June 1997

The large Siberian eagle owl soared noiseless through the open window in Leonor's potion kitchen, snatched one of the biscuits out of the large bowl on the sideboard and settled satisfied on the table. Pauline and Hugo delivered mail-orders, or the eagle owl hadn't dared to take the snack so cheekily.

Leonor glanced in direction of the mountains worried about the other two owls; until now the pair always escaped the attacks. It was a hard time for the postmen with feathers. Owls got robbed and injured; often they reached the destination with delays if at all. The post office in Hogsmeade required advance booking of the birds meanwhile. There had been many losses in the recent past.

Severus wrote daily just a few words, asking if Leonor was alright, and she answered back with the same small talk. None of the letters included a hint about the baby, no initials or names. They never wrote anything big; and still that ritual was the most important of the day. Severus refused to stay overnight since Minerva discovered his absence. Hours together were rare.

"Here you are!" said Leonor, untied the small scroll of parchment from the owl's leg and rolled up the paper. Again, two written sentences, but not the usual words.

I wait Saturday night seven o'clock at the gate. Bring your holdall.

Leonor scribbled happily on an empty piece of paper that she agreed. She would have cancelled any appointment for that. She looked forward to the weekend. Whatever Severus planned in the middle of the exam season was a welcome change, some hours talking, huddling against each other, kissing.

XXX

Severus strode up and down in front of the pillars with the majestic wild boars. He was anxious knowing that Leonor expected a nice and relaxed evening. The due date of the baby was likely just four or five weeks ahead. She needed pleasure, rest, moments to remember, but not the excitement he brought tonight. Severus pinched his nose slightly in thought and not a hundred percent convinced if he decided correctly and for the best.

A person came now into view, clad in black — Leonor. She omitted her favourite green colour already for a while and chose black, occasionally mixed with some silver or blue, but never prominent, never emerald green. Nobody deserved black; it gave no light in the darkness. She drew nearer and Severus saw the smile on her face and the reddened cheeks from the effort to walk uphill.

"Hi, Sev," she said it almost coyly as if they never met before.

Severus tried to maintain the intimidating cold posture for a moment longer, just checking the surroundings for any observers, students hid in the bushes on an early summer night. They were alone.

Severus embraced the dark-haired witch quickly, kissing her face, the flushed cheeks. He breathed her name and let all guards down. For a short moment Severus was just a man.

Leonor freed herself from the passionate clinch, beaming, "I missed you too. How come that I'm privileged to visit you at Hogwarts?"

Severus returned immediately to the usual serious appearance. He took the overnight bag and sent it away with an unspoken spell.

"Let's go. I explain." He put his hand on the small of her back, a subtle gesture of reassurance.

Students sat under the trees by the lake, learning, talking. The weather showed the best of June.

"I will tell the staff that I need your help to prepare the exam on Monday, an unknown curse for the N.E.W.T.s, something from abroad and real life so to speak."

"I could have prepared something."

"I know," grinned Severus. "The real reason is another. I want to be seen with you, just once. All who are open-minded will know that we are more than friends. They will know that you are important to me, also the Slytherins. If they trust me beyond Dumbledore's death, they will support you. All the others will show hostility, but it will ensure that the dark side is fonder to help."

"You are gambling."

Leonor stopped, looking at Severus. His eyes were even darker, black tunnels of an angry looking face, but his voice was clear and calm.

"I'm gambling, I'm acting. My whole life is an act since I teach here. I bully students keeping a cover for two masters who give a damn about my life. I'm disposable when the mission is achieved. I promised to keep you safe and that's why you are here today. Hogwarts will always be a bit safer. I trust in Minerva to have a sense for justice in a situation of real need."

Some children returned from the grounds passing the couple curiously. Severus didn't even glare at them, he just put his hand on her back, and they walked to the Great Hall. Dinner was in full swing.

"We cannot eat here, Severus. I cannot stomach too much."

"We won't. We will only inform the headmaster and Minerva. Trust me. You've just to go through this now, then we are alone and tomorrow we are not here."

Severus took Leonor's hand leading them to the staff table. He gave a brief explanation of the reason for the healers visit, all teachers listened, the hall became quieter. Leonor felt sick.

"You always prepared the exams yourself, Severus," squealed Minerva McGonagall, clearly taken by surprise to see Severus with his hand around Leonor's waist.

"I prepared the potion N.E.W.T.s myself," corrected Severus.

"And is it really necessary to leave the castle tomorrow? We all reduced our absence, skipped free days. Albus, what do you say?" McGonagall's look rested for a moment on Leonor's belly before looking sharply at the headmaster.

The old man stroked the white beard, the familiar twinkle in the eyes. "It is indeed important to prepare the oldest students, those who might fight soon amongst our ranks. Minerva, I suggest letting Severus and Leonor go ahead."

Severus turned on his heals before anybody could object again. The pair made the way back through the house tables. The cloaks billowed behind them.

"Albus, you let him get away with it? I always thought you keep a close eye on Severus' actions. I heard Death Eaters visited the apothecary and have been treated well."

