PIHA'S POV CONTINUES:

"Piha." His smokey voice onto my ear, causing me to shiver.

Gulping, I reply- "Yes sir, it's me."

I hear him let out a laugh. Is possible for Someone's voice to sound scary and their laugh so homely?

"Of course I know it's you, Piha." He pauses. "You're very happy, aren't you?"

I grin as I reply- "Yes Sir, very."

I feel him smile on the other side as he says- "I'm happy for you, Piha. Congratulations, you've surely worked hard for this— you deserve this, so take a break now and don't stress yourself until college starts okay?"

Isn't this what Roman would have said? To take rest, to not stress myself. Why do you have to be like him, Sir? Why do have to remind me of him all the time?

I squeeze my eyes shut, not letting the feeling overwhelm me. I can't help it. It's started hurting me now.

This is wrong— no one can be like Roman. No one can make me feel that way.

I snort.

No one can take Roman's place.

"Piha, you there?" I open my eyes only to come out of my thoughts, hearing Raghvansh Sir's voice.

"Yes, I'm here, Sir. And thank you— it means a lot. Thought I cannot be a hundred percent sure about the strees part as I'll be assisting in the surgeries from next week so I assume the work load will be more than I've had previously. But it's what I've always wanted to do, so it won't be a task or work for me as such. Surgeries might be enjoyable, right?"

I finish my talk only to realise— I speak way too much. And yes, he's probably annoyed of me by now.

I divert my attention as he says- "I haven't worked in the surgery department Piha, plus I have done my post graduation in MD (Masters of Medicine) so I don't really know a lot about it. But hearing from the experiences of my past co-workers— it does sound very interesting and enjoyable. I'm sure you're going to love it." He lets out a small chuckle.

In MD??

I feel curiosity take over me and I ask- "You've done your PG in Medicine? Really?"

He says as his voice comes out joyous than ever- "Oh Yes, I have. Medicine is the second love of my life!"

I grin at his excitement. He should be happy like this all the time— I hate seeing him gloomy. Especially yesterday when he held back his tears, it doesn't feel good at all. Somehow I did manage controlling myself to not embrace him in a hug, I don't want to invade his personal space.

How could he say that— how could he say he wished he was dead?

No. No one deserves to die— it happens because it's meant to happen. He's here, doing what he loves, having people who care for him and love him— then, shouldn't he be cherishing all this?

I know this is too big to wish or desire, but I want to make him realize that he matters. I couldn't save a soul like Roman but I want to save someone like Raghvansh Sir— who's all sad and depressed thinking there's no good in this world.

But wait Piha. Didn't he just say 'second love', then who's the first love of his life?

It's nice that he has someone he loves but it doesn't feel good at all for some reason.

I ask him as my mind questions me the same once again- "That's very nice Sir, you studied what you loved. But if Medicine is your second love— then who's your first? It's fine if you just ignore my stupid question as I'm a bit curious and of course I wouldn't want to step in your personal space."

Why would he hold my hand then? I quickly shrug of my thoughts, it wasn't a romantic gesture.

He giggles and says- "Piha, it's not a person. It doesn't have to always be a person, right? My first love, it's Kabaddi. It's always been that way ever since I watched the sport for the first time."

I can't help but regret my question. It makes me feel guilty— I almost questioned his love for the game.

A wave of panic overcomes me- "I'm sorry sir, I really am. I didn't mean to-"

I say only to be cut- "Shssh, I know you didn't want to question my love for the game. It just didn't flash across your mind. That's what you mean, right?"

He's voice soothing me enough for my guilt to wash away. What is this? Why does he know my unsaid word?

"Yes. That's what I wanted to say. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I say as I trace my fingernails.

"It's fine Piha. I don't mind anything you say." I feel my heart beat at a dangerous rate. He can't hear it right?

I bite my lower lip. Nope, he's just saying that out of kindness.

I hear him say- "okay Piha, now that I don't want you to feel guilty— I'll change the topic, Hmm?" He says. "This was your first job right, Piha? At Fortis?"

I nod. He can't see you nod, dear Piha.

"Yes." I reply and hear some laughs from the living room. Getting up I walk to the balcony not wanting to give Raghvansh Sir a glimpse of my crazy family.

"What did you use your first paycheck for?" He asks out of nowhere.

"Huh?" I say as I register his question.

He giggles all cutely and says- "Okay I know that came out of nowhere but I was having a conversation with Utkarsh about that so I wanted to ask you too."

He says and I don't even have to recall the memory- "It was during my internship in fourth year, my stipend was about twenty thousand rupees and yes, I paid the electricity bill of our home as I wanted to show mom and dad that I am a independent lady. I remember how they made fun of me and mimicked me for days."

