Min Yoongi threw his pillow at his phone which was sounding across the dark bedroom, signaling the start of yet another day. Another long series of hours in which he waited for night, for dark, for the chance to go back to sleep. He woke every morning just to go back to bed. He said he was tired - to no one in particular - but it wasn't the kind of tired that sleep could cure anymore. Sleep wasn't just sleep anymore - it was escape.

He dragged himself up, knowing that if he stayed in bed for too long he would regret it. Shuffling across the room, he dismissed his phone alarm. Yoongi rubbed his eyes, cursing the fatigue he already felt.

He dressed, packed his messenger bag and mentally prepared to go out into the world.

Every morning was the same - intentionally in fact - but that did not change the reality of Yoongi's quickening heartbeat as he turned the doorknob. He opened the door, shivering at the cool morning air. Shivering not for the temperature, but for the thought of walking out into the bright, open area. Yoongi was most comfortable huddled under the blankets in his bed, not out of laziness, but out of defeat. It was easy to lay there and let his thoughts consume him but quite another thing to function in the presence of others.

That's why he forced himself to go to the same coffee shop every morning. He couldn't let his depression win. Even if he felt pathetic - anyone else can waltz into a coffee shop without a pep talk - he forced himself to keep this routine, to claim some sort of control.

The familiar chime above the coffee shop door set Yoongi's heartbeat at a rapid pace once more: the sound caused the shop employees and even two of the patrons to look right at him. He pretended to look at his phone, desperate to break the eye contact.

Walking slowly to the counter, pretending to decide on his purchase, Yoongi internally cursed himself for needing to work up the courage to order the same black coffee. While robotically ordering his drink, he continued to silently berate himself.

"One large coffee, black please." You idiot, you stood there way too long looking over the menu. They see you every day. You order the same. damn. drink.

"No sugar, thank you." Calm down. Your hands are fucking shaking. Such an embarrassment.

"Yes, that'll be all." Get to your chair so you can hide again. You're so pathetic.

He tried to walk at a normal pace to his usual seat in order to not draw any more attention than he assumed was being paid his awkward form. He sat and waited, listening for his order to be called and turned on his laptop. Starting up his laptop, he took some deep breaths as his mother taught him - it seemed a lifetime ago.

Inhale, 3 - 2 - 1 

Yoongi closed his eyes.

Hold for 3 - 2 - 1

He saw her smiling down at him. Her eyes sparkled, even at a time when she was serious. They focused on him.

Exhale, 3 - 2 - 1

Tears pricked his eyelids. Stay...

"Min Yoongi?" the barista called out.

His eyes shot open as he stood. "Yes," he answered, walking to the counter to retrieve his order, "Thanks."

Drink in hand, he returned to his seat to continue the daily ritual that helped him to simulate control. In reality, he was hiding in view - like the pale full moon in the morning sky.