is right."

"What?" Isiah asked.

"We should probably head back to the dorms."

"See! Josh wants to head back too." Alice said.

"Hey so I'm confused! What are we doing right now?" Jessica shouted from the backseat of Isiah's car.

"We're heading back to the dorms." Isiah shouted back at her.

"Fuck! Really?" Jessica shouted.

"Yes Jess! Really!" I shouted.

I got in the backseat of Isiah's car with Jessica before Isiah and Alice got in after me. The drive back to the dorms was a long one but I flew by because all I could think about was Danielle. I didn't know what I was gonna say, or if she even cared anymore. I honestly just felt like I was back right where I started with her. Maybe I couldn't talk to her but there was one thing I could think of that would cheer her up. When we got back to the dorms I kissed Jessica goodbye, saying I was going to study for the day.

Instead I went back to my room and searched frantically through all of stuff. It took a while but I finally found what I was looking for, Danielle's copy of 50 Shades Of Grey. I never did give it back to her but we did talk about it a lot after I read it. Those were good memories, during a time where we were just discovering our feelings for one another. I made my way over to the girl's dormitories and went up to the third floor. Just like three days ago, I walked right up to Danielle's door. This time was different. I wasn't here to talk, I wasn't here for sex, I was just here to apologize.

But even with that looming over my head I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. I just placed the book down in front of her door and simply walked away. I didn't look back because I was afraid I would see her standing there like she was three days ago. I walked down the stairs all the way to the first floor and made my out of the building. I didn't know what to do, either I could go admit my mistake to Jessica and ruin everything, or I could just go over to Josie's and drown my sorrows in a few alcoholic beverages.

I liked the second option better.

So with that I left the FSU campus and crossed the street over to the plaza that had Josie's in it. I walked in the sports bar and took a seat at their bar. I stared up at the TVs that had all sorts of different channels running on them. I got stuck on one TV that seemed be playing the The Notebook on it. I later found myself drinking a beer while staring at the scene where the couple in the film were kissing in the rain. I wish life could just be that simple.

"They look happy don't they?"

I turned my head to see a girl with short hair take the seat next to mine. It's been a while since I've seen a girl rock a jean jacket like the one she had on. Patches running up and down the entire thing. Her voice was also something else, it wasn't everyday you met a girl with an Australian accent. The mess of brown curls that laid on her head did a good job of hightening her eyes. They looked like two pools of golden honey underneath the light. I was staring too long now, I looked back at the tv and nodded.

"Yeah....they do."

"Funny how movies depict love. They make it seem so simple." She said.

"I was thinking the same thing."

"But love ain't simple. Hell people aren't simple. One day you think you love somebody and then the next....you don't feel anything for them anymore." She said.

"Yeah I know how that feels."

"Somebody break your heart?" She asked.

I turned to her. "More like I broke somebody else's heart."

"How'd you manage that?" She asked.

"I just....I don't know." I took another sip of my beer before looking back up at the tv. "I made a mistake is all."

"Life is full of mistakes. It's how we learn from them that makes us the people we are." She said.

"Yeah....I guess so."

"This person whose heart you broke, who were they to you?" She asked.

I closed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. "They were.....a good friend."

"Good friends are hard to find. I know from experience, I mean I only have like two at the moment." She said.

"Two?" I turned to her again. "Awfully low don't you think?"

"Eh not for me." She said shrugging her shoulders. "I've been screwed over by a lot of people in my life. I'm content with just two good friends. The others friends I have are cool but I'll never love them the way I love my two good friends."

"Do all your friends have an accent? Or just you?"

"Just me I'm afraid." She said with a smirk.

I cracked a smile and took another sip of my beer. "I like it. It makes you sound....different."

"Different? Is that a bad thing?" She asked.

"For you? No."

"You know I usually don't go out to places like this anymore." She said.

"Why?"

"Because I can't drink any alcohol." She said.

"What are you uh...an AA member or something?"

"No but....I did spend time in rehab for something else. They told me when I got out to not indulge in other types of addictions. Alcohol happens to be one of them." She said.

"Fair enough. Could I order you like a club soda or something?"

"Oh no I'm fine. I just...came here for the company." She said.

"Company?"

"My roommate was supposed to come here with me but she's running late. I think my neighbors were also coming here but....I think I've found the only company I need right now." She said batting her eyelashes at me.

My heart started beating in my chest like a drum. I tried my best to hide the obvious surprised look on my face. "Oh....you have?"

"Yep. You know getting your heart broken is one thing, but getting back out there is another." She said.

I smiled the best I could. "With that hair I think you'll do just fine."

"What's up with my hair?" She asked running a hand through it.

"It's.....nice."

"So I've heard." She said.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. "I'm sorry hold that thought." I pulled it out to see another message from Danny.

I always wondered where that book went. I guess Anastasia was right about one thing. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can find a prince.

"That doesn't look like good news." The woman next to me said.

