Yoongi woke in his bed on Wednesday morning and lay with his eyes closed. He knew that he needed to get up and go meet his boyfriend for coffee. 

He wanted to get up and meet his boyfriend for coffee.

But he hadn't woken up alone today.

He lay in bed with a weight on his chest and fear lying beside him. Anxiety curled up on his pillow and defeat, like the blankets he'd kicked during the night, tangled around his ankles.

It took so much effort just to open his eyes and focus on his ceiling.

In five minutes he should be brushing his teeth, jumping into the shower.

But it took five minutes to convince his body to fully sit up.

Within his chest, the sensation that he was falling had him breathing rapidly and his face became hot.

Pancakes. Birthday candles.

In ten minutes he should be throwing on his clothes and packing his bag. Heading out the door.

But it took ten minutes to stop crying.

Shadows gripped his mind, manipulating all thoughts. His perception was shrouded in malignant questions: Why couldn't today be the day he didn't wake up? Why did the act of living take so much energy? Why wasn't seeing Hoseok enough to get him out the door?

This last question built up an ache in his chest unlike any other. In his rational mind, he envisioned how simple it would be to swing his legs over the side of the bed, stand up, brush his teeth, get dressed and run out the door to make it on time. Going through every movement, every step in his mind. But he still couldn't move.

In ten minutes he should be holding his boyfriend. Kissing him. Talking and laughing about pointless things as he walked him to work.

But it took ten minutes of battling with himself before he resigned to go back to sleep, laying back on the pillow, and pulling the blanket over his head.

[a/n]

trying some different writing "styles"?

this is meant to be yoongles' stream of consciousness

let me know if you hate it

also if your thoughts are anything like this,

remember you are never alone

and you don't have to deal with it by yourself

i know i've said it before, but i genuinely mean it

pm me if necessary

all of you are beautiful and important

💜