Quinn Peterson

February 14th, 2014

If there was one word I could use to describe my last relationship, it would be "perfect". Brianna and I were as happy as we could be with one another. Sure we had bad days like other couples but that never threatened our love for one another. I was currently waiting for her at my school's cafeteria with Isiah and Josh like most days. Our lunch table used to be more packed but everyone either moved or graduated. There was a time where Danielle would be at this table but of course she graduated a few years ago. Atleast it was Isiah's freshman year so I wasn't completely alone. Then there was Josh who I had met last year in my history class. It was just the four of us now with the addition of Brianna ofcourse.

Well I guess you could say five because every now and then she would bring her brother Shaun over. He seemed cool but he was quiet so it was easy just to forget he was even there. Of course it being it Valentine's day meant I had to get something for Brianna. I would've gotten her something basic like a box of chocolates or a teddy bear, but she hated that stuff. I had a date planned out for us today after school but I still didn't know what get her.

All I had so far was a photo from our first date but I didn't think that was enough. Isiah told me to get something big but Brianna never cared about how much a gift cost. It's more about the thought when it came to her. Anyway the three of us sitting at the table were all busy working on a project for our graphic arts class. Somehow I got paired up with Shaun out of all people but Isiah and Josh were lucky enough to get paired up.

"Hey Quinn?" Isiah asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't glue sticks ever stick to the bottle?" Isiah asked looking at his glue stick.

I chuckled a bit. "What?"

"I mean if its glue it should just stick to the bottle right?" Isiah asked.

"I think you've been inhaling too much of that glue Isiah." Josh said chuckling.

"Hey it's an honest question." Isiah said.

I shook my head. "No no no. 'Why don't birds fall out of trees when they're sleeping?' Is an honest question."

"Why don't they fall out?" Isiah asked.

"You both are making me dumber by the fucking minute." Josh said looking at his phone.

"What are you doing?" Isiah asked.

"Checking Instagram, hey guys when did your sister get hot?" Josh asked.

I scrunched my face up a little bit. "You did not just ask us that?"

"What I just checked her Instagram and I don't know. I just remember her looking different." Josh said.

"Well she got contact lenses and had her braces taken out so maybe that's why." Isiah said.

"Either way stay the fuck away from our sister Josh!"

"Whoa calm down Peterson, I was just looking is all." Josh said.

"Ain't she a little old for you?" Isiah asked.

"Isn't she like 21?" Josh asked.

"Yeah and your 18."

"Again I'm confused, what's your point?" Josh asked.

"Just stay away from our sister Josh."

"Alright alright jesus, you know I like to think I'm a pretty good guy. Isn't that what y'all want for your sister?" Josh asked.

I pointed my finger at him and scolded. "Ask one more question and I'm shoving Isiah's glue stick up your ass."

"Aye speaking of shoving things up people's asses, where the hell's Brianna?" Josh asked.

"What the fuck do those two things have to do with one another?" Isiah asked.

"Brie said she'd be a little late." I checked my watch on my wrist. "Something about going to see her friend about something."

"You know all jokes aside, you're a lucky man Peterson. Brianna is one helluva catch especially considering your last girlfriend." Josh said.

My ears perked up and my eyes shot right at him. "Wait who told you about my last girlfriend?"

"Peterson come on, when you have a junkie like that for an ex-girlfriend, word gets around." Josh said.

I looked down at my watch. "Adrian had her issues, its why I broke up with her. But she had a good heart. She has a good heart, its what I liked most about her."

"That and her tattoos." Isiah said.

I looked back up at him. "No I'm pretty sure that was just you Isiah."

"Ok he's right but come on once you start tattooing your arms like that you don't give a shit anymore. It's what I liked about Adrian, she had that 'no fucks given' type of vibe." Isiah said.

"Yeah well it doesn't matter anymore." I tapped my watch a few times. "I haven't spoken to her in over a year and I don't really plan on doing so."

