I've been staring at my phone for the last thirty minutes avoiding the conversation I was bound to have. I think a part of me wished if I didn't address the subject that it wouldn't be true, that it would go away. I sat in my dorm, alone and numb. I thought the moment I was alone I would break down crying but I was wrong, I felt hardly anything. It was like I felt so much at one point and now I just didn't feel enough.

I pressed the call button with my heart hammering in my chest. I wasn't ready for her to answer. I wasn't ready for mom to tell me the truth.

"Hey, honey!" She answered in her usual carefree tone.

"Hey..." I definitely felt like I was going to throw up. Was it hot in here?

"What's wrong?" She asked right away, sensing the tone in my voice. She was always so good at reading me if even through the phone.

I don't mean to but as soon as I hear that question I let out a sob, everything in me finally breaking from just hearing mom's voice.

"Was it a boy? Did someone hurt you?"

I cry harder at her choice of words. You, I wanted to scream. You hurt me! How could she lie to me my entire life? Was everything a lie? Did she even think of me as her own child? Did she know what I was?

"No ... a boy didn't hurt me," I managed to say as I got my breathing under control. "I just ... I need to ask you something."

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Am I ... am I adopted?" My voice cracked at the end making me feel weaker than I already did.

I was greeted with silence and I swear I felt my heart shatter in my chest. It's true. Oh my god! It's really true! I am what they say I am!
She let out a weary fake laugh. "W-where did you hear that?"

"Please," I begged her. "Please just answer the question."

"Avaryn-"

"Mom. Answer the question."

"... Yes," her voice broke and I heard her breathing heavy for several seconds before she let out a sob of her own. "But I can explain everything honey, I-"

I hung up on her and debated throwing my phone across the room. Screaming also felt like a good idea. This is the most emotion I've ever felt in my life. I didn't know if I wanted to curl in a ball and cry until there was nothing left or if I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum.

I felt so ... broken. And i didnt like it. I didn't like feeling like I wasn't in control of myself.
I hated not knowing, I hated that I didn't even know the full story of my life.

I needed out. I was suffocating in this room. I walked out and wondered until I was outside near the fountain. I sunk down into the cool grass in front of the angelic fountain. The crisp air around me helped me think more clearly, the smell of pine and wind made me think of breathing calmly in and out.

"I meant it when I said this was my spot."

I whirled around and saw Bash carelessly leaning against the stones of crestwood. "I hate when you do that."

In less than a second he was in front of me, appearing out of thin air, a grin on his face when I flinched back. "Do what?"

"Did you know you're kind of an asshole sometimes?"

He sat down next to me. "So I've been told." he cleared his throat. "What's on your mind halfie?"

I gave him a side glare to which he smiled. His black hair was extra messy tonight and his green eyes were shimmering. Bash confused me so much. He was always so serious, and calm but then there are times like this when he's smiley and funny.

"Can we not make it a thing to call me halfie?"

"Still not accepting your nature?" he said with a sigh like he was disappointed in me or something. What did he expect? I would gladly be okay with being a literal supernatural being?

I wasn't in the mood to argue. "I've accepted it just fine."

"Sure, halfie."

"Bash," I growled.

He sighed and then offered me his hand. "Stop self pitying, come on, I'll show you something."

There was nothing that confused me more than him. I liked this version of Bash. It had to be my favorite. I wondered if he showed this side to anyone else. Or maybe he really did have different personalities for different times of the day.

Not wanting to think about mom any longer, I gripped his hand and let him pull me up.
"Where exactly are you taking me?" I asked as he led me into the strange building I hadn't known the use for.

He ignored my question and opened a door. The room lit up as soon as we walked in. It was a room so white my eyes began to hurt. Every single wall was covered in racks and racks of weapons. A weapon room, I realized. There were Staffs, spears, knives, daggers, arrows, and so many more. I ran my fingers over the hilts of the many, many, swords. There was something so medieval about them. I wondered if that's what it was like in the light realm. Did they have advanced technology or were they living like the fourteenth century?

