Shaurya speeds through the traffic, his heart racing faster than his car. 

He isn’t quite familiar with this feeling. 

This mix of fear and victory. A mix of hope and hopelessness. 

It’s the first time since they have got to know each other that Rati has called him. It’s the first time she asked them to meet. He is so happy. So happy that he might and die. And he is so scared, so scared that he might die. 

What if this was a goodbye call?

What if those words, the ones that her maasi had said to her… what if…. It’s all his fault. Maybe he was too eager. Maybe she thought that indeed he was one of those men who would do anything to get close to their partner before marriage and would do the opposite after. Maybe he scared her. 

He would never forgive himself if that would be the case. 

He loves her. God, he really does. And he doesn’t quite know how he would react if she were to cancel their wedding, and with it, all his dreams. 

And so, it’s with the final verdict of hopelessness that he gets out of the car. 

He doesn’t bother fixing up his dishevelled appearance. His loosened tie, his messed-up hair or the bags under his eyes. 

The evening moon stands tall in the sky while he stands in a total contrast outside her house. 

And just as he thinks of making his way up to the balcony, ready for the first and last heartbreak of his life, the door to the house opens and out runs her, the girl of his dreams, closer and closer until she is standing right in front of him, heaving quick breaths. 

He sees the bags under her eyes that seem deeper than his, her hair that seem even more messed up than his and the way her eyes inhabit that melancholic sheen. 

“Sh-Shaurya…” she says her voice sounding broken. 

He has the sudden urge to step forward and take her into his arms, shielding her from any sort of pain that has resulted in that sadness on her face. Instead, he stands there, brows knit together in worry and helplessness. 

He always knew that she was shy and had a reserved nature but never not confident. And today she looks just that, hesitant, closed off and just… sad. 

“Rati… what’s – what’s wrong?” he asks but the girl doesn’t answer and instead turns her face away from him, not so discreetly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. 

When she looks again at him, a small and a strained smile rests on her face. “Ah, Shaurya… I think I was – was just being stupid. Sorry you had to come –”

He takes a step forward. “No, Rati. Please don’t say that. It – It makes me feel like a stranger. I don’t want to be stranger to you.” He says and hesitantly reaches for her hand. 

She lets him hold it.

“Please tell me what’s –”

“I’m sorry.” She says again, cutting through his words. This time her tone is different than before. She’s not sorry for calling him here this time. She is sorry for something else, something that makes Shaurya think, is this it then? For them? Has he finally become a stranger to her? 

“It’s – It’s ok… I understand –” he says, losing his grip on her hand. 

She looks up at him with wide eyes, holding back his hand.  The action surprises him.

“I’m sorry if I have done anything wrong.” She murmurs. The words shock him. 

Shaurya freezes on spot, words freezing with him. 

What?

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t gather the courage to do this before. It was not intentional. I wanted to… you must think that I made you do everything –” 

“Rati, Rati, what are you saying?” 

“I’ll try to change. Just don’t… give us another chance.”

“Rati, look at me.” Shaurya says again, voice urgent and it’s almost forcefully that he detaches his hands from hers in favour of cupping her face.

“Rati, love, what are you saying?” he asks then once again because those words don’t seem like of break up to him. They almost sound desperate. He tries to make sense of them.

 Why would he need to give them a chance? Why would she change her perfect self?

“You haven’t called me in days, haven’t texted me, and… and it’s probably because you’re tired of taking the first step every time, right? But trust me when I say that the circumstances and on top of it my pathetic nature –”

“Rati,” he cuts in between, voice pressing. “Please, please don’t. Never relate yourself to this word, pathetic, never in front of me.” He says and averts his gaze before he once again reaches for her hand. 

“Come with me. Please.” 

He doesn’t necessarily wait for her response because he knows she’s not in a condition to give one. Her downcast eyes and stuttered breaths let him take the lead. He takes them both to his car, and opens the door for her. She sits in without a single word. He goes around and takes his seat. 

He reaches across the console to wipe the drop of tear that has rolled down her cheeks. 

It is the first time she is sitting in his car and is crying. Most probably because of him. God, if doesn’t want to kick himself right now. 

“Rati,” Shaurya says with the gentlest voice he can gather, suddenly regretting the way he had spoken to her earlier. He just didn’t want to hear her say bad about herself. He’ll make it up for it. Later.

“Rati, please look at me.” The girl obliges this time, looking at him with her big doe eyes looking even bigger with those tears lingering at her waterline. 

“I don’t clearly understand what this is about but what I do get is that you, you and not me, is somehow afraid of me ending this relationship. Me? Me who is dying to –” 

He doesn’t say and takes another deep breath. “You can’t be more wrong, love. Please believe me when I say that I’ll never do that. Not today, not in forever, not until you grow tired of me, until you decide to let go of me.” 

Rati is looking at him. Her gaze is flitting all over his face as if to search for a hint of lie. Trying to verify if his words are true. 

Shaurya decides he doesn’t want to let her wonder anymore. Not for even a single second. He wants her to believe him, and so the next action that he takes might be spontaneous but it’s thoughtful. He is only thinking of her, about her, for her. 

He removes the ring that has been adorning his index finger for as long as he can remember, takes her hand in his, momentarily ignoring the hitching of her breath and puts the golden ornament through her thumb. It fits perfectly. 