"That's fair, why would you? Brianna's way nicer of a girl than her. You two together are like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." Josh said.

I shrugged. "Pretty obscure reference but I'll take it."

"Didn't those two have a nasty divorce?" Isiah asked.

"You're missing the point." Josh said.

I looked and around and got up from our table. "Hold that thought."

The reason I got up was because I saw Brianna walk into the cafeteria. I figured now was as good a time as any to give her my gift and tell her about our date. I walked over to her and saw her face light up when she saw me. I approached her and gave her a huge hug like I always did. I kissed her on the lips before pulling out the photo I had of us.

"What's this?" She asked.

"You remember that picture we took on our first date?" I reached into my back pocket and took out the photo from our anniversary. "Well I got it developed and I thought it would be a good gift."

"Oh my god Quinn! It's perfect!" She said almost jumping up and down.

I handed it to her. "You think so?"

"Of course I'm totally getting this framed in my house." She said holding it up and putting an arm around my waist. "I mean look at us, I've wanted something just like this my whole life."

"I also had a date planned for us tonight."

"Really? Where are we going?" She asked.

"Well I spoke with Carlo and he said he'd close early and let us have the whole place to ourselves tonight."

"How the hell did you get Carlo to do that?" She asked.

I smirked and leaned forward towards her. "Let's just say I cut a helluva deal with him."

"When did I deserve such a nice boyfriend?" She asked.

I planted a kiss on her cheek. "The moment you said 'yes' to being my girlfriend."

"We should take another picture." She said.

"Why?"

"Because in a few years from now, I want to look back at it as the moment I said....that I love you Quinn." She said.

Those words fell from her lips like the voice of an angel. I was being dramatic, but it really sounded like what I've been waiting my whole life for. Adrian had told me those words once, then after she fucked her life up, I started to doubt those words. But with Brianna, it was real.....it was so real.

"Holy shit!....I mean...holy shit. You're serious?"

"I think so...I've just never met anyone like you before." She said with a huge smile on her face. "I mean it Quinn, I love you."

"Well then I want to take this picture." I pulled out my phone and held it uo in front of us.

"So I can look back at it in the future as the moment I said....I love you too Brianna."

I leaned in and kissed her while also snapping the selfie for memories.

August 22nd, 2018

There I was sitting in a booth at Austin's Cafe looking at that same picture on my phone. Brianna was right to wanna take it. Looking back at it I'm so fucking glad I did take it. It's a memory that I could relive just by looking at the picture. So many times I thought about deleting it, Brianna was dead and she wasn't coming back. Holding on to those kind of feelings only keeps the pain and grief around. But I could never delete it, my biggest fear was waking up and forgetting what she looked like. I deleted a lot of the other photos to try and move on but I could never delete this one.

"Is that her?"

I turned around to see Cassandra standing beside my booth. She was wearing bright pink hoodie that was cropped off at the waist, as well as pink camo leggings this time. I was actually surprised to see her wearing shell tops on her feet. I honestly took her style for one of those "thrasher" type of girls. I was obviously wrong. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun with one of those bandanas tied around it.

"Her?"

"Your girlfriend, is that her?" She asked pointing at my phone.

"Yeah." I laid my phone on the table for her to get a better look. "Yeah it's her."

"She's beautiful." She said.

I felt a small smile form on my lips. "She was...she was very beautiful."

"Are you ok?" She said placing her hand on my shoulder. "Should I leave you alone?"

I turned to her and shook my head. "Do you ever think about your brother and just....do you ever think that you took your time with him for granted?"

"No...my brother was born with his illness." She said before sitting across from me. "It wasn't a matter of if it killed him but when. So no I took all the time with him like it was his last day on earth."

"I wish I would've spent my time with Brianna like that." I ran my hand across my face in anguish. " I just....I didn't know....I didn't know until it was too late."

"You know my brother always told me to never cry over him. The last thing he ever wanted was for someone to feel bad for him." She said.

