"I can't." I drop my hands angrily and shake my head.

"You can. Let's try again," Fima stubbornly raises my hands and Morrick nods a few times.

"Oh, I can't do it! It's pointless. There's no dark energy in me. I don't have it and that's it." I wave them off and stand up from the bed. The gargoyles wake up immediately and circle around me. One of them rubs against my chest, and I smile at him, hugging him and resting him in my palm.

"We've been trying to find my dark power for the third hour now, but it's not there," I start pacing around in front of the bed, scratching nervously at the gargoyle. "I'm tired of already trying to do things I can't do. I can easily transform into another person. I can grow watermelons on a windowsill in a couple of minutes. I can pick flowers with one look. I can create ball lightning in a classroom. I can do everything that has to do with light magic, but I don't have dark magic in me."

"And the fact that you're now stroking the air, or rather a gargoyle that even I, a vampire, can't see, doesn't tell you anything?" Fima grins, and I freeze. I don't really notice it anymore, to be honest. I just treat gargoyles like my cute pets, always wanted one for myself.

"That's not the point," I snort.

"Uh-huh, sure. Gargoyles are creatures of dark power, creatures of Seraphus. And Seraphus is the Great Demon, Lua. He is the first son of a demon king and his husband, true and equal partners. He is pureblooded to the point that if he were to be among the purebloods of the light force, he would become ill. But you see his creatures, you're in contact with them, and they obviously like you because they're following you. By the way, are they always here?" Morrick looks around, searching for the others, and they're all sitting on me again. They really like touch, they always need to snuggle up to me, pet me, or just sleep on me or next to me.

"Uh... well, yeah. They're spending the night with me," I admit.

"Wow," Fima whistles, chilling back on her hands. "Usually, creatures like these only obey their master and don't step away from him. So the gargoyles sense the dark power in you or you wouldn't be able to see them. Mor is right."

"But then, why can't I do anything?" I whine. "I want so badly to succeed. I'm practicing all the time."

"Or maybe your dark side is asleep?" Morrick suggests. "My grandfather used to tell me when I was a kid that sometimes the power falls asleep because it's not being nourished, and to keep the energy going, it freezes inside the creature."

"And how to wake it up?" Fima inquires. "My mother never told me such a thing."

"I don't know how. I was just worried when I was little that my true beast didn't show up. It took me the longest to transform, and I only watched my brothers and family with envy, like the rest of the pack. Grandfather said it happens. It's just that the energy is either asleep in me, or it hasn't fully formed to show itself yet. The time will come and it will show itself. Grandfather was right."

"Hmm, that's interesting. I'll ask my mother and grandmother. If that's the case, we need to find a way to awaken the dark power in you, Lua, that's all. We'll find a way. You can go to Seraphus as an emergency. He may be harsh and demanding, but he's fair and he'll help."

"What if he tells the headmaster about this and then I get kicked out of here? They're friends." I bite my lip nervously.

"No one's going to kick you out. You can do so much. No one in the first grade has as much light power as you, Lua," Fima tsks. "Besides, Seraphus isn't such an asshole. I like him better than his brother. That one's an asshole. Oh, and my grandmother always spoke well of Seraphus, as did my mom, as did her sisters."

"My grandfather respected Seraphus, too," Morrick nods. "Have you already heard why he refused the throne and was banished from the family?"

"Stop gossiping," I beg him. "Stop starting rumors behind Seraphus' back. It's impolite and completely rude. It's none of our business. If he's here, that's the way it should be."

"Did you know he was having an affair with the elf prince?" Morrick whispers, beaming.

"No, and that's another rumor," I snort.

"Not a rumor," Fima shakes her head negatively. "There was something between Seraphus and the Elven Crown Prince. I mean, they studied here together during the war. Just before the end of the war, they were both finishing their eighth degree, but then Seraphus continued his studies, and Ellior returned to the kingdom and never came here again. Stellare is his younger brother."