There were two daggers that were identical hanging next to each other on the farthest rack. They were as white as the room, each with one rose embroidered on the hilt. They were beautiful. I could almost laugh. I would have never expected in my life that I would call daggers beautiful.

I reached up.

"You might not want to touch those," Bash suddenly said.

"Why not?"

"They're Kaida's twin daggers and she'll know if you touch them, you could quite possibly lose a hand."

I winced and retrieved my hand. I had no doubt that Kaida wouldn't do such a thing. "What's her deal anyway?"

Bash frowned from his corner. "What do you mean?"

"Well, her ... urm ... her attitude ..?" I tried to ask without sounding mean.

Bash shook his head with a smile. "That's just how she is, she's had a hard life," the last part came out a whisper as if it were a secret. "We all have."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Ryn."

The air suddenly felt very thick between us and I didn't quite know what to say next. I cleared my throat. "So am I going to be trained to fight like you do?"

He let out a laugh and I was glad that there was no awkwardness. "No."

"Why not?"

He frowned. "Because there's no reason to, you'll be around us and we'll protect you."

"But what if-"

"No."

I felt angry at his words and the way he said them. "You can't just tell me no."

"Yes I can. You are one of us now and you should know that I'm the one in charge here."
He could not be serious! He could not expect to boss me around and I would be okay with it! His words were aggravating. He was back to being a douche! Why couldn't he last ten seconds being nice to me? "I won't just blindly give my loyalty and trust to you, Bash. It's earned."

Not feeling like talking anymore I left.

***

I've never liked planes and I never will. Even if they were small, luxurious, white and gold or decorated with flowers. Turns out the Devara's had a private jet. They kept surprising me. I wondered how they were so rich. I mean I knew they were royalty in the light realm but here they were just humans.
I gripped the arm of the white leather chair I sat in. We were on our way to New York. Because that's where the closest light portal was and we were going to the light realm.

Yes.

Me.

I was going to a different Supernatural realm. A seventeen year old girl who still orders a happy meal from McDonald's.

The light realm was where we met the elders. Because they wanted to meet me. Nyan had explained to me who their elders were and why they have so much power. Basically they were a group of Devara's that were like a bazillion years old and they 'keep the peace' as Nyan said. They make rules and laws, Nyan also said they are super powerful. If you ask me they sounded creepy. And if they were all like Taven I was so not ready. I suddenly felt like I was going to puke. This was all so overwhelming and I wasn't processing it. I refused to.

I didn't make eye contact with Bash, I was still partially mad at him for the words we shared last week. Nyan sat on my right sleeping soundlessly like a baby and Everson was on my left.

"We're landing," he said to me.

Great.

Nyan stirred on my side.

"Everson, will you grab the weapon bag?" Asked Bash as he rose from his seat.

Ever leaned back against his seat and stretched out his legs, making sure to seem as arrogant as possible. "I'm not your bitch, do it yourself," replied Everson with a wicked grin on his face. Bash hit him upside the head and I fought a laugh.

Nyan made a displeased noise, rolling her eyes at her brothers. "You'd think after all they've been through they wouldn't act like-"

"Boys?"

"Yeah..." she sighed in a disappointed way and got up from her place.

New York City was everything I thought it would be. It was beautiful. There were so many buildings stacked right next to each other, it went on and on for miles. You had to look directly up to see the sky and there were a lot more people on the streets than I expected. It also didn't smell as bad as people on the internet described it, which was a plus. Mom was somewhere in this city.

"That's it?" My eyes narrowed at the brick wall in front of me.

"What did you expect?" Asked Octavious.

"I don't know. I thought the portal would be in the Statue of Liberty or maybe at the top of the Empire State Building or something. Not in the alley of a meat deli." I was overall disappointed at the location of the portal. I mean seriously? I expected something so much grander. More ... magical.

"That's the point Halfie," said Everson.

"Stop calling me that," I growled.

