This is a work of fiction. The names, places, and events are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual person - living or dead and actual events are purely coincidental.

The story contains a lot of foul words, bloody and intense scenes. It also include lots of grammatical and typo errors.

Please read at your own risk.

NOTE: This is a story with a mix genre so please do not expect it to be a pure mystery/thriller story. Expect dramas, romances and a love story of course.

* * *

Prologue

"I'm an avenger.
I punished whoever bucks on my way.

I'm a castigator.
I criticize someone harshly.

I'm a scourge for I always end up causing great amount of trouble and suffering.

I'm harmful. I'm dangerous.
I'm destructive. I'm wicked.

I am Nemesis and I can be the worst opponent you can never defeat."

'Yan ang mga salitang paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa tuwing nananakit ako. Tulad ngayon, I am currently hurting a girl who is flirting my boyfriend. I know it's injustice but this is me.

You should've not mess with me!

I stopped when I saw my hands full of blood Fck!

I killed her.

"No! I am not a k-killer."

"Nemi! What the---"

"Luke, please tell me... hindi pa siya patay 'di ba?"

"Sssh. She'll be fine."

Nagpatuloy ang pag agos ng mga luha ko habang niyayakap ako ni Luke. Isa akong mamamatay tao.

I killed her.
I'm a killer.
I'm a monster.

And as time passes by... hindi ko mapigilang makonsensiya. I even got depressed knowing that I killed someone. Siguro hindi ako matatahimik hangga't wala akong ginagawa.

Kaya hinanap ko ang mga gamot ko and I started to drink it all little by little. I wanna die. I wanna stop myself having this unwarranted anger. Pero bago pa man unti-unting pumikit ang mga mata ko. I saw Luke's notebook. My body starts trembling but I still find a courage to flip the pages. Until a note got my attention that makes my world turn upside down.

February 23, 2018

I killed Sam but Nemesis thought it was her. I gave her a drink containing poison and before Nemisis came... I know its effects is starting to kill her. I'm an asshole. I'm a killer. Sa aming dalawa, ako ang tunay na halimaw.

N-no this can't be-------

* * *

"Luke, mahal mo pa ba ko?"

"Oo naman. Mahal kita at tanggap ko kung ano at sino ka."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

Those words continues to echo in my head as I watch the grave that Nemesis is lying. Her parents found her dead right after she killed Sam. No. Let me reprhase it... I killed Sam.

The case was closed because the police thought that the killer committed suicide. But they got it wrong. I am still here, currently enjoying my freedom.

I thought everything I did was for her sake. Pero mali ako. Nabulag ako ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I became a monster willed on by desire.

"Luke, iho hindi ka pa rin ba uuwi? Halos mag-aalas singko na't wala pa ring laman 'yang tiyan mo. Baka mapano ka anak."

"Sandali lang Ma, kailangan ko lang tapusin 'tong sinusulat ko. Susunod na lang ako sainyo."

Hindi ko lubos maisip na magagawa kong magmahal ng isang tulad niya. Isang tulad niya na kahit napakasimpleng bagay ay big deal na sa kanya. Labis ang paghihinayang ko kasi pwede naman akong magmahal ng isang normal na babae 'di ba? 'Yong babaeng walang sakit. 'Yong babaeng hindi magiging pabigat.

Pero natalo ako ni tadhana... sobrang mahal ko si Nemi to the point na nagiging halimaw na ko tulad niya. Ayokong nakikitang nahihirapan at nasasaktan siya. Kaya sa tuwing sinusumpong siya ng sakit niya, I'll make sure na nando'n ako. Nando'n ako para pigilan siya. Nando'n ako para pakalmahin siya. Pero mukhang mas mahal niya yata ang sakit niya dahil napakatigas ng ulo niya. Hindi ko pa rin siya mapigilan, nauuwi pa rin sa isang brutal na pangyayari ang lahat sa tuwing nagagalit siya.