"Yeah," Morrick nods. "And I also heard that just before the peace treaty was signed, something happened between the two of them, either they had a falling out, or Ellior cheated on Seraphus, or they had a fight because of the war. Anyway, there was a scandal and after that Seraphus never appeared in the land of demons again. He came back here and doesn't leave here at all. It was rumored that his father had not forgiven him for betraying him because of his affair with Ellior."

"And my aunt said that elf and demon are actually true partners and that was just the reason for the rift in the demons and between Seraphus and Ellior. But I also know that there is a conflict of powers. Seraphus is a pure-blooded demon, born of original demons. So there's no light power in him at all. Ellior, on the other hand, is pure light and they killed each other slowly and painfully, affecting a sudden peace treaty between the dark and light powers."

I stare at my friends with all my eyes and don't believe a word of it at all. It's such nonsense.

"But true feelings haven't existed for a long time," I remind them.

"Yeah, right, because of them, true fillings don't exist. My mother always mentioned it, believing it was because of the demon and elf that the Mother punished us and deprived us of equal partners."

"What nonsense?" I roll my eyes and tsk. "It's a rumor, and you're fueling it. Even if there was something between Seraphus and that elf, that's their business. But I don't believe that an elf would lower himself to a demon. I've lived among the elves, I know them. They despise the dark ones. They don't care about the peace treaty, they hate the dark ones."

"Just like some darkies hate lighties," Fima croaks. "Both sides on this issue are wrong. But we can hardly influence anything. And I'm glad that there is such a place as the Land of Knowledge, where there are no differences. I've felt the hatred of the Light Ones more than once, as if I'd killed their children. And my father is actually a fairy, and I have both light and dark powers in me. It keeps us alive after both sides raped women during the war and they died from exhaustion and constant labor."

"There, she's turned on. Okay, we're leaving, Fima," Morrick pulls our friend by the arm.

"Women have never been respected, and it's only us vampires who haven't been approached because we know how to hibernate and kill our babies in the womb. We..."

I can't hear the end of Fima's fiery speech anymore, because Morrick pushes her into the corridor.

"Despite that, Seraphus and Ellior were a couple. That I know for a fact," Morrick chuckles, closing the door behind him.

"Fine," I snort. "That's the last thing I need, isn't it?"

I raise the gargoyle to my eyes, and he wakes up.

"Tell me this, was Seraphus in love with a light one?" I wonder.

The gargoyle only yawns.

"I don't think so. And what is this conflict of powers? I think I should go to the library. I'm not sure I'm going to sleep now." I move the gargoyle to the bed and leave the room.

Was Seraphus in love with our prince? Oh, I heard about Ellior. Lua couldn't stand him. Although he hated everyone but me. But I've lived among elves all my life, and they all love the royal family, even though they don't really do much of anything. The neighborhood is ruled by dukes like Isengard. They steal gold, use other people's powers, and rape. And since he's Stellare's brother, he's even worse. Ellior is often referred to here as "the cold prince." I have no idea why. Maybe because he's the most narcissistic of them all. And even if he was close to Seraphus, it was only because he was pursuing his own purposes. I don't believe that Seraphus could choose such an arrogant creature to fall in love with. Ugh. I would never associate my life with elves. I've had enough of them. While I love Lua, he doesn't look like an elf, at least not in personality and his mindset.

I head to the library and ask for books on finding my inner energy and power struggles. The shelves come alive and there's a pile of material in front of me. That's great. I mean, I won't even reread it all in a year. Climbing the stairs, I read the titles of the books and pick up The Demon Within. While I'm downstairs, I pick out a few more books: "A Guide to the World of Dark Magic," "Darkness in Your Heart," "Awaken the Necromancer in You," "Controlling the Darkness," and "Make a Wish for Darkness."

Sitting down at the table, I open the first book and start reading. I open the next one and put the next one open, so that I'm covered with books to fully grasp it.

"First feel the dark power in you," I snort. "Well yeah, if it were that easy, I wouldn't be reading all of you. But no, I do read, which means I don't feel the damn dark power."

Growling irritably, I raise my head to the ceiling and curse at everyone who wrote these books. I take a deep breath and start reading again, in case I missed something.