"How old was he when he died?"

"19." She said.

"Shit." I shook my head and looked out the window right beside us. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"I guess it's god's fucked up sense of irony." She said.

"Do you even believe in god?"

"No....he sure as hell didn't believe in my brother or maybe he'd still be here." She said.

I looked back at her. "I don't think it works like that."

"Yeah well fuck how it works." She said.

"It's been a year since my girlfriend died and I don't feel the slightest bit better about it."

"Maybe you haven't been trying hard enough." She said.

"Trying what? Moving on? Yeah I have, believe me I have."

"So you've dated someone else since her death?" She asked.

"What? Hell no!"

"Then you haven't tried a damn bit to move on." She said shrugging. "It's the only way you're ever gonna be able to be happy again."

"Brianna was one in a million. I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone better than her."

"Look I know we haven't known each other for long, but it's never gonna get easier if all you're thinking about is her." She said crossing her arms.

"It's like you said, it's been a year. I'm sure your girlfriend would've never wanted you to live on miserable thinking about her everyday. I'm sure she would've wanted you to be happy."

I scoffed. "You know everyone keeps saying that but....it's never just that easy."

"Ok then here's what gonna happen. Starting today I don't want to hear another goddamn negative thing come out of your mouth about your girlfriend's death." She said with some bite in her voice.

"From this day forward you are going to think of the great moments you shared with her and nothing else. That way when you remember her, you remember her the way she would've wanted you to. Remember your relationship with her, not the way it ended, but the fun you had while it lasted."

I shook my head looked away from her. "Why do you even care? I've had people closer to me say the same thing."

"Because....a life full of grief is not a life worth living." She said reaching across the table to grab my phone. "I'm sure your girlfriend would've wanted you to live."

I looked back over at her. "Think positive huh?"

"Positive." She said holding up the picture of Brianna and I.

"Ok well this one time I had to sneak into Brianna's house in order to see her. I did the whole cliche 'climbing up the side of the house thing' in order to get into her room."

"And?" She asked with a smile growing on her face.

I cracked a smile. "And her parents totally caught us and I ended up falling out of her two story window."

"Oh my god you're lucky you didn't end up in a wheelchair." She said giggling a whole lot.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" She asked.

"Well if we're gonna do this whole "positive moments' shit." I leaned forward on the table a bit. "You gotta tell me something about your last relationship."

"Ok well let me think....ummm...yeah nothing." She said looking up at the ceiling.

I scrunched my face a bit. "What do you mean nothing?"

"I've uh...never been in a relationship." She said looking at me with an awkward smile on her face.

"How old are you again?"

"22." She said.

"Jesus christ!" I nearly stood up from my seat. "Really? I mean look at you."

"Yeah....look at me." She said looking out the window, her smile fading.

I was taken a back by that and just shook my head. "I'm confused, so do you hate how you look?"

"Of course I do." She said.

"Why?"

"Because!" She snapped looking back towards me." Because every guy I've ever met only ever seemed to be interested in how I looked. Yeah there'd be a few here and there that acted like they cared about my feelings."

"But that only lasted until I never gave them what they 'really' wanted." She said still not making eye contact with me. "Honestly I wish I was hideous, atleast then I'd know if a guy actually cared about me."

"I find it hard to believe that not a single guy has come along yet. I mean your 22!"

"Yeah but....all guys are honestly the same. They may act different for a few weeks to earn your trust....but deep down they're all the same." She said locking her eyes on to me.

"Ok so you haven't been in a relationship." I shrugged. "Have you been with a guy at all? A kiss or...something?"

"I've never kissed a guy to be honest. I mean like a real one because you know when you're little that shit doesn't count." She said.

"That's something else....I mean I would've thought a girl like you would've had her fair share of relationships."

"A girl like me?" She asked.

I stumbled a bit to form words without offending her. "You know.....like uh....forget it."

