[a/n description of panic attack ahead]

The two played Hoseok's game for another hour, answering the questions about each other with their books. Yoongi couldn't remember the last time he'd felt excited, let alone willing, to share parts of himself with another person. Each time they caught sight of each other on their short missions through the bookstore, Hoseok alternated between competitive, but never serious, smack-talk and flirting with playful winks.

Where do you want to travel (adventure mode)?

Find a recipe that you want to cook with me.

Where do you want to travel (relaxation mode)?

Find a book about something you want to learn or become better at.

"I get this point by default." Hoseok laughed. "You can't pick this many books!"

"Fair enough, but I'm still winning," taunted Yoongi, making a tally mark under the younger's name while Hoseok chose the next slip of paper.

Find a book title that reminds you of your family.

As they both headed in separate directions, Yoongi frowned to himself. "Wonder how easily I could find a book called Dead to Me." he mused. Deciding that that was perhaps a little too much, he continued looking through the shelves. Soon his eyes fell on a title that made him chuckle while shaking his head.

This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids

"Dad could have used this," he remarked before continuing his search. Thumbing through the books he began to think back on his piece-of-shit father.

"No, you're not. No... It's that faggot you're always with. He's influenced you in some way."

"Dad - don't call him that. Jimin... Jimin's.. He's my boyfriend, we've been together for almost a month--"

Yoongi's chest felt heavy as he recalled how his father had thrown a blow to his head that knocked him speechless. How his father had screamed at him for being a fool, that it was a disgusting choice, that he had no son. How he'd pushed him and dragged him out of their home.

His hands started to shake as the familiar pain rose in his chest.

Not here. Not now.

A burning sensation crept along the back of his throat and the titles of the books along the shelf became blurred. Holding the shelf to steady his body, Yoongi attempted to control his breathing. He squeezed his eyes shut - seeing black was better than not being able to make out the blurred shapes around him.

It wasn't long before he felt a tap on his right shoulder.

"Hyung, there you are! What's taking you so long? Five-minute limit, remember? I've been looking for you for ten--"

No. NO. He can't see me like this. Yoongi again lost control of his breathing as he felt the hot tears trail down his cheeks.

"Shit. Are you okay?" Hoseok's voice was full of alarm.

Yoongi "Go away," spat while gripping the shelf, and quickly added "Please."

This time Hoseok's voice came much softer. "Hyung, I'm not leaving. Are you... are you having a panic attack?"

Yoongi stayed quiet, concentrating on not falling over in his dizziness.

"Look, my sister had them starting in high school. I know that they're different for everyone, but this looks a lot like one of her attacks. You can tell me."

Yoongi couldn't vocalize his answer. He just nodded.

"Do you need me to do anything? Do you want me to help you get out of this aisle?"

The older boy nodded again, cursing himself for being so weak.

Hoseok peered around for somewhere where they could sit nearby without any onlookers. "Okay. There's a door about four feet from the aisle that goes out to the garden and bench less than two feet from there. Do you think you could walk there?" He placed his hand on Yoongi's and the older squeezed it in confirmation.

Hoseok swung Yoongi's arm over his shoulder and helped him stay steady as they walked out to the enclosed garden. Once they sat, Yoongi's chest continued to heave violently, he was gasping for air. His face was hot and sweat coated his forehead and neck.

"I don't know what got you here and you are in no way obligated to tell me." Hoseok said in a firm, yet soothing voice, "but you are safe, you are not being judged, and I'm not going to leave. Now you need to breathe. I want you to copy me, okay? Breathe in like you're... you're smelling a huge plate of chocolate chip pancakes that we just made together. That's it, smells great! Hold that breath. Now blow all the air out through your mouth like you're blowing out birthday candles. Yeah! Just like that. You're a pro."

They sat there smelling pancakes and blowing out candles for a full five minutes until Yoongi was breathing evenly enough for Hoseok. "I'll be right back." He quickly slipped back into the bookstore's cafe and returned with a water bottle and handed it to the older.

"Thanks, Hoseok."

"Do you want me to take you home?" the younger offered.

"Fuck no," Yoongi took another deep, but shaky breath. "Count my points, you owe me food."