patrick

question: choke me

answer: I think I'll pass. pete has a lot of kinks, but that sure as hell isn't one of them.

question: how does it feel to be a fuckboi?

answer: fuck out.. boi.

question: how's life?

answer: gr9.

question: could you give me sex lessons please?

answer: you might want to take that question up w/ my husband.

question: is pete's dick big?

answer: about nine or ten inches, I think.

question: hey buddy

answer: sup my homie ??

question: why are you so perfect?

answer: pete asks me this a lot, too, but I think he's the perfect one. too pure for this world.

question: you do realise you're an irish fuckboi, right?

answer: hey-hey you-you, you should really leave, leave. goodbye, goodbye, shut the door on the way out.

question: love u

answer: same here bby

question: how many times have you fucked pete since graduation?

answer: which graduation are we talking about? too many times to count from the depaul one, much less high school.

question: would you ever let pete top?

answer: he, uh, has twice. he doesn't like it. it's almost as if pete can't get off if his ass isn't involved. I don't think he's cut out for the whole top thing.

question: do you realise that I'm the commander of the skeleton war against fuckboys so I have to fight you

answer: let's go. I had a brother growing up, I know how to throw some motherfucking hands.

question: you do realise that you have a soul voice right leprechaun

answer: tbh I can't sing well enough to save my life.

pete

question: why are you amazing?

answer: *blushes* I'm not amazing. everyone's gr8 in their own way..

question: can you punch me please?

answer: my mother always taught me that violence is never the answer! so I'd have to decline.

question: can you share some of your hotness? I'm in desperate need of it.

answer: I bet you're extremely beautiful/handsome.

question: can you AND patrick give me sex lessons pls?

answer: I've only had.. intimate relations with one person, so I think I'd have to pass on that. I don't feel comfortable with my husband giving the same lessons he gave to me to anyone else. if you really want sex lessons, I can give you an old friend of mine in high school's number. his name is ryan, and he's a huge.. fan of sex.

question: what's the best thing about patrick?

answer: there's a lot of good things about patrick. while I'll admit that his appearance pulled me in the first time I met him, his personality is just as beautiful on the inside. patrick's hilarious, honestly. and the little things that tick him off are so specific. I think it's really cute.

question: tbh how could a guy as gorgeous of you still be a virgin? I'd never believe it.

answer: first of all, thank you. *blushes* second, I used to identify as asexual, so I never had the need or want to have sex. up until about fifteen years ago, I had no sexual attraction to anyone. and then I started liking andy and eventually patrick.

joe

question: how are you and andy?

answer: andrew and I are amazing, thank you for asking.

question: joe troh and your mighty afro, tell us all your dark secrets.

answer: andy prefers my hair short, and I prefer to keep my husband happy, so my afro has no secrets to tell.

question: r u blazin it ??

answer: I have agreed to quit doing drugs because it's worse for andy than it actually is for me. I would never want anything to happen to my precious baby.

andy

question: hello my little cinnamon roll how are you

answer: p good. how about you??

question: why you so cute?

answer: why you so fucking nice??

pete's mom

question: how do you feel that your son has nudes leaked on the internet?

answer: he has what?! PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ THE THIRD!

question: did you suspect anything your son has been doing with patrick?

answer: patrick is his husband, and quite frankly, it's none of my business what their songs do in the dark.

question: are you like stacey's mom sue me I am tRASH FOR THAT SONG

answer: stacey's mother is my best friend. what's so special about her? a song?

stan

question: why did you even reach for the salt patrick is the real daddy

answer: I wasn't aware of the fact that my son -- step son, sue me -- had, umm, kinks. wow, this is very awkward. I think I'd love to avoid the rest of peter's kinks.

beebo

question: why is your forehead so abnormally large?

answer: fuck you :))

question: your new song is lovely.

answer: I know nothing of a song, but you're lovely also.

question: why you so fucking hot as satan, beebo?! is that why your forehead is so large? because you've been hiding devil horns from us?!

answer: ?? I am v confused !!

question: is your forehead full of secrets?

answer: that's the last straw, I refuse to do anymore questions. MY FOREHEAD IS NOT THAT BIG !!

person in the stands that shouts "I fucking knew it"

question: why are you me?

answer: good question. I'm not sure how the whole peterick fandom somehow made its way into this story in the form of me.

question: how did you know? what were some of the signs that pointed to peterick? that's a stupid question, it was fucking obvious, wasn't it?

answer: correct. they thought they were being subtle, but michael fuentes has a huge motherfucking mouth tbh.

question: lol das me

answer: that is v true. hi, me.

question: AND I LOVE YOU, RANDOM PERSON!

answer: ily2 bby

question: why are you so rel8able?

answer: because I am literally you :)

question: hello there, me.

answer: hello, myself. how're you doing today?

AND THE END

THAT WAS RLLY FUN, ESPECIALLY WRITING AS SEX LESSONS!patrick AGAIN.

SO THANKS & GO CHECK OUT "fucks" FOR ME IT'S FUN AND COOL AND RAD AND SAD