FOURTEEN NO MATTER WHAT

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"I did it," was all Helena spoke as a greeting once she walked up to her sister's room that same afternoon. The girl was laying on her bed with her laptop poised on her stomach, probably an old episode of Gossip Girl playing if she knew Hailey at all. The "Xoxo" was cut off as her sister paused it and sat up.

"Did what?" she asked, looking bored and irritated at having been interrupted. Well, she looked irritated until she noticed that her baby sister was most definitely about to burst into tears. Helena was really trying not to, but she couldn't help it.

She took a deep breath, trying to get herself to say the words out loud, "I broke up with JJ. Like, actually. He wanted us to get back together and I just couldn't do that to him."

"Oh, Hels," Hailey's expression instantly softened which was a weird but welcome change. Her sister had more or less kept her promise to stop being so evil all the time which Helena was actually grateful for. "When was this? What happened?"

"Like five minutes ago," she answered, slumping against the wall as she sat on the girl's bed, hugging her knees. "I knew I couldn't be the girlfriend he wanted me to be and I didn't wanna break his heart so I just... I just told him we should be friends. This is so stupid, I hate being mature, it's such a bummer."

"You don't have to make a joke out of his," Hailey muttered softly as she sat next to her sister with her back against the wall, "You're allowed to just... be sad about it. Even if it didn't end on awful terms, it still sucks to have something like that... be over. I know how you feel about him."

Helena scoffed, "You do? Because I sure as hell don't. I've never been more confused in my life. I want him, but I feel like he only thinks he wants me. As soon as he has me, I'm so scared he's gonna realize how terrible I really am. So I figured that I should just cut out the middle man, save both of us the pain. I don't know how to care about people, Hailey."

"You doing what you did just proves that you do," the girl countered, "Even if you're wrong, which, personally, I think you are, you still broke up with to shield him from what you feared would be an unhealthy relationship. I mean, it was already a little unhealthy considering you guys are like super in love with each other and keep pretending you're not, but whatever."

"I am not in love with him!" Helena exclaimed, scoffing in disbelief. She loved JJ and he meant a lot to her and always would, but that didn't mean she was in love with him. She just wanted the best for him and wanted him to be happy and maybe she wanted him to be happy with her, but that wasn't important because they could never work the way she wanted them to and -- "Holy shit, I'm in love with him."

"Yeah, dude, you're late," Hailey laughed, "Like, everyone knew. It's been stupid obvious for years. Everyone knows you were only sleeping with him because you would rather have part of him than not have him at all -- it's classic! You're just a little slow and not very in touch with your emotions."

Helena flipped off her sister, but the girl just shook her head. Helena sighed as she leaned her head against the wall with a groan, "I just fucked this whole thing up, didn't I?"

"A little bit, but you did what you thought was best," her sister shrugged, "And that's all you really can do. I do know that if you changed your mind and wanted to get back together with him he would absolutely jump at the opportunity. That boy looks at you like you hung the moon and stars just for him."

"Somehow that makes it worse. I don't wanna push and pull him whenever I change my mind about something, that does no good for either of us." She was so used to having a grip on things, this was completely new to Helena. She wanted JJ, she knew this, but she just made it explicitly clear that she couldn't have him. She had totally screwed herself and she only just realized it. It was probably best for her to just give up on JJ and be friends with him like she agreed. She could totally do that.

A moment of silence passed between the two of them before Hailey spoke again, "You want him. He wants you. I'm gonna be honest, Hels, I don't know what the problem is here. Just go to him, say that you made a mistake and that you didn't know what you were feeling. Being with him makes you happy and you deserve that happiness. You care about him too much to throw it all away on the off-chance that it's not gonna work. We're teenagers, of course, it's not gonna be built to last, but that doesn't mean you should completely throw away the whole thing."

"Aren't you always the one telling me that dating sucks and it's completely useless at this age?" Helena asked with a raised eyebrow, surprised at the abrupt change in the way her sister gives advice. Had they had this conversation a month ago, it probably would have been a screaming match at this point.

"Well," her sister hesitated, "there is a small chance that I might have been wrong about JJ. If you ever tell anyone I said that, though, I'm killing you in your sleep. I just hate to see you so distraught, I'm the only person allowed to make you feel like that."

"Hey!" Helena exclaimed, glaring at her sister who just scoffed and brushed her off. "This would have been so much easier if you were a bitch because you would have yelled at me for being an idiot instead of being all... comforting and shit."

Hailey raised an eyebrow at this, "Oh, I can be a bitch if you want me to. Just say the word and I'll start screaming about how this boy is good for you and you should go be honest and tell him you love him."

Her response to this was to smack her sister with a pillow who just laughed and pushed her off the bed. "Don't start something you can't finish!"

"Don't tempt me," Helena joked as she stood up and brushed herself off with a sigh. "I don't know where to go from here. I can't turn back time and tell him I wanna get back together with him."

"Well, all the girls are going to the summer movie series and you're coming with because we travel in a pack, so, duh, and literally every teenager, child, or adult in the Outer Banks goes to that so that means your boy toy and his friends will probably be there. Find him while we're there and talk to him -- tell him the truth."

"What if he doesn't want me?" the question was so quiet, Helena almost wasn't sure that she actually spoke the words out loud.

Hailey stood up from the bed and walked over to face her sister, placing both her hands firmly on her shoulders, "That boy will do anything it takes to keep you in his life, anyone with eyes can see that. If he doesn't want you for some stupid reason all of a sudden, then he's not worth it. It's that simple."

"Nothing is ever that simple."

"This is," Hailey reassured, "It's JJ. We've known him since we were kids. He wouldn't turn his back on you, no matter what."

"Okay," Helena whispered. Instantly, her sister pulled her into a hug. At that moment, Helena seemed to realize that it was okay to be soft sometimes, to let someone else see you cry. She never knew Hailey could be a source of comfort for her, yet here they were. It was a nice change.

When they pulled away, she squeezed her sister's shoulders affectionately, "I hate to see you cry over something as stupid as a boy. The only person that's allowed to make you cry is me. So, we're gonna fix this, okay?"

Helena nodded, feeling better about the whole situation. "Okay."