"No no come on tell me." She said leaning forward on to the table.

I scratched the back of me head. "You're just.....ok look you're very active on Instagram and you post like sexy pictures on there so I just....I just thought....."

"You thought I was a slut?" She asked squinting her eyes at me.

"I didn't say that!" I leaned back and pointed at her. "Ok you said that."

"Then what was it you thought?" She asked growing visibly frustrated.

"I just thought you were like every other dumb hot girl ok! You know the type that takes fucking selfies with their fake friends and goes to the beach on the weekends to drink and party."

I took a breath before leaning forward in my seat again "But you're not like that, hell you're in AP Trigonometry so I know you're not dumb. Look I know I've only known you for a few days but....I've seen enough to know that you're different. I could be wrong but....I'd rather not be."

"You're saying I'm hot?" She asked with smirk.

I ran my palm across my face. "Is that really what you took from all that?"

"Look I get it ok, I know I post a lot of dumb shit on Instagram but...that's just for show. I mean I like my body, I worked hard for it. So yeah I might show it off like a lot of other girls but don't get it twisted Quinn, I'm not like other girls." She said shaking her head.

"You know I've heard that from a lot of girls. Like a shitload....but you may be the first girl that's telling the truth."

"So you went on my Instagram?" She said with a devilish grin now on her face.

"Yeah."

"But I don't remember telling you my Instagram." She said tilting her head.

I smiled back. "You didn't, I just looked up your name and I found it."

"Why?" She asked.

"I just wanted to see what you were like. Apparently it didn't matter because your Instagram certainly doesn't represent who you are."

"Did you look at all of my posts?" She asked resting her head in her hands.

"No just a few."

"So you think I'm hot?" She asked.

I shook my head and waved my hands in front of me. "Whoa whoa I think you're taking that a bit out of context."

"No no you said it not me." She said.

"I mean yeah but it was more of an expression than what you think."

"So I'm ugly then?" She asked.

I threw my hands up and scoffed. "What do you want me to say Cassie?"

"Cassie? The last person who called me that was my brother." She said.

My stomach nearly dropped. "Shit...look I'm sorry it just sorta came out."

"No no...I like that nickname. It's better than what my friends call me." She said.

"What do you they call you?"

"Cass." She said.

"I'm not a huge fan of that. I'm just being honest."

"I'm not either trust me it gets old." She said.

"So what do you do when you're not busy making everyone else feel dumb?"

"Well....I don't know. I guess I just hang out with friends, go to the gym, and I um....." She trailed off before looking away from me. "I draw a little." She mumbled.

"Draw? Like what an artist?"

"Yeah but...I'm not as good as an artist you know I sorta just do it for fun." She said trying to wave it off.

"Do you have like a sketch book?"

"I mean yeah but it's at my dorm." She said with another awkward smile.

"Do you have any pictures on your phone of your work?"

"Yeah but....." She said trailing off.

"But what?"

"It's really hot in here isn't it." She said rolling the sleeves up on her hoodie.

"Cassie? Come on."

"You'll hate them, they're not that good." She said.

I held out my hand. "Nah come on let me see them."

"Alright but I'm warning you they're not good." She said pulling out her phone and handing it to me.

I scrolled through a few of the pictures before finding one that really caught my eye. "Holy shit."

"See I told you." She said.

"Cassie these are awesome. Why don't you pursue a career in this?"

"You don't have to be kind. I get it, they're bad." She said.

"I'm being serious, I mean look at this one." I turned her phone around and showed her the picture I was looking at. "Is that you?"

"Yeah it's horrible isn't it?" She asked.

"What are you talking about? That's pretty fucking awesome! I'm friends with a legit artist." I placed her phone back down on the table. "Hey do you think you could draw one of me"

"Are you being serious?" She asked as her eyes widened.

"Yes! I mean that's talent Cassie. I don't care what you say."

