Shit. I grab my head, clutching my temples. It hurts. It physically hurts. So Ellior's doing all this on purpose to make Seraphus feel bad? Is it jealousy? Is he trying to use me? Yeah, I'd never let him do that. If he wants Seraphus' heart again, he must find other ways.

My body tenses as the air in my room thickens. I watch as a sparkle in the air appears in the semi-darkness, and then the figure of Seraphus materializes. Wow! I raise my eyebrows in surprise, looking at the demon, and he looks at me with a frown.

"Seraphus," I whisper. His conversation with Ellior immediately pops into my head. He came here for a good reason. He came to see me. Oh, mother, I want to jump up and down, but I just stare into the dark eyes in silence. And then I remember what I said to him and he humbly accepted it. Didn't even punish me. Didn't say anything to me, just took the insult. The shame immediately dulls the feeling of joy.

"Kan," he nods at me, looking around my room menacingly. "I think I should talk to you about what happened today. Or rather, about what you told me."

"I'm sorry," I exhale. "I know... I acted absolutely horrible to you. I'm so sorry. I wasn't in control. I was in an unbridled rage and even that..." I bite my lip and lower my gaze, "is no excuse. I'm sorry, and I promise it won't happen again. I'll stay away from Ellior. I really will. I'm sorry."

"Um...okay," Seraphus frowns. "But that's not what I wanted to discuss, Kan. Not that you hurt me, or that you insulted me with your words, but about what exactly you said to me."

I look up at him in confusion.

"Yeah, I was wrong," I nod. I guess I'd hurt him pretty badly. "I shouldn't have thrown it all in your face. It was probably a secret, and you were uncomfortable with what I said, especially with Ellior's brother there. I'll control myself, and it's none of my business. I just...really, I let myself get angry about Ellior. I've never acted like that before. And I know I have no right to talk to you like that. You're my teacher, not my buddy. I apologize. I'm sorry I insulted you and allowed myself to behave like that. Punish me for it, and I'll humbly accept and fulfill your punishment. I will. I'm sorry."

"And still it's not that." Seraphus shakes his head and walks over to me. He touches my hand, sending an incredible shiver through me. "I know how Ellior can be, Kan. He can piss off even an angel. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I haven't had time to discuss with you what happened between us."

"It's okay." I quickly shake my head and move away from him, depriving myself of his warmth. I can't. I have to at least do the right thing here. "Really, it's perfectly fine. It wasn't a big deal. It happens, I guess, when two people go through a great shock together. Maybe it was gratitude. But it didn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. We don't need to discuss it. If you're afraid, I'll tell someone about the kiss, no. I'll keep quiet."

"Kan," Seraphus approaches me from behind and turns me around to face him. "Listen to me, this is important. It was important to me. Yes, I'm your instructor, but that's not forbidden here. Sometimes we're all affected by flashes of passion and desire. And repressing those emotions brings pain. So if two were agreed, no one will say anything."

"Okay. Good," I nod. "Then I don't see why we need to discuss it. I mean, it doesn't really matter anymore."

"Kan..."

"No, please," I break free from his arms and shake my head, "don't say anything, Seraphus. Don't say anything. You'll only make things worse. Things are complicated enough as it is, you know? I'm blocking out my feelings for you. Oh, Mother, yes, they are. But do I have a right to them? No. And right now, I'm trying to keep my mind off you. I'm used to you. I fell in love so stupidly, and it's embarrassing. Ashamed to talk about it, ashamed to feel it at all. I have no right. I'm sorry. That's probably why I freaked out today, too. I'm angry that he's here. Your... true one. Maybe it's a stupid grudge. Maybe it's jealousy. I don't know and I don't want to know. We can stop now, at this moment. We can do nothing. You're my teacher and I'm...just a stupid kid."

"No, it's not like that, Kan. I'm a grown man, and I'm clearly aware of both my feelings and my actions. You think I'm regretful? I'm not. I want more. You think I only got close to you because Ellior wasn't here? That's absolute bullshit." Seraphus' mesmerizing timbre keeps me from moving, and he steps toward me like a cat. His fingers run down my face, and he rips the ribbon from my hair, making it spill out behind my back. "With your arrival, I began to feel again. It's like I woke up and saw the world differently. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's scary. I can be scary too, Kan, because if you get hurt again because of me, it's like I'll die. And in your vision, you thought I was dying because I lost Ellior. What if I'm not? What if it's not about him? What if it's about you? What if I lose you? Do you think I'd have any reason to put up with this life? Why? I've thought about it before. So many times I've been one step closer to giving up, but something's been holding me back. Well, you're my oxygen to keep me going. You breathe life into me. Your smile, your sincerity, your kindness and your strength that is inside you. You're not a stupid kid to me, Kan, you're mine. I know that. I knew it when I saw you, but I didn't believe it. It just doesn't happen. But it can't be changed."