I kept my eyes on my phone. "It's not."

"Is it the broken heart?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Don't try to make them feel better. It's what they want. You can only try to help someone so much until they have to help themselves." She said as another text popped up on my phone.

Oh I see we're still playing this game of me texting you and you not saying anything back. Why do you have to be like this Josh?

"But what if what I did was wrong?" I looked up at her. "Like really wrong?"

"Have you already apologized?" She asked.

"Not really come to think of it."

"Well apologize then. After that, there's really nothing more you can do." She said.

"You think so?"

"Look you can try making them happy but in the end.....people will always do what they want....regardless of your feelings." She said before shrugging her shoulders. "So fuck em."

"In theory that sounds like a good idea but....I'm not that kind of person."

"And that's why you will always have that look in your eye." She said.

"What look?"

"A look of guilt." She said.

I couldn't hide the look on my face anymore. My eyes widened and my jaw felt slack. "Who are you?"

"Adrian....Adrian Hayes." She said holding her hand out.

I scooted out of my chair so fast that it almost fell back on to the ground. "Oh shit....look I gotta go."

"So you're just gonna leave me hanging?" She asked still holding her hand out.

"Look you are a beautiful woman and I'm sure any man would be happy to have you." I pulled my wallet out and dropped money on the counter for the bartender. "But I'm taken....by Jessica Hayes."

"Oh shit." She said as her eyes widened as well. "You're Josh?"

I shook her hand. "That's my name don't wear it out."

I smiled at her before walking out of Josie's. I looked down at my phone as I was walking back to my room. I kept reading some of the messages that Danielle had sent the day I left her alone. Some of them hurt just to read and the fact I didn't respond made me feel guilty. It's just like Adrian said, I had that look on my face. I read her last message again and took a moment to think about what to say. I thought about what Adrian said about just apologizing first.

For some reason I felt like it was too late for an apology for Danielle. She needed something that showed her I still cared about her. Something that showed her that I actually felt bad. I felt my phone vibrate and when I looked down at the message it made me feel even worse.

You said you loved me Josh. I can forget that, if thats what you want. We can just be friends again. That's all I want right now. We can forget about that night we shared and just go back to the way things were before. Just please talk to me!!!!

I ran my palm over my face as I stared at the message. I bet she was probably doing the same thing. I took a deep breath and began typing out a long message for her. I stared at it for what felt like hours, I needed her to know how I felt. I needed her to know I was wrong.

If the whole word was watching Danny, I'd still be your friend. But I'm not gonna forget about that night. I'm gonna tell Jessica what happened. She'll hate me but maybe she'll understand. All I know is I've felt nothing but guilt since I left you by yourself. You're such a good person Danny and I fucked up. I'm sorry Danny I really am. I don't want to lose you, I don't want things to go back to the way they were before that night. I want them to go back to the way they were when we were together.

I half expected her not to respond, it had been minutes since I sent the message. I looked away from my phone and walked a few steps before my phone buzzed again.

Don't say that unless you mean it. Don't play with my emotions right now.

I felt a smile creep up on my face as a lightbulb went off in my head. I had to prove to her I was serious, I couldn't do that over the phone. So I typed a short message before rushing over to the girl's dormitories.

You're right. I shouldn't say it over text. Maybe in person it'll sound better.

With that message being sent I found myself right outside of her door. I reached my fist out and knocked on the door a few times. Just like that the door flung open and I was met with Danielle face to face. Her eyes looked like they'd been crying all day, maybe the past three days. Her phone was in her hand so I guess she had just finished reading my message.

"Did you mean that?" She asked bracing herself.

"I shouldn't have ran like I did. I should've joined you in that shower and showed you what you meant to me." I placed my hand on her doorframe and ran my hand through my hair.

"I thought if I had found someone else that maybe they'd fill the void that you had left in my heart. But no one could ever replace you Danielle Peterson." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "No one on this whole fucking planet......I love you."

"Don't......don't give me hope. Don't say these things just to disappear all over again." She said on the verge of more tears.

"I'm done pretending, pretending that I don't think about you every minute of every day." I locked my eyes on to hers with tears of my own. "I'm done pretending that I'm content with my relationship with Jessica because I'm not. She's a good person but she's not you."

"She's not you Danny. I don't care if she doesn't like me anymore. I don't care if I hurt her feelings by breaking up with her. If that's what it takes to have you back....then you're worth that to me Danny. I don't know how many times I have to say it but....I love you Danny." I smiled and held her hand in mine.

"I loved you from the moment I saw you with those fucking glasses on, reading that damn 50 Shades Of Grey book. And I don't think I've ever stopped loving you since."

"Josh.....I....I-" She said before leaning in and crashing her lips into mine.

I lifted her up into my arms but I stayed out in the hallway. I didn't care if anyone saw us right now. Let them watch, let the whole world watch. I loved Danielle and if anyone had a problem with that then, as Adrian Hayes said herself....fuck em.