I say and mentally glare at my family.

"But, I couldn't be mad at them for a long time as they emotionally blackmailed me saying how ever old I become, I'll always be their little Pihu." I smile to myself.

I let out a chuckle as my heart swells up in love for them.

He says- "Piha, your parents and Aaraya, they are all sound so sweet. I wish I could have parents like them. But it's fine— maybe I was meant to be brought up this way."

I gulp realising I touched that corner of his heart again which I wasn't supposed to.

"I'm sorry Sir. I'm so stupid, I end up reminding you of things that make you feel sad and hurt you all the time. I'm sorry, really sorry." This is wrong. I should be making him feel happy and all I do is make him feel the opposite.

He says— his voice honeyed with honesty- "Piha. How many times have I told you— you don't need to be sorry. You know right, Someone like you can never hurt anyone?" He takes a deep breath and continues. "Can I share something with you Piha?"

He says and I spot vulnerability in his voice. Why does have he behave so strong when he's not? It's not wrong to emotionally be weak and talk to people about your problems and insecurities.

"Sir, you can share anything with me whenever you feel to— okay? You don't need to ask me." I instantly shoot.

My ears instantly rise as he mumbles a 'yes' and says- "I didn't feel bad when you mentioned about your family, Piha. In fact I want to know more because I've never recieved love from my biological parents. I don't know what their love is like. So it makes me feels happy that you do or most of the people of my age do."

"Sir, of course their death made you lonely. But they didn't invite death right? Their death made you feel lonely and unwanted but they didn't mean to make you feel that way right? No one wants their child to feel sad. If they had a choice— do you think they would do it?"

I say only to hear him Chuckle bitterly- "Piha, I wish they would think of me for once. Not all parents love their children or care for them."

I blink my eyes not understanding what he means and he continues- "My parents never loved me Piha. They always treated me like a burden and I'm not just saying this because I felt that way— they called me a burden. They didn't want me. I felt so unwanted you know, I wish god wasn't this unfair to me— but still, I never hated them. I always considered them mine but they left me all alone and that was it, I was alone. Forever. After that when the doctor at my orphanage gave me the reports and told me I had cancer, I-I... I was happy somewhere down there knowing I was going to die. Atleast I wouldn't be torturing myself like this."

I gape as I hear a sniffle followed by a sob.

He's crying.

I feel my heart tear up at his sob. Piha, tell him to stop crying. Please.

I say as my voice comes out shaky- "S-Sir, please do-don't cry. Please. Talk to me about it but don't cry please, okay? For me— please?"

It feels bad, it pains so much.

I continue pouring out my feelings- "Don't say that, you're so lucky that you had a chance to live. Shouldn't you be cherishing it, shouldn't you be making the best out out of it? There are so many people who die every single day, don't you think they pray to god— for their life, for every breath but that doesn't make a difference right? Who's supposed to die— has to die, isn't that how life works? When you have the chance to— why don't you live it? Stop saying you want to die. You need to understand the reality and live your life the way it makes you feel good, you'll understand that there are many more beautiful things in the world."

I take a deep breath- "We're doctors right? If this is the way we think, if we think of our lives as a burden— we won't ever be able to save someone else's life, right? Our life is precious no matter what, how ever messed up it is— it still has a reason doesn't it? If we don't have a purpose to live then we wouldn't have been alive right?"

"It's easy to say that, but imagine if someone close to you dies. You'll feel devastated, wouldn't you? It isn't just one person that dies, everyone who's close to him or her loses a part of them."

My mind revolves around Roman as I say- "When you lose someone close to you, you feel so devastated. You won't be able to think of anything but them. They won't come back, they just won't, how much ever you beg them— they can't come back. You can't help but blame yourself for everything that happened. You'd agree to kill yourself if only God could be able to get them back."

A tear escapes my eye- "It breaks your heart to imagine how much pain they might have been through. They might be laying somewhere, underground or worse they might be burnt into ashes. Their skin blue and bones decaying. All you can do is sit talking to them— as if they were alive, as if they could hear you."

It hits me that I'm crying. I'm not supposed to, Roman would feel so bad. Tears roll down my cheeks as I continue to sob.

I spoke too much. I shouldn't be sharing so much with someone. No one in this world is like Roman, no one understands me like he does. They'll be bored of me soon, I'm not someone people would waste their time on.

Wiping my tears away, I force a smile- "Sir, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you with my talks-"

I begin only to be cut- "Have you lost someone close to you Piha?"

He asks sternly and I hesitantly answer- "Y-Yes."

~√~√