"Seraphus," I exhale. "Ellior, he's a..."

"Yes, he was my true one. Past tense. Yes, I loved him. Yes, we had a relationship. Yes. I can't change that. But it's different now. I want you. I want to move on and see where this goes. And I'm not going to let you go, Kan. You're mine."

"Then tell the truth, Seraphus. Do you feel something for him?" I squint my eyes.

"Kan, your jealousy is sweet," he smiles, pressing his lips to mine, but I intercept his hand.

"It's not jealousy. I'm not jealous right now. I just know you're lying, Seraphus. I know it. I can feel it. You're not only lying to me, you're lying to yourself."

No matter how sweet it feels, no matter how good it feels for me right now, I push him away. Because I was in his head. I've felt his heart. I know more than he wants to open up to me. Yes, he has feelings for me and that's bliss. But there's one big 'but'. You can't go against Mother's choice.

"You're lying when you say it's all in the past. Yes, it's been slumbering inside you for a long time. But things are changing now. Am I wrong?" My voice is ringing now, and I'm even cringing from it.

"Kan, it's not like that. Ellior's appearance was sudden, and yes, now he'll stay here for a while."

"No, you're not answering my clearly asked a question like you did before. You evade and change the subject. Seraphus, come clean. Do it. Admit that you've started to feel, you've started to remember and when you look at him, you're in pain because you desperately want to touch him like you used to. Admit that nothing between you is over. Your bond isn't destroyed. It's still alive, and the longer you're around each other, the more it's felt. Admit it," I demand.

"All right," Seraphus squares his shoulders angrily. "All right, I'll admit it, but you be honest with me, too."

"I didn't lie to you."

"Lied from the first day, Arkan. You're not Luappo Isengard, are you?" He asks harshly, and all the blood drains from my face again. Damn Ellior. Until he showed up, everything was fine.

"I'm..."

"You're not him. I suspected that before. You're very different from the offspring of Isengard. I taught them, Kan. I've seen them and Isengard would never conceive a child with a dark one. Never. He would have searched for a suitable donor for all eternity, but he would have taken one with only minimal dark powers, a purer, untainted and elf. Definitely an elf. And you're not like any of that. You have nothing from Isengard in you and your dark power is far greater than even we know about it. But I kept silent because I saw that you weren't dangerous. Now I'm convinced I was right. Ellior had seen Luappo, and he was a child, but he had the appearance of an elf. He's an elf, you're not. So, Kan, where is Luappo? Tell me the truth and you'll get the truth in return." He steps on me sharply and forcefully, pushing me against the wall. I can't even utter a word out of fear. I'm done. That's it. I have to run. I'll have to get away as fast as I can. I have to protect Lua and myself.

"Tell me, what have you done with Luappo? Where is he? And who are you?" Seraphus demands. "I won't tell anyone about this. It will be our secret, Kan. You know you can trust me. I need to know or Ellior will open his mouth. He's a vindictive bastard, Kan. Trust me, I know him, and he won't just ignore it. Do you want that? You want a scandal?"

"No," I exhale fearfully.

"Then tell me. Tell me," his tone gets softer.

"I'm not Luappo Isengard," I confess in a whisper. "My name is Arkan."

"Good. Where is Luappo?"

"I can't tell you," shaking my head, I step around him. "I can't."

"Kan..."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Seraphus. I do, I swear. But it's not my secret. I can't. I can't, okay? I'm waiting for a word from Lua. We switched. He was sure no one knew how he looked, and I agreed to do it. Temporarily. We only planned a couple or three months of deception and then I was going to go to him and protect him. But he hasn't written to me yet. He's alive. I know that for a fact. We can sense each other sometimes. We grew up together. I'm... Lua's servant. I worked for Isengard and escaped in the night with Lua. That's all I can tell you. But I didn't mean any harm. I didn't want no harm. I was trying to give him time to leave, to hide. I swear I would never hurt him. Lua is my family. He's the closest elf to me. He's the only one I've ever had. And I would never in my life do anything to hurt him. As long as I'm here, Isengard thinks Lua is here and my friend has time. There's still time. I can't say more... I can't." I shake my head desperately, resting my palms on the table.