"Oh and don't like....like look too far into that drawing. It was one of my Instagram posts and I kinda just sketched it." She said.

"Hey you'll hear no complaints from me. I mean you captured your best features on paper."

"What? Like my ass?" She asked scoffing a bit.

I shook my head and leaned forward halfway across the table. "Your eyes."

"You know I don't show everyone my art, even my closest friends." She said clearly blushing. "Consider yourself lucky."

"I think I'm lucky to have met you in the first place. Let alone get to see your drawings."

"It's crazy....I feel like I've opened up to you more than my best friends....and I've only known you for a few days." She said.

"Look you don't have to, you know you can keep things to yourself. You don't have to feel inclined to tell me anything you don't want to."

"I know that it's just....you're just really easy to talk to." She said.

My face dropped a bit as I leaned back against my seat. "I've heard that before."

"You know I think I will draw you." She said grabbing her phone off the table. "Consider it....a gift."

"What are you gonna take a picture of me?"

"What else am I supposed to sketch off of?" She asked holding her phone up.

I smiled and pointed at myself. "Ummm me?"

"That'll take too long, come on pull your hoodie up it'll look cuter." She said reaching across the table to grab my hood.

I slapped her hand away and chuckled. "Hey hey I can do it myself."

She just rolled her eyes as I pulled my hood up and smiled at her.

"There we go, now make like a goofy face." She said.

I sucked my teeth. "Why?"

"Because trust me it'll look cute." She said messing with my hair.

"Ok ok." I slapped her hand away again. "Just stop messing with my hair."

I posed in front of her camera whilst grabbing my hood with one of my hands. I closed one eye and gave a very cheeky smile as she snapped the picture.

"Ok annnddd done. See that wasn't so hard." She said putting her phone away.

"You're not gonna let me look at that?"

"Nope. I want it to be a surprise when I finish drawing it." She said smiling.

"Alright I'm looking forward to it then."

"What are you doing this weekend?" She asked.

"Nothing. Why? You got any ideas?"

"My friend Rose is coming back from London and she's having like this fancy party for her birthday." She said sort of twiddling with her thumbs.

"I was supposed to bring a date but....do you wanna come with me?" She asked rushing to the point.

"What like a date?"

"No stupid....just like as friends. Do you wanna go or not?" She asked with a giggle.

"How fancy is it?"

"Do you have a suit?" She asked.

"Yeah I do but.....yeah I do."

"What?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's just kind of out of nowhere you know but....I'll go."

"Really you will?" She asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Yeah why not? It sounds fun."

"Alright but you'll have to drive." She said.

"That's fine, I'd hate to make you drive in a dress anyway."

"I don't have a car." She said giggling again.

"Ok that makes more sense. So this Rose friend of yours, what's she like?"

"Oh you'll like her she's really chill." She said.

"How long have you known her?"

"Since freshman year of highschool." She said.

"I don't think I have any friends that I've known since freshman year....unless you count siblings."

"How many do you have?" She asked.

"Two, a brother and a sister."

"How old are they?" She asked.

"My brother is 19 and my sister is....25."

"Middle child huh?" She asked.

"Yep it sucks as bad as it sounds."

"I'm an only child now, so I could only assume." She said.

"How is that? Being an only child?"

"Lonely." She said running a hand across her face.

"You feel lonely often?" Im

"Not often but...I don't know sometimes I just wish I had someone that I always knew was gonna be there." She said tapping her fingers on the table.

"Yeah family seems to never go away whether you like it or not."

"I know, like do your siblings go to school here?" She asked.

"Yeah both of them."

"See that's fucking awesome like you could practically always have someone to talk to." She said throwing her arms in front of her.

"I guess but that's what friends are for right?"

"Somethings you can't talk to friends about." She said.

"Like what?"

"It's dumb I don't even feel like talking about it honestly." She said waving it off.

"Nah come on tell me. Look I don't know anybody that you know." I laid my head on my arms. "So who am I gonna tell?"