"Oh, well fine," I angrily push the book away from me. "If you can't feel dark power and can't find it in your body, then you don't have it. You were born filled with pure, light power. Yeah, right. This is bullshit! I need to find that power! How can I find it? How? Mother of all, why are these books so stupid? Why can't I find the damn answers? What bad luck! I want answers, okay? Give me the answers to my questions!"

I hypnotize the books, getting angrier and angrier. If I don't find that dark power inside me, that's it. It's my end. It's really my end and safety's end and Lua's end, everything's end!

"I've certainly seen a lot of things in my life, but books answering to someone? No."

I flinch when I hear a voice with a chuckle from the racks and immediately raise my head.

"Seraphus," I exhale. The demon, smirking, walks over to me and looks over the stacks of books.

"Why are you still awake, Kan?" He catches my gaze and I'm losing my mind. Such a fool. His presence makes me feel like melting ice, all blurry and hazy. What's wrong with me? Why does my body react so badly at the wrong time to the demon and my teacher and probably lover of the Elven crown prince? That last one was unnecessary. It makes me angry just thinking about it. Seraphus is smart, so it's unlikely he'd sleep with elves. Mother, they're tramps!

The physical sensations become more pronounced whenever he's near. I can feel my pulse quicken, pounding in my temples, as if it's echoing the rhythm of my racing thoughts. My fingertips tingle with a longing to touch him, to trace the lines of his face and feel the warmth of his skin against mine.

But it's not just the desire that consumes me; it's the scent of him that lingers in the air. It wraps around me like a seductive embrace, filling my senses and clouding my judgment. The aroma is a potent blend of mystery and temptation, drawing me closer even as I try to resist.

"Studying," I answer him, trying to control myself.

"It's the hour of the night, Kan. You should be resting. Staying awake and trying to find magic spells in books to gain dark powers will only make you worse. The key to good energy movement is sleep. So go to sleep."

I press my lips together stubbornly and pick up one of the books.

"I'll study. I haven't read everything yet."

"Kan..."

"I know-know I shouldn't be here, but the library hasn't kicked me out of here yet. I don't want to sleep. And I'll achieve what I want. I'm going to find that damn dark power in me and pass the practice tests," I insist.

"Kan," Seraphus leans his palms on the table, and I shift my gaze to his black, long claws. I wonder if they hurt everyone, or only if Seraphus wants to.

"Okay, look at me, Kan," Seraphus orders demandingly. I can't help it, but bubbles run down my spine, and I stare into his eyes. "You're going to bed now. You're exhausted, Kan. You have no physical energy, and you're forcing your body to function by violence, you know? And until your physical energy is restored, you're not going to make it."

"But I'm not exhausted. Yes, I'm a little tired, but I'm not exhausted," I frown.

"You're so stubborn. You're exhausted, you're studying all the time, you're trying to pass faster, but you can't. You have time to pass the tests."

"I don't have time. There's only a couple weeks left of term and I'm failing," I mutter. "I don't want to get kicked out of here. I can't go back. I can't."

"No one's kicking you out. Do you believe me, Kan?"

I squint, looking into deep chocolate-gold eyes."

"I believe you, Seraphus, but...there are conditions of enrollment, and I accepted them. The headmaster..."

"I'll talk to him."

"No, you won't," I shake my head emphatically. "I don't want any favors."

"Okay, but you have plenty of time. You've practically passed all the theory already."

"That's not what I'm worried about. I can't pass dark magic practice. I don't have it."

"You do. You just don't have the energy to feel it because of the lack of sleep. Your exhaustion..."

"I'm not exhausted!" I raise my voice angrily and get to my feet. "What, you don't believe me? Look."

I close my eyes and visualize the headmaster in front of me. I catch every feature of his face, his body movements, his clothes. And then I open my eyes to Seraphus' surprised sigh.

"See? I don't have exhaustion," the words come out of my mouth in the headmaster's voice. "I even copied the fangs."

I pull back my lip and show my fangs.

"Mother of everything," Seraphus whispers.

I blink and return to my body.

"I'm not exhausted. Really, I'm not exhausted, I just don't have any dark power in me," I sigh disappointedly and shake my head.

