31 - Partner
The night was still as calming as always.
Tilting his head back, Toivo allowed the coolness of the night air to trickle through his fur, gently tugging at wisps of black before letting them settle again. Save a few patches of coiled cloud, the sky was as clear as it had been for the past few days. Silver gems speckled the dark, and with his sharp eyesight, he could make out every one of them. Some even seemed tinted with a coloured hue, dancing with long-gone magic.
It was the moon, however, in its steady climb to the east, that provided the majority of the night's silver glow. So close to being full, with only the slight slit that cut away its left side marking it as a gibbous oval rather than a perfect circle.
That circle would mark Toivo's eighteenth moon of life. He was a Sylfen, born of the full moon, a fact that he had paid little attention to until now. Was it only Shadewylves that took power from the most pure form of the moon? Or did all Pelts work that way, and they simply hadn't noticed?
Scuffing the pads of his paws on the grass, he felt for the Shadow inside. Even that power seemed to rear up towards the moon and bow, paying its respects to the goddess that resided there.
With a comfortable sigh, Toivo slid his paws across the earth, stretching out until he lay on his stomach. The grass tickled his sides. He couldn't fully make out its colour now, but he knew it to be a pale, yellow-tinged brown. Each strand was doubled over in thirst. It had to have been at least seven days since this place had seen rain, perhaps even more. Not that it bothered him a great deal; a dry night made it safe and easy for him to do what he did now.
After their training finished for the day, as the sun dipped towards the horizon, Montasir had offered him a room in the soldiers' quarters. There were numerous stone rooms there, he had said, each equipped with bedding collected by wolves sent outside to forage. But Toivo had spent long enough cramped inside a clammy cave, and asked instead to sleep outside, under the stars. Now, he acted as a night watch, committed to staying awake until the moon reached its summit, when another wolf would come and take his place.
Not that he minded. He knew he should be tired - the last few nights had been nothing more than a few snatched hours of sleep. But out here, watching the world grow quieter and the light fade, he had no wish to close his eyes.
A flash of light caught his eye. Snapping his gaze to it, he saw a glimmer of yellow, there and then gone. Perhaps another Shadewylf carrying a lantern as they returned to the cave. He surveyed the area again, but spotted nothing more. Maybe there was nothing there at all.
His eyes returned to the stars. Tracing the sky, he found Nethropiade, the stag, seeming to leap out at him with antlers shining. The number of times he'd searched for the constellation beside Lexi seemed to have ingrained its position somehow.
Was Lexi staring up at those very stars, right now? He had no way of knowing, and yet he hoped she was.
He picked out the brightest and boldest star of the stag - Jedrek, the hero of Nethropiade's story, said to be the strongest wolf ever to live. One of the original Starrnyx. Time and time again, Lexi had told him Jedrek's story, and they'd shared its every up and down. They'd even speculated what their stories would be, if they ever made it to the stars.
I'm going to change the world one day, she would say to him, so many times. Something bad will come, and I'll stop it. I'll be a hero. Her eyes would shine a bright hazel, more beautiful than the smoothest of tree bark. And you'll be my special partner. We'll be heroes together.
A faint smile played on Toivo's snout. "Heroes together," he whispered to those stars.
A pang of longing, only surfacing now after being smothered by the safety the cave held, wormed its way to the surface. Maybe it had been there before and he'd simply ignored it, or maybe it was a new feeling, one only brought on by the freshness of the night air. But as he kept his eyes fixed on Jedrek's star, his smile slowly faded to nothing.
Lexi could be dead. His paws itched with the thought. As time went on and she remained absent from those cells, the possibility grew. There was nothing he could have done to stop it, and there was nothing he could do now to even verify whether it was true or not.
He hoped she was still alive. Not just with one part, but with all his heart. No, it wasn't even hope at all, but a deep, fierce knowledge that she was. Perhaps the stars were whispering back to him, reassuring him that she didn't sit beside them yet in the sky. She was still out there, paws upon the earth, wondering what had become of her friend.
Toivo gazed down at his paws, black etched out against the yellow-green of the grass. What had become of him? The power twisted within him, forever strong, and for once he had a hold on it. But at what cost?
Had he really joined the side the stories called villains?
They're not bad, he told himself, over and over. He would do just as he'd told Angel. He would prove that they weren't evil, and he'd stop this feeling of sides. He hated that, technically, Lexi was now on the opposite side to him. It couldn't stay that way. He could help Montasir lead the Shadewylves out of the caves, and together they could stop the hatred that so many Shadewylves felt. Then all it took was to show the other side their true goodness.