"I am sure Severus will do what I expect of him, Minerva," replied Dumbledore and smiled at the chocolate cake on his plate. "Love is a force more formidable than any other," he mumbled under his breath.

XXX

"And what do we do here? Duelling in your office?" asked Leonor breathless when the door closed with a light thud.

"Certainly not."

Severus opened a large drawer and put a white basin on the desk. A silvery bluish light filled the dim room.

"What are you up to?"

"Pensieves are rare. Traditionally, a witch or wizard's Pensieve is buried with them. It may be our last and only chance to use it," explained Severus matter-of-factly without noticing that his visitor looked sallow. "I borrowed it for tonight."

Severus concentrated now on the swirling liquid, stirred it with the magic wand until mysterious white mist evaporated. Ghostlike figures loomed in the fog and disappeared one after the other. Severus seemed not satisfied. He gave the Pensieve another stir. More white haze escaped.

Leonor heard faint voices in an undefined distance; they escaped from the mist. Sweat stuck to her forehead. She felt hot and cold at once. Her head began to swim.

"I need to sit down," whispered Leonor before sinking in the armchair. The walk and standing there had been too much.

"Leonor," called Severus. He was in an instant with her; taking the clammy hand. "Do you want a glass of water?"

"I only need a rest, too much exercise and mystery for my taste." She smiled weakly. "Come here." She put his hand to her cool lips. "You've just had time for your task," she scolded softly.

Severus looked like slapped, mastering the hangdog expression on his face. "I forgot; I should have thought about you two."

Leonor took a deep breath, the cold sweat volatilized slowly.

"It is alright. I know you want me safe. It is going better. I hate those robes, it's like choking if you move too fast."

"I miss the muggle shirts", said Severus bluntly. "It is difficult to feel a thing." He pulled her up in his arms, kissing Leonor deeply, sending his hands to her hips and holding her close. Then he became serious again.

"Just in case, I mean what needs to be done?"

"It's not yet time. Let me sit in your lap."

Severus unhesitatingly allowed that.

"I want that the baby is born at home, Severus, not at Hogwarts or St. Mungo's if I can help it. The official instances will ask too many questions."

"But alone?"

"I call the midwife, Caryn O'Cain. She worked many years in Ireland and later at St. Mungo's. Caryn is retired now and wants only to know the necessary. I inform her with the small statue."

Leonor took a grey figure from an inside pocket. "Goddess Brigid, an Irish symbol associated with fertility and healing. Just clasp your hand round it and Caryn will come. It's all organized, Severus." Leonor pressed a kiss to the worry lines on his forehead.

"I see," he said.

"By the way, Poppy knows, and Richard probably was too polite to ask outright. They won't be surprised."

"Since when?" replied Severus astonished.

"Richard visited me recently. Poppy saw it when I treated Draco. She kept quiet, didn't she?"

"Obviously."

"So, why do we need the Pensieve?"

"We should have something to drink first. Have you eaten?"

"I had a light dinner."

Severus heated the water, returned to the Pensieve and swirled the shining liquid again. Finally, he looked satisfied, brewed two large cups of tea and returned to the armchair.

"If I ask too much, then stop me, will you?"

"I don't even know yet what it's all about Severus."

"It might be the wrong decision to show you all that." Severus pointed to the shallow dish made of stone, starting to pace up and down the office.

"I placed memories into the Pensieve to make Potter understand why I am bound to safe him. I'm sure he will trust that everything is genuine. It is to help Potter to do what he needs to do, whatever that is."

Severus kneeled now down in front of the armchair taking Leonor's hands in his.

"Leonor, I don't know what will be after Dumbledore's death. I doubt that I can see you at all. You must raise our child alone. I wouldn't be a good father anyway, but you are a good mother. I neither want you to put yourself or the baby at risk, and only hope that those memories help Potter to defeat the Dark Lord in case I cannot explain it to the boy as requested by Dumbledore. It is the fallback plan, one that the headmaster does not have."

"We will raise our child together, Severus — even in the darkest times. You will honour your promise. Lily didn't die in vain. And our child will have a father — you."

"Well," said Severus gently, the hope in his dark eyes clearly visible. There was no point to argue that. "Just in case Dumbledore's master plan fails, then I give you the story to tell Potter and our child. Potter would mainly need information about my relationship to Lily and Dumbledore's orders. There's more in then Pensieve than that. At least you should know who I am."

"I know who you are. I love you, Severus." Leonor shivered under the idea.

"I do not deserve you."

"Everybody deserves to be loved, Severus. Kiss me." She ruffled his dark hair and held his face in her hands. "Kiss me," she repeated.

XXX

Hours later

Leonor rose up out of the Pensieve and saw Severus standing with his back to the mantelpiece, worried, vulnerable, nervous.

She looked at him, tears streaming down her face. All words were gone; her mind empty although filled up with memories of all sorts. Severus walked over, moving the shallow basin aside. He touched her shoulders, massaging them with light pressure.

