"It's a great day to die. Not a great day to be a jaguar."
(School mascot is a jaguar)

*hearing that a bus driver is in the hospital due to a virus*
Kid 1: YES!! YES!! YASSSSSS!!!
Kid 2: Anna, what the actual fūck is wrong with you?
Kid 1: What? I'm just happy that he won't be around to infect us all.

"Meet me in the locker room during lunch. I have the tadpoles."

"How do you even fūck a car?" *realizes* *in horrified voice* "Oh, hellll no."

"Please stop calling me the Master Baiter, Jacob!"

"We're going to turn you Asian."

"Would you rather listen to 10 monks praying or would you rather suck dick?"

"Would it hurt to have a corn dog shoved up your @ss?"

"I don't know. Lincoln was KIND of gay."

"Could I get away with growing weed in the greenhouse? I mean, it's technically a plant."