"Kan, who taught you that?" Seraphus steps closer to me, as if seeing me for the first time. And it was so stupid to show him what I could do. I just got angry. And when I'm angry, sometimes I'm out of control.

"No one," I answer quietly. "Learned it myself. I just visualized my friend one day and became him. But I can't hold it for long, a few hours at most, and then I lose concentration."

"Kan, do you realize that this kind of thing is only fully taught at the highest level of study? And even graduates can't hold illusion and transformation for more than an hour."

"If it would help me pass my practicum for your subjects," I snort.

"It's dark magic, Kan. It's a dark power that only purebloods are born with. I have it, but others learn it, and they don't always succeed."

"Dark?" I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes, Kan, it's dark powers. It's illusion magic, and it's my class. We also touch on the theme in higher level dark magic classes."

"Then why can't I feel it and create an illusion in my hands?" I whisper. "I can control fire." By raising my hand, I create a fireball. "Yes, my fire dragon isn't as pretty, but it's there." A cute little dragon is born out of fire and sneezes fire. "I can create a water balloon," I raise my friend's hand and create a beautiful glow where water bubbles and black fish swim. "I can create a strong wind." Seraphus' hair flows from a gust of wind, just like mine. "I can grow a flower."

I clasp my hands and visualize a flower, then open my palms and hold out a black rose to Seraphus.

"But I can't feel any of the powers. Never felt them, just used them," I mutter as Seraphus takes the rose and brings it up to his nose.

"Unbelievable. It even smells beautiful. Kan," Seraphus' eyes become saturated with gold.

"I'm going to be punished now, aren't I? I did something wrong?" I take a step back fearfully.

"No, no, that's just amazing. You have great power, Kan. Fire is part of dark magic. I'm made of fire, and I control it, just like air. Did someone teach you that?"

"No," I hum, twitching my shoulder. "Life forced me to learn on my own. I've been alone since I was a baby. I was scared when I was left alone in the dark and made fireballs all around me. At times I was beaten... I was beaten a lot and had to fend for myself and heal my wounds. Or grow some vegetables that I knew to eat, as I was often starving. That's how I learned. I was doing a bad thing, wasn't I? I wasn't allowed to learn on my own?"

"I didn't say that. I'm just surprised and puzzled at how much you can do. And I'm sorry you had to go through so much hassle at an early age."

"I'm fine." I pull on a smile and cast a glare at Seraphus. "I'm used to it. I only had one friend. The one friend who ran away...to save his life."

"Why? What threatened him?"

I swallow, and the pain seeps into my heart, as does the fear.

"He was going to be dried up and raped. Cruelly raped. I've seen...I've seen what they do to guys like him. And him...it's not like he did anything wrong. He helped, but he was always to blame. I helped him escape... protected him, otherwise... he would have been condemned to a horrible life as a sex slave and power source forever. I can't go back. I can't, or I'll feel bad too, for helping him escape and saving his life. I have to stay here by any means necessary. As long as I'm here, then he and I are safe." I raise my gaze to Seraphus, hoping he'll understand me, that he won't tell anyone about me.

"Kan," Seraphus whispers bitterly. "Now I understand why you don't like your real name."

"You won't tell the headmaster what I can do? I need to stay here. I'll control my power, I promise. And I'll study better, Seraphus. I'll find my dark power, I promise. Just please don't say anything to the headmaster," I plead in a whisper to him.

"I won't tell, but you don't have to hold back your power, Kan. You're here precisely to fulfill your potential. You don't need to study more, you need to stop and calm down. You're safe here. And about the dark power. Hold out your hands. I'll look for it and tell you where it's hiding. You probably didn't show your powers before because you were afraid, so everyone thought you were empty. Come on." Seraphus holds out his hands to me with palms up.

"You're not getting inside my head, are you? I don't want to," I squint.

"Don't worry, I won't do that. I'll just check why you can't summon your dark power, even though you have plenty of it, as well as light. Don't be afraid, Kan, trust me."

And I trust. I used to trust only Lua, but now there's Seraphus.