“Please never change yourself, please never apologise to me, please never say bad about yourself, and please believe me when I say that I will never -…”

He stops himself when he finds the girl gazing at the ring with awed gaze, gently grazing her finger over it. 

A small smile graces his face.

“Do you believe me?” he asks softly, trying not to break the gentleness that has spread through the atmosphere. 

Rati looks at him but almost instantly looks away, but Shaurya is satisfied. He knows that this time she is just shy.

Fuck, he adores her.

“Rati... I need to confess something.” He says then, slowly, not wanting to startle the girl once again, but she only looks at him and nods. Trusting. 

“That day when di had called you, it was to ask if I had been meeting you. I was afraid that someone so sweet and innocent and –” 

A small, teary giggle leaves Rati’s mouth.

“Got carried away a little…” Shaurya admits sheepishly but continues. “As I was saying, I was afraid that someone like you would not like to lie and so I had tried to hear you guys talking.” Shaurya tells her and doesn’t let the smile deter from his face as Rati flushes slightly. 

“And then she started to trouble you, asking if you would like to stop our... you know…”

He doesn’t mention the part when he had heard her saying an immediate ‘no’ not wanting to tease the girl anymore. 

His face grows serious. “Well and then I had taken the phone from her and heard it all.” He says, suddenly solemn.

A small furrow grows between Rati’s brows as she hears him saying that, smile fading away.

“I heard what your maasi had to say to you, about your mother, your f-father and me.” He tells her and looks as recognition finally settles in her eyes, the gaze growing frantic. 

“I – I didn’t want to assume anything from your silence but what your maasi said… Rati, I assure you I am not like those men. I won’t just get bored of you. I can’t even think of doing that. But lest you had your doubts, or your family does, I decided that I wouldn’t go against them anymore. I wouldn’t make you go against them. If they think that meeting you before our engagement would make me get bored of you then fine, I won’t meet you anymore, even though it’s the farthest thing from the truth.” Shaurya promises, gaze downcast and heaves a long sigh. 

A moment later he sees a hand coming towards him, a hesitant hand that reaches across the console and covers his own. 

He looks up at the girl, but she has her eyes fixed on their hands together. 

“I… I didn’t know you were on the phone. I didn’t mean to stay silent. I am sorry.” She says and before Shaurya can stop her, she continues. “I let my maasi say whatever she wanted to because I know that she cares about me just as much as she cares about my mother. She doesn’t want to see me broken hearted but, but I knew that you were nothing like the men she was talking about. Nothing like my father. I trusted you in my heart…. I still do.” She says, voice low but words adamant as if making him believe that. 

He gives him a gentle smile and turns around his hand upside down to hold her hand properly and smiles some more when the girl blushes. 

“If it was my mother, she would have understood. I don’t think she has any problem with us meeting but my maasi, she is… her thoughts are very different from my mother’s. She has seen my mother going from that phase, it would be too difficult to believe me or you, and so I stayed silent. And silently I decided that it’s aright if we meet, it’s alright if – if I make her happy and let you make me…” 

The girl look at him wide eyed as the words leave her mouth looking like a dear caught in headlights. She looks utterly cute, and her words sound even cuter. Though she doesn’t stay back any longer, rushing out of the car with the excuse ‘ma must be looking for me’, not going him any chance to respond to those lovely, lovely words that has him breathing unevenly and yet with the most satisfied heart beating in his chest. 

“Make you happy? I will make you the happiest.” He promises to himself and the scent of the girl surrounding him. 

*

“So, where have you been?” Shaurya’s mother asks as he enters the kitchen to greet her, who is currently rolling out some kachoris. 

“Here, fry them.” his mother instructs, not waiting for an answer and he looks at the ladle that has been thrusted upon him while he stands in front of the boiling oil. 

“I… can help with something else. I don’t think I can fry…”

“Ok, then, I’ll tell that to Rati.  She shouldn’t expect her future husband to give her a hand in the kitchen.” 

Shaurya almost drops the ladle at the threat, but when he doesn’t do that, he turns around at the lightning speed almost hitting his mother on the head with ladle. 

“Shaurya!”

“Sorry!” He says, putting the ladle down and yet again gaining that surprised face on his look that had been momentarily changed to horror seeing his mother’s glare.

“You’re not telling her anything. I’m going to improve my cooking skills. You need to teach me before she steps into this house.” He huffs.

This time it is Shaurya’s mother who turns around, switching of the stove and turning around to glare at him properly. She, like her son, gets momentarily distracted by his dishevelled appearance and rakes a hand through his hair to even them out. 

She gives him a sickly-sweet smile.

 Like mother like daughter, oh, he’s getting those shivers.

“I think for that to happen you need to stop stepping into her house and practice here with me.” She says and Shaurya drops the imaginary ladle from his hand this time. 

“You think I don’t know?” she asks, smirking and all the colour drains from Shaurya’s face. 

Because even though he knew that she knew, he had never imagined confronting her on the unsaid deal like this.

He tries to get back his composure. “Ab-About what?”

His mother tsks at him, turning back to the stove. 

“Just roll out these Kachoris and I’ll not say anything to your father.” 

Shaurya hasn’t got to work faster.