"Relax, it's over."

"I cannot," snivelled Leonor. The whole body ached from sitting in the motionless position for hours. But it wasn't that what made her cry. The mental pain overpowered it all.

"I can remove the last hours from your mind. You don't need to take the burden."

"You know that I can bear it. You had to brave it too."

"Shall I explain anything?" offered Severus mildly.

"Things have never been so clear before," hissed Leonor back.

Severus stopped touching Leonor. The face fell as if he had failed the most important task of his life. Despite the delicate situation he hoped to get approval.

"You are angry."

"Of course."

"About me?"

"Why about you?"

Severus cowered to be level with Leonor. He looked up from his feet to her brown eyes and dried the tears gently.

"Not angry about me?" whispered Severus full of pride.

"I'm hopping mad about your violent father, the strait-laced neighbourhood, the prejudiced headmaster of the muggle school who didn't take you because of a formal defect of papers."

Leonor yelled now; she was in a full rage. "Fred and Gorge have been troublemakers at school, but I can't remember many incidents when they hurt other students in a bully-boy tactic. Potter and his gang obviously had a free pass to torture any student in their way and with you, it had a personal note. I'm beyond understanding why the staff didn't stop it, not even Dumbledore or Slughorn supported you; and Lily pretended she didn't know."

"It's been the political situation, Leonor. The Marauders have shown early the attitude against the Dark Arts. Dumbledore required such people, he still does. Skill doesn't help to enter the Slug Club and I had nothing to give except my skill. Draco is beside Hermione the best potion brewer of his year and did he ever get invited? It's too obvious that his family are Death Eaters. Lucius was the most influential and one of the club's celebrations during his schooldays. Lily was excellent and pretty; it was always good to have a brilliant muggle-born on the list of favourites. The Dark Lord would have taken her into his ranks. I'm a half-blood, and he didn't mind it either nor do any of the Death Eaters as long as you fight for their course."

"Severus, many things have been unjust."

"I've made mistakes. I loved the power of the Dark Arts. I still love the power of magic. I didn't need to take the Dark Mark. It's been my free will. I hoped Lily would join me just because the Dark Lord showed interest. Naturally, I was wrong. I've been infatuated with the appreciation I received by Rosier, Mulciber and the others who had never been interested in me. My whole life is a string of wrong doings and uncontrolled misplaced emotions."

"And that's why you became the most accomplished Occlumens, hiding yourself under a mask of bitterness?"

Severus stood up; he had not put the worst memory into the Pensieve. Potter saw it already and Leonor didn't need to see him half-naked dangling headfirst in front of the full Hogwarts student body.

"I've lost the most important friendship of my life because I couldn't control my emotions. I called Lily a Mudblood in front of the school. She never forgave me. You saw that I begged her. And now Occlumency is a life insurance, the tool to hide the essential from the dark side. Isn't it peculiar?"

"It certainly is. You are the most important man on the side of Dumbledore. Would Lily or any of the Marauders ever believe that without Dumbledore writing it in blood?"

They both smiled.

"You still trust that Dumbledore is the key to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" asked Leonor.

"I do. He knew that the Dark Lord would return when everybody believed him dead. He anticipated that there was something wrong with Quirrell. I trust he knows a bit what nobody else does, except Potter perhaps."

"Alright, let's hope. I'm tired. I've lived through thirty-seven years in mere a few hours. I deserve a rest, don't I?"

"What about a nice shower or a bath while I erase the history and return the Pensieve to Dumbledore?" said Severus and pulled Leonor from the chair into his arms, his expression changed into youthful happiness.

"A shower sounds good, but I better wait until you are ready and meanwhile you tell me what we do tomorrow. Or am I not invited to participate in your day off?"

"You said you can still apparate, can't you?" Severus removed silvery strands of memories from the Pensieve and put it back to his head.

"It is exhausting, but yes, I still do it from time to time."

"Then we have plenty of time tomorrow."

"For what?"

Severus grinned insecurely. "It's all I tell you. Check it out for yourself tomorrow."

XXX

The next morning

Severus snored lightly; his head rested next to Leonor's face, and the arms embraced her motherly body. For a change she woke up first. Usually Severus became restless first, torn between letting her sleep and kissing goodbye. Leonor stroked Severus' hair and wished that the baby would also have that vivid coal-black mane and the dark unfathomable eyes.

A dream ensnared Leonor's senses, and she closed the eyes again.

They retreated from the office to the private chamber. He touched her face — kissed her deeply. They could never get enough of kissing each other. He pushed her away with love, just to open the numerous buttons of the robes — peeling off one layer of fabric after the other. They took their time; the waiting increased the desire. They both moaned when laying down, wanting more, demanding it now, holding back to take no risk. Her hands and warmth satisfied him. He kissed her neck in gratitude, caressed the soft skin, followed the curves and rested the hands on the pregnant belly — feeling the tender punches of the baby. It's been the most joyful experience of that night — a family of three.

For a moment the world was right and safe. And just in case, who could steal that memory?