I've spent the last week with The Devara, they've been teaching me about they're culture and history and stuff like that. It turned out Devara's were a lot like angels. They were beings of light. They were meant to protect, they were kind (with the exception of Kaida and sometimes Bash), and they didn't kill unless they had to. Each of them told me the stories of their kingdoms and the downfall of them.

"We have to hurry, we can only be in the light realm for a couple hours," said Bash.
Over the last week I've also learned that everyone listens to Bash. They respect him, they look up to him and I understand why. His head was always on straight. He wasn't fueled by anger or resentment. He was kind and trusting. But most of all he was smart. He was everything that was meant to be a good leader. I felt guilt crept into me as I thought of what I said to him. I won't just blindly give my loyalty and trust to you, Bash. It's earned. I hadn't been wrong but I still felt bad.
I looked up at Bash, his words sinking in.

"Why can you only be there a few hours?"

"We are constantly being hunted by Greer and they are swarming in the light realm. There are spies everywhere hoping to find one glance of us just to report back to their demon king," spat Kaida . She hadn't talked much this whole trip but I could tell she was observing everything. Especially me.

"Can't you just ... kick them out?" I asked. "I mean it is your world, why should they be keeping you from it?"

Kaida scoffed at me.

"It's not that simple," said Mara, tucking a strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "They are just as powerful as us, they look the same as us, we can't tell them apart in the light realm but in the human world we can. We are much safer here."

I nodded my head, still not quite understanding. Why didn't they just fight them? A part of me wondered but then I also remembered how Nyan told me that devara's are beings of peace. I don't think they would bluntly start a war.

"Are you ready?" Asked Bash, his gaze fixated on me.

I wasn't. But then again who would be? I nodded.

Everson went through first, walking straight through a brick wall. I knew that's what was meant to happen but it still didn't stop my heart from dropping. There were no magical evaporations or dust or glowing light. He just walked through a wall. That's it. Next was Mara and Kaida, then Nyan and Octavious.
I took a step back. I couldn't do it.

"I don't have all day halfie," Bash said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes at him but my nerves didn't go away like I'd hoped. What if something bad happened? What if when I go to walk into the wall I don't go through and just end up hitting the brick like an idiot? Oh god that was worse than actually going through the portal.
Bash sighed and extended his hand, offering it to me. "We'll go through together."

I stared at his open palm and slowly slid my hand into his. His skin was warm and cozy just like light.

"On the count of three?" He offered and I mumbled an agreement.

I was glad he was being so kind about my nerves. He wasn't teasing me or making fun of me. He was helping me. He wasn't so bad after all.

"One," he started.

I opened my mouth to say two but it was too late. Bash yanked me forward and Into the wall with no warning. I yelped and covered my head with my hands. I take it back! Sebastian Crestwood is a bastard! My eyes were closed and for a split second my body felt as light as air. Almost as if the whole inside of me was hollow.

Nothing else happened.

I peeked one eye open to see the devara's staring at me, grinning. I dropped my arm from my head and cleared my throat.

"Well that was over dramatic," Bash said.

"Asshole," I said under my breath but from the smile on his face I knew he heard me.
I finally looked at my surroundings. I was definitely not in New York anymore.
The first thing I noticed was everything was white and ... gold. It was a world of brightness. There were buildings made of gold! I sucked in a breath realizing we were in the middle of everything.

A city of gold.

The pavement was even gold with a certain shimmer running through it. It was so ... magical. The sky was purple and the clouds were blue. the air smelt like sage and flowers. I felt like I had just walked into heaven.

This was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. There were people everywhere, Devara everywhere. I would've never even known if it weren't for their clothes. The people that passed by wore angelic clothing. Most of them were sheen and covered in flower print. And some wore tunics and outdated looking pants paired with boots. It was like I was transported to a different century. I looked around me. For some odd reason I felt like crying. The city's beauty took my breath away but I hadn't expected it to feel so ... nostalgic.

I turned back to the Devara. They all grinned at my face once again.

"Welcome to Elysian, the city of gold."