I hold out my hands, and barely our skin makes contact before I'm thrown back by a violent discharge of energy. Pain courses through my body, and I whimper, writhing on the floor. The wave of energy travels from the top of my head to my feet and back again, then freezes somewhere in my heart, making it pound madly fast.

"Mother of all," Seraphus' whisper, full of horror, comes out. "Kan? Are you okay?"

I open my eyes and groan. Seraphus takes a step toward me, but I jump to my feet and run away from him.

"Don't hit me with your energy anymore. It hurts," I beg him. My palms are still tingling, and my pulse is racing. "I'd rather be whipped again with a birch or something, but not this."

"I'm sorry...I... didn't realize it would happen like this, that it was even possible. Come here, it mustn't happen again."

"You hit me with your energy, didn't you?"

"I misjudged. I lost focus. I'm sorry. Come here," he beckons me over and I slowly walk over. I feel uneasy at the strange look in Seraphus's eyes. It's like he's searching my eyes for something.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask glumly.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Hold out your hands to me," he asks.

I hope I don't get hit with his energy again. It hurts like hell. Closing my eyes, I place my hands sharply on his and hold my breath, expecting to be thrown back again. But nothing happens, except for the warmth I feel on my skin. That warmth turns to heat, seeping into my body, and I open my lips to exhale in relief. The dark power of Seraphus envelops my veins, my muscles, my bones. It slides gently inside me, caressing me, and it feels so good, so peaceful, as if there are no more problems, no more fear, no more sadness and sorrow, no more danger. I'm home.

I open my eyes and immediately stumble into the hot gaze of Seraphus. His eyes have turned into golden fireballs and the whites have turned completely black. Incredibly beautiful. And it's as if I'm falling into that darkness, to dissolve into it.

"Look, Kan," Seraphus whispers and shifts his gaze down. I lower my eyes, too, and gasp when I see dark light sparking from my palms with flecks of fire. "That's your dark power. It just didn't know you were summoning it. It got lost, not knowing when you would find it. It wasn't waiting for you, and you came back for it, came to show it the way."

A smile appears on my lips.

"You made it," I whisper delightedly and raise my hands. I bring my palms together and then push them away, forming a dark ball, and out of it a heart. I lift my hands and release the dark heart upwards. It floats gently and then disintegrates into small sparkling particles.

I lower my head and catch Seraphus' strange gaze again, but now it makes me feel hot.

"Are you satisfied?" He asks interestedly.

"Yes, thank you for helping me, Seraphus. I can feel a little bit of it now and I like it. It feels so good, it tickles a little right here." I place my palm on my chest in the heart area.

"Good. Are you going to go to bed now?"

"Yeah. I'm on my way. Can the gargoyles sleep with me again? I enjoy petting them in my sleep."

I quickly put the books away and stack them on the table.

"So those little rascals are sleeping at your place?"

"No," I immediately respond and shake my head. "In fact, I don't know where they sleep. Maybe in a tree? Or in the dining hall? Or in the headmaster's closet?"

"Kan," Seraphus laughs, and I freeze. My cruel mother. Why is he so handsome?

"Is that okay?" I ask him cautiously.

"It's not up to me, Kan. They are living beings like you and me. And if they have chosen you as their favorite, I have no way of influencing them."

"But they're yours."

"Yes, and also they are alive. I don't force my will on anyone. That's their choice."

"So if I say I feed them a little, you won't scold me?"

"You're too kind to them. Gargoyles have to hunt for themselves, Kan. They're predators. This way they get lazy."

"I'm a little, really. Just a little. It's really just that they're...cute. And they keep me company."

"Try to feed them only a little bit a day. Once a day."

Oh, crap. I think I've already overfed them. But they're so cute sniffing afterward and grunting and dancing or giggling. Or sword fighting using my pencils. But I'm definitely not going to confess that to Seraphus.

"Kan, go to sleep. Now," Seraphus orders.

"Already on my way out. Good night, Dark Lord. Oh, Seraphus."

"Good night, Kan."

Seraphus's voice, chesty, deep and magical, accompanies me to my room and then into sleep. I'm happy for the first time in my entire life. Truly happy.