Now he'll hate me. Now he'll realize I'm nothing, I'm a nobody. Now all his feelings will vanish.

"You're a servant?" Seraphus asks interrogatively.

"Yes. I've worked for Isengard since birth. Always been by Lua's side. I could have run away before, but I couldn't leave him there alone. Isengard is a scum, a cruel bastard. And Lua...Lua was too soft to take his father's abuse. He hated him. We swore we would never return to the Elf Kingdom. Never to return to Isengard, I'd rather die. I'd rather die, kill myself, give myself to the dead, but never return to Isengard. Lua wanted what was best for me. He thought I deserved education, to grow my powers, to be free. And I agreed, but I set a time limit for myself. I'll leave, Seraphus. I swear I'll walk away and no one will get hurt. I meant no harm... I didn't. I was only trying to protect Lua and myself. Protect both of us." Tears burst from my eyes, but I wipe them away instantly, angry at myself, at my hateful weakness.

"Servant," Seraphus whispers. "Do you realize what would happen if someone matched facts like I did? Do you realize that Isengard will summon you back? You belong to him, Kan."

"I don't belong to anyone!" I shout out, turning to Seraphus. "No one, understand? I'm not a slave. I may have been born of servants, but I'm not a slave. I have no stigma on me. My life belongs to me, not you or Isengard. And yes, I realize what will happen, so I'll leave early. I'll disappear."

"You'll be found by a magical trail." Seraphus shakes his head disappointedly. "You must contact Luappo and demand that he come here."

"I can't. I don't know where he is. And he won't get through the protective shields. He's empty, Seraphus. There's no magic in him, believe me. I tried to give him some of my power, but he fell asleep. He was in a coma and in pain. I'm waiting to hear from him. As soon as I do, I'll leave. And you promised you wouldn't tell anyone. So keep your word. I'm not asking for me. I don't care about me. I won't let anybody hurt Lua, got it? Not even your fucking narcissistic lover. If he even tries to hurt Lua, I'll kill him. I don't care about the risk. But no one touches Lua. No one, or I'll kill for him. Until Lua gets what we're after, no one will ever find him," I growl. Fear rages inside me, and it makes me want to protect my friend, my only close being, my family. Lua is my family. I feel physically sick with these emotions, but they're emotions I can't control. I can feel my body becoming saturated with fire and a thirst to destroy everything around me.

"Arkan," Seraphus throws up two hands and a stream of cool wind gently blows out of them, touching my heat-swollen cheeks. "Breathe. You're heating up the air. I promise I won't say anything, but I fear for you."

"I can handle myself," I snap, and with a wave of my hand, I immediately extinguish Seraphus's glow. He flinches as my fire burns the skin of his palms. "I've been doing fine since birth. As you can see, I'm still alive. The only one who was there for me was Lua. And I won't let him hurt. Tell your bastard lover this, Seraphus. This is the first and last warning for him. And if he comes near me or decides to use me, I'll burn him. Burn him to ashes. No one will ever use me. Never. Certainly not an elf, not this Ellior. I know what he's up to. I've seen it. I've been inside your head, and I know a lot now, Seraphus."

"You what?" Swallowing incredulously, he interjects.

"You heard me. I've been inside your head and I've seen your feelings for Ellior. You're lying to me. I don't enjoy being lied to or being fooled. Yes, you like me, but you're more attracted to my power, aren't you? And now that you know the truth about me, your passion has disappeared. Don't bother making excuses," I snort, waving my hand and opening the door behind his back. "Get out. Or I'll throw you out myself. Get out of here. And from now on, we're nobody to each other. Leave."

"Arkan," he barks, "stop it."

"Get out," I hiss. I hate to see him. I'm too scared. I'm insanely scared right now, and he's still my weakness. I can't have a weakness anymore. I can't. Block everything out. Erase everything. Hide it deep in my mind and in my heart. Destroy those feelings.

Seraphus growls in pain as I actually throw him out the door and he flies out of my room with a torrent of wind. The door slams shut and I create a dome of protection that Seraphus immediately hits. Clasping my eyes shut, I climb into my bed and pull my legs up to my chest. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I have to run. I have to think of something and run away from here, find Lua, and everything will be okay. We failed with him. But it's only our first try. We still have one more to go. And that's the one I won't lose. I won't.