Yoongi woke slowly. It was very early on Tuesday morning, still about an hour until sunrise. He peered over at Hoseok who slept peacefully with his arm over the older, their breathing rhythm perfectly in sync.

How did I pull this off? he thought. Obviously, it was a mistake. Or a joke. A practical joke being played on him by the universe.

How could someone like Hoseok, who radiated positive energy, want someone like him?

Yoongi felt the familiar shadows surround him and the sudden phantom sensation of his body being swallowed into the mattress.

How long until Hoseok figured out that he was weak? That he was a failure? That he wasn't worth loving?

After all, that's what happened with all of his past relationships.

Although, technically, that wasn't true.

[Flashback, four years ago]

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Yoongi and Jimin had been together for about a month. They always met at the library and made their way back to Jimin's dorm, since Yoongi hadn't formally come out to his father yet and didn't want the conversation to be forced out into the open.

Yoongi was comfortable with Jimin, but he didn't think they were really going anywhere. Which is why he was taken utterly by surprise.

They were laying together, just relaxing in the dorm, and Jimin had just told Yoongi that he loved him.

And Yoongi just... stared at him. For several excruciating seconds. All before uttering an award-winning, "What?"

Jimin's eyes instantly teared up as he pushed him away. "Forget I said anything. What did I expect..."

Shit, Yoongi thought, rubbing his temples as he replayed the idiotic response in his head.

Yoongi couldn't say what he knew the other wanted to hear. He cared about Jimin, that wasn't the problem. But, love? They'd only been together for such a short time. Of course, he knew better than to bring this up.

"Jimin... I'm sorry." Yoongi began, earning a heavy sigh from the younger. "Jimin. You're not seriously mad at me for not saying it back are you?"

"No... I'm just mad at myself, I guess. For letting myself be vulnerable with someone who doesn't want to meet me halfway. I never know how you feel."

"Jimin. We talk all the time--"

"About your dad! About your music! Not about us - you and me. You get all tense when I call you baby. You change the subject when I ask about your plans after graduation, about how we can keep seeing each other while I'm in school. And now, when I tell you that I love you, you practically turn to stone."

"Jimin... that's not fair."

"I think I want to be alone."

"...Okay."

Yoongi left without arguing, and wondered if broken people could love.

-🕰 Three days later 🕰-

Yoongi had just left his family's home after being kicked out into the street. He'd wanted to come clean with his father about his sexuality, even though every nerve in his body was warning him against it. He knew that his father was not comfortable with homosexuality from the comments about acquaintances and strangers alike. But he'd read so much about how even the most closed-minded of people changed once they learned to accept their own family members. There had to be some truth to it.

It's just... since his mother died there was nothing between them. Yoongi thought - or hoped - that making this gesture of trust could help to lay some sort of foundation to rebuild upon.

Boy was he wrong.

Now he was standing in the bursar's office of his university explaining that he would be dropping all of his courses and would require a refund of as much of the semester's tuition as was still available.

He was leaving. A friend from one of his classes introduced him to a cousin in Seoul in need of a roommate. It was perfect, a clean break.

The image of Jimin popped up in his mind. He wasn't sure if Jimin would want to speak to him, but it couldn't wait.

- 🕰 later that evening 🕰 -

"So... you're just leaving?"

"Jimin, I can't stay here... There's nothing else left for me here."

"Ow."

"Jimin, you know that's not what I meant."

"Do I, Yoongi? Do you? Why don't you just get it over with - I know that's why you came here."

Yoongi could only stare, a lump forming in his throat at the bitterness laced into the younger's voice. A bitterness that he caused.

"Ugh! You can't say I love you, you can't say I'm leaving you..." Jimin trailed off losing a vocal battle to his tears.

"Jimin, I have to leave. And... lately... all I've done is make you cry. Is that worth long distance? I don't think it is. You have a future, Jimin. You're an amazing dancer and vocalist, and you're also a beautiful person. I hope that you don't forget to take care of your happiness because one day there will be someone worthwhile for you to share it with. That person isn't me. I'm nobody. I know that's not what you want to hear. But that's how it is."

Jimin watched the older as he stood to leave. Without thinking, Jimin rushed forward and wrapped him in one last hug.

Even though he knew exactly what reply that would come next, Jimin would still say it the same way every time if given the opportunity.

"I love you," he cried onto Yoongi's shoulder.

3

2

1 -

"I'm sorry."

[End flashback]