Pagod na pagod na kong makita siyang gano'n. Pagod na pagod na kong makakita ng umaagos na dugo sa mga kamay niya. Pagod na kong pagtakpan lahat ng krimeng ginawa niya. Pagod na pagod na ko. Siguro oras na para tuldukan lahat ng kabaliwang 'to. Hindi na tama. Kailangan ko nang kumilos.

Pagkatapos kong matapos ang sinusulat ko ay kumuha ako ng kutsilyo at sinugatan ko ang aking hinlalaki para magsilbing thumbmark. I stamped it right after I finish my suicidal note.

Yes, you heard it right. I am going to follow Nemesis on paradise. Even if we will both rot in hell, it would still be a paradise as long as we're together.

I got my swiss-knife and I start to stab my heart but before that, I managed to read the last letter that Nemesis send me right after she died.

Luke,

Buddha once said that holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else but you are the one who gets burned at the end. Yes, I am the one who got burned at the end.

I don't know if my condition is enough to be my excuse whenever I hurt or kill someone. I don't know if this disease called Intermittent Explosive Disorder is enough para patawarin ako ni God sa lahat ng kasalanan ko. And I don't know if I am still worthy enough to love and be loved by someone na walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ako.

Sa tuwing sinusumpong ako, nandiyan ka para pakalmahin ako. Pero hindi sapat ang pagmamahal ko sa'yo para mapigilan ang sakit ko. Halos araw-araw wala kang magawa kundi ang pagmasdan akong nananakit ng iba verbally and physically.

Mananakit ako at pagkatapos, makokonsensiya ako. Tatanungin kita kung ano na namang kagagahan ang nagawa ko. Tatanungin kita kung mahal mo pa rin ba ko.

Sa paulit-ulit na pagtatanong ko sa'yo ng mga salitang, "Mahal mo pa ba ko?" ay siyang paulit-ulit din na pagsagot mo na... "Oo, mahal kita at tanggap ko kung ano at sino ka."

Hindi ko alam kung karapat-dapat pa ba ko sa pagmamahal mo lalo pa ngayon na nakagawa ako ng kasalanang kahit ang batas ng tao ay hinding-hindi ako mapapatawad. Hindi ko rin alam kung nararapat pa ba kong mabuhay sa kabila ng mga taong pinagkaitan ko ng pagkakataong mabuhay. Hindi ko na alam. Ang tanging malinaw na lang sa'kin ngayon ay ang mga salitang 'MAHAL KITA'. Mga salitang kailanman ay hindi ko makakalimutan.

Tandang-tanda ko pa noong una mong nasaksihan ang sakit ko. Nakita mo kong sinasaktan ang isa sa mga kaklase ko. Puro pasa at trauma ang idunulot ko sa kanya. Halos hindi na nga siya makalakad dahil pati paa niya ay nangangatog sa takot matapos niyang masaksihan kung pa'no ako magalit. Akala ko nga noon iiwanan mo na ko. Pero imbes na layuan mo ko... mas lalo kang dumikit sa'kin kasi sabi mo, ikaw ang magiging pampakalma ko. Tama ka, naging pampakalma nga kita pero hindi pa rin maiwasan minsan na makasakit ako kahit nandiyan ka. Wala eh, natatalo ng utak ko ang puso ko.

Patawad, sana mapatawad mo ko kahit mas pinili kong tumakas mula sa sakit ko kaysa ang magstay sa'yo. Patawad dahil hanggang dito na lang ako. Patawad dahil sa dinami-rami ng tao, isang halimaw ang naitadhana mong mahalin. Sana lang ay sa kabila ng pagiging makasalanan ko ay pagbigyan pa rin ako ni God na humiling. Hihilingin ko sana na sa susunod nating pagkikita ay wala nang hahadlang sa pag-iibigan natin. Sana wala na 'tong pesteng sakit ko. Kaya sana sa pagkawala ko, mapatawad mo ko at ng mga taong nagawan ko ng mali.

Mahal na mahal kita. Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita.