Digging his claws into the dirt, Toivo bowed under the moon. It worked in his head. Now he had to make it happen.
A sound jolted his head up. Shooting to his paws, he locked on to its source, tensing in readiness to pounce. He relaxed instantly when he recognised the shape before him - black fur with hints of silver he hadn't realised existed before, but now they glinted as bright as moonlight, tipping her ears and highlighting her snout.
She was the guard who had let him first enter the caves. The very first Shadewylf he'd ever spoken to, and he wouldn't forget the kind twinkle in her eye.
"Harisah," he called, the name rising to the surface instantly.
Another step led her to stand right before him, so close that he could make out the pinkish shade of her eyes. The silver streaks were even more obvious up close, and he couldn't help but admire how perfectly they blended into her fur's dominant velvet black.
His attention was drawn so easily to the tips of her pointed ears that he didn't register the sharpness of her gaze until it leaked into her tone as she spoke.
"Toivo."
His eyes snapped to meet her eyes, and he took an involuntary step backwards. The former softness in her voice had vanished. He dipped his head, assuming he'd done something wrong.
Harisah jerked her head to the side. "You're relieved."
It took him a few awkward seconds to work out what she meant. With a glance up at the moon, higher than he'd thought, he realised. "Oh. Yes. Your shift."
He looked back at the gloomy cave opening. Though he knew its temperature wouldn't have changed in the slightest, the thought of walking back in there felt so cold. His sleep wouldn't come for a while yet, anyway. His mind thrummed with too many thoughts and memories.
Turning back to Harisah, who was now seated with her back to him, he flicked his tail back at the cave. "Do you mind if I stay out a little longer?"
Not even glancing back, she sighed. "If you want."
He edged around her and found the depression in the grass where he'd been laid previously. She still kept her head firmly turned away from him, focused on the sky. Feeling discomfort settle over his fur, Toivo sat rigid, not sure how she'd react if he reclined again. Perhaps night guards weren't supposed to behave in such a way. Maybe that was why she seemed so unhappy with him.
But as the minutes dragged on and he continued to search for her gaze, or find a word to speak, she didn't grow any friendlier. The silence pricked at Toivo's fur until he couldn't put up with it any longer. Twisting his head in her direction, he opened his snout and forced words to emerge.
"Have I done something wrong?"
Finally, Harisah let her gaze wander to him. The night seemed to darken the violet in her eyes. "We don't usually talk on shift."
"Oh." Toivo shuffled his paws. The silence began to creep back over them, and he shook it off before it could take possession once more. "But we can still keep watch and talk. Besides, you're used to taking shift on your own, so you wouldn't have anyone to talk to."
Harisah tore her eyes from him, but not before he made out the glare that flickered through her. He flinched.
"I'm not sure if you've heard, but we take our roles seriously around here. When we're watching out for attack, being quiet is ideal." Her ears twitched. "Not that you'd know, being from a place where you're free to go where you like."
Wincing, he turned away, flicking his tongue between his fangs. He knew he should do as she said and stay quiet, so that she wouldn't snap at him again. But he kept remembering her smile, and the way she'd looked at him. She could be that way again. Perhaps she was annoyed now, but his heart ached to draw out her other, nicer side, and so he would try.
Still, he waited a few minutes, allowing the previous exchange to fade and the dust to settle once more. Every so often, he glanced over at Harisah, and gradually watched her shoulders relax, until he deemed the situation ready for voice again.
"Why do you hate me?"
Her body jerked, and the tension was back. But at least she didn't glare at him this time. She didn't look over at all. "I don't hate you."
He snorted a laugh. "Okay, why do you dislike me?"
"That'll do." She glanced over at him, then pulled her gaze away before it could rest there. "It's probably not even fair," she added with a sigh. "I'm just tired of being trapped here all my life. And the idea that you've been allowed to be free, and to explore, and to just live like a normal wolf..." Her words trailed off with a growl, and suddenly she was whipping around to face him. "Why would you choose this? Why would you just decide to trap yourself with us?"
A seriousness settled over Toivo, the jokes he had intended to reply with snatched by the sharp edge to her tone. He locked onto her gaze. "I've been trapped ever since I recieved this thing." Lifting a paw, he gestured to his black Pelt. "Not trapped in one place, like you are, but more... trapped by what people think. I want to change that, so that none of us have to be trapped." He ran his claws through the dirt. "Because Shadewylves like you are just, well, normal, and I want to show others that."