"You don't know anyone right now, but you will after this weekend." She said.

"Ok that's fair but....I'm a good listener. If you have something you want to get off your chest you can tell me, I won't judge you."

"It's embarrassing though." She said.

I smirked. "You can't get more embarrassing than me so go on."

"I'm 22 Quinn and I know how guys are and that most them are the same but....it's like you said no good guy has found me yet. So then I start thinking like....am I just not that interesting." She said. Her face growing more and more displeased with every word.

"Like I see all of my friends with their awesome boyfriends and I just wonder like....why can't I find something just like that?" She asked.

"So what you're saying is that you hate be single. But yet you've turned down every guy that's ever asked you out?"

"Did you not hear what I said earlier? Every guy that's ever been interested in me has only wanted me for my looks or my body. Hell all they ever wanted was sex and I want more than that." She said.

"I get it, you want your Cinderella moment."

"My what?" She asked.

"You know Cinderella, you want a prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet." I chuckled a bit. "You want a guy who cares about your feelings and will treat you like a princess."

"Isn't that what every girl wants though?" She asked.

"No. Some girls are ok with average, but not you. I mean you're 22 so you've waited this long, a few more years couldn't hurt."

"I don't want to wait a few more years!" She said hitting the table. "I mean I get so conflicted with what I want Quinn. One second I want a prince charming, the next second I just wanna know what it feels like to even be with a man."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "You really haven't even kissed a guy? That's crazy."

"You don't think I know that. I mean I wanna know what sex feels like, you know. All my friends just love bragging about how great their boyfriends are in bed and it fucking pisses me off." She said clenching her fist against her hoodie.

"Why?"

"Because I wanna have sex too!" She said raising her voice a bit. "But I don't want it to be with some one night stand that I'll never talk to again. I want it to be with the love of my life."

"You're gonna be waiting for a helluva long time then. You know how many people actually meet the love of their life on their first try?"

"That's not fair, I guess I'm just gonna be that one old woman who has 30 cats and lives alone by herself." She said.

"Cassie you're being ridiculous." I smiled and reached over to hold her hand. "You're gorgeous trust me, your prince charming will come along before you know it."

"Why do you say these things?" She asked.

"Say what things?"

"I mean you've called me sexy, hot, and now gorgeous." She said.

"And?"

"Most guys who call me those things usually want something." She said staring into my eyes with such an accusatory look.

"Cassie....really?" I tilted my head and rolled my eyes. "I just told you not long ago that I'm unable to move on from dead girlfriend. Do you honestly think I want something from you other than your friendship?"

"No.....just my friendship I guess." She said looking away from me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Hey look I gotta go, I'll text you what time to pick me up this Saturday." She said sliding out of the booth. "Oh and I'll get started on that sketch of you."

"Oh ok I'll um...I'll see you Saturday."

"Hey....remember....positive memories only." She said nudging my head before walking away.

"Positive memories only." I whispered to myself.

I pulled out my phone and opened it back up to see the picture of Brianna and I. I stared at it for a few minutes before I hit the trash icon. The option "Delete Picture" popped up and I hesitated so much to just press it. I was so close to just hitting the button but I ended up just turning my phone off and putting it back in my pocket. I looked out the window and saw Cassandra walking away back towards the campus.

I learned a lot about her today, maybe she was right....maybe she isn't like other girls. But that thought quickly escaped my mind, I don't think I could ever do that to Brianna. No one could ever replace her, she was fucking perfect. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and opened it to look at the picture of us.

Her smile was everything to me, it was the only thing that could make me smile some days. I'd give anything to have her back, to just have those moments with her one more time. Maybe in the future I'd love to have moments like this with another person. That's if I could ever get over Brianna. That's when it hit me, it wasn't just Brianna that I missed. It was the moments we had, the love that we shared. I was scared because I don't ever think I'll find that again. But the truth is......

"I want something just like this."