It took Sae far longer than usual to recharge.

It left Jason with time, time where he could not escape his own thoughts with distractions or comforts. Time where he was alone with nothing but the harsh reality of his actions. Time where he was forced to consider his own words, to face his own guilt and figure out how to accept it.

Strangely, his guilt sounded like his mother. It came in a low, scathing voice that told him he was worthless, that he would never accomplish anything worthwhile. It was her sneers and her loathing. His father's silence and ignorance. His brother's harsh laughter and taunts. It was Jason's own self-hatred and every one of his scars.

Jason pulled out his starsong amulet and held it in his palm, running his finger over the insignia of the Cryophoenix.

What would Banshee say?

He knew what she'd say. He knew what Olivia would say, what Ella, and Lucian, and Ariel, and even Ericka would say. They had felt more like a family in the one fleeting night he'd spent in their group. Ariel's kindness, Ericka's teasing, Lucian's friendship, Ella's fierce promise, and Olivia's smile. They'd all welcomed him, and some quiet part of him knew they still would. That even if they'd known everything that he'd done, every way he'd failed and every worthless thing that lay inside him, none of them would turn him away.

And if they could still face him, then he could face himself.

*+*+*+*

The darkness had caught up a long time ago.

It had her bound now. She could no longer run. She'd struggled at first, fighting the restraints. Resisting had caused such tremors and shakes of her body that she'd thought she was experiencing one of her seizures. That had terrified her even more than the silken bindings, so she'd stopped.

She was back in the cage of starstone. Sometimes she would blink and it would change, so she stopped blinking. She just lay there, waiting for the next stripe of agony. Her throat was dry and aching. Her insides were empty. She couldn't remember sleeping. She didn't know what energy she subsisted on. She just remained, her life split not by days or hours but into fragments of waking nightmares.

At least she was frustrating the Serpent, she told herself with a wry tweak of her lips. Whatever he wanted from her, he wasn't getting it.

Aya crouched before her, twirling the amber dagger that Banshee had become all too familiar with.

"You're doing so well," said Aya with a smirk. "And you know? I appreciate that. You're letting me try so many new, fun things for anyone who might come after you." She tapped the dagger against her lips. "But you know, every second you don't snap, someone else suffers. This world is broken. We have never known differently, but with their power, we can change it. We can put a stop to the eternal hunt. We can all share the power again. Don't you want that?"

When Banshee next blinked, it wasn't Aya she was looking at, but herself.

The mirrored Olivia tilted her head to the side, her own hazel eyes glimmering with something that Banshee couldn't recognise in her haze.

"What are we still hanging onto, little shadow?" Olivia asked.

Banshee took in all the details she could before her eyes began to burn. The small scar beneath her eye that her parents had fussed over for days. Shiny, auburn hair that Ericka had always been jealous of. The clothes she'd bought while out with Ariel a few months ago. All of them were there.

Yet it was the starstone glasses on Olivia's face that Banshee reached out to touch.

Not alone.

The next time she blinked, Banshee was alone once more.

*+*+*+*

As the first hour began to approach the second, the crystalised auroralight that cocooned Sae dissolved back into light and faded.

Jason pushed himself forward from where he'd been seated, onto his hands and knees beside the indent. Where he'd expected to find his Ascended, he found the indent half-filled with light, fluffy snow. Dread began to grip him as nothing moved, the worst scenarios climbing in his mind, where Sae hadn't been strong enough to--

The snow moved.

Directly in the centre of the indent, a small, black beak pecked its way through the snow, shoving itself just high enough to speak.

"Well, Featherbutt? Are you gonna help me out or are you gonna--"

Jason scooped Sae out of the snow with both hands, pulling half of it with him. He felt Sae's claws on his skin as Sae fluffed himself up in a dignified manner, shaking off the snow. Sae sat up, tucked his wings away neatly, and opened one, big eye to look at Jason.

They stared at each other in a heavy silence until Sae spoke. "How you feeling, Jason?"

"I, uh..." Jason trailed off, swallowing down the lump in his throat before trying again. "I don't believe there's quite a word that covers the sheer relief I'm feeling right now."

There was a glint in Sae's eyes that told Jason he wasn't alone with the feeling. "I'm glad you're alright, Featherbutt."

Jason's eyes stung as he shut them tight and lifted Sae up against the hollow of his throat, tilting his head down as he felt the soft chill of a wing reach up around his neck.

"I--I'm sorry, Sae," Jason managed to get out after a moment. "I just--I wasn't thinking, I should have known..."

"Hey," said Sae. Jason lowered him, holding the Ascended close enough to feel the cold, but far enough to see him clearly. Sae lifted a wing and wiped the corner of Jason's eye. "You didn't know, kiddo. Another one of those things we keep from you until you're ready."