So ako pa rin pala ang iniisip niya bago siya mamatay. Ni hindi man lang ako nagkaro'n ng pagkakataong sabihin sa kanya na... hindi siya halimaw. Ako ang halimaw dahil wala akong sakit pero nagawa kong pumatay. Nasa matino akong pag-isip pero hindi ko nagawang mag-isip ng tama.

Walang mali sa'yo, Nemi.

Oo, inakala kong bulag ako noon dahil pwede naman akong magmahal ng iba maliban sa'yo. 'Yung babaeng walang sakit. 'Yung babaeng maipagmamalaki ko sa lahat. Pero hindi ako bulag.

Totoo nga ang kasabihang, "True love covers its eyes to see no wrong. True love darkens reason to consider every situation. True love hurts more when it hurts much. And true love is still true even to the point of letting go.

I am now letting you go Nemi. It is not because I loathe you. It is because I am not worthy for you. Kung hindi sana ako nakialam sa'yo, buhay ka pa sana ngayon. Kaso pinakialaman kita. Inakala mo tuloy na halimaw ka.

I should've done better.

Bago ako tuluyang malagutan ng hininga ay nakita ko na may nakasulat pa sa likod ng papel at may bahid pa ito ng dugo. Marahil ay pilit niya itong isinulat bago siya tuluyang mamatay.

We are both monster willed by a desire but at least now, I am free from my curse. This madness caused by jealousy and love led me from being a monster. Just like you, you love me to the point that you killed that girl para hindi ako mawala. I knew what you did. I knew what you both did to me and it's fucking hard to admit that... I still love you.

As I was gasping for air, my eyes couldn't stop from crying. It finally hit me that I am the one who is not worthy of her love.

* * *

"Excuse me Sir, the patient will undergo a therapy now."

"Okay, please take good care of her."

"Makakaasa po kayo."

I walked out as the doctor and nurses started to fill the room. I don't wanna leave her there but the thing is, she need to be cured as soon as possible.

Ilang oras na rin ang makalipas simula ng iwan ko siya kanina para magamot. Nasisiguro kong nasasaktan, nahihirapan at natatakot na siya ngayon.

I know how it feels to be in a situation where you need to explain yourself to others just to stop them from judging you. Nasisiguro ko, iritang-irita na siya ngayon. Ayaw na ayaw niya pa naman na tinuturing siyang parang preso.

As the doctor's came out, I hurriedly went by her side and watch her sleep peacefully. As I was caressing her face I couldn't help myself but to stare. She was like an angel in disguise----

"What the?!"

"Who the hell told you that you have the rights to tell me such kind of horrible story?" she said as she was trying to give me another set of slap.

She's back.
The Nemesis that I love is finally here again.

"Babe, why are you crying?"

"You're such an asshole Lucas. You never fail to to make me cry. I hate you." she said as she walk out of the room.

I was left with no choice but to follow her.

"Babe, wait! I was just trying to give you an advice."

"With what? With that kind of horrible story? Are you crazy?"

"Yes I am. I am going crazier as day passes by. I wanted you to be cured babe. And look at you now, you're getting healed little by litte. I love you."

She was such a crying baby. I was just trying to tell her a story, an advice probably. I want her to take her medications immediately because I don't wanna lose her. She's getting worst. Everytime she got angry, she tend to show irritability than can lead to a serious damage to either persons or property. I want her to live a normal life. I want her to be happy.

At hindi naman ako nagkamali. Dahil sa kinuwento ko sa kanya kanina, napilit ko siyang mag-undergo ng therapy. I was really happy. Finally, I will never see her hurt or hurting someone again.

"Is that true... That you are willing to kill someone para hindi ako mawala?"

"Yes babe. I love you."

"I love you too."

I made an effective paradigm.
No, it's our love. Love cures people and even the most agressive disease can calm it.

It's a long way process and I am looking forward to it because I believe that real love stories never have endings.

* * *

Friendly Reminder: Let us support every people who suffers Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). This kind of disorder is not a joke as well as depression and anxiety. Everybody gets hurt. Everybody gets sad. Everybody suffers pain and its a necessary feeling. Intermittent Explosive Diorder is way too different. Please take it seriously especially to those who don't have it.