A faint smile might have flickered to her snout. It was gone again so fast he questioned whether it was there at all, but he let himself believe it had existed, and it formed a smile of his own.
"I wish all Shadewylves were so friendly," Harisah muttered after several moments of silence.
Toivo tipped his head. "I wouldn't exactly call you friendly," he said with a laugh. "Not without work, anyway."
She huffed, but her smile had surfaced again. "There's a difference between unfriendly and guarded." She flicked her tail in a neat circle as her eyes wandered to the forest, giving it a careful surveillance before turning back to him. "I've learned to be guarded because some... certain wolves like to take advantage of those who let themselves become too open."
Shifting closer, Toivo eyed her. He said nothing, but his curiosity must have shone through in his gaze. She flashed a glare, then faded it away as she shrugged.
"Namingly Lucifer."
"Oh?" Toivo frowned, thinking back to when he'd heard the name. He was pretty sure he'd been introduced to a Lucifer during his training with Montasir. Lucifer had barged in, his anxious curiosity twitching in every muscle of his body. He'd been a little much for Toivo, but he'd seemed friendly enough. Then again, it had only been a brief encounter; Harisah's experience seemed to be far more. "What happened? You don't have to say, sorry," he added, pulling back from her as he realised how invasive it might seem.
Thankfully, she only sighed, her frustration stabbing at the trees rather than at him. "No, it's alright. I don't mind telling. Might help warn you to stay away from him, anyway." Another examination of the area, and she began. "Lucifer and I were good friends as pups. Incredibly good friends. But I suppose..." She trailed off with a claw at the ground. "I suppose when we began to grow up, only I really did. We were both named Captain, but he still seems to act like a pup and expect me to be content to joke around when we have actual work to do."
Words built in the back of his throat as Toivo realised how that could apply to him. But he could see that Harisah had more to say, and so he swallowed them.
"Plus," she added, voice dropping to a growl. "there was this specific time... the time I really realised our friendship was done, really."
She paused, but she'd built it up too much to drop it now. Toivo poked her. She scowled, but continued at his prompt. "He asked if I would be his partner."
Toivo snorted a laugh. "Wow."
"Yeah," she said, her own laugh hollow. "Except it wasn't just an ask. He persisted. He said we were perfect for each other, or words to that effect. He does it even now when he gets the chance. It's why I avoid him so much."
"I see," Toivo said, holding in his chuckles. He nudged her. "I get why you'd be so mad. You have the right to choose who your partner should be. He shouldn't force it on you, especially when it ruins a friendship."
"It wasn't just that, of course. The immaturity too," she said hurriedly. "But yes. Exactly that."
There wasn't much else to say, and so they finally fell entirely quiet, committed to the night watch as Harisah had originally desired. Toivo conversed with only his own thoughts, and found them easily drifting to Lexi. Would he ever have done that to her?
A tiny voice inside him said yes. A dagger in his heart twisted at the thought of her. But he wouldn't persist like Lucifer. If she didn't want to, he'd simply leave it at that, and they could remain friends. Because he wouldn't want to lose her.
His heart panged more fiercely when he realised he might never get the chance to find out.
He sank into his memories, remembering the hill, and the sweet flowery smell that always lingered there. The golden glint from Lexi's coat. How the edge always felt so intimidating, like the worst enemy in the world, but now he knew it was nothing compared to the wolves waiting in the shadows.
He was so immersed in the past that he didn't hear Harisah's whisper. Not until it became a hiss, and was coupled with a harsh nudge. Jerking to attention, he pricked up his ears, and caught the tail end of what had alerted her.
A tremor shook through a nearby tree branch, shaking its leaves and causing a faint rustle that amid the silence of the night felt like the loudest sound in the world. By the time he'd located the exact branch that caused it, the tremor had faded and the sound was gone. But branches didn't shake by themselves.
There was someone out there.
"I'll go and alert Jaser," Harisah whispered. "You stay here and keep an eye out."
Toivo nodded slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on where the movement had been. Nothing more unusual surfaced there, but if something did, he would see it instantly.
The first dappled specks of light began to gather on the leaves, creating a spotted pattern of sun-touched emerald. Day was coming, and he hadn't slept at all. But the idea of attack kept him stiff and alert, wide awake, tensed and ready to pounce on anything sending claws for his neck. Or Harisah's neck.
His aim here wasn't to fight. It was to make peace. But if he had to fight to protect himself, and the other Shadewylves he was growing to trust, then he would have to.
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