"There's always something else, isn't there?" murmured Jason. "What was this one?"

"A Luminary can draw extra power from their Ascended after their usual reserves run out," said Sae. "But it hurts both the human and the Ascended to use--as I think you discovered. There's only a select few Luminaries capable of handling that pain. Cryophoenix is one of them."

"I felt it," said Jason. "There was a point where I could have just... frozen it all over. I never would have felt that pain again. I could have drawn on it forever."

"You never would have felt anything else, either," said Sae. When Jason gave him a confused look, Sae sighed. "I spose now is the only chance I could tell you. The pattern of the Cryophoenix. When something is too painful, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, they will freeze. They become entirely logical. A frozen Cryophoenix is beyond deadly, not just to their enemies, but their allies. Nothing matters to them except the end goal. No price is too high, not even their own partner or Ascended."

Jason considered what Sae was saying. "You mean to say that if I had persisted, if I had frozen, that I'd have killed you to continue drawing on that power? How would I have transformed?"

"You wouldn't have dimmed again; it wouldn't be logical to leave yourself powerless. You'd have stayed Cryo until you died." Sae stuck his beak under a casual wing, making a show of preening. "And I'd have been as inactive as Nereid's Ascended the whole time, until I was returned to the heart to reset."

Sae removed his head and looked towards the ceiling like he hadn't just dropped some massive, illegal hint out of nowhere.

Jason got the hint, filing the tidbit away for future reference. "With how dangerous many of these Luminary patterns seem to be, why would you risk it? Why would you risk yourself, knowing what I could to do you?"

"Because," said Sae with a shrug. "Humanity has at least earned the chance to try and prove it wrong. That's one thing we've learned from you: if there's a way, one of you stubborn idiots is gonna figure it out." Sae shuffled on Jason's finger, bringing his gaze down from the ceiling. "I, uh, don't supposed you've found Banshee yet? I still can't feel her Ascended."

Jason closed his eyes, pressing his lips together.

He'd forgotten that while he was missing his partner, Sae was literally missing his other half.

Sae's tiny body sagged as Jason's hesitation said it all. "I figured as much."

"The Serpent has her," said Jason quietly. "He's taken Banshee and Olivia. I think Olivia managed to reach out to me in my dreams. I woke up hearing her voice."

"Ah," said Sae. The Ascended was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was different, though Jason wasn't quite sure how. "I, well. I suppose I expected it when the bond went silent, but I'd hoped it might not be the case."

"We still have Grief. Banshee hasn't dimmed since she was taken. She's still active, somewhere. We just have to find her and her Ascended."

"Jase," said Sae, turning his head so their gazes aligned. There was a glimmer in Sae's gaze that Jason rarely saw. "I can't think of a reason why her Ascended wouldn't break the bond, unless she couldn't. You understand what that means, right?"

Jason nodded, a single, solemn bow of his head. "I do. I'm not willing to give either Banshee or Olivia up without a fight, and you just told me there's a way to fix an inactive Ascended. I'm going to show you and Skypillar itself exactly why humanity deserves the chance to try."

"You showed me every day you got out of bed in your mother's torture house, Jase," said Sae softly.

Jason looked his Ascended straight in the eyes. "Ready to transform?"

Sae lifted his beak. "For once, yes. Yes I am."

*+*+*+*

She fought a thousand battles in her mind.

Every time a new hallucination swept her away, she embraced it, savoured it. They were welcome distractions. Waves of countless enemies that would eventually overwhelm her. A catastrophic natural disaster that she couldn't prevent but would try all the same. Endless dark that left her blind and helpless.

After every one, she found herself back in her starstone cage, curled against the padded floor with Joy in her hand.

What are we still hanging onto, little shadow?

Green and black. Black and green.

A hundred streaks of silver strength on his skin.

His music that had driven her to dance.

There were so many things she had left to hold onto as she lay alone in the dark. She heard screams around her, voices and taunts but it didn't matter. None of it was real. None of it but him; the name she had kept safe in her shadows.

But at some point, she realised she was not alone.

She heard the whisper of a Song, a breath of silent air, more of a feeling than anything she could hear. It was comforting, calming, and after every hallucination, it returned. A second heartbeat, an escape, relief.

Eventually, it grew loud enough for her to recognise. She caught glimmers of violet and teal starlight dancing among the shadows, a slender figure of light that had once danced to her singing. It was the same melody, the same light that she'd heard, floating above her mirrored City-yet-not, right up until the barrier had stabbed her in the chest.

Yes, she knew this Song.

She just had no idea what the Aurorasong was doing all the way down here.

*+*+*+*

A/N - This update is the first 2k words of a 5k word chapter <3 I originally split it up because Japan, Patreon, and lack of pre-written chapters. 

Also hey, I'm back ;D